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Original poster

Stepmother of groom outfit needed

288 replies

mrsmogg · 13/02/2026 21:48

I feel like I am going round in circles trying to find the right look so hoping for some inspiration!
Summer wedding , church then marquee at the family home. Dress code is morning suits preferred so I need a hat too.

I am 40, size 10, 5'3 so would prefer midi length but I will get the dress tailored. Not yellow. I am brunette and fairly pale, jewel colours suit me. Would like something classy and contemporary, bonus points if I can wear it again for the races etc. budget up to £1000, would prefer to spend less and happy to buy on vinted etc as well.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
81
EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 18:02

GellerYeller · 15/02/2026 17:45

I know what you mean, but I reasoned that to a 40 year old 1990s Prada may seem to be ‘vintage’!
I wonder if there’s a rule: ‘ if it’s x years old= vintage, less than x= preloved/second hand’?!
I agree with PP that there could be something gorgeous at Westwood if it’s possible to avoid the booby styles and do a ‘Raquel’. As iconic as she is,of course.
I hope OP comes back to update us when she’s found her outfit, and has a fabulous day.

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There probably IS some sort of complicated mathematical equation, relating to the age of the wearer ➗ the decade of the dress ✖️the length to the hem ➕ the bust size ...!!!

But yes, I think a dress the same age was the 40 year-old OP would be considered by her to be vintage - whereas I could have worn it first time around ...

... which is definitely a factor in what I think of as "proper" vintage? Something to do with, if my mum wore it & I remember that style, it's vintage - whereas if I wore it myself as a younger woman, it's not???!!

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 18:03

Floisme · 15/02/2026 17:33

Oh I was literally just thinking about that Raquel Welch dress and here it is Grin

Some absolutely lovely things on this thread, and I'm not even a huge fan of dresses, thanks to all.

(I would also aim for vintage from a real shop, ideally 1950s or possibly early 60s. But it's a hit and miss way to buy so I would want a back up.)

She did look fab though!!!

exse24Londoner · 15/02/2026 18:22

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 17:23

The only kind that suits me (I'm tall with long wavy hair) is the 70s floppy wide felt or straw kind. Not wedding appropriate, sadly!

I do think that 99.9% of hats/headwear worn at weddings are dreadful though. Even if the wearer has an otherwise fabulous outfit, something seems to happen to normally stylish women when they go near a wedding hat shop ...

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oh I don't know! google Bianca Jagger wedding - she wore a wonderful floppy wide hat. Admittedly she is Bianca Jagger & was the bride but its still a fabulous hat. With head held high I think it could easily be wedding appropriate - I'm very envious. At 5' 1" a hat like that can make me look like a mushroom.....!

exse24Londoner · 15/02/2026 18:24

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 17:27

Generally a lot of boob in Vivienne Westwood dresses. Which I think the OP, as SMoG, will want to give a miss ...

Anyone remember the divine Raquel at her son's wedding ...???

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yes! & @EleanorMc67 look at that amazing hat!

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 18:47

exse24Londoner · 15/02/2026 18:24

yes! & @EleanorMc67 look at that amazing hat!

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Yes it is fab! Probably not if you were sitting behind her though ... 😁

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 18:48

exse24Londoner · 15/02/2026 18:22

oh I don't know! google Bianca Jagger wedding - she wore a wonderful floppy wide hat. Admittedly she is Bianca Jagger & was the bride but its still a fabulous hat. With head held high I think it could easily be wedding appropriate - I'm very envious. At 5' 1" a hat like that can make me look like a mushroom.....!

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I adored that entire look, droopy hat & all - unfortunately it would be more than just the hat drooping on me now ... 😁!!

OhDear111 · 15/02/2026 18:59

@EleanorMc67 Not everyone can pull off vintage or know what will suit them. It’s quite hard unless you buy something totally classic. You are right, spending more will mean you are not the same as everyone else. It’s definitely important if you are a mum.

Floisme · 15/02/2026 19:06

At 69 vintage, to me, means I wasn't old enough to choose it for myself at the time, if that makes sense. So my cut off is early 70s. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't wear 80s or 90s again - I do - I just consider it second hand rather than vintage. But I believe technically it's anything 30 years old or older so mid-90s and earlier.

Bianca's suit is one of my all time favourite wedding outfits.

DancingNotDrowning · 15/02/2026 19:47

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 17:49

It's not just (or even) the cost though - I think it's wanting to avoid the possibility of someone else being in the same dress? And I think the majority of people would want to absolutely negate that from happening - especially if you're MoB/SMoG etc? Hobbs & Phase 8 are the first port of call for many. Rixo & Self Portrait have gone from niche to fairly common for those with an extra £200 to spend.

But I do agree that cost itself (having to have something expensive) shouldn't be the deciding factor. Sometimes though, it can be a lack of confidence issue, rather than being able to show off about how much you spent?

Anyway, going vintage solves all those potential issues for me ...!!!

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It depends on your circles though.

if its it’s fashionista-ee then probably your best bet is supermarket or of course vintage!

I go to a good few corporate/charity events and it’s wall to wall Isabel Marant, Roksanda, Victoria Beckham and Zimmerman depending on time of year. There’s always a healthy dose of SP and the advantage I always think with SP is it has so many dresses that it’s easier to avoid a duplicate. Which is probably true of a lot of high street options. Conversely Isabel Marant and vampires wife have been churning out the same dress (Albi/Albini and falconerti - both of which I love btw) for the guts of a decade.

last year I wore an old but striking maxmara dress to an event and someone has the same bloody idea! We had a laugh over it but bloody hell!

pepperminticecream · 15/02/2026 20:00

GellerYeller · 15/02/2026 17:09

This is good advice actually, I stand corrected. It’s hit and miss with quality as it’s hard to judge from the photos unless- like I did once- you happen on something that’s only been worn to one event,ever.
Vintage Prada or McQueen would be my aim, personally, but you’re right, from a shop.

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I was going to suggest vintage too. And yes, it would need to be from a shop where it can be tried on. I’d do something like a vintage designer dress but go current with shoes, bag, etc. to keep it looking updated. Allison Bernstein has some great advice on her substack and Instagram about updating vintage pieces.

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 21:03

OhDear111 · 15/02/2026 18:59

@EleanorMc67 Not everyone can pull off vintage or know what will suit them. It’s quite hard unless you buy something totally classic. You are right, spending more will mean you are not the same as everyone else. It’s definitely important if you are a mum.

Do you think it's hard for some people? I'd genuinely never thought of wearing vintage as any more difficult than buying new (both "proper" vintage & past season stuff), nor considered that to be a reason why it's offputting for some.

I always thought that, for those who don't like the thought of wearing vintage, it was because of outdated stigma relating to poverty/dead man's clothes/smell etc - or because, if they're buying online, you usually can't return if it doesn't fit/suit, so it's more of a risk.

All fashion designers rip off their ideas from are influenced by past fashion styles. 70s fashion harked back to the 30s, the 80s nicked looks from the 40s, & so on - & so it will continue. To such an extent that there are many vintage dresses online right now which I could barely tell from, say, an Erdem or Rixo one. As @pepperminticecream said, mixing vintage & contemporary is the way to wear it - & shouldn't really be any trickier than if you're mixing & matching brand new clothing?

I feel a wee bit sad that people might be scared to try vintage - it's been a passion of mine since my early teens!!

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 21:27

DancingNotDrowning · 15/02/2026 19:47

It depends on your circles though.

if its it’s fashionista-ee then probably your best bet is supermarket or of course vintage!

I go to a good few corporate/charity events and it’s wall to wall Isabel Marant, Roksanda, Victoria Beckham and Zimmerman depending on time of year. There’s always a healthy dose of SP and the advantage I always think with SP is it has so many dresses that it’s easier to avoid a duplicate. Which is probably true of a lot of high street options. Conversely Isabel Marant and vampires wife have been churning out the same dress (Albi/Albini and falconerti - both of which I love btw) for the guts of a decade.

last year I wore an old but striking maxmara dress to an event and someone has the same bloody idea! We had a laugh over it but bloody hell!

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Oh absolutely. Though since I went solo & left the corporate world, I don't really go to any of that kind of "event" any more!! But I do have two 60th birthday parties coming up this year ...eek!!

One will be a low-key house party full of ex-Glasgow & Edinburgh School of Art types - now anything from still-impoverished artists, through to well-known musicians, to those who decided to give it all up & make their living in more conventional (& unconventional) ways!

The other one will be in the owner's mansion, & packed with well-known fashion/interior designers, antiques & art experts, magazine editors, authors .... that one is ever so slightly scarier for me ...!!!

An excuse for two different outfits though ...??!

GellerYeller · 15/02/2026 22:47

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 18:02

There probably IS some sort of complicated mathematical equation, relating to the age of the wearer ➗ the decade of the dress ✖️the length to the hem ➕ the bust size ...!!!

But yes, I think a dress the same age was the 40 year-old OP would be considered by her to be vintage - whereas I could have worn it first time around ...

... which is definitely a factor in what I think of as "proper" vintage? Something to do with, if my mum wore it & I remember that style, it's vintage - whereas if I wore it myself as a younger woman, it's not???!!

Show quote history

Yes I agree with you. Some of the older decent stuff in my wardrobe is vintage to my kids! Whereas I’d see stuff from the 60s and 70s as vintage.
My reason for suggesting it was to find something high end, unique, and which wouldn’t be out of place with the fashion crowd guests. Adding modern accessories is definitely the way to go!

thestepmumspacepodcast · 16/02/2026 06:22

mrsmogg · 15/02/2026 12:09

Some of the assumptions on here 🙄

Yes, I've spoken with the bride and I know the details of MoB outfit, my budget (or more) is entirely appropriate. I read threads on here and its like some people think stepmothers should be made to turn up wearing a binbag 😂

Thanks for all the suggestions esp EleanorMc67 who seems to have nailed exactly what I'm looking for. Will wait another 6 weeks to see what's in stores and a good shout to prebook the fitting and alteration.

A bin bag or a witches hat, (carrying a broomstick instead of a clutch bag!)

Enjoy OP

MayaPinion · 16/02/2026 08:25

There’s a woman on Vinted selling loads of vintage Vivienne Westwood and Biba clothes which sound right up your street.

www.vinted.co.uk/items/7940435124-vivienne-westwood-anglomania-liberty-dress-red-clay-print

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 16/02/2026 08:46

EleanorMc67 · 16/02/2026 03:03

Just in case you haven't quite decided yet, @mrsmogg , I just spotted this on eBay ... In your size too - does it count as vintage yet if the label is now defunct?!!!

https://ebay.us/m/oAFIzc

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

PortSalutPlease · 16/02/2026 08:50

mrsmogg · 15/02/2026 12:17

I love this dress, particularly the turquoise colour, but I don't think it will work for me length wise. Thanks to your link, I've just bought the mini dress though... oops lol

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If you love this one, have a look at One Hundred Stars… https://onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/dresses

In terms of the wedding, Rixo, Sandro, Maje and Isabel Marant are all worth a look? Rixo is always my go to wedding guest place.

Dresses

The perfect dresses for any occasion. These comfortable wardrobe staples are easy to wear and accessorise for this Autumn/Winter season.

https://onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/dresses

Floisme · 16/02/2026 08:54

EleanorMc67 · 15/02/2026 21:03

Do you think it's hard for some people? I'd genuinely never thought of wearing vintage as any more difficult than buying new (both "proper" vintage & past season stuff), nor considered that to be a reason why it's offputting for some.

I always thought that, for those who don't like the thought of wearing vintage, it was because of outdated stigma relating to poverty/dead man's clothes/smell etc - or because, if they're buying online, you usually can't return if it doesn't fit/suit, so it's more of a risk.

All fashion designers rip off their ideas from are influenced by past fashion styles. 70s fashion harked back to the 30s, the 80s nicked looks from the 40s, & so on - & so it will continue. To such an extent that there are many vintage dresses online right now which I could barely tell from, say, an Erdem or Rixo one. As @pepperminticecream said, mixing vintage & contemporary is the way to wear it - & shouldn't really be any trickier than if you're mixing & matching brand new clothing?

I feel a wee bit sad that people might be scared to try vintage - it's been a passion of mine since my early teens!!

Show quote history

Likewise. No way do I want to persuade anyone to try vintage who doesn't like it - it's hard enough to find now as it is. But I don't get what's hard about it. Pretty much everything I see in the shops or on the catwalk has been heavily influenced by, if not outright copied from, a previous decade so why not go back to the source which will almost certainly be much better made?

As for how to wear it - there's a lot of nonsensical mystique around it in my view. Literally all I do to avoid the 'costume' look is make sure the rest of my outfit is modern.

Anyway I'm aware I'm digressing and like I've said, the op would still need to look for a back up because it's not a reliable way to shop.

Evergreen21 · 16/02/2026 09:42

What about Needle and thread or Sassi Holford?

Twingoo · 16/02/2026 16:40

Has anyone seen that Insta account following the guests arriving at some fancy church in Spain? They all outshine each other - like watching a movie. Will try to find it.