Thread 2 – De-influencing thread: reasons not to buy things

[Whowhatwerewolf]

Starting Thread 2 as Thread 1 has nearly reached the comment limit.

For anyone new: this thread has a specific purpose. If you are considering buying something but deep down would prefer to save your money, post a link to the item. Other posters will help talk you out of it.

Humour and gentle mockery are very much part of how this thread works, alongside more practical points. Sometimes a light-hearted comment helps something click; other times it’s about noticing details that are easy to miss when you’re tempted.

Common tactics include:

• poking fun (so please don't post something if your feelings will be hurt by this)
• pointing out that you already own something that serves the same purpose
• spotting poor quality, flimsy construction or inferior fabrics hiding behind good photography
• questioning whether the item solves a problem that actually exists
• translating marketing language into plain English

What this thread is not:

• mocking people who wear the item
• ageist sniping (calling something “granny” is actually praise)
• cruelty for its own sake

The target is the thing, not the person.

The previous thread is here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5482885-de-influencing-thread-reasons-why-not-to-buy-things?latest=1

In it we covered a lot of ground including a sad tangerine skirt, another one that looked like it was tucked into your underpants, Gary Glitter shoes, saggy bottoms, air wraps gathering dust and lots of polyester at premium prices.

Also worth restating, based on Thread 1:
This is not a balanced debate thread. It is not “let’s hear both sides”. People who posted positive comments about items were, quite rightly, sent to the naughty corner. This is not the thread for that.

This thread is for people who want to be de-influenced, not gently nudged towards a purchase they already know they’re going to make.

If you’re hovering over Add to basket and need someone to say “step away”, post the link.
If you’re good at spotting polyester pretending to be wool, please contribute.

Thread 2 begins. Same format. Same aim.

Ageism is daft, as we are creating a future of insults for ourselves. Also, calling something "granny" makes no sense, since grans today wear anything from Doc Martens to Dior.

The yarn won’t be damaged, that’s for sure. But I don’t know if I can unpick the rolled (i-cord) edge without ruining the whole thing. But you gave me the idea to add in a safety /stop thread before I start with the new yarn, so I should at least be able to unravel safely up to that point.

Absolutely! I sometimes think these women on MN who post ageist comments think they'll never get old!
I'm sure they'd very much resent insults based on one of their characteristics.

I’m just really sorry I’ll be dead by the time it’s their turn, they’ll have nobody but themselves to blame because they’re modelling this attitude to the next generation.

Quite. Also, they don't seem to have met any older women in real life, or engaged with them. Which is sad.

I'm so sorry OP, I didn't keep up with the original thread and totally missed the update about it definitely NOT being a thread for influencing! I realised after I posted the nail varnish op and felt like a right dick

I'll take myself off to the new thread and hang out there 😁

I'm so sorry OP, I didn't keep up with the original thread and totally missed the update about it definitely NOT being a thread for influencing! I realised after I posted the nail varnish op and felt like a right dick

I'll take myself off to the new thread and hang out there 😁

@scoobydeedoo Oh not at all — it was meant light-heartedly, please don’t feel bad! Glad you’re enjoying the nail polish 😊
The naughty corner is exactly there for things we genuinely love — it just helps keep the de-influencing thread temptation-free.

What about seeing if you can find the yarn equivalent of a remnant? On FB destash groups perhaps? Or Ravelry?

Then you’d not buy more than you need and would potentially contribute to someone else’s stash reduction! It’s noble!

Are you knitting a Sophie scarf?! And what is your yarn?

Can you frog back a bit and work your handspun in a bit like a fade? Since your rows are so long, instead of fading in by row, fade in by stitches?

Big thanks to NorthboundEcho for this post I just came across on the old thread
A while ago I learned about the Diderot Effect - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diderot_effect The PP who wanted to buy the posh dressing gown reminded me :) Do you think this is true?

So what has happened to me lately, gone from only buying practical, needed clothes to having a mad splurge after buying one new coat!
Now I understand the mechanism I can resist, I hope 😊

That’s a good idea, I looked at vinted and haven’t found this particular yarn, the shipping costs of getting a remnant are prohibitive, I’d pay the same or less for a new ball. I’m using Sandnes Peer Gynt in dark chocolate tweed. It’s is kind of like the Sofie scarf, yes. Much larger and not diamond-shaped, just a triangle.

@outerspacepotato this is something I would need to learn (not a bad idea!) never tried!

If someone younger marked an outfit down as being a bit "granny", I don't think I'd be too bothered as I think it's just shorthand for something looking a bit dated.

However, there's ageism - & then there's pretending that getting older should in no way change how we dress.

I was recently lambasted for asking a poster her age (she'd already given details of her height, size, shape & colouring) in relation to clothing recommendations. I was told I was being ageist & it shouldn't matter.

That's just being deliberately obtuse - of course it matters!!

In my late 50s, what I wear HAS changed compared to my 20s, 30s & 40s. My height may have stayed the same, but my weight & shape haven't. Bits of me that I was comfy to expose when younger I prefer to keep under wraps now.

I have gone from little money to quite a lot, & back to not very much these days. How & where I shop has changed massively - the online secondhand/vintage market has hugely expanded availability compared to the bricks & mortar charity shops & antique fairs of my youth, And my awareness of sustainability & appreciation for quality & longevity has only increased with the years.

Some things I can't do/wear now that I did in my 20s/30s (or rather, I could - but prefer not to!!):

• Go bra-less (now 36F not 34B/C);
• Wear very high heels (went flat I lockdown & can't go back!);
• Wear body-con jersey/lycra dresses/slinky bias cut skirts & dresses (now three dress sizes larger with zero waistline & a fat stomach).
• Wear cropped tops or anything fitted at the waist (I've gone from a very slim toned athletic shape to a squidgy apple shape ...).
• Wear intense greens/rusts/oranges (hair colour faded from auburn to strawberry blonde).

I'm sure if I thought about it there'd be lots more things. And I think most women of my age would say similar - as most of us DO change with age!!

I'm of the opinion that we should take age into account - but not be goverened by it!! Is that ageism???

Edited to add:

Re: the Diderot Effect post.

That's a really interesting read and exactly what I've been doing throughout January.
It started with buying a new mattress which was needed and then some new bedding which led to towels and somehow cumulated in a desire for a new suitcase.

Granny is short hand for "looking a bit dated"?
That makes no sense because lots of grandmas are stylish.
It just shows a very narrow and prejudiced view.
Why not just say - that outfit is unflattering, doesn't fit well, looks dated, isn't a great colour? We all change our style as our lives change, but not necessarily for the worse.
No need for the ageism.

I don't think that is ageist at all, just realistic. I do that too. I no longer wear high heels but stick to Mary Janes or boots for comfort, and I also prefer midi and maxi skirts to minis these days. We don't want to look incongruous or pathetic, and sadly that can happen when colours and styles no longer suit us. Our skin tones change and so do our shapes, and the only ageist reaction would be to say how awful we look, when we don't, we just look different. I want to look my best for my age and changed skin and figure, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, whatever age we are.

No. It's ageist to dismiss clothes or accessories as "granny", when you mean unstylish.

You are my people! I spent toooo much money on light equipment to keep me looking young (not a mask) just before Christmas. I was a fool and I haven’t confessed to DH yet but I haven’t used it when he’s around so it’s more than a complete waste of money 🙄 I’m an idiot!

Someone tell me not to waste £40 on a pillowcase, and that it won't actually solve all my curly hair problems, please?! https://onlycurls.com/products/silk-pillowcase-grey?variant=5462904602655&srsltid=AfmBOooW7dyC5xx5AT0dDWwdfeEqlPYBeqK_L93lg1JcnGz5Jy9i_QMudIQ

Has anyone asked about Victoria Beckham eyeliner please? Im very tempted but can't really afford it, have a drawer of eyeliners already that aren't quite right, and resent giving her my money 😄

In what way are your current eyeliners not quite right?

I have one of her eyeliners and I suspect I've paid for marketing hype over quality. The colour is nice and rich however it smudges and smears worse than any other eyeliner I've used. For the price I'd expect it to stay where I put it rather than wandering off after five minutes.

£33 for eye liner? You've already got a drawer full of the stuff.

Silk pillow case will probably be a rag after a few washes - won't it need frequent washing because of moisturiser and sweat from your face?

We've all done it - or very similar! For me it's been ongoing and I really do feel like I've had something like an addiction to shopping. I know I'm far from the only one. Welcome to the thread and I hope you find it helpful.

Especially when you think of the huge sums they'll have to spend on surgery and procedures if they really want to pretend they're 21 forever. That would certainly be the Diderot effect!