Too sexy for a funeral?

[Trainup]

My friend thinks the outfit I’m planning to wear to a close family member’s funeral is ‘too sexy’. It’s a fitted (but not tight) black velvet dress, high neck and knee length. Thin black tights and ankle boots with a mid block heel. I have literally no skin on show except my hands and face.

I haven’t been to a funeral in a long time. Is she right? Should I dress down a bit? If so, what type of thing is appropriate?

As a PP has said I think there’s been some American TV influence of late and people are seeing funerals as an occasion to dress for. Traditionally people dressed for somber, conservative occasions and wouldn’t want to do anything to draw attention to themselves. Bar a grieving widow I do think you should dress as conservatively as possible. Speaking from some experience here, last year I attended the funeral of a long term friend who was a real party queen. His funeral was a surprisingly conservative affair and I absolutely overdressed and regretted it massively.

I would advise sensible footwear and warm conservative clothing and don’t bring a heavy and bulky handbag. Expect to be stood around in the cold and the wind for long periods of time and not have an opportunity to sit down for hours unless you are a family member or very close friend of the deceased. I would add warm opaque tights, flat boots and a warm coat OP.

Sorry OP just seen it will be your DM’s funeral. I think your outfit will be absolutely fine but I would make sure your heels are very comfy and you are warm. Goodluck

The one where people think showing respect is still important.

I wore a black velvet knee length dress (not as fitted as that, it was V neck, loose ish fitting and narrower at the bottom than the top) to my dad's funeral with opaque tights and black suede knee length boots. Plus a slightly patterned but predominantly black unusual style coat on top.

It’s the middle of winter - won’t you have a coat on anyway, for the ceremony bit?

Id have thought it OK for a wake, too, but probably without the ‘glam’ sort of tights and shoes you’d wear for a party.

Don’t wear thin tights wear thick black tights and that would be fine

Totally fine - maybe thick black tights and boots

Dress is ok but do combine it with dark tights and dark flats or classy dark boots (otherwise it's a cocktail dress). I'm pretty sure you'll be wearing a coat so you 'll be fine.

It’s your Mum’s funeral so I would wear whatever the hell you want. A red ball gown would be appropriate if you know your Mum would love it.

I recently went to a funeral where we were asked to wear red. Everyone got creative with it and there were a lot of Manchester United football tops (their team). Not everyone wants conservative at their funeral.

So sorry for your loss x

I disagree that velvet is solely party wear. I also disagree that all black is unusual for a funeral. Looks suitable to me OP

There’s a big difference between sexy or revealing, and chic or glamorous.

I can’t see anything wrong with a suitably ‘modest’ but attractive dress at a funeral.

TBH, I’ve always thought funerals look more respectful and joyful when the mourners dress attractively. I prefer black to colours, but that’s a personal thing, usually requested by the family.

Women, or men, at funerals in drab, mismatched, crumpled outfits always look to me like they’ve dressed to go to work at a high street solicitors rather than to mark the end of a human life.

It’s fine.

I would probably go with something a bit plainer TBH.I am 5ft 0 ins. and I managed to get a jacket at the CS for a tenner.The guy said to keep it and they would refund me after!(I didnt).I had a plain black skirt and boots own black coat.All fine

Velvet is not daywear, except sometimes over Christmas. I would not wear evening wear/ party clothes, anything sexy or attention seeking in any way to a funeral. It’s so easy to avoid these for just one event - why do people want to stretch the boundaries when taking a risk might cause offence, even if you personally wouldn’t be bothered. Looking sexy/stylish/fashionable can surely be put aside for 2 hours.

Its totally unsuitable for a funeral if its similar to the photo.