Too sexy for a funeral?

[Trainup]

My friend thinks the outfit I’m planning to wear to a close family member’s funeral is ‘too sexy’. It’s a fitted (but not tight) black velvet dress, high neck and knee length. Thin black tights and ankle boots with a mid block heel. I have literally no skin on show except my hands and face.

I haven’t been to a funeral in a long time. Is she right? Should I dress down a bit? If so, what type of thing is appropriate?

I think it looks like a party dress. I think when a funeral happens, people look in their wardrobe for something black and it is usually something they have bought for a evening out.
If you don’t have anything else to wear, I would put thick opaque black tights with it.

Another vote for fine especially if it’s just plain black believes and not that sort with metallic thread shimmering through it. It’s high neck and over the knees and will be worn with tights and not thigh length boots or anything. Also, in winter I imagine you’ll have a coat over it most the time as well. Only differnt thing I’d do is as some PP said wear with opaque black tights rather than that thin light black denier type.

My SIL wore sexy heels and a short skirt to Dad's funeral. I couldn't care less. My Dad would have thought she looked fab, cos he loved her.

I was also fine about my lovely family friend who wore lime green. Dad would not have been bothered about that either, as he loved her too and so do I.

I was less impressed at Dad's friend's fiancée who wore something more weddingy and only came to flash her engagement ring around. Awful woman.

Your dress is fine. Being there to show your love and respect is what matters.

It’s fine. It’s black and it covers you up. Not everyone can afford to buy a new outfit for a funeral, I’ve certainly seen a lot less formal wear than that even at all-black funerals. People tend to do their best, and anyone judging someone else’s outfit (unless it’s a pink taffeta party dress or something) should concentrate on what they are supposed to be there for.

Great benchmark!

I think the first reply nails it.

I also really like the thinking of 'If you wouldn't wear it to an interview, then it's probably not suitable for a funeral' as a benchmark. I must remember that for all the other times this is asked.

Agree

I personally would not wear that to a funeral.

Inappropriate for a funeral

Thanks everyone. I will wear the dress. My mum would enjoy that I am dressed in a dramatic try hard party dress for her funeral and she would have also enjoyed the tales of the mumsnet furore it had sparked.

@Trainup I'm so sorry for your loss. Wear it and look fab. ... But put a cardy on...it's bluddy cold at the moment!

I can’t say I’ve ever noticed what anyone was ever wearing at a funeral…it’s not about the mourners.

I think it's fine and too sombre for a party actually.
This is the UK, it's not too sexy to wear a knee length dress! If there is other cultural or religious considerations fair enough but since when a knee length dress is too sexy for a UK funeral?!

It’s fine. I would have worn it to my partner’s funeral (I’m short like you). I wore black broderie anglaise, and have worn it since for different occasions. Women don’t have funeral attire in their wardrobes so we just adapt. It’s only non black outfits that stand out, in my experience.

That fact that it’s your mother makes any conversation irrelevant I think because you’re the person/one of the people that matters most at the funeral.
I always think that if you’re attending the funeral of someone even a little more distant from you, it’s best to err on the side of caution just in case the child or spouse of the deceased feels that you’ve worn something they don’t personally feel is appropriate. But when it’s your mother, that doesn’t apply.

Sorry for your loss 💐

The fact it’s for your own mother’s funeral means you can wear exactly what you like. I’m sorry for your loss

If your mum would be happy, that’s really all that matters OP. Sorry for your loss 💖

Fitted velvet is party wear, not funeral wear.

Oh I just saw the update. Wear whatever you think your mum would like. Sorry for your loss

if you are close and the deceased woukd have appreciated it, wear it - but as others have said with thicker tights and boots. If you are nearer the back, then it’s perhaps too much. But I have no idea what guests wore to my mothers, I was just pleased to see them. If you are the daughter etc and hosting the do afterwards (as I was) then it’s certainly fine if your mum woukd like fact you’d dressed up. (Mine would have).

It's a beautiful dress and perfectly appropriate for a celebration of your mum's life.

It’s your mum’s funeral and I agree, normal rules don’t apply. Sorry for your loss. It will look lovely.

Or daywear if you're goth leaning

Wear it. I can't recall what anyone wore to my Mums funeral (apart from myself). It looks a lovely dress.

If it were my funeral I would love guests to wear whatever made them feel good , what ever colour.

I'm very sorry for your loss and hope the day goes well .

I’d wear it to a funeral