Mumsy and Frumpy

[HelenSkeleton]

I hate the terms mumsy and frumpy and am using it for convenient shorthand. I don't know how else to describe it.

What makes people think someone dresses in this style though? It's more than wearing old fashioned clothes as there's stuff in the shops that look dated. Vintage and old fashioned aren't the same.

How do you avoid it?

I don’t see the words as anything to do with how “sexy” and outfit is.and find the idea ludicrous.

the definition of the word frumpy is dowdy and old fashioned, dowdy also means old fashioned and unstylish. And that’s really what the word means to me, it’s never meant about how sexy someone is and I’m bemused anyone would think that,

mumsy has the same definition, dowdy and old fashioned, but also giving the impression of “dull domesticity”. Again nothing to do with perceived sexiness levels of one’s clothes.

there are many ways of dress, yes sexy is one, so is stylish, elegant, fashionable, current, modern, etc, frumpy and mumsy is really not about how sexy someone dresses.

As much as there is no direct comparison, it is wrong to say men are expected to just be clean and tidy, and I think most men under the age of 70 at least would disagree strongly.

dated, dowdy, drab, old fashioned, dated, dad jeans, dad bod, are all male equivalents, men absolutely are expected to be more than clean and tidy, and most also try to dress in a current or modern way, or they too look dated, old fashioned unstylish etc,

Dowdy is an excellent word

Also, imo being dowdy or not doesn't directly correlate to a lack of effort.

It is possible for someone to make an effort with their outfit but still look very dowdy, and for someone else to make very little effort but still look cool

Exactly. And even sexy can be interpreted in different ways. I think most men (and some women) might apply it to revealing, tight, see-through or otherwise provocative clothing. But that would n’t spell sexy to me! I’m turned off completely by men in tight jeans and tight T-shirts with bulging gym-bunny muscles, which I guess is the male equivalent of scrunch-bum leggings and a crop top.

I like laid back style - and loose clothes on men and women. Anything that suggests try-hard is a massive turn off for me and I NEVER try to dress sexily. Either someone finds YOU sexy or they don’t- and a tight top isn’t going to do anything but attract the kind of attention you really don’t want.

There was a hilarious thread recently where op had been given a blue frilly jumper as a gift from her mum, and said it made her look like a lizard clown. Someone like boiledbeetle did an AI image of a lizard clown wearing it, and op posted a photo of her bearded husband wearing it, it was very funny.

That jumper was basically the dictionary reference for frumpy. If in doubt of what is frumpy, look up that thread

The most mumsy things are baggy jumpsuits or dungarees! Especially paired with DMs...

Like middle aged women dressing as toddlers thinking they look cool.

@KatyaKabanova , I agree. Same with joggers.

@AltitudeCheck, There isn't a male equivalent, middle aged men aren't expected to do anything more than be clean and tidy!**
There is. It's this:
Chucked on (but clean and tidy) comfortable and practical clothes that are probably 5+ years out of date without really considering the fit or how they go together.

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd , I wear them, and I think I look great in them. I get positive comments on them.

I think they can look really good, quite funky.

Maybe it’s the men in our social circles, but that’s not my experience, of either my friends family or work colleagues, who all dress well on the whole. My husband wears Hugo boss, Reiss etc our male friends dress well and current and the men I work with the same.

i see lots of men in tne category you mention, although I don’t know them, just as I see lots of frumpy women. Does not mean that’s the expectation.

So maybe it’s the men you hang out with, but then it begs the question do these drag and dowdy men have higher expections of the women they are with, or are they frumpy?

I think they work in the limited circumstances where the woman is tall, slim, and the dungaree is nipped in at the waist. More like a boilersuit than a dungaree.

It does not work if the wearer is wide around the middle and the dungaree is loose fitting - it makes the wearer look like a teddy bear. Specifically Makkapakka from In the Night Garden

God, you'd really hate me today!😂
Currently wearing jumper, DM style boots and floral patterned Lucy & Yak (oh, the shame!) dungarees!
Everything is in gorgeous autumn colours which really suit me. Im slim with a fairly athletic frame so I dont think I resemble a teletubby too badly!
Most important Im happy and comfortable and I think I look good.

I could dress in the kind of classic, muted tone, posh clothes alot of MNers seem to favour but frankly I would feel like my soul had been sucked out my body. I want my clothes to make me happy, I dont care if total stranger thinks I look good if it makes me miserable!

You sound much less frumpy than they do. I put their look on my list of what I personally think looks frumpy.

Im slim with a fairly athletic frame...
Most important Im happy and comfortable and I think I look good.
Same here.

Thinking about my own wardrobe, the times where I've felt most mumsy and frumpy (yes, I also hate the terminology) has been when my children were in the 0-3 bracket. I look at photos of me, and I'm mostly wearing clothes that are playground appropriate (the ubiquitous Joules yellow hooded raincoat), and that still fit my body through the weight fluctuations. It's fundamentally practical but unstylish, and it indicates that looking good wasn't a priority compared to adapting to life as a mum of little kids.

Now that they're a bit older, I've got more time, money, and head space to put myself first for a bit, and I'm definitely happier with the way I dress. But I think we need to cut women some slack - our lives often shift radically, and we end up putting ourselves last. Is it any wonder that we end up dressed in fleeces and ugly jeans while we're pushing the swings?

It’s interesting isn’t it, personal style. I am a mumsnetter who wears muted colours, and yes posh clothes, although mainly bought on vinted. I’d feel like a wanna be extra from balamory if I went out in floral dungrees, and would feel a bit embarassed and self conscious about it.

Agree. I absolutely loathe dungarees on anyone who's older than 3. The most ridiculous item of clothing ever

This is important. We all remember the days when actually getting dressed and out of the house was an achievement. I was definitely guilty of thoughtlessly embracing cliched Breton tops, skinny jeans and body warmers when I had small DC and have enjoyed finding my own style again as I’ve left those years behind.

I think whoever said you need to dress intentionally was correct, looking stylish about thinking about your whole outfit, not just wearing colours that vaguely work together regardless of shape or material.

For full disclosure, I’m working from home today and embracing my inner frump. Not only am I wearing faded black jeans with a cable knit slouchy jumper, but I just put a bobble hat on to take DH a cuppa in the garage.

I think they work in the limited circumstances where the woman is tall, slim, and the dungaree is nipped in at the waist.

Sadly, this is true for nearly every look! If you're tall, slim, with narrow hips and long, slim legs...you can wear a binbag.

That's why I think it's not so much frumpy clothes as frumpy bodies (like mine!). I'm sure you can avoid looking frumpy even with my bod, but you need to be clever, original and have an innate sense of style. It's that easy, folks! 😂😃

I'd agree but I'd go further: style has to be (or appear to be) effortless to work. I have some lovely clothes but I'm too self-conscious and precious about them (ooh - can't sit there, it might leave a mark on my dress/trousers/coat etc) to be stylish. You have to be nonchalant and very confident.

There are lots of aspects to this, but colours are one. The worst offender (they've got better) was M & S. My God, the colours they chose for their t-shirts and jumpers. Green was always a horrible light mint, blue a baby blue, pink a nasty pale one and purple really sickening and cheap looking. And for grey they had that awful chav's trackie-bottoms pale grey - what about charcoal??

When I wanted petrol, teal, burnt orange, olive or sage green, rose pink or aubergine.

They have improved on the basics now - but really, it wasn't much to ask of them to get the colours right.

I was googling outfit ideas recently and saw a photo of a woman wearing....black leggings, a vest and a long loose cardi over the top....she was absolutely tiny, petite and thin. Stunning looking...looked Italian to me...very tanned olive skin and long dark hair. The outfit looked absolutely stunning. In reality on a size 16, average looking woman with her hair scraped back into a pony tail, leggings, a vest and a long cardi will really not look that great

What a load of gullible, predictable, unoriginal, half-baked, conventional tosh. So expensive clothes can’t look frumpy?! That is actually hilarious. The number of people I see with more money than taste dressed head to toe in labels…instant chic. Er, I don’t think so!

I didn’t know anyone believed this line any more.

Modern haircut and grooming, contemporary jewellery and handbag. Steer clear of floral midi dresses with denim jacket and white trainers. Vintage clothes are perfectly acceptable, but you need to know what periods are favoured, for example 80s/90s stuff seems popular at the moment.