Anyone else really struggle with their wardrobe?

[Lagirl20]

Anyone else struggling with their wardrobe ? Or is it just me who is useless? i have been trying for YEARS (such a joke at this stage) to have some sort of cohesive, limited wardrobe (not capsule, just not hundreds of items) that suits me and works well together. I have so many lists - jeans, jumpers, t shirts, a shirt, trainers, one pair of loafers, couple of belts, etc. and I’ve done so much research, and shopping online and in person.
every time I buy some new item there’s something wrong with it. Doesn’t fit as I envisioned, doesn’t work with other clothes. I feel like turning my wardrobe around and buying things that work together should take a couple of months at most but I’ve been stuck in a cycle of planning, shopping, trying on, buying, hating and returning or selling online, repeat, for years. Jeans that fit well initially, stretch out, jumpers don’t sit right, T shirts never suit me well, etc. what am I doing wrong? I feel like giving up! I am trying to buy higher quality, and natural fabrics only, so I don’t think this is the issue. I can only afford 1-2 new pieces a month, which is slowing progress but I guess it’s better than blowing a load of money on stuff that I can’t wear all in one go. I am the opposite of effortlessly stylish. I’m not looking for trend driven pieces, either, I’ve given so much thought to what works for my body and what is classic (I am a UK size 10-12). HELP! Or at least make me feel less alone with my continual mess of a wardrobe, despite lots of effort?!

we are the same. i also have a weird thing where things that i think fit in the shop after a wear or two then start to feel to small across the shoulders - but when i try the bigger coat size in the shops its too big and i feel the one i have chosen is the right size. i presume the way to solve this is to buy the bigger size and take it to a tailor but that is an effort. i feel
your pain it’s really depressing to feel you look ok and then in a photo you look terrible. it triggers my near constant shame x

Ooh yes, i have taken a couple of things to a tailor which helps but I can’t afford to take everything! I just wonder how items just “fit” other people well. It is depressing

Yep me too. Endless quest to look ‘pulled together’ comfortable and quietly decent. Not helped by my weight going up and down.

i have just booked an online style session. It wasn’t a hideous amount of money really (price of jeans and top in M&S). Was very honest on the questionnaire about what I find difficult. Who knows if it will help but i realise no amount of research will help me not be badly dressed. I need someone who (hopefully) has a skill I don’t to help.

You're not alone!! Pair that with being 6ft tall (which really limits options anyway!) and then fluctuating weight with pregnancy / postpartum etc - it's a nightmare!!

Oh me! I started my own ‘help me’ thread earlier in the year and I did get some good advice. I think my biggest thing is actually balancing out my actual style aspirations vs what suits me vs what I feel comfortable in and how I live. Those 3 are all different. Eg. I can dress up beautifully for a smart do, that’s my style, I can wear something really edgy and bold and feel amazing - but I’ve not been to a smart do in 5 years, and I don’t know how to compute that to my day to day wear.

one thing I was told was ‘flattering is not a style’ and I realised that basically my primary goal for all clothes is ‘does it make me look slimmer?’ ( Which says a lot more about me that it does about the clothes)

I ended up doing a huge cull on vinted and only keeping things I love and actually wear. It’s meant I have very few clothes now, but I can see the wood for the trees better. I desperately need tops now but really struggle, although I have realised that boxy, dark colours, good quality t-shirts are what I need. With a layer over the top if chilly.

I still don’t feel like I get it though. I was also reading a thread about makeup and I thought damn, I probably should get myself some new makeup and realised I am so incredibly out of touch that I just ran away 🤣

Size 10/12 and a seemingly endless budget?

Just how concrete is this issue? What sort of remarks do you receive from others about how you dress?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5349566-help-me-with-my-wardrobe-please?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

@Lagirl20this was the link to my thread from June, we are similar size, there may be some useful advice on here that could help you

I have a rule that, if I get it home and don't want to wear it THAT DAY (if I could, clearly sometimes the weather isn't suitable), if I am not really excited to try it on immediately, I take it back. Anything that I feel "mmm, this should work but this tiny detail isn't quite right" is returned. I've also learnt that certain things aren't going to work for me (precisely through buying things then not wearing them). So, if it is a polo neck or roll neck, no matter how lovely, it's a no, as after a few hours, I feel like I am being strangled. If it is jeans that look amazing, but are a little tight on the stomach, it's a no.
I also buy within a color palette, so everything goes together. I don't extend the color palette or buy something that isn't within it, as if I do, shoes won't match, the trousers won't be right... I know what colors suit me and, no matter how nice the other thing is, I won't buy it.
Finally, I buy REALLY slowly. I've been wanting (you could say needing, as it would go with so many things I already have) a thin cashmere navy blue sweater. I just ordered one (from Falconeri) after months (since last winter season) of looking. I saw a Theory one, that would have worked, but the featherweight cashmere was sold out and I knew that the slightly thicker merino wool one won't be quite right. So I waited. There are precisely three things on my "to buy" list for the winter season

• The thin navy-blue sweater
• A pair of burgundy shoes that would go with both trousers and, possibly, skirts and dresses. I just ordered a pair from Repetto, but if they aren't perfect, they are going back and the search will continue.
• A pair of burgundy or navy trainers. Maybe thinking about the Larroude ones...

and I may well get to the end of the season and not have bought any of these things. Buying something once or twice a month seems a lot to me.

I have a summer wardrobe I'm happy with. Linen dresses and trousers, cotton skirts & tops.

I'm hopeless at winter. I work in a cold area but need professiionall dress. I search every year for little lambswool tops to go with wool trousers or skirts, and jackets. Preferably at a price I can afford. It's a battle every year.
This year I'm looking for wide leg wool trousers, lace up black heeled ankle boots and warm tops. It's not going well.🙂

I don't think online shopping has helped. I'm crap at sorting returns and will often hang onto something that isn't quite right because it's easier than sending it back. I buy much better if I do so in person, because I can see the actual proportions and true colour of an item, because I can try it on, because I know instinctively by the feel of it if it's something will actually wear.

I ask myself “is this bringing something new to my wardrobe or will it be usurped by a similar old favourite soon?”

I also keep my clothes in good nick and I still have clothes older than this millennia that I wear regularly now.

One of the very few advantages of getting older (I’m 58) is that I know what suits me and what I will wear.

Mostly I try to buy through Next as returns are so easy so I can try on with other items and if it’s no good then I’m not tempted to keep it because I can’t face the hassle of sending it back. If I like an item from other company eg Hush, Celtic & Co, etc, I always check if that item is available to order through Next. I’ll admit it’s probably not very sustainable in terms of plastic bags and all the multiple deliveries/collections.

I also have a colour palette for Spring/Summer and another for Autumn/Winter, plus I’m not very adventurous in trying new styles and I only really buy clothing that’s smart casual or ultra casual.

The only thing that worked for me was having a colour and style consultation so I came away with a system. Before that I was just buying random things that looked good on other people. It's not perfect but it certainly helped. No flapping camel trench coats for me, for example.
I can sew too, which helps with adjusting hems and sleeves and making a few items.

I think I've given up on the idea if any kind of capsule or limited wardrobe.
The fact is there are very few colours I won't wear and I don't have a set cohesive style. But I love changing styles on a daily basis depending how I feel (im pretty good at finding sale or Vinted bargains!).
Admittedly I do impulse buy things at times but I enjoy the challenge of making things work together.

I could have written this, except that I also slimmed down a lot last year as one of my attempts to rectify the disappointment. No dice.

One thing I’ve found good to get a grip on my style is uploading everything I own onto a digital wardrobe app.

I use one called Indyx. It took time to get everything I own on there, but that process in itself was really helpful as I realised if I couldn’t be bothered to upload something I probably didn’t like it enough to keep it.

You can create packing lists, label and filter stuff per season, track what you wear and pay other people to style you. The bit I mainly use it for is to style outfits. So much easier than taking clothes on and off and it’s surprisingly easy to see if something will look nice or if an outfit is missing something. I even upload stuff while I’m thinking about buying it so I can play around and see what it would work with that I already own.

yes i am nearly that height too. i think it makes me feel doubly unattractive in clothes , feel totally unfeminine and i presime
because we are so tall most clothes for women don’t fit us which makes us feel even worse ! so empathy here !

@Lagirl20I could have written this. It’s overwhelming isn’t it ?

I would stop, for a while anyway. Have a mental reset.
Try not to look at clothes online or in shops, unsubscribe from retail mailing lists. Free your brain from the constant seeking and disappointment. If something pops into your head that you 'need', write it down for later.
Wear what you've got already. I find the constant ability to buy new things (eBay and Vinted in my case) makes me inevitably less satisfied with what I have.

I even upload stuff while I’m thinking about buying it so I can play around and see what it would work with that I already own

Honestly, honestly I’ve lived my entire six decades assuming that everyone does this in their head every time they think about new clothes …

But perhaps that’s because I have always kept my wardrobe small enough to be manageable. Most months I don’t buy anything - but I’m constantly observing how things are being styled, on runways, on countless websites, very occasionally on insta. Just this weekend a photograph from a S/S 26 collection suggested a way I could make use of a black jumper that had fallen out of use.

Stop buying. Stop searching for perfection. Immerse yourself in the wardrobe you already have; pick out half a dozen things that work really well together and wear those for a week. Pick two more things the next week. Etc. Gradually distinguish the things that you’re not choosing and work out why. If they can’t be saved, get rid of them. Get to know the brands that make the clothes you do wear. Browse those sites religiously. Wait until you fall in love with something …

I keep a constant list of things I need to help me plan what to buy but I rarely find exactly what I want and when I do I never want to wear it in case it gets spoilt and isn't available for the occasion I'd been imagining in my head. I suspect this is either massive overthinking or the very definition of first world problems 😳

Online shopping and a dive in quality. Pre DC I did spend a lot on clothes though.

My MIL is very chic and well dressed. To be honest she has plenty of money and almost constantly buys new clothes. They are ironed and carefully looked after but I don’t think she wears much on constant rotation. She keeps buying more!

You might consider saving for a personal shopper at one of the big stores. They can be really helpful and there is no pressure to buy just helpful advice. Good luck.

Im hopeless, have bags full of clothes i can't bear to get rid of because 'one day'. The thing is I probably wouldn't wear them again anyway now I'm older. I wear the same things that could fit into one wardrobe really. Like you, need to change my mindset. Xxx