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City break with new boyfriend after divorce - help!

98 replies

lifeafterdivorce · 17/08/2025 06:43

I’ve just booked a city break in late September with a new partner. we’ve been seeing each other since January, but it’s the first relationship I’ve had after divorce, and the first new relationship for 20 years!! It’s been going very well but a holiday together feels like a big landmark and I’d like to look nice (and more importantly, feel good).

I’m 45, size 12, pear shaped, long back and short legs. I’m looking for one or two dresses that I feel great in, and one or two lovely tops that would work with wide leg trousers. Budget is flexible but ideally under £200 total. My usual shops are Cos, Uniqlo, Sweaty Betty

Boat neck and v neck shapes suit me, and green and blues are by far my most flattering colours. I usually wear navy as a neutral (though oddly after a lifetime of avoiding black as it drains me, I’ve recently started wearing it - would definitely consider a black dress or tops for evening). I like fabrics that feel good - soft or silky, fluffy wools, nice textures. Dresses need to drape or have some structure - nothing that clings, no lightweight jersey. It all needs to be fairly casual - footwear will be trainers or leather sandals.

its a city break in Europe and temperatures could be anything from 15-25 so nothing too lightweight. There will be lots of walking but also nice meals out. Also lots of time in the hotel room but I’m not worried about that bit - it’s dressing for outside where I need help!

I want to look relaxed but stylish, casually well dressed but not too middle aged. And not too glamorous as has to be consistent with my personality and normal life (dog walking, gardening, trousers and Birkenstocks rather than satin maxis and heels). Thinking Jo Whiley or Zoe Ball!

(also, I’d prefer to buy new I think - I do use Vinted but have had more failures than successes. I’d love specific item recommendations rather than categories (‘silk shirt’) if possible. Even better if it’s something you’ve tried - eg a dress that you’ve bought that you feel fabulous in. I’ve got a hankering for a lovely knit dress in soft wool but it needs to be very flattering on the tummy area!

sorry it’s a very broad question but would love some help!!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
AliceMaforethought · 19/08/2025 11:23

Gall10 · 18/08/2025 21:29

I don’t know…only you can answer that!
personally I’d never dress to ‘please a man’

Well, that's you, isn't it? How is your personal feeling relevant to the OP, whose thread it is?

RomainingCalm · 19/08/2025 13:33

Bit late to this but this is the best top I've found in ages to go with wide trousers. Boat neck, nice fabric and has some shape without being clingy.

https://www.johnlewis.com/lauren-ralph-lauren-judy-boat-neck-top/lauren-navy/p3140367

lovescats3 · 19/08/2025 14:13

where are you going exactly?

jolies1 · 19/08/2025 14:13

How about a satin slip skirt you could wear with T-shirts / trainers or sandals / heels and a dressier top? I thought they would be really unflattering on my mum tum but they skim over nicely especially worn with a boxy tshirt. Dress up with some nice jewellery. I get mine from Mango but most brands have a version.

Even though she is very slim (I’m a 12 too) I like Melissa Murrell on Instagram - she had an M&S outfit advertised recently - a striped thin sweatshirt and navy shorts, would look relaxed and simple with trainers for daytime if you have nice legs! Also a white shirt edit with some good options for jeans.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 20/08/2025 15:21

John Lewis is your friend

don’t go for sea salt mega frumpy

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2025 17:17

A satin skirt is a good idea. Tasteful and can be dressed down, but also sexy and tactile.

Ohdearwhatcanthematterb · 20/08/2025 17:20

IDontLikeMondays88 · 20/08/2025 15:21

John Lewis is your friend

don’t go for sea salt mega frumpy

Is there any need to say that when someone else has just recommended it? Very mean girl of you.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 20/08/2025 17:35

There is definitely the need to say it - it’s definitely frumpy and does not scream holiday with new boyfriend. My mum who is nearly 80 shops there. I do actually have a Mac from there which is very practical and waterproof 🤪

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2025 20:08

Oh god. Let’s not move into ageism.

As it happens, I agree that Seasalt is unlikely to offer the right vibe for the OP, but I fucking hate the word frumpy’ and all the casual ageism on here.

Charabanc · 20/08/2025 20:16

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2025 20:08

Oh god. Let’s not move into ageism.

As it happens, I agree that Seasalt is unlikely to offer the right vibe for the OP, but I fucking hate the word frumpy’ and all the casual ageism on here.

"Frumpy" isn't age related, is it?

I love a frumpy day. But I also love a dress up mini break.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2025 20:46

Charabanc · 20/08/2025 20:16

"Frumpy" isn't age related, is it?

I love a frumpy day. But I also love a dress up mini break.

I didn’t say it was. I’m objecting to frumpy and to ageism.

FlamboyantlyIncognito · 21/08/2025 05:26

First of all can I wish you every happiness going forward? And I hope the weekend goes well.

I like this - https://www.boden.com/products/lauren-broderie-midi-dress-rich-emerald-broderie?_pos=4&_sid=22105828e&_ss=r

Or perhaps this?

https://www.crewclothing.co.uk/womens/clothing-and-accessories/womens-dresses-and-skirts/maurice-midi-dress-blue-wwj092/?_gl=16baw55_upMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxcig-4SbjwMVNJVQBh0o2AkIEAAYASAAEgKOSPD_BwE

On a separate note - buy new underwear (and I don't mean snazzy stuff to try to impress him - for want of a better word) - buy new under wear that you like/for you - it'll make you feel better and you feeling better will subtly project itself to him.

Bloke here (in case you were wondering) - trying to be helpful.... But possibly not being. I initially just wanted to wish you good luck, when I came across the thread really but then thought - make the first suggestion - nothing to lose. Not heard of wyse actually - from other suggestions so am going to go and have a wander through their website. Good luck - hope it goes brilliantly.

Lauren Broderie Midi Dress-Rich Emerald, Broderie

The classic boat neck and full swishy skirt give a vintage feel that brings magic to modern life. This dress has all our favourite things: embroidery, stand-out prints and broderie.

https://www.boden.com/products/lauren-broderie-midi-dress-rich-emerald-broderie?_pos=4&_sid=22105828e&_ss=r

helenatroy · 21/08/2025 05:43

I bought these T-shirts in four different colours. Amazing and go with everything particularly wide legged trousers. https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.1303332001.html There is also a long sleeved version. Yesterday in primark in the edit range I was silk knit skirt, cardie and sleeveless top that looked like a knitted dress. Can’t find the link. Have fun. Love a city break!

Lavenderbluex · 21/08/2025 08:25

For pear shape, I always think a fitted top half and high waisted, wide legged trousers or skirt works well. Also any dress which ties at the waist.

I’m apple shaped and find fitted trousers with a baggy top works well. If I wear a baggy top with wide legged trousers, look much bigger and frumpy.

Hope you have a fab trip away OP!

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/08/2025 11:38

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/08/2025 20:46

I didn’t say it was. I’m objecting to frumpy and to ageism.

It’s OK not to like certain words. But please, the policing of certain words on S&B just tries to stifle people’s comments. ‘Frumpy’ is a perfectly valid word.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/08/2025 15:29

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/08/2025 11:38

It’s OK not to like certain words. But please, the policing of certain words on S&B just tries to stifle people’s comments. ‘Frumpy’ is a perfectly valid word.

It’s lazy, misogynistic and is often used to justify ageism. Women shouldn’t be using it about each other imo.

JimmyGiraffe · 21/08/2025 16:11

oh, and I only have carry on luggage!!

Hmmmmm, most airlines only make a small charge if you want to take a case, to go in the hold?

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/08/2025 16:14

OK then don’t use it yourself. Out of order to tell another person what words they should or shouldn’t use, especially if it’s completely inoffensive.

We have a difference of opinion and that’s OK.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/08/2025 21:01

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 21/08/2025 16:14

OK then don’t use it yourself. Out of order to tell another person what words they should or shouldn’t use, especially if it’s completely inoffensive.

We have a difference of opinion and that’s OK.

My argument is that it IS offensive. You clearly don't think it's okay to disagree, or you wouldn't keep banging on about it. I don't think people should use it, but you do you.

Sorry for the diversion OP.

Jade3450 · 21/08/2025 21:29

Gall10 · 17/08/2025 09:29

Please don’t dress to please a man…..dress to please yourself! Self-worth is the most important attribute a woman can have. If you have self-worth you’ll have self-confidence…..there’s nothing more sexy than that!
Enjoy your time away…Hope you have a fantastic time.!

Yawn.

She’s literally said that she is enjoying being fancied for a change and wants to look nice.

What is wrong with that?

Jade3450 · 21/08/2025 21:35

Charabanc · 18/08/2025 21:55

Well I do, occasionally. And it's fun.

Quite.

Going out in an evening knowing you look hot and the man you’re currently sleeping with thinks so too is one of the great joys in life.

Some people need to start living.

lifeafterdivorce · 22/08/2025 09:27

Thank you everyone that has added suggestions, and I also appreciate the good wishes😊

The Me+Em order has arrived, a mixed bag. The blue crochet top is perfect, as I expected. Great shape and colour for me and fabulous quality. The jersey bodice maxi dress feels lovely to wear but the skirt puffs out at the hips and it's not a good shape on me. The ruched jersey dress in olive green is a big surprise. The colour suits me, and the ruching is very forgiving. It's a great dress for evening (the black would have been even better but it didn't go into sale!) I'm going to keep it and get some studded black flats to go with it.

Those two items have blown my budget but there are lots of ideas above that I might come back to after another payday or two :) @helenatroy those t-shirts look great! Defnitely something I'd wear.

Thanks again everyone for your help, and for all your lovely clothes suggestions and goodwill. So nice to have your help in wardrobe planning!

OP posts:
MsPossibly · 22/08/2025 21:01

My friend has the Sezanne Pipa dress in 2 colours (olive and red) and I'm really envious I can't copy her. Flatters her curves beautifully, easy to dress up or down. Total classic, the sort any woman of any age would look good in.

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