The French

[SeeYouWhenISeeYou]

Just been to Biarritz for a week. I went feeling good as I have lost some weight, got some nice outfits and thought I was set. Ince there I found myself surrounded by svelte, impossibly good looking, tanned people of all ages, wafting around in gorgeous linens with minimal jewellery, somehow cool in the sweltering heat. They were slim despite the amazing food on offer (and carrying baguettes under their arms!!), had simple perfect haircuts and apparently never got bitten by mosquitoes. Meanwhile I could only wear flat flip flops because my feet swelled too much for my wedge espadrilles, my fake tan slid off, my patchy white legs were covered in scars from relentless mosquito bites, my hair exploded into a frizzball in the humidity and even though my outfits were cotton they somehow looked wrong. By the end of the week I looked like I had been on a survival course rather than a chic French beach holiday.

@Mumofyellows - that sounds awful and no surprise that you await your visits with trepidation. You should be proud of the fact that you are in an important and fulfilling job and that you have hobbies that bring you joy. I think feeling comfortable in your own skin is the greatest F* off to those who put such value on outward appearances. Tbh I also think that people who make such comments are projecting their own insecurities.

I have often fallen for the whole French Chic schtick before but am gradually realising that it seems very restrictive and comformative. I like the fact the as a whole, British women don't take ourselves so seriously, for better or worse.

Did you ever see the programme where Jamie Oliver tried and parents were passing burgers over the fence? 😢
Unless kids are eating like this at home, schools don’t stand a chance.

A lot of ethnically British women are vikings and Anglo Saxons so have larger bones than French women, so it’s harder to look slim and teeny.
I think French women can look lovely but quite boring, and posh French people never seem to smile, which I find quite intimidating.
When I’m in France I spend lots of time chatting to the young people who work in the supermarkets or clean rooms as they are always really sweet and friendly ( and kind about my French!)
I have a couple of French friends in the uk and they love it here because there’s so much less judgement about weight and what you wear.
I love how Italian women are though. Like, on the beach they might be 60 and wrinkly and a bit saggy but they are confident as fuck in a TINY bikini and jewellery. I’d like a bit of that.

I might have to emigrate there myself then!

The brightly patterned clothes and blue nail varnish of a pp would be anathema to me.
Me too. Blue nails? I just don't get it! and I'm seeing a lot of them atm.

It’s money Op.

I'm somewhere chic. There are a lot of very big yachts moored up. Lots of thin tanned people with beach hair, large earrings and expensive but casual dresses wafting about. Men in those linen shirts. Some of the shops sell the dresses for an absolute fortune.

They are not French, lots of nationalities inc brits. All look effortless and the common denomination is money.

@IfNotAs you rightly said, as a french person, it is liberating being in the UK as there is a lot less judgements about weight and how to dress.
in my 20s I bought a really lovely short skirt and wore it in France to a party, i was asked if i had dressed up as a slut…. In the uk i had lots of compliments about that skirt!

France used to have the highest number of eating disorders in europe (i was one and actually only recovered when settled in the uk) - maybe they still do but i havent checked the stats. It was not unusual in my late teens to make yourself sick because you ate too much for example. Or to smoke instead of eating because (apparently but that never worked for me) smoking kills your appetite. Or to exercise in your bedroom at night (because it is shameful to have to exercise to lose weight). Every bloody monday was the start of a new diet. Maybe things have changed now. Or not. Im on MJ now and due to the recent price increase i have tried to look at the prices in france. People in france are so ashamed of needing help for weight loss it was actually very painful to read some user experiences on reddit. I was not able to find a supportive forum like mumsnet in france. Doctissimo seems to systematically delete all posts related to WLI. The poor french are really having to hide all their efforts to manage their weight…

On another note, i do have a fab italian (sardinian) aunt still wearing a bikini at 82 years old! Every year we all go out to the beach together, and her imperfect body has always been helping me cope with my own imperfections / body image issues and i am so indebted to her for that reason! She is the reason why i still went to the beach and felt ok being overweight/obese but still had fun with my kids in the water.
French people struggle like everyone else with food and weight, they have just been taught to not talk about it and pretend it is effortless. There is a lot of internalised shame.

You’re right about the bigger bones, I was photographed with a bunch of Parisian friends yesterday and I look enormous next to them. I eat with them regularly and there’s no difference in our appetites, if anything they consume more cheese and wine than I do.

They are all very active day to day, walking everywhere rather than formal exercise. And they smile and laugh a lot!

We don't snack.
We don't carry food around. We don't have food in your handbags, cars, office drawers. We despise crappy food. We don't eat in front of the TV. And the list goes on. We don't eat party food such as crisps unless there is a party or a apero.
Yes, we eat bread and croissant. Enjoying every morsel of it.
Since this is style, we do not wear any type of elasticised clothes, so the second the zip struggles to come up or the button of the trousers is harder to put it, we pay a bit more attention to what we eat.
All those threads started by someone who put 20 pounds without noticing it. How?? Even without the telltale of clothes, I have a mirror in my bathroom.

I haven't been traumatised by my upbringing nor do I feel enslaved by my looks.

I bet they haven't your flair for writing though. Your descriptions really made me laugh

I remember he tried and I couldn’t remember why it failed. How sad!

Genuine question. People talk about bigger bones but most skeletons l’ve seen, in museums etc, appear to be fairly uniform in size?

It’s about width. For example even at size 10 I am 38” across my back. My waist is 27” but I always have to size up because of my hip bones which are broad. I can’t wear blazers because my shoulders are broad. It gives the illusion of making you look bigger.

That’s really interesting babylone about the shame around needing help to lose weight ( and sad) I wonder why that is?
Cormoran I’m curious- are men in France subject to the same expectations of never gaining an ounce?

Re big bones- I think it’s that peoples body shaps really varies across ethnicities. I’m not ethnically Anglo Saxon but I have a certain shape that is genetic, which seems to come with a broad rib cage and a big bootay so no amount of dieting will ever make me a size 8. I also noticed on the continent that women have smaller legs. My friend who is Danish is slim but has chunky legs and knees- just bigger but not fat.

I live in “rich” Spain (not too far from Biarritz) and it is like this. You just don’t see anyone bigger than a size 12. Sport is a massive part of life though, as is eating and being outdoors. I’ve adapted to it (thanks to mounjaro and a good dermatologist) but it takes a conscious effort to look good whereas those around me seem to wake up that way.

for mosquitos use the plug in repellents. I take mine everywhere!

I made that comment but I’m an absolute fraud, I’m afraid. I cosplay French. Everything I own is navy, beige or white natural fibres and very conservative. I have nothing bright or patterned and I hate wearing nail polish, particularly lairy colours. I am anglo-Saxon AF and hide in the shade but I would love to have a tan. I am very careful about my weight and I eat loads of plain yoghurt and put my crisps in a small bowl 🤣

However, I hate the idea that we all creep around the continent feeling not quite good enoug for not being very very thin and not spending hours pontificating about and preparing meals, wearing linen shifts in single digit sizes and having our trousers tailored so they sit nicely on our loafers. We have our own set of things that make us cool and fun and interesting and should be proud of those things.

@EspanaPorfavor which brand/style of plug in do you use, please? I’ve just returned from the south of France and I look like I’ve got chicken pox. I wondered if my plug in needs to be a more effective one for next time

Perfectly said/

I wouldn't call it expectations @IfNot . I am slim because I like it, not to obey some random standard. I like to feel agile. I have nice clothes, quality pieces, that I take good care of, and I take good care of myself.

And, both men and women, tend to be way slimmer than Brits. Probably because we eat very differently, from the earliest age.

My observation on the French is that they make the best of what they have rather than trying to change it. So if a woman has curly hair then she doesn’t straighten it. Whatever her complexion- dark, fair, freckled she makes it look the best dark, fair freckled complexion she can. You notice which women are British because of their darkened eyebrows, lip fillers, lash extensions, balayage. I’ve nothing against these treatments but they alter what the person has naturally into something else.

Have to agree with this. Am currently by the pool in a hot country. Have seen so many British young girls with hair extensions, fake lashes, lip filler, acrylic talons, cheek filler, very heavy make up. They look very hard faced and over baked, like they've been cooked too long.

Despite their youth there is nothing fresh about them.

The Spanish and French girls here don't seem to indulge in any of this plastic fantastic crap.

I agree, French girls don’t wear nearly as much makeup but they wear more clothes than British girls. My daughter (24 in France since aged one) looks very different to the daughters of UK friends.

I do agree with this. Let’s not kid ourselves. It does take quite a bit of money to always look “glamorous”. Sure - being slim helps, as does a tan (although tanning is a terrible idea) - but ultimately it’s about money.

I was in Sydney recently - staying in a lovely part of the city - and was amazed at some of the incredibly glamorous outfits I was seeing. But then I had to remind myself that I was in an incredibly wealthy part of the world. I later travelled to other parts of oz and felt a lot better about myself! 😅

I agree. I think this is the key. Women in France are much better at working with what they've got. I'm in France at the moment and there are so many gorgeous women.

One big difference I’ve observed is that the French people I know never just shove on joggers / no make up and go out. Whether it’s walking the dog, taking children to the parc, going to the shops, they get dressed properly to go out. Where we might see it as making an effort, for them it’s just the norm (and quel horreur at the idea of being out looking like a treg?? Where’s your self respect?)

Good example: my children’s nursery teacher / headteacher regularly wore leather trousers, heels and a silky blouse to work, with make up and jewellery. She worked with 2-4 year old daily, yet dressed impeccably every day. Another example: neighbours with grandkids staying, taking them to the park… leather shoes, wool coats, scarves, handbag etc.

I’m not saying the kids would have as much fun in either context, but that’s not the priority here.