What does everyone think of grey hair?

[SilverDoublet]

Over the last 2 years I grew out my hair, it's quite grey but I just couldn't handle the regrowth reappearing every 3 weeks and didn't have time or money to deal with it. My hair was quite dark so I had been dying it dark brown. But now it's pure white in places, salt and pepper on top and still dark underneath. I asked a hair dresser if I should go blonde to hide regrowth but she said Im too dark. And I can't stand the regrowth with brunette. What do people think of grey? Or what does everyone else with hair like this do? I'm 45, don't like looking so old...

I think when it's silvery it's actually quite beautiful, but we have been led to believe it's aging and so it is. I think it's great so many are going grey at a young age, but I don't think it looks good on most people and it is aging, in saying that colouring starts to get difficult too as it looks odd with skintones as you age. So women can't win! I don't think grey will ever be accepted, but here's hoping. I feel duped, I honesty thought people went grey when they were late into their 60s, but it's more like mid 30s for most and it's probably the biggest cover-up since the landing on the moon! (Joking about the moon). It's so costly and time consuming to keep up the charade.

Well it's shows how much we have been brainwashed. But that goes pretty much with most things to do with women's appearance, like hair removal

Me too. I was 48.5 in the picture I posted and I don’t think I look older. I just look my age and that’s fine by me!

I’m not sure whether OPs hairdresser is referring to the fact that it wouldn’t suit her, or whether she’s saying that it’s physically impossible to do.

I understand that black hair can sometimes be difficult to bleach without it going orange, and it may need multiple applications/risk damage, but my dark brown lightens with any issues.

IMO, it’s not up to the hairdresser to tell you that you can’t have a particular hair colour because they think it won’t suit you. If the customer wants blonde hair then they should get it, unless there’s a good reason why it would damage the hair.

But a good hairdresser should advise you, and I woukd accept someone not watung to do something that will look bad as it then reflects badly on them

It's ironic that's its aging because we've been led to think only 70+ have grey hair when it's closer to 30. This is why it's so frustrating. But then the same can be said with body hair etc.

Your hair looks so nice! Looks soft and so chic

Accepted by whom?
I’ve accepted it and I’ve never received so many compliments about how I look in my life as I have since I’ve stopped colouring

That's great. I think some women look great with great hair, but most don't look better. Accepted by society as a whole, but here's hoping.

I could have written this.

I've been partly grey since 2020. I asked at the hairdresser's recently and the owner/head stylist advised me against colouring it. I am looking forward to it being more grey

I think the reason people think most don’t look good with grey hairs is that there are those with grey hair who just don’t value or prioritise appearance. Then there are those who value appearance as much as those who colour their hair. But obviously thereis a greater % of women who don’t value appearance who don’t colour their hair or wear makeup etc.

This isn’t a criticism of them at all. People can do whatever they want.

It’s just pointing out that out of a thousand women who colour their hair vs those who don’t colour their hair their will be more with grey hair who also don’t do anything relating to physical appearance.

so for many, grey hair is associated with not looking great

I think you hair is stunning and you look great!

I think you might have some valid points. But a lot of people I know in their early 40s are choosing to go grey and I can honestly say none of them look better. I also agree with PP, that for it to look stylish generally it need a lot of maintenance in which case you may as well just colour it

Wow! So if you don’t wear make up and your hair is grey then you don’t value or prioritise your appearance. So that’s nearly all men over 45 then?

I went dye free for two years and went grey. I had some compliments. I had some that didn't say anything (maybe because they didn't want to hurt my feelings going by the comments in this thread!) It was freeing and I saved money.

Went back and had it dyed professionally in June and got so many comments on how much younger I looked 🙈 which has now made me feel I need to be back in the cycle of dyeing every few weeks. My roots started appearing after two weeks. It's such a hard one.

What I'd recommend though is joining groups on Facebook. There's one called Going Grey Early and it really helped my transition period (the first time 🙈) a lot more support than this thread 😂

I think it looks absolutely fine. I’m not sure how we have allows misogyny to dictate that women should piss about dying their hair whilst men go grey/bald/shave their hair off and don’t feel under pressure to dye their hair.
I will say make sure you get a regular cut and condition your hair.

Also stop believing that at 45 you can look 20, you really, really can’t. Quite frankly the women I know who been mistaken for being much younger, well it’s not a compliment. It’s because they have looked very mousey and always thin.
I see posters on here claiming their 45 year old dh looks so much younger. No he doesn’t. My Ds is 25 and I can tell you now that absolutely no man aged 20 years older would ever be mistaken for being the same age. Absolutely none. Maybe you can look the same as an out of shape, unstylish younger person but that’s about it.

I'm intrigued by "accepted by society as a whole". Does that mean blending in? Conforming to pressure to be an airbrushed, ideal woman? Wanting to look exactly as 95% of your peer group does?

As regards the make-up comment - nothing ages women more than a faceful of make up after 60. I used to do a full routine, but now I'm mostly make up free. On the odd occasion that I do want to make an effort it's just tinted moisturiser, mascara & lip balm. Because I'm honest with myself about how my ageing skin looks.

I don't think grey hair, long hair or a face devoid of make up has to give the impression of not valuing appearance or not making an effort. If older women put their effort into dressing well, adapting a sense of style to be age appropriate without looking frumpy, it makes an enormous difference to how they are perceived. If you are mindful of healthy eating and exercise and carry yourself with poise, that will never give the impression of making no effort.

The hairdresser meant it would damage the dark hair a lot to go blonde, as it's very dark. She'd have to do a lot of bleaching and the roots would be in stark contrast to the blonde. But my white roots were already in stark contrast to the brunette dye. So I just let it grow out fully grey.

I am more concerned with how my body is aging than how old I look with my grey hair. Fit me taking a variety of classes at the gym and working on my core strength and flexibility is more valuable in terms of the ageing process than sitting in a salon every month getting my roots covered.

NOOOOOO poor interpretation of what I said.
i was simply saying that some people don’t focus/value/think about appearance. It’s just not important to them. Right? We agree here? For some people it’s just not something they put any value on. That’s normal and no one is having a problem with them. They are just living their lives not giving appearance much thought for whatever reason. Cool.

these people won’t colour their hair. Obviously. Once again. Cool.

so there will be a higher percentage of people with natural grey hair who also don’t put any other effort into their appearance. Again this is obvious. And again cool.

so to the people who do focus on appearance as something important to them (which again to avoid any misunderstanding is also fine. No judgement yay or nay) will see a percentage of grey haired people who have less groomed grey hair. Because it’s just not something that uses up any brain space.

so there is a misconception that grey hair doesn’t look great

I started to go grey in my early 20s, the dye stopped taking in my 40s. I love being grey, and I don’t care what anyone thinks. The freedom from obsessing about roots is amazing! My skin is much younger than my actual age (56), and my hair is mostly white.

find a hairdresser who will help.

I know several women in their 40/50/60 who are grey and they do look better than when they coloured. In huge part because there were always more days in the month with regrowth showing than days in the month without. And the colour was always a struggle to get perfect. And those who bleached their hair to lighten it always had slightly or more than slightly damaged lengths.

having said this most of the women I can think of are more attractive than the average woman and they care a lot about how they look and their health so perhaps that natural advantage makes a huge difference

This thread has really got me thinking. I'm nearly 50 and I still dye my hair. It's a hassle, I think it looks OK. I hate my face and skin, although I spoke with a very well known and well respected aesthetics doctor who said that my face looked exactly as she would expect for someone my age. I was shocked, but I work with a lot of young women aged between 20 and 35. I'm comparing myself to them, which is ridiculous. The same goes for my hair. As much as I firmly believe that grey hair looks great on women of all ages, when it comes to me, I can't quite bring myself to ditch the dye. Probably because I feel that it will be another sign that I am older than the other women in my team. But, why should it matter? Everyone knows how old I am. Why should it be a negative thing? I have heaps more experience, and that is recognised through my grade and salary. It is so sad that as women, we should be made to feel that youth is more important and desirable than age and experience. I'm glad that more women are 'embracing the grey' earlier. As some of these comments show, grey hair on women under 60 (or whatever) needs to be normalised.

Looking at my friends who have stopped dying their hair, they don't look like pensioners or witches. They look like women in their 40s and 50s with grey/white hair.

If mine were silvery I'd be thrilled and would embrace it. Instead it's white at the front and patchier further back. Frankly, it just looks Grubby and uneven and can only be described as dirty brillo pad.

I am lucky because I have a very skilled and lovely hairdresser who uses two or three colours to maintain depth and keeps them to a similar tone/depth as the underlying colour/grey so growth lines are minimised.

Notably, I spend a lot but think it's worth it and all my beauty expenditure is on hair and skincare. I have never had nails, brows, etc, done and wouldn't dream of a tweakment.