How to look stylish when naturally you’re not!

[Bennettfan]

If you’re not somebody who finds it easy to look put together, but have found techniques/approaches that help - what are your top tips? I’ve always loved fashion, admired clothes. Feel much better when I feel I look smart. But have always struggled, hair not quite right somehow, clothes not quite right, feel a bit scruffy. Every month I buy a few new clothes and when I hit ‘pay’ I sort of think that finally my wardrobe will work. But it never does and the next month I’m buying more things trying to find the elusive solution to looking stylish/elegant/put together. Any tips?

Wear a dress or a jumpsuit, or buy a whole outfit at the same time..
Have great hair and good shoes.

Its not my look , but our dd mostly wears neutrals.
for example on holiday she had on wide white lined trousers, and a black loose sleeveless top , with birkenstocks. Looked gorgeous.
She also had a white dress with trainers.
her brows are always done .
most things in her wardrobe so with each other.
she has Mustard long skirt and a green one .. but she always pairs those with a neutral top and cool footwear.

I feel like I have just posted this.
I am here for help.

… as for me - i wear a lot of dresses- some people say that it’s making an effort , but for me its low effort as I dont have to plan teg outfit- on and its done.

Be tall or thin, ideally both.
Keep your outfit simple as possible - colour block, one piece items like dress or jumpsuit. As few pieces as possible - wearing a top, cardigan, skirt, belt and scarf is not going to look stylish
Natural fibres
Leather shoes
Bra that fits

My guess is you're buying too many things, wearing too many of them and not thinking about the overall effect.

I think I've given up TBH and thrown myself into dopamine dressing!
As long as I like my outfit I don't worry what other people think.

The thing is - you don’t need to be or feel stylish - the clothes and accessories can do the work with very little effort from you, beyond choosing and paying for them. It’s basically magic.

Why are you buying a few new clothes every month? Are you secretly living three separate lives? Because otherwise it’s too many things. How can you keep track of how each item is working out? How can you find the time or energy to try each new piece on with what you already have? Must be exhausting.

What percentage of your wardrobe is outstanding, @Bennettfan?

@ANagsHead i know it’s ridiculous. I don’t spend loads of money, try to avoid cheap fashion like primark as I feel it just falls apart so buy more mid range stuff (boden, Hobbs, M&S, covet me&em but can’t afford it). Vinted too. I always buy 2-3 things each month but it never seems to work.
outstanding? I’ve got a pair of jeans from the white company (via Vinted) that I LOVE. I have a green dress from Great Plains that I bought ages and ages ago (like, 15 years ago) and I still get compliments when I wear it. Erm… looking at wardrobe now. One top from white stuff my dh bought me a while ago which looks nice. Apart from that it’s all…ok. Don’t love much of it to be honest. Aagh help! Am spending £100 a month on clothes and never have anything I like much or much spare money for other stuff! Me and dh have ‘pocket money’ of about £275 a month.

Do the beloved jeans and the nice top work together?

Maybe start by stopping buying things you don’t love. You don’t have to buy things just for the sake of it. Unless you love it, don’t buy it. And get rid of the things you already have that you don’t like, or love.

Start learning what you do actually love. And go from there. Slowly.

Yeah. That.

Agree about hair, also not excessive make up.

No one would ever accuse me of being stylish. Never. I too cannot do hair and also feel a bit off.

but I am a bit better. Hair cut I can manage to look ok ish without huge styling. I realised I don’t suit strong lipstick (I used to do that neutral make up strong lip thing to wake up my face - look like a clown). Have a regular skin care regime so that’s in fairly good nick.

I wear a bit of jewellery, a belt, an intentional trainer. I did get my colours done and the stylist lady said 2 colours and a splash (so maybe blue trousers, cream top and a tan bag as the splash). I do that a lot for work smart outfits. Less weekend outfits but I should.

I get it more wrong than right though. I find it tricky to get the right combination of cut, colour and vibe right and have a difficult shape to dress. So you are not alone.

I think a lot of it comes down to figure. Some women can throw on any old thing and make it look stylish. Unfortunately I'm not one of them!

Thank you everyone. I sometimes think maybe I just keep on buying t shirts etc and that’s papering over the cracks - maybe I just need to stop buying stuff and just save for really good quality things, and also sort out my hair (disaster) and decent shoes etc.

For me, it’s regular haircut and foils, and I use a styler once a week or so (babyliss big hair or GHD straighter). That’s the closest I can get to a salon blow dry.
Good conditioner. I use supermarket shampoos (L’Oréal or whatever is on offer) but Kerastase conditioner and Olaplex masks

Brows tinted and shaped once a month.

Good storage and clothes neatly hanging or folded. That way, it’s easier to choose what to wear

Browsing the shops or online to see what’s “new in”.

Personally I always think it’s worth buying the best quality you can afford. Less is more. Good quality clothes tend to be better cut so they hang better and made from better quality fabrics so they look and feel better too. These days there are bargains to be had on Vinted so it’s easier and cheaper to experiment but just start off with good quality basics. THAT YOU LOVE. If you’re not excited to wear it, don’t buy it! Same rule for shoes, bags, accessories.

And a good haircut is worth the money. Especially if you have ‘troublesome’ hair (like me!).

id suggest sorting out your hair with regular appointments and send back or sell any clothes that aren't quite right. Only keep the stuff that is any good and work from there.

I think this is the answer to be honest, I don't personally find mid range stuff like Hobbs or M&S that much nicer or more durable than cheapie these days anyway. Some things that I do think help as a partially reformed chronic scruffbag:

-Nice hair - I'm rubbish at doing anything with my hair myself and always used to just let it grow very long, uncoloured and just get the cheapest possible haircut when it got really straggly (or in lockdown ineptly hacked at it myself . Nowadays I prioritize a regular really good cut and colour with a stylist I trust and who knows what suits me, plus a trim and blow dry for special occasions. Its expensive but I def think spending £100-£150 on a head of highlights or something similar every few months would make you feel loads better than a couple of new tops every month?

-Good skin - doesn't have to cost a lot but keeping your face clean and moisturised does make a difference as we age, again not something I ever bothered much with before but nowadays I do try and stick to a simple daily routine with products I like, maybe it's purely psychological but at least I feel I'm looking after myself on a daily basis.

-Try and buy fewer but more generally useful and higher quality clothes to suit my own style and body type, rather than what I imagine to be fashionable (I'm always way behind trends anyway, I've just given up chasing that now), there was a really good inspiring thread on here with a lady who made herself an annual list of the basic clothes and accessories she needed to put together the best possible version of what she actually wears every day. So rather than randomly browsing and picking up items that took her fancy (which for me would always be yet another pretty flimsy dress or sparkly going out top despite the fact 99% of the time I'm in practical work wear or jeans and a t shirt) she identified the very best/perfect version of each item in her wardrobe she actually wore e.g. basic t shirts and long sleeved tops as layers, work trousers, jeans etc, down to things like shoes, sunglasses and work bag etc, then how much that would cost to maintain/replace these on a yearly basis, then divided by 12 and set her monthly budget accordingly, waiting for her exact specified items to be on sale or on vinted or just until she'd saved enough to buy the next item, sometimes going months without buying anything at all. I can't say I've got quite that discipline, I do sometimes still fall for a vinted bargain or just spend my accumulated clothes savings on other random purchases but I really think it's a great concept, buy only what you need but buy the best quality possible, then really try and use what you have rather than always picking up more and more chasing the impossible...

Also, nice clean white teeth (doesn't have to be glowing white, just not yellow), tidy brows (not huge thick bushy if you're not naturally that way inclined, but groomed and orderly), clean well shaped nails perhaps with a subtle colour/manicure and nice subtle natural looking make-up that suits your skin tone and personal style are all ways in which you can make a huge huge difference to looking groomed and put together regardless of what you're wearing. Add to that good posture, smelling nice (not necessarily heavy scent but a clean smell from well laundered clothes and, well, washing regularly can you tell I didn't always get this bit?), plus a clean well fitting outfit (ironed/not rumpled) and well groomed healthy looking hair and I think you'll definitely look like you've made a effort and are put together/care about your appearance in pretty much any situation even if, worst case scenario, what you're wearing is hopelessly old fashioned or unstylish or not appropriate to the occasion or weather...

Hair done, eyebrows done, good bag.
Quality minimal jewellery. I invested in a good pair of gold studs with screw backs which I always have on.
Quality belt, nice watch if I am making more of an effort.
Good basics - t-shirts.
Nice jackets e.g. leather.

Don’t believe the hype about being stylish OP. It’s a science you can learn, not a genetic trait. People who look good have worked out what works for them and applied it. I don’t think that there are any short cuts though. You have to put the hours in.

You need to work out what makes you feel good and why. Start with the new jeans and the dress that you love. What is it about them that? Be really specific. It’ll be something about the length, fabric, cut, drape, style that appeals. You can also do something like a Pinterest board where you add everything that catches your eye and then see what the common threads are. Then you take all that and apply it to what you add to your wardrobe.

Be ruthless. If it doesn’t make you feel great then it’s a no. Seek no outside opinions, this is about what YOU feel good in. If you are persuaded into something then it’s not right for you. Once you know what you like you’ll find that the pile you’re choosing from is much smaller cause 90% of stuff will be a no.

It’s a slow process. I’ve been at it for years and still look like a dog’s breakfast for the summer cause I haven’t worked out what I like to wear when it’s hot.

Personally I don’t worry too much about what’s flattering or suits me or whatever. I figure if I feel good, I look good.

Every month?! That sounds like a lot... I'm not sure what your budget is, but say if you are spending 100 pounds a month on 4 items, I'd stop that, and instead by one brilliant item. Or better, 4 brilliant items a year. Better for the environment also.

Sounds like you own a lot of things you dislike, so just put the stuff you never wear on Vinted.

I used to not dress particularly well years ago.

Now, why have I said the above?

It sounds like you are going for combinations a lot, trousers with tops, maybe a jacket on top, shoes, kind of thing? Accessories? It's a much harder look to pull together. Also, the quality/ material of the item will show.

I usually wear one single amazing item. E.g. one jumpsuit with a simple pair of shoes, one a showy colour, the other either nude or black. A great dress.

Usually my shoes and bag are matching neutrals, e.g. grey bag, grey shoes, bright dress. Or nude bag and nude shoes. I might wear red shoes, but with an entirely black outfit, so that colours and patterns don't clash. No accessories, no matching of separates. Easy.

Also dress to my body shape, and don't wear things that don't improve me/ I don't feel great in.

I have maybe 10 simple go-to outfits that I love. So getting ready takes absolutely minimal headspace, I hardly ever think 'oh what should I wear'. This is helped by owning only clothes that I love, so I am not overwhelmed by choice/ options.

Get stopped by strangers almost every day and asked where my clothes are from, and friends ask about clothes I wore months ago as they're looking for something similar. This never used to happen in the previous 10 years! That's the power of a simple high-quality wardrobe, small number of high quality items that fit you well and that you love.

Most of my clothes are 2nd hand these days, probably buy a new item from a retailer twice a year. Also means I get GBP 200-300 items for around 40.

🙄at the pp saying you need to be tall and thin with perfectly-coiffed hair. As if you can't look good unless you're mincing about like Kate bloody Middleton all the time.

I get you OP, it's taken me decades to work out how to dress in a way that makes me feel good, despite having lifelong interest in clothes, costuming and fashion. My mum wasn't good at that stuff, so I was just left to my own devices to dress most of the time.

I'm always learning (and making mistakes), but for me it is about clothes which make me joyful. I am scruffy-lookin' and my face gets ruddy and sweats easily, so no amount of primping is going to turn me into Kate (and christ, how dull anyway). Besides, it's too much faff and inappropriate for my lifestyle.

I have a simple haircut that suits me and requires little to no styling. I do like to paint my nails, because it's fun, and I enjoy make-up but don't wear it often. I look after my skin, but don't go in for all the potions and serums that are around now (I am admittedly blessed with good genes there though).

Clothes - I start with garments that make me think, "yes please, I want to wear that!", and build outfits around them. I'm tall, broad-shouldered and muscular, carrying a shade too much fat, but I don't care to lose it (I'm healthy, who cares?), and I need to be able to stride and have the full range of movement in my clothes, or I don't feel myself. I go for relaxed cuts and loose, flowing fabrics in natural fibres. I love strong, bold colours and sometimes a bit of drama.

I pretty much know what silhouettes and cuts work for me now, so I can pick and choose which elements of current fashions I want to add to my wardrobe. I don't spend loads—I use Vinted a lot to buy good quality things in brands that I know fit me well. I don't have a lot of clothes and shoes, as I find it a bit stressful to have too much choice. Same with accessories—a few good pieces that work with multiple outfits. If a garment doesn't work for me in the way I imagined, or if I'm not wearing it enough, I put it on Vinted and chalk it up to experience.

I would start with finding some clothes that make you feel fantastic @Bennettfan, and analyse what it is about them that brings you joy. If you feel good, you'll look good.

And I second the pp suggesting Pinterest to work out what looks good to your eye - create a few boards (Spring/Summer, Autumn/Winter, Formal/Glam) and pin everything that you like the look of. You'll start to see patterns and the algorithm will throw up interesting suggestions.