How to look stylish when naturally you’re not!

[Bennettfan]

If you’re not somebody who finds it easy to look put together, but have found techniques/approaches that help - what are your top tips? I’ve always loved fashion, admired clothes. Feel much better when I feel I look smart. But have always struggled, hair not quite right somehow, clothes not quite right, feel a bit scruffy. Every month I buy a few new clothes and when I hit ‘pay’ I sort of think that finally my wardrobe will work. But it never does and the next month I’m buying more things trying to find the elusive solution to looking stylish/elegant/put together. Any tips?

Don’t buy another thing!

When you have a free day go to your closet, and empty everything out. And start putting outfits together. Mixing and matching. You’ll start seeing a colour palette forming; in your jeans and jackets, your preferred neck style, you’ll start seeing what you like to wear most (skirts/ trousseau or dresses) etc…
Create 4/7 outfits and wear them that week.

By doing this exercise you’ll learn to shop better for yourself.

The most important thing is your body type, which you’ll need a tape measure for - most people are rectangle, rarest figure is hourglass. Find a formula that requires you to measure your shoulder (the widest part).

Find a really good local tailor. Get your trousers tailored.

And if you’ve found good jeans go back to the shop and get more.

I think people get in a rut as they stop having fun with fashion.

You sound a bit like me.

Agree with pps about keeping it simple. Blue top with blue trousers, for example. Used to think this was boring, maybe it is, but it looks stylish.

Find a look that suits and just wear a version of that each day. Don’t force yourself into things that don’t feel right just because you see others in them. For example I don’t wear dresses or skirts, they never feel right.

Nice jewellery, doesn’t have to be super expensive just not Accessorize.

I iron my clothes which makes me look less crumpled.

Spend 70-80% on basics and stick to a colour palette.

Spend a day trying on EVERYTHING you own, and you’ll be surprised what combinations you can make work.

I get my nails done every three weeks. I have good hair but it needs to be tamed, so I use a heat styler and hairspray to make it look normal. I’m a terrible impulse shopper but I only buy things that really catch my eye, and there’s always something in the closet to turn it into ‘an outfit.’

Ive sone stuff that’s 30 years old that still get worn regularly. It’s the impulse cheap stuff that I regret. I just binned two Primark Bardot tops that looked cute in the shop and hideous on, but they’ve probably lived in my drawer for three unworn years.

Hair is number one. Get it seen to. Nails also. Stick to self colours. Make up - have never seen a woman who doesn't benefit from some. Get yourself sorted with a basic wardrobe that suits your lifestyle and needs. As someone else said get all the clothes out and be ruthless - any holes or bobbling - bin. Anything that you don't wear or you don't like - charity shop or sell on e bay . Decent shoes and a decent handbag.

Have a look at Insta What to wear for.

I often get complimented on how I dress, I’m not particularly slim (although used to be, but middle age has caught up with me and I’m now a 12-14 and 5’6”).

I’ve had my colours ‘done’ (this is quite a fun thing to do with friends), and tend to stick to the right colours for me, which helps when shopping. You can also get a style consult, which helps you work out what kind of style of clothes works too, so that would help with buying things to build your wardrobe.

When shopping, I do try to buy things that will go with other things in my wardrobe.

Cos seems to be my go to, but I’ve got a couple of dresses from Me&Em (bought in sale, and worth every penny!), sometimes M&S.

i wear jeans a lot, and try to buy styles that suit me.

colour blocking rather than weird patterns - sorry but white Stuff and Fat Face would be absolute no goes for me - their clothes all look ill fitting and old and faded before leaving the store.

try and follow some accounts you like on Instagram, and see where the clothes are from. Identify people you think are elegant and ask yourself what it is that makes it work.

I find it very useful to do a wardrobe reset once in a while.

I start by making my bed and then I take out clothes one by one and put them on the bed if right now they fit properly, are suited to the weather, appropriate to this season of life, in good repair, etc. They also have to be wearable as an outfit, so if I can’t wear them because I don’t have the right height heel, or I need to buy a vest because a top is see through, I put those items to one side hanging on the door frame.

Then I take out anything that isn’t seasonal and pack it away. I keep it in boxes in the bottom of my wardrobe. I have space designated for sentimental items, things that don’t fit, but might one day, and things that don’t fit my life right now but might one day. I pack these favourites first, which makes it easier to be sensible about donating what’s left.

The only things hanging, or on shelves are clothes I’m wearing day to day. I designate a place for various categories - eg there’s only room for ten t shirts, so it’s favourites first.

I’ve done this for years, and with friends, and it is always surprising to realise that despite having loads of clothes, we often have less to wear than we think. For instance, it’s very typical to have jeans that are too small, or unfashionably shaped, or some that need a particular boot or heel height, and find that despite having 10 pairs, there’s only 1 or 2 that are currently wearable.

The next thing is to take a look at the almost but not quite section, hanging on the door frame. Make a list of the things you need to buy to make those things wearable. It’s usually a very boring list but it is the key to creating a high quality, stylish wardrobe.

From now on, when you shop, either consult the list, or if you want to buy something new, only do so if you are going to be able to wear it as part of an outfit. Either you have the rest of the outfit already, or you buy what’s necessary. Buy the best quality you can reasonably afford.

An aspect I haven’t mentioned is that sometimes we have clothes that fit, look great, are appropriate etc but we still don’t wear. Pay attention to your subtle reactions and eliminate the word “should” from any clothing decisions. Often we have a strong drive towards texture, or comfort, or fit, or colour, or a look, or a vibe. If possible name it. It’s easier to shop well if you can name what feels right to you.

Know your body shape, and know your colours. It makes a huge difference. Also, don’t try to be someone you’re not, clothes style wise. Ie. If you like a goth look, don’t try to dress chic, as you won’t feel comfortable. It’s made a real difference to me.

https://theconceptwardrobe.com

Superb article

https://styledbysusie.co.uk

https://www.stylemehappy.co.uk

A couple of companies that offer that do style analysis (I used one of these)

https://www.whowhatwear.com

Useful website for current and upcoming trends.

Also agree with what @Tinymrscollings who says that being stylish is not a genetic trait, and you can learn it. I did! Some people do get it naturally, but others, like me, need a bit of guidance.

Thanks so much everyone - some really helpful advice!
I think I do probably wear too many items and struggle to make them look good together. I’m not very good at seeing the whole thing if you know what I mean. I follow a few fashion influencers and the ones I like always wear very neutral, simple clothes that are elegant. I’m sure some would say they look boring but I think they look great. Also quite like some ‘boho’ stuff
however I had my colours done a while ago and it turns out that bright colours suit me (and she was right - hence all the compliments on the green dress when I wear it) but that doesn’t really go with the whole neutral elegant thing… so I get myself totally confused!

Ohhhh @Bennettfan that’s me! Bright spring with my ‘star’ colours being the apple green/bubblegum pink side of things. Neutrals were French navy and chocolate brown. French navy - v hard to find. Chocolate brown easier recently than years before but annoyingly my skin tone seems to have cooled a bit.

for me I try and dress in the same colour but different tones. So I may wear navy bottoms with a warm blue top. That way I have the colour that suits best close to my face. The worst is coats. I don’t suit black, flat navy, kahki or any usual colour you get weather appropriate coats in if you are an adult. It’s hard enough to get a coat with a hood in a nice cut in the first place without the colour issue.

Maybe go for the style of the influencer you like, but in the colours that suit you. Or go for neutral, then add a jacket or waistcoat or scarf in your colours.

Another suggestion is to have ‘two wardrobes’. Firstly, your neutral one, to embrace this look, but also your boho side, which could incorporate your brighter colours. I have days when I feel more boho, and other days when I feel more Breton top, for example.

Do you follow Melissa Murrell on Instagram?
I believe she's a Spring too & one of the new stylists she's employed is a colour expert & also a Spring.
There's a video up on You Tube on colours & styling if you search for Melissa Murrell. It might also be worth booking a style consultation with one of her stylists if you're having problems with finding your style. It might help you buy a more coherent wardrobe & ultimately save you money.

MademoiselleJaime is also well worth following on Instagram/You Tube. She's very considered & has some really pertinent points on buying for your wardrobe. The only stylist I follow who covers comfort, fitting, itchiness of jumpers, wide enough shoes & other such practical issues.

I have thick hair and found it looked sooo much better once it had a good base cut done by someone who understood thick hair and didn’t just cut floppy layers into it. And learned to blow dry it relatively ok at home (using a proper round brush and a decently powerful dryer so it doesn’t take all day).

As for clothes, I find a shape that suits me, and then buy a few colours in the same shape that can be interchangeable. Whether that’s a dress or separates. And I have a bunch of necklaces and brooches and scarves to change it up so it looks different.

This is definitely a work in progress for me but things I've found that have helped are:

Hair well groomed, clean nails, consistent skincare routine and a bit of makeup and perfume every day.

I'm trying to be ruthless with my wardrobe and take anything that I don't wear, doesn't fit or don't feel great in to the charity shop. I want fewer clothes but to love everything I do have.

I will only buy new clothes if I try them on and really love them. If I'm unsure about something or think it looks ok rather than great then I don't buy it. I have never regretted not purchasing something mediocre but I've made plenty of regrettable purchases in the past.

If I know a certain size and style from a particular shop suit me then I keep an eye on Vinted for items.

I feel more put together in block colours rather than wearing anything with a pattern.

Wearing simple jewellery all the time. Still a work in progress but I've slowly swapped out any cheap jewellery for decent pieces. Not crazily expensive but from places like Lines and Current, Astley Clarke and Monica Vinader when there's a sale on. It means I can have a simple necklace, bracelet and pair of stud earrings on and wear them constantly. In the shower, to sleep etc and just swap them round occasionally but feel a bit more put together with no effort.

I had my colours done and I'm a Winter and it's correct.... I suit reds and jewel tones. I look washed out and awful in classic neutral colours like beige, camel, khaki etc. I don't own anything white at all. I think working with what suits you rather than what is currently trending is the way to go.

I can relate to this. I found myself falling into the trap of buying clothes for someone I wanted to be (sophisticated, elegant) rather than what I am. There was a similar thread a few years ago and someone posted that she was at a motorway service station and saw someone wearing a grey off the shoulder t-shirt; denim jeans and leather flat sandals. Size 12-14 with mid-length brown hair; queuing at McDonald's with an attitude of "Yeah, I'm queuing for a burger!" as an example of style. I think it was me that was spotted. I remember the day well and was feeling a bit shit and found the t-shirt a bit annoying as it showed one of my bra straps.

To whoever posted that those years ago: thank you! It gave me a confidence boost and a reminder that we can be our own harshest critic. Our posture and energy can have a huge impact on how we present ourselves. You can admire others looking elegant in their neutrals but it doesn't mean you have to subscribe to that style ethos. Wear the green dress and bright colours intentionally.

As PP mentioned, have a look at Melissa Murrell for pragmatic advice on style and colours.

@Bennettfan another Bright Spring checking back in. I think it’s a tricky set of colours to work with in Northern Europe.

Whilst I am grateful for the knowledge that I look banging in geranium red, I am not into bright colours by and large. 90% of my wardrobe is navy, white and sludge and that’s highly unlikely to change. What I did find helpful, and probably adds to a general sense of knowing your way round your style, was what kind of lipstick, nail polish and metals suit my skin tone.

If I’m buying accessories I tend to look for a few colours I’ve selected from the less lairy corners in the Spring palette. There are also neutrals in there - there are several really lovely taupe/greige/brown shades that I wear a lot.

I think it’s a useful piece of knowledge to have but I wouldn’t get too wrapped up in it.

You’ve had great advice OP, so my tip isn’t really about style, but about being organised.

Set aside time to make it work! I pull together my next day outfit the night before and hang it up in the bathroom (including bra/pants) so I can get dressed easily in the morning without much thought. (I am crap in the morning and would be going to work in my pjs otherwise.) I might try on a few outfits on a Sunday for the week ahead so I can check everything works. I do my own nails, so again on a Sunday I will usually do a bit of a “glow up” with bath, face mask, mani/pedi etc. Hair and brows I make the next appointment as I leave the salon.

I’m not a smart/dressy person but I buy good basics, and look after things - take items to the dry cleaner or tailor, sew on buttons as soon as they fall off, polish boots etc. I know Mumsnet hates ironing but I think it makes a difference in terms of looking “polished”.

I rarely wear skirts as I can never find tops that quite go.

I spent many years not really realising that black doesn't flatter me. My basics are now based around navy or brown which is far better for me.

I also made the mistake of spending money on stuff that I admired on other people but didn't suit my body shape. I'm more confident now in what is likely to suit me vs what's in fashion or what I admire on someone totally differently shaped. I love shirt dresses and neutral beige colours on other people but sadly must accept they don't work for me.

I overhauled my wardrobe two years ago (sold loads on Vinted and only kept stuff that a) fitted, b) wasn't damaged, c) I either loved or needed for practical purposes). Most of my replacement stuff is Hobbs, Laura Ashley or Joseph because I discovered they fit well. And mostly linen, cotton or merino or cashmere. I feel much better now.

I am a fanatical user of a wardrobe app which helps me build outfits from what I have and also recreate looks I like online by adding a screenshot in an inspiration folder. I use Pinterest a lot too for ideas and then shop Vinted to get the look I want for less.

I think it’s all about exuding confidence in what you wear. I see lots of people who wear things that aren’t me but wear things with confidence imo. I think it’s also about you wearing the clothes rather than them wearing you so if the clothes don’t match your personality and what you like then wearing them because they are deemed stylish just won’t work imo.

Not a popular mn opinion, but ironing your clothes helps as well. Don’t wear creased clothes. It instantly makes your clothes look scruffy.

People tell me I’m stylish, don’t know if I am but for me, it’s sticking to a palette. I predominantly buy only black, white, grey and cream and I avoid anything fussy or patterny (although I have about 20 Breton tops). I hate to look like I’ve tried hard, for me that would be bright colours and matching elements like a bag to shoes. I keep accessories to a minimum and never wear cheap jewellery.

I follow fashion, but not slavishly. I know what suits me and what makes me look frumpy.

Like @SweetFancyMoses I get told I’m stylish a lot. In fact people have told me that I should be a stylist. 🙄 It wasn’t a ‘proper job’ (or even a job I’d heard of!) when I was growing up so…. I also get told that I’m elegant (usually it’s men who tell me this) which I find slightly baffling and (by a male barrister friend) that I’m flamboyant. 😯

I don’t follow most (any?) of the ‘rules’ being suggested on this thread. I just wear what I like that and what I think looks like it works for me. What ‘works’ is a bit arbitrary. It either looks ‘right’ or it doesn’t. I don’t understand my own ‘rules’ even 😂Sometimes I put things on and it feels like the proportions aren’t right or there needs to be more/less volume or it needs lifting or the outfit is fine but the shoes / bag / jacket etc are ‘wrong’. It’s just instinct. This whole process takes no longer than 5 mins and usually involves things being hurled onto my bed in a panic (I’m usually running late due to ‘fashion faffing’) until I find what I feel is ‘right’. Not exactly scientific. 😉

I’m 55 and tall (5’9) and I think the height helps as I can get away with a lot. But that also means avoiding anything too fussy / frilly / pastel as they make me feel like some big huge heifer trying (and failing) to look feminine. Lipstick on a pig effectively. Pastels look dreadful with my skin tone. I wear a lot of strong colours (red especially) and some people think my taste is quite edgy / fashion forward. I don’t really follow fashion but I live near Shoreditch and know quite a few designers / creative folk so I suspect my tastes are influenced by this without me realising. I always buy for quality and cut, and usually something semi-classic with ‘an edge’. So it’s not boring and it doesn’t date. Quality fabrics and well cut clothes increasingly matter as we age although I’ve always bought the best I can afford since getting my first part time job as a teenager and blowing most of my wages on the first ever Next Directory. 😛 These days I rarely buy from the high street and prefer more niche/lesser known brands and sample sales. I tend to wear a mix of new with older pieces (stashed in my collection over the years) with Vinted or sample sale bargains. That makes me sound like a bit of a pretentious London prat, doesn’t it?! 😂I don’t buy to fill gaps in my wardrobe (I don’t have gaps to be frank, I have far too much stuff!) I just buy something because I love it and I want it and that’s that. I don’t consider what I will wear it with. I just somehow make it work (which takes us back to the hurling things that don’t work onto my bed).

Shoes and accessories are important. Quality is the rule here. Always. And I never match my bag and shoes. I HATE the whole matchy-matchy thing. I appreciate matching feels safe for some people but that’s exactly why I don’t like it. But that’s just me. I usually get a lot of compliments on what I wear. I tend to wear one statement piece with the rest more toned down so it’s not too OTT. The statement could be my shoes or a jacket or earrings, or an unusually cut top or trousers or distinctive fabric. At the moment I’m going through a Japanese phase (so Issey Miyake and Yacco Maricard - lots of interesting cuts and textured fabrics) but that’s already transitioning to more silk/linen Lithuanian/German lagenlook balloon dresses for some reason. Even I don’t understand. I have ADHD so I’m always moving onto something new.

Apologies if this is a bit of a ramble. I’m not sure if anyone will find this helpful or not. All I can suggest is buy pieces that you LOVE. You want to be excited about wearing something. I get so much pleasure from my wardrobe. I dress for myself (I don’t really care what others think although I do enjoy/appreciate the compliments I get). I literally skip joyfully to my office in the morning as office days are an excuse to try out a new combination of clothes. Sadly my day usually goes downhill from there but that’s work rather than style related ha ha.

Edit: And I hate ironing! I’m a founder member of the anti-ironing club and deliberately choose fabrics which need little / no ironing. Occasionally I will get my handheld steamer out if something needs it but I haven’t ironed in over a decade.

Thanks so much! I think ironing would be good. Thank you for all the bright spring advice as well - yes I look great in reds and greens, but sometimes it’s a bit too much and actually I just want to wear a Breton top and some nice jeans!