How to look stylish when naturally you’re not!

[Bennettfan]

If you’re not somebody who finds it easy to look put together, but have found techniques/approaches that help - what are your top tips? I’ve always loved fashion, admired clothes. Feel much better when I feel I look smart. But have always struggled, hair not quite right somehow, clothes not quite right, feel a bit scruffy. Every month I buy a few new clothes and when I hit ‘pay’ I sort of think that finally my wardrobe will work. But it never does and the next month I’m buying more things trying to find the elusive solution to looking stylish/elegant/put together. Any tips?

I find a blazer (as long as the cut is right for your figure) smartens up any outfit. I have a navy rl polo one which I’ve had for years and was a great investment, I bought it from an outlet store. I also have a grey houndstooth boden one which I’ve had for about 20 years and goes with everything.

that along with clean white trainers and clean hair, simple make up (I do light foundation, cream blusher, black mascara and under eye foundation with Vaseline on lips).

Which wardrobe app do you use @GrimDamnFanjo ?

Can you recommend a few items for someone who wants to dress exactly like you describe? 🤣

If you want a good book, I recommend The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees. It's helped me to focus on what I needed for the life I have.

@Cyclingmummy1
yes this book is excellent, you recommended it to me , many moons ago and it’s been invaluable , thank you

Lots of interesting ideas from https://bemorewithless.com/project-333/

id encourage you to get curious about what you are discovering about your style, and enjoy the process of finding out.

Dresses and decent shoes. Discreet jewellery and clean hair

And good quality fabrics- not nylon/polyester stuff

So pleased you found it useful.

I take part in a daily outfit shot group on Flickr and I think it has really helped me see what does and doesn't look good on me. If you don't feel like sharing photos (although ours is a private group and only a few trusted people can see) you could just take a photo for your own use, and after you've accumulated a month or so's worth, start analysing them and weeding out the combos you don't like so much, but keep the ones you do for inspiration.

I feel at my most stylish when I stick with the colours I wear most and where I have lots of mix-and-matchable options. For me that's black, cream, taupe and red. (I wear other colours but I feel most at home, and most confident that I look good, in those.) For you it may be something quite different. I used to know a very stylish woman who nearly always wore dark blue paired with some very light, soft colour. I like shapes that are fairly loose - wide or baggy trousers, cocoon dresses and so on. They are dramatic, but comfortable and I think if you're always worrying about whether your skirt is riding up or top is coming unbuttoned, you can't look relaxed, and relaxed is a big part of looking good. Some people say keep it simple but I do enjoy wearing one or two unusual accessories or pieces of jewellery that make the look individual.

A lot of my clothes are second-hand or come from discount places like TKMaxx but this year I splurged on four or five better quality linen garments. I like them so much that I think I'm going to continue with a policy of buying fewer clothes, but really doing my research and being prepared to pay a bit more when I do. Peacocks and George are very good for absolute basics like underwear, plain t-shirts and leggings.

I wouldn't say I have "high-maintenance" hair but I've learnt what suits it best - it's wavy and it is definitely worth using products that encourage that rather than flatten it. My favourite make-up routine is just tinted moisturiser, slightly flicky dark browny grey eyeliner, mascara and lipstick (which varies from day to day - I enjoy wearing bright red but wouldn't wear it with a "quieter" outfit).

I've added a few pics of outfits I was particularly pleased with this year. You will notice that even in these few pics a few favourite items appear more than once - and yes, I do wear colours other than my stated favourites. The black dress is probably the one thing I would save in a natural disaster. It's impossible not to look stylish in that!

I don't agree entirely with only buying what you love. We're all different but, in my case, it's led to a wardrobe that's overbalanced towards trousers, jackets and coats when what I really need is shoes. The trouble is, I know this but I'm still not interested enough (in shoes) to put in the effort and shell out the money. It means, for example, that I own a number of skirts that I really do love but that I regularly try on and then take off because I haven't got the right footwear.

So my main piece of advice op, is to think about which clothes you never (or only rarely) buy and ask yourself whether that's led to any gaps when it comes to putting outfits together.

Secondly, I don't dress for my shape any more, at least not consciously. The main reason is that I was spending far too much time dwelling on my thighs, jowls and upper arms and developing a really negative self image. I'm sure the old rules are still lurking in the recesses of my mind so I wouldn't go as far as to say I've ditched them but I no longer actively follow them. I choose clothes that draw me to them and, if I could only train myself to be drawn to shoes as well then that would be perfect.

Same goes for colour. I can see that I look slightly better in certain shades than I do in others and I went through a phase of wearing burgundies and purples and deep greens most of the time. But I got bored. If it's a choice between shape or colour then I always choose shape (well unless it's black or white because I don't like them).

I think the other thing is that years and years of practice and thinking about this stuff mean I've just got better at it over time. I certainly get far more compliments than I used to, many of them from strangers and, while I believe there there are several reasons for this and that I shouldn't infer too much from it, I'm vain enough to find it gratifying.

I am not naturally stylish, but I’ve been working on it and have learnt a few things.

1. posture!
2. I have realised I won’t wear anything that is in any way uncomfortable - I’ll put it on and change at the last minute. So now I think carefully about any itchiness, annoying g seems, tightness etc.
3. I only wear natural fibres (see number 2) and only really cashmere and merino wools. Literally can’t bear any texture other than soft or smooth and crisp. This doesn’t help with style but does save wasting money on stuff i won’t actually wear. A simple well- ironed white cotton shirt from Tesco will be better than a viscose one with weird sleeves from somewhere more expensive.
4. always wear basic jewellery.
5. not including shoes you probably need a minimum of three items. Eg - jeans and a t-shirt, you probably need a nice belt. Dress -+ necklace and bracelets.
6. blazers are useful, but the shapes date quite quickly.
7. dress for your shake not what’s in fashion. Look at instagram etc for tips and take the bits that will work for. I suit fitted stuff and although knee length work skirts are a bit dated I look better in them than midi flowery or drapey things do will vmco tinuevto wear them.
8. notice people out and about who look good and think about why.
9. Be fit and strong if you can’t be slim.
10. The price of the item is irrelevant in terms of style.

Laughing about the footwear, @Floisme!

while I believe there are several reasons for this …

I’m never quite sure if the people jumping up to offer me a seat on the bus or tube (mortifying)are the same species as those who stop me in the street to admire my ‘outfit’.

I say ‘outfit’. As if! I’m astonished at the level of putting together that some people seem to employ. Although .. No, I’m astonished at people who buy several things at once because they go together. My outfits fall into place so gradually, over years; maybe a ten year old catwalk level (hate the word ‘designer as an adjective) tweed skirt, added to an avowedly crafty jumper bought five years ago, this year’s boots, plus - if I’m lucky - my mother’s Launer bag. They do look good together - but it obviously wasn’t a plan when I bought the first piece; I just knew the skirt was a keeper.

I am not ashamed of being profligate when it comes to spending on individual items - but I’ve discovered I like cheap dresses. With separates you can mix and match from different eras, but with a dress you’re kind of stuck with it - so unless it’s something supremely simple from say Jil Sander, or Co Collections, or Zimmerman, I’d far rather something from Zara than a mid range ‘nice’ dress likely to outstay its welcome.

And - to the poster (whose then username I only vaguely recall, but who I’ve previously thanked) who said that post-middle age she was now spending as much on fitness classes as on clothes - I am about to take up running. Because I’ve fallen in love with some running clothes …

Ha ha, blimey, yes sure.

Where I live it's hot and sunny for at least six months of the year, so my wardrobe is very geared to that. Typically I wear some combination of wide-leg trousers and a shirt, and I have several which I can mix and match, e.g:

Pleated linen, or linen-viscose blend (they crease less if I want to look a bit neater) in black, beige and white. Wool flannel or jeans in the winter. I think these are all from Cos and Arket, as those brands tend to be cut well for me, being tall.

I found an interesting pair of very high waisted, very wide white linen trousers from Cos recently on Vinted—the cloth is kind of a smooth, crisp linen weave which I had't seen before. I've been wearing them with just a simple black bandeau top, or an oversized shirt (sometimes open with a crop top).

Drawstring black cheesecloth trousers with a black crop bra from BAM and a gorgeous black and blue tie-dye silk duster I found on Etsy. This is the sort of thing I wear to lounge in at home, or just a kaftan from Print A Block on Etsy.

Loose, floaty shirts, some drop-shouldered and oversized, in linen, ramie or silk. I am a bugger for buying these on Vinted, can't resist a pretty shirt. I have a few plains (e.g. white linen), but also some fabulous prints, like sheer, abstract animal (Massimo Dutti), or bold tropicals (Farm Rio). I play around with how I wear them - buttoned up, one or two buttons, tucked in, open as a cover-up.

I have some fun vintage silk print shirts from Stella McCartney and Figaret that I found on Vinted, as well as a sheer white voile Vivienne Westwood pirate blouse.

Shoes typically leather slides (K. Jacques or Ancient Greek Sandals - again, Vinted finds), Birkenstocks, Havaianas, or espadrilles. Loafers in winter.

Im always told I look stylish and cool. Im not sure why. Im 50 but I basically dress exactly the same as I did in my uni days. Think fashion has gone full circle and now Im accidentally 'in' lol.

I have a few unconscious 'rules' i think. So I always wear a tight top (I have good big tits), and loose bottoms, jeans or dungarees, or a flowy skirt. Rarely a pattern, always plain. I do wear lucy and yak and levi dungarees a lot though with tight top underneath. If Im going somewhere fancy, then a plain fitted dress than flows out from hips. I never wear heels. Shoes are docs, converse or gazelles in vast array of colours. I dont wear a lot of make up - i think its aging - and my hair is long and mad curly (i think that helps look younger as neater hairstyles I think are aging). I wear neutral colours only, with the only pops of colour being my shoes sometimes. I think putting camel and white together instantly looks stylish.

If I ever have to go somewhere formal like a wedding etc Im fucked cos you kinda have to wear heels and fitted suit/dress and thats just not me - fortunately that hasn't happened in years.

@Sandyoldelbows , I agree with you.
@ANagsHead , I say buy outfits, but rarely do. I say buy an outfit, because it can be a habit to buy individual items that don't work with anything one already has. I get around this by sticking to shapes I know that work for me, but I seem to wear the equivalent of 'jeans and nice top' (usually plainish top, bright skirt etc)

I'm not stylish, but it is easy.

I wish I was less drawn to shoes.

I stopped doing my own hair - I could never get it look as good as the hair-dresser could, so I now go once a week for a wash and blow-dry (looks great for 5 days, days 6 and 7 I wear a slicked back bun).
I also keep a list of clothes I need and only look for things on the list. At the beginning of the season (spring/summer and autumn/winter), I try everything on, get rid of anything I haven't worn that year or don't reach for, and then shop extremely carefully for things on my list.
I also have a rule that, if I order something, and don't want to wear it the day it arrives, I send it back. Things that I feel are "okay but I don't love it" don't stay.
I also have a really small wardrobe. I never have more than 5 of anything (apart from underwear, where I have 10). 5 pairs of trousers maximum, 5 skirts maximum, 5 dresses maximum. Many things I have fewer of - I only have three pairs of jeans - dark wash, mid-wash, and white, but they are all perfect. If I had more, I would still reach for these jeans first, so why get more?
Basically, I never want to wear anything that isn't the "best" of an item (so I want to wear my favorite pair of jeans, not another pair that doesn't fit nearly as well) so that's the number I have.
I also make sure everything is perfectly ironed, steamed etc.,

I already know what's on my autumn/winter list:

1. 3 pairs of shoes
2. One new work bag that will fit my laptop
3. One thin black cashmere sweater to replace one that is now worn out
4. Maybe one full outfit for a big event I have to speak at

And that's it.

Thanks! I was thinking of this. (I like her, especially her earlier writing, a lot.) You've saved me the bother of posting. 😀

Thanks, OP. I'm really enjoying this thread. I'm not stylish but I think I've got a bit closer over the years.

As a Winter, I've absorbed a lot of the colour advice as to what suits me (even though I still succumb to a nice, good quality cotton, Cotswold Outdoors t-shirt, only to accept that all the yellow-toned beige, cream, camel, etc colours just don't work with my skin tone.

My question is how do older MN-ers deal with their natural warm dark brown hair (eg) turning grey over the years? I'm embracing my natural grey (finally) and have thrown out most of my brown bags, shoes, belts, etc. Finding grey alternatives seems harder than it should be. Is there a better approach?

Following. I could have written that OP!

I’m trying to get out of this habit too. So I don’t buy online. I put on one of my 2 or 3 favourite outfits and go actual try-on shopping. If what I put on doesn’t look better than what I’m already wearing back on the rail it goes.
The only pitfall is that after 2 or 3 try-ons I start to look as though I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, so it stops working!

I've been meaning to do a cull on my wardrobe but...

Enjoying this thread. I recognise buying clothes because they represent the type of person who you want to be or feel you should be and them just not working. I'm fine with basics and sticking to a uniform. What throws me are out of the blue invitations to a wedding. I do not have a 'go-to' outfit for that and am completely out of my comfort zone looking for wedding suitable outfits. Plus, most look better with heels (don't do them) and can't wear ballet flats - fall off my feet.