Clothes for a grand long weekend away

[sowhythen]

Apologies for the length of this post, I wanted to include as much relevant information as I could.

Close members of my family are ‘landed gentry’ definitely not a stealth boast, it’s not my bloody money 😆 I am setting the scene. I would prefer not to describe them as landed gentry, it is the only adequate description for their life.
With absolutely no irony whatsoever they do not enjoy the UK, particularly not the weather. As a result they spend months of the year abroad, returning to the family home for the summer.
As children we used to visit them for a week or two every summer. When we were younger it was great.

For context wrt clothing, it may help if you read my OP on this thread:
previous thread

Happily DH has stopped being an angry bellend.

Since my accident we have avoided visiting the fancy side of the family.
This year one of them has a significant birthday, we have to go to the celebrations.
We are staying at their home, either their main house or one of the cottages, for the whole weekend. Wherever we stay there will be regular food and drink, we will be expected to attend the communal events.

This side of the family are all horsey, think Princess Anne with darker hair, they look amazing in big florals. As I am small they make me look like I am being assaulted by an apprentice florist with a grudge.

Trigger Warning it all gets a bit Downton Abbey from here.
The birthday events are:

Thursday - travel and evening supper.
Dress code smart casual cashmere with a skirt.

Friday - a choice of activities, given the disability I might choose to stay in bed, if I am up and about I will probably have a wander.
Dress code pyjamas or smart jeans, wellies or trainers and a good jumper or similar.

Friday evening - a meal with family and friends, around 50 of us.
Dress code smart dressy.

Saturday daytime - the same as Friday. With the addition of mucking in to do some greeting.
Dress code the same as Friday.

Saturday early evening tea - Dress code smarter version of cashmere sweater with a good skirt.

Saturday evening - formal dinner for around 200 of us.
Dress code very smart dressy.

Sunday - Sunday lunch with my family. A good walk if I am up to it.
Dress code wellies, jeans, Barbours. Smarter in the house.

Sunday evening - another meal, less formal.
Dress code a nice dress, smart.

Monday - just family for the day.
Dress code still an expectation of smart but less than previous days.

Monday dinner - we are always expected to dress smartly, Monday will be less formal.

Tuesday - breakfast then home.

Me
As I can no longer leave the house alone it has severely impacted my weight. It is very difficult for me to exercise safely even though I eat little and healthily.

I feel fat, I cannot rely on my voice to speak. I can get around slowly with my sticks.
My self esteem is at rock bottom.

I’m 5ft 2, size 12 - 14. An hourglass figure.
My main thing is that as I am in peri my bust is larger than ever.

Colours - I can wear neutrals; dark grey, navy, chocolate brown.
Any blue looks good, all the cooler colours also work, as do some brights. Pinks are good, greens are tricky.
I can’t wear orange or yellow.

My family will pay for any new clothes, that’s how they are persuading me to go 😁

Black is not the done thing, definitely no animal print.

Clothes I need
It does not necessarily have to be expensive, it does have to be tidy and presentable. Aside from jeans I can’t wear the same thing twice.
I’m fine for makeup, that’s one thing I can still do.

I’m asking for any ideas & tips on any of this.
• 1 pair jeans - I usually wear flares, currently I am living in Free People pull on flares and I love them, they won’t cut it here.
I need something like NYDJ or 7ForAllMankind bootcut in a standard dark blue wash, I would appreciate any recommendations for this particular fat bottomed girl.
• Although I have some cashmere I will need versatile cashmere jumpers or cardigans + smart tops or casual dresses to be worn on 6 days, it’s ok to repeat a cashmere sweater as long as the rest of the outfit is different.
• I would love one or two smart, jersey dresses. As an alternative ponte would be very good.
• Chambray dresses should be ok & a good investment, heavy denim dresses are not ok.
• I have to be prepared for cooler and warmer days.
• Everything daytime will ideally mix and match.
• No uneven hems.
• For Friday or Sunday evening Nobody’s Child has a lovely print. Maybe a day dress, rather than evening?this print
• I need a skirt or two to go with the sweaters/cardigans, preferably midi length.
• Saturday night is a challenge. Maybe this? Saturday night
• One of the evenings is this smart enough? smart/casual dress?
• Currently I am lusting after most of Rixo too.

Many, many thanks if you got this far.
That’s probably way too much enough information for now.

All ideas very welcome 😊

I understand the dress code as I used to work with similar people/family/gentry. Whilst I was wearing my basic black trousers and a blouse that probably cost £30 and my frizzy hair everywhere :)))))

My main tips would be understated and to source every item from a different place so there’s no chance of a crossover or an outfit being in anyway similar to someone else’s.

probably not good enough quality but there is this
https://www.landsend.co.uk/Womens_Crew_Neck_Cashmere_Jumper_/pp/P_35180.html?dwvar_P__35180_sizeVariation=59&dwvar_P__35180_color=GRH&cgid=11300&pageType=fp

also for some of the day wear would more of an arty look also be acceptable? If it’s a Scottish style weekend obviously not but I’m not sure what all of the activities maybe? Seasalt do some plain items and more arty style you could consider, ignore the loud prints. The sizing , for me, is a bit all over the place but I got a couple of decent things last year that fit ok and very good for delivery and returns. Maybe this with layers for a day event? https://www.seasaltcornwall.com/sleeveless-grass-wave-linen-midi-dress

sorry about your parents mine have always treated me badly and below all my other siblings. I’m NC with the extended family and LC with parents, it’s hard. I also have a different sort of disability and some anxiety based MH illnesses (due to toxic environment during my childhood) all of which is also looked down upon like I’m an embarrassment……which in turn makes the symptoms worse.

Try to enjoy the few days with the other family you are visiting and ignore your parents where possible. Buy a couple of extra days worth of clothes as back ups especially as parents are paying so there’s no way they can comment on something negatively.

Beaufort and Blake might be worth a look for some daytime bits, they have lovely shirts (lots of linen at this time of year) and knitwear. Their marketing is very 'weekend in the country' so might suit!

Start from the inside out. Make sure your pants/knickers (or what ever you call them) fit and get a couple of decent bras. Boob or bust method is easy enough to follow and then order loads online and try and home. Brastop.com is great for that.

I understand. Every family is different. Also you are going somewhere and have put on weight, it does throw your confidence and you need that sartorial back up. I don’t have ideas about the clothes but would personally book a personal shopper or personal stylist. It’s worth having professional input. And I would get my hair appointments etc booked in.

I follow Trinny Woodall on instagram and she quite often puts up posts on her weekends away in various country houses -both her and her friends outfits

Actually alot of them do wear Zara with very expensive things thrown in. As well as having a penchant for the Vampire's Wife (I know it's bust now) she wore this toteme dress which I really like although may look like a sack on me.

here

Actually that was all the Toteme dresses - I do like some though. It was this one

I like this soeur dress too. (I think you should take full advantage of your parents here) (I'm not ignoring the hideousness of your situation at all by the way).

If these people avoid the UK in the summer months because they don’t like the weather, why are they somehere where cashmere and wellies are suitable attire in August?

House of Bruar have a website and a reliable country set range of clothing.

Brora is a good brand to look at for dresses and knitwear. Lots of Liberty print and cashmere.

Only you can have any idea what will suit you, OP. So much depends on whether you're high-waisted or low-waisted, whether you have fabulous legs you're happy to show off or the opposite, your colouring, your hairstyle (soft or severe, long or short) and whether you suit minimalist Japanese tailoring or can carry off the frilly, fluttery, layered and colourful style that some women look great in (but not me). Does your disability mean that you spend a lot of time sitting down? That might also affect your sartorial choices: you might want to think more about showing off your shoulders and neck or legs.

Your family don't sound like landed gentry to me. Landed gentry means hunting, shooting, fishing types, not Euro nomads. I mention this because real landed gentry dress like the royal family — so either heirloom and bespoke, or very trad and not in fashion. Euro/ world nomads are probably far more used to couture.

You must be around 50 and so I suspect your role in the family will probably be to be dressed smartly and very well-groomed but relatively inconspicuous. A good haircut, make-up and the right shade of lipstick can carry off something very plain and not very expensive. You might want to try some of these labels: they are they kind of thing your relatives might be aware of:

Suzannah London
Emilia Wickstead
Beulah
Lemaire
Try Teurn Studios and the Fold for more minimal and tailored looks.

Shirt dresses are very in at the moment, but possible aren't the best look for someone with an HH décolletage.

Just noticed this: not sure how it would work with the HHs, but would certainly pass all the 'smart' tests. https://www.suzannah.com/products/delphine-dress-metallic-check

I read your original thread. Surely your parents would be prepared to help you get away from your husband?

They only come to the UK in the summer: they avoid it because of the weather for the rest of the year.

@Namechangerage at first I looked at the printed Boden jersey dresses, some of the patterns make my eyesight wibbly, I like the plain versions so much that I have bought one.

I’m always at least one size smaller in Boden, is that the same for everyone?

Ah Me + Em how much do I love thee? Well, very much actually, I have just placed an order. Can’t wait for it arrive now. Thank you @Ophy83

@Proudmum66 you can follow a thread at the top without putting f in the comments.

Arty is fine with me, some of my wider family are artists, two are well regarded in art circles, when you say arty I think of paint-flecked clothing 😁

I’m sorry about your parents, it is hard & I have never met anyone with kind, caring parents can understand the strata of pain that run through someone who has grown up in our kind of families @Tbry24 it stays with you forever, doesn’t it?
I’m absolutely buying additional clothing and I wouldn’t be going unless my other, lovely relatives would be there,

@Mumof1andacat my underwear game is always strong 😊 irregardless of the weekend away.

@AzurePanda they avoid the UK outside of the summer months, they don’t like the cold.

I do love Brora @Genevieva good call…

@Pluvia hah. No, my parents wouldn’t help me get away from a burning building besides & for those at the back who missed the point that I wanted people to know I am disabled, without constantly repeating that I am disabled, DH and I are good now.

@Pluvia I have not said which, if any, sports my extended family will be doing on the long weekend.
I have only said what I will be doing.

You've entirely missed my point. Good luck.

Yes the trauma is with me forever, every day. I’ve had therapy as I have PTSD from a violent relationship as a teen and a sexual assault all linked to my lack of parents. And the therapist made me see sense that it wasn’t just crap parents but emotional neglect and so I cant cope so well with things as an adult as I didn’t learn how to at a young age. All I learnt was to be independent and escape.

And yes arty to me means paint splattered clothes too. But the arty style of clothing without the paint flecks. When I’m not in jeans and a top and I pick clothes I really like my partner always says I look like an art teacher….I take it as a compliment as I would have loved to have been one. And in that case I’d go for arty casual but smart day time them refined tasteful glamour for the evening dos.

And really enjoy yourself with the extended family…..and ignore the c* parents. Some of them may be really supportive especially if you have been ill as I have realised over my 50 years of trauma that people do know or notice things and sometimes are supportive. At the time they don’t necessarily know what to do but later on they try. Until very recently I had no idea that a family friend noticed when I was a baby, she was always lovely to me as a teenager and in my 20s and I now know it was all linked to that and checking I was ok.

For cashmere I’d go for Johnston’s of Elgin https://johnstonsofelgin.com/ or Hawico https://www.hawico.com/women/

Wyse London have some decent dresses that will suit your height https://www.wyselondon.com/products/fabienne-silk-dress-ditsy
In fact all of their range may fit the bill.

@sowhythen How was the trip and what did you end up wearing?

@Justsomethoughts23 I am recognisable enough in public without advertising my clothing too!

My immediate family e.g. parents have long been arseholes and they continued being arseholes throughout the weekend.

DH finds it difficult not to defend me.
He left the room with me a few times and took himself off on a strident walk to calm down at one point when my parents were particularly viscous!
The long weekend and wow did it feel long! was as we thought it would be.

My other relatives were fantastic. I loved seeing them and spending time with them.

Sadly, one of my relatives passed away not long after we got home.
We went back for the funeral.

I bought: some cashmere jumpers, some cardigans, the L. K Bennett dress, the Boden dress and some skirts, blouses, smart jeans, new T-shirts, practical new boots, new leather boots; one long pair one short, a pair of flats, a cashmere scarf, hat and gloves, 2 other scarves, another Barbour my current one is over 20 years old, a new smart jacket, a light waterproof and lots of sweats/loungewear which will double up for hospital stays.
There were some other things I haven’t remembered for this list.
Everything will be worn again forever, even if I have to chuck a Miss Havisham and wear my best clothes on my deathbed! I know that Miss H was wearing her wedding dress and I understand why.

DH had some new clothes too, as did our adult DCs.
Our DCs have their own transport, they arrived and left separately. I am very proud of them.

Yes, we did look like we had packed enough to emigrate! That’s how it was always going to be.

The main thing is that we got through it, I made more fond memories of my wider family and I’m glad I saw my relative before they passed away.

Thank you to everyone who helped, it really was useful and I am grateful for your kindness.

Thanks for sharing the update - and well done for getting through it, and finding lots of positives too. Sounds like your wardrobe choices were spot on as well 😊

You make it sound lovely.. a ‘grand long weekend away’

When then it becomes clear that your clothes have to be bought for you and that you are disabled and unlikely to be able to even go for a walk.
What is wrong with your current clothes??

And ‘landed gentry’ is exactly that. It’s position by birth and not something necessarily achieved.

So why on earth would you feel that need to impress or feel that you must have clothes bought for you so that you can feel comfortable??

You are enough OP in anything you choose to wear

@bingewatchingnetflix you are correct, although I can walk a mile (as my iPhone told me) it is aided walking.

In the same situation I would be writing exactly the same things as you.

In the case of this particular weekend; I knew it would probably be the last time I saw some of my family members, people I have loved forever, including one I was named after and three who were my Godparents. The passing of one of them proved to be far quicker than even I could have expected.
For that alone I am glad I spent that time with them.

There is nothing wrong with my normal clothes, if I am indoors I am in casual sweats. Outside I wear jeans and smart T-shirts. I felt no need to impress and I would have been comfortable in my normal clothes.

The problem is my parents perception of my clothes, one of my parents has a truly epic chip on their shoulder about the system of their family, they will not inherit the family home through birth order, this has upset them forever.
I was happy to take the clothes and update my wardrobe in exchange for a weekend we planned to go to anyway.

You don’t need to tell me what landed gentry means, or the implications. Particularly as the only female child of my generation. It smarts, but it is as it is and I have known about it my whole life.

Thank you, I no longer feel like I’m enough though every day I am trying to believe it.