Clothes for a grand long weekend away

[sowhythen]

Apologies for the length of this post, I wanted to include as much relevant information as I could.

Close members of my family are ‘landed gentry’ definitely not a stealth boast, it’s not my bloody money 😆 I am setting the scene. I would prefer not to describe them as landed gentry, it is the only adequate description for their life.
With absolutely no irony whatsoever they do not enjoy the UK, particularly not the weather. As a result they spend months of the year abroad, returning to the family home for the summer.
As children we used to visit them for a week or two every summer. When we were younger it was great.

For context wrt clothing, it may help if you read my OP on this thread:
previous thread

Happily DH has stopped being an angry bellend.

Since my accident we have avoided visiting the fancy side of the family.
This year one of them has a significant birthday, we have to go to the celebrations.
We are staying at their home, either their main house or one of the cottages, for the whole weekend. Wherever we stay there will be regular food and drink, we will be expected to attend the communal events.

This side of the family are all horsey, think Princess Anne with darker hair, they look amazing in big florals. As I am small they make me look like I am being assaulted by an apprentice florist with a grudge.

Trigger Warning it all gets a bit Downton Abbey from here.
The birthday events are:

Thursday - travel and evening supper.
Dress code smart casual cashmere with a skirt.

Friday - a choice of activities, given the disability I might choose to stay in bed, if I am up and about I will probably have a wander.
Dress code pyjamas or smart jeans, wellies or trainers and a good jumper or similar.

Friday evening - a meal with family and friends, around 50 of us.
Dress code smart dressy.

Saturday daytime - the same as Friday. With the addition of mucking in to do some greeting.
Dress code the same as Friday.

Saturday early evening tea - Dress code smarter version of cashmere sweater with a good skirt.

Saturday evening - formal dinner for around 200 of us.
Dress code very smart dressy.

Sunday - Sunday lunch with my family. A good walk if I am up to it.
Dress code wellies, jeans, Barbours. Smarter in the house.

Sunday evening - another meal, less formal.
Dress code a nice dress, smart.

Monday - just family for the day.
Dress code still an expectation of smart but less than previous days.

Monday dinner - we are always expected to dress smartly, Monday will be less formal.

Tuesday - breakfast then home.

Me
As I can no longer leave the house alone it has severely impacted my weight. It is very difficult for me to exercise safely even though I eat little and healthily.

I feel fat, I cannot rely on my voice to speak. I can get around slowly with my sticks.
My self esteem is at rock bottom.

I’m 5ft 2, size 12 - 14. An hourglass figure.
My main thing is that as I am in peri my bust is larger than ever.

Colours - I can wear neutrals; dark grey, navy, chocolate brown.
Any blue looks good, all the cooler colours also work, as do some brights. Pinks are good, greens are tricky.
I can’t wear orange or yellow.

My family will pay for any new clothes, that’s how they are persuading me to go 😁

Black is not the done thing, definitely no animal print.

Clothes I need
It does not necessarily have to be expensive, it does have to be tidy and presentable. Aside from jeans I can’t wear the same thing twice.
I’m fine for makeup, that’s one thing I can still do.

I’m asking for any ideas & tips on any of this.
• 1 pair jeans - I usually wear flares, currently I am living in Free People pull on flares and I love them, they won’t cut it here.
I need something like NYDJ or 7ForAllMankind bootcut in a standard dark blue wash, I would appreciate any recommendations for this particular fat bottomed girl.
• Although I have some cashmere I will need versatile cashmere jumpers or cardigans + smart tops or casual dresses to be worn on 6 days, it’s ok to repeat a cashmere sweater as long as the rest of the outfit is different.
• I would love one or two smart, jersey dresses. As an alternative ponte would be very good.
• Chambray dresses should be ok & a good investment, heavy denim dresses are not ok.
• I have to be prepared for cooler and warmer days.
• Everything daytime will ideally mix and match.
• No uneven hems.
• For Friday or Sunday evening Nobody’s Child has a lovely print. Maybe a day dress, rather than evening?this print
• I need a skirt or two to go with the sweaters/cardigans, preferably midi length.
• Saturday night is a challenge. Maybe this? Saturday night
• One of the evenings is this smart enough? smart/casual dress?
• Currently I am lusting after most of Rixo too.

Many, many thanks if you got this far.
That’s probably way too much enough information for now.

All ideas very welcome 😊

I know you said you’re not paying OP, but Brand Alley often has 7forallmankind jeans.

I would look to Sezanne for shirts in cotton and silk (I think they’re the best value silk shirts around) and for knitwear. I don’t think they do much cashmere but lots of lovely sweaters and cardigans with interesting features about them. They also do some nice dresses and skirts.

Boden have a sale on at the moment. They have some lovely maxi skirts if that’s your thing and lots of shirt dresses in either cotton or jersey material. Not sure if they have much cashmere at the moment but I like the cashmere tank tops to go over shirts and blouses.

If you think you will get wear out of a blazer I would be looking to Holland Cooper.

I’d never come across Theo+George - but given that the only black model on the site is photographed in an entirely different setting to the others, and portrayed as a wild animal rather than a human being, I wouldn’t be buying from them. Ever.

Jeans for petite hourglass figures are incredibly difficult. The best fit I’ve found recently are Levi’s ribcage ankle - I have the 27” leg to wear with trainers (full length on me 😄) and the 29” to wear with healed ankle boots. Reduced on Amazon

For a lovely ankle length jeans try these. in the short length. I have the dark blue and the white. Dark blue are true to size but the white you need to size up on. (If you can’t wear them for your smart weekend because of the length, they are worth getting anyway!)

This petite dress could work for one of your events?

I also find that regular boden jumpers are a really nice fit.

https://www.hobbs.com/product/coralie-jersey-dress/0125-5711-9324L00-MULTI.html

i have to buy to fit my bust rather than anything else, I bought this and I'm pleased with it. Any good for you?

Linen knitwear?

https://www.poetryfashion.co.uk/category-POELK/linen-knitwear.htm

https://www.massimodutti.com/gb/women/knit-n1631?srsltid=AfmBOop5EpRZKx_J90CiYmOXU7YTw6HKLJb9pDe4vkQy1rd1VWroVwDL

slip dresses
https://www.ghost.co.uk/clothing/dresses/slip?srsltid=AfmBOorYzGuJGR4MLJ0wAypNVmIeqlScXM0GQH8btogpVWbWUGOBSgXd

Lighter denim dress
https://www.levi.com/GB/en_GB/clothing/women/dresses-jumpsuits/iconic-sleeveless-dress/p/001WF0002

jeans
https://www.levi.com/GB/en_GB/clothing/women/jeans/straight/501-90s-jeans/p/A84210004

Floral skirt (with a plain top could work?)

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su134389/q65182

cream silk shirt

https://www.boden.com/products/frill-detail-silk-top-ivory?variant=42524993880273&tc_ch=ps&tc_ve=goog&tc_so=pmax&tc_me=cr&tc_ca=drop-offer&tc_au=&tc_cr=na&tc_campid=UK+-+Performance+Max+-+WW+-+FP+-+Active&tc_adgroupid=&tc_kwid=&tc_matchid=&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21218304686&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_PjOjNWIjgMVJpRQBh08yRVUEAQYBSABEgIiM_D_BwE

Aw OP, I think I have the same sense of humour and quirkiness as you do, because I found your post very good humoured in the circumstances.

I think the treatment from your dh has been at best belittling/patronising and at worst abusive. I have a dh who can be peculiar at times, so I'm not saying ltb. But I think he's dented your confidence.

5ft2 and 12-14 is not grossly overweight. It's 100% average. I'm 5ft4 and a size 16, and consider myself fairly slim. 🤣🤣 So be reassured that at that weight, you can wear mostly anything. Lucky to be an hourglass, too. I'm top heavy, very booby, and that can be tricky.

I agree with other posters that you need to feel comfortable. I'm not in any way part of the landed gentry, but my impression has always been that they are obsessed with well chosen, quality, pieces of clothing, even if old and tattered.

All I'm saying is - be kind to yourself on all levels. People will want to see you not your clothes.

Now, having said all that, here's an opportunity to have a bit of a spend, guilt free!!

With all that cashmere, I'd be heading to the Brora outlet on King's Road and pretty much clear them out. They have the most beautiful cashmere stuff, discounted, and this would set you up for years. They have an online site which I'll find in a moment. I also really like the quality of RL Polo, no idea if they are acceptable in landed circles tho.

I've got no idea about jeans, but you want them to be comfortable so maybe need to get to and shop? Could you try a personal shopper service with disabled access? I know a lot of department stores have shut down but there are still a few. Bentalls in Kingston, Elys in Wimbledon, etc.

As for PJs - I see a lot of beautiful things from theirnibs, am tempted to invest.

It sounds like fun - enjoy!!

I love this, have just bought it 🤣

I'm all about stripes at the moment, dreading it passing out of fashion.

Anything by Holland Cooper will be fine - they have clothes for all occasions

@Justsomethoughts23 thank you! The N.Peak ribbed funnel neck is beautiful, unfortunately they only have cream left.
Now, I can wear cream but it’s not the best option for someone as clumsy as me!
However, they have some beautiful jumpers so they are on the list, thank you 😊

😂 definitely rinsing the parents, though even they would raise an eyebrow at £800 for a sweater though I am very tempted to try 😂

Soft Goat is gorgeous, at a quick glance I especially love the Chunky Cable Knit.
Thank you 😊

We live rurally and I used to ride, now the only way I am able is on a lead rein 😖
The good news is that I have loads of wellies and muck boots, sadly I cannot justify any more to myself. Not even when the parents are funding it.

@Justsomethoughts23 jumper styles are strictly on a case by case basis.
Some of them, if they are square make me look like SpongeBob with boobs, others look fantastic.

I would like a very lovely burgundy sweater, burgundy suits me unless it is a rust burgundy and I know I would wear it again and again.

https://zadig-et-voltaire.com/eu/uk/p/KWSW02832540/ivy-cashmere-red-jumper-for-women?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=uk_shopping_generic_paid-sem&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21381538028&gbraid=0AAAAAC4cXTKZdMNPG6gxlfzdkW5UCUkX9&gclid=CjwKCAjwmenCBhA4EiwAtVjzmvHAVVgvM69k_iWn1-6c7GRIuWVhaIdByTCBxp6-zvuzsMoEGUi_9BoCtfQQAvD_BwE
burgundy jumper?

To anyone saying get my hair, nails, brows etc done:
I get my hair coloured and cut every 8 weeks, at the same time I have my brows coloured and a pedicure.
I do my own nails, when I am going out DH does my lashes (yes, really), we use Lashify - I know they were recently contentious but I started using them in lockdown and they work for me.

All of which is to say that I always have good hair, nails, brows, lashes and toes. It’s my lasting concession to feeling ‘normal’.

I’m fortunate in that I have always had good skin. I know that everyone says this; I have always had good skin and I look well and healthy - which is great for a family weekend away, but in a medical emergency it is frustrating that I look hale and hearty even when I am not!

Thanks @Mulledjuice you don’t need to comment on my marriage 😊, we are good now, he has sorted his shit out and is being very kind. He knows what he did.

I’m not staying in my marriage because I have to, I’m staying because I choose to. We had plenty of conversations about his nastiness towards me, he is still devastated by his own behaviour.
We are solid again.

Your post reads as though you are a genuine and empathic person. It’s all good advice. Thank you.

@PragmaticIsh my perfume game is strong; I particularly like florals; violet, rose, ylang, I wear them with a woody, spicy or musky base.
Fragrance is another one of those things that I use to make myself feel more human.

Agreed on the leather belt, I have a friend who makes them they have a shop, I wouldn’t go anywhere else, they will make them to order too.

@bridgetreilly see my previous post today about muck boots/ wellies - thank you, that is an excellent tip. I bloody love muck boots and will be wearing mine on the weekend away.

I didn't think i had commented on your marriage! It certainly wasn't my intention.

I know what it's like to feel like you don't really recognise your own body. And how hard it is to shop for /dress for occasions where I feel under scrutiny when that is the case.

And good on you for "taking care of yourself"/ doing stuff that makes you feel more you, it's not easy when you have other challenges to contend with (im terrible at it which is why I suggested it!)

Yes @TheGlamour my parents are ashamed of my disability.
They are a couple of lonely arseholes who managed to find each other. I’m friends with one of my former teachers nothing dodgy, we reconnected when I was in my 30s over a shared hobby she tells some toe curling stories about my M & D’s behaviour at parents evenings 😆.
My parents have always been <cough> unusual people, always will be.
In normal circumstances I am very low contact with both of them, unfortunately I have to discuss the long weekend with them so my contact has recently increased.

Thank you RE Margaret Howell, I have just taken a look and I love some of their clothes.
A sleeveless sweater would be an excellent idea for the weekend.

@BlueBlueCowWondering wow. Thank you, that is such a kind compliment.
Absolutely, during The.Weekend. I will be playing a part, it’s my way of getting through.
If I could get away with genuine Cosplay I would.
I’m thinking Joan Collins in Dynasty, replete with 80s styling and huge diamonds, alternatively I’d give Linda Gray or Victoria Principal and I would flounce everywhere delivering memorable one-liners.

Too much? 😁

It all sounds totally bonkers @sowhythen but at least you’ll get a new wardrobe from it.

Have a look at Begg & Co for knitwear as the quality is outstanding:
https://www.beggxco.com/collections/womens-cashmere-knitwear

Also a little more modern but still traditionally made and top quality for knitwear is &Daughter:
https://www.and-daughter.com/

RE Serena Bute clothing; firstly, you do you.
With all of that satin & silk I keep coming back to the sweat patches on Meghan Markle’s brown skirt.
There are a few things that grab me on the Serena Bute site, I have seen designers I prefer for me.

At this time I really wish Vampires Wife was still around, though I have found one or two similar dresses as I am trawling through.

@measureofmydreams that blouse is beautiful.

Thank you @Drivingmissrangey Boden was my thing, back in the day 20 years ago! They sold some beautiful, individual pieces. Now I find their sizing is inconsistent and patterns can be garish, I have to really dig to find the gems.

@TheGlamour thank you, I hadn’t clocked the lack of representation, someone recommended Theo + George and I wanted to see whether anyone had experience with them.

Oh petite jeans for girls with junk in their trunk? Tell me about it @TheGirlattheBack it is the definition of a nightmare, isn’t it? Thank you for the recommendations.
I love the colour of that Boden dress very much, sadly if it looks creased on the model it will be like a tissue on me.

The shape of the Hobbs Coralie dress is great, I’m sorry that the colours wouldn’t suit me @CrotchetyQuaver

@anon666😂 another eccentric one?
The DH stuff is done now, he is back to his usual self again.
Very busty is definitely tricky, do you find that they try to escape lower necklines? My bra game is strong, even so it’s a battle.
Yep. They are all into good quality clothing which they wear to death. However, they will all be smart and tidy for this weekend unless they are off sporting.
I’m trying to be kind to myself, that is a lovely thing to write.
In my wider family the unspoken rules for dressing are: good quality, fit, no visible labels or underwear and dress for the occasion.

Apologies if I'm repeating a previous suggestion (didn't spot it) but for slightly trad, rural, landed gentry stuff have a look at House of Bruar. Some of it's a bit of a fright but they do fab cashmere and many of the tweedier bits can look okay if styled well.

Have to say though, as someone who lives in Scotland, cashmere is regularly worn up here in summer. I live on the Fife coast and had a cashmere cardie on this morning!

To anyone clutching their pearls at the idea of cashmere in August?
According to my weather app it is 20c here today, feels like 17c and I am underneath a heated electric throw. I do know that this is a me problem.

Yeah, they definitely escape all necklines. I've settled on either lowish square neck or higher v neck as the only options.

Generally they're a useful distraction from other areas though.

https://www.boden.com/products/thea-long-sleeve-jersey-dress-sherbert-falling-geo

I have the Boden dress above in a different colour-way. It is perfect on my 5ft1, size 12 frame. Really flattering and obviously longer than appears on the model. It has pockets too! This is my one: https://www.boden.com/products/thea-long-sleeve-jersey-dress-multi-chevron-charm

Me and em cashmere is far softer than m&s and they have a nice summery selection: https://www.meandem.com/knitwear-and-cashmere/cashmere

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