Clothes for a grand long weekend away

[sowhythen]

Apologies for the length of this post, I wanted to include as much relevant information as I could.

Close members of my family are ‘landed gentry’ definitely not a stealth boast, it’s not my bloody money 😆 I am setting the scene. I would prefer not to describe them as landed gentry, it is the only adequate description for their life.
With absolutely no irony whatsoever they do not enjoy the UK, particularly not the weather. As a result they spend months of the year abroad, returning to the family home for the summer.
As children we used to visit them for a week or two every summer. When we were younger it was great.

For context wrt clothing, it may help if you read my OP on this thread:
previous thread

Happily DH has stopped being an angry bellend.

Since my accident we have avoided visiting the fancy side of the family.
This year one of them has a significant birthday, we have to go to the celebrations.
We are staying at their home, either their main house or one of the cottages, for the whole weekend. Wherever we stay there will be regular food and drink, we will be expected to attend the communal events.

This side of the family are all horsey, think Princess Anne with darker hair, they look amazing in big florals. As I am small they make me look like I am being assaulted by an apprentice florist with a grudge.

Trigger Warning it all gets a bit Downton Abbey from here.
The birthday events are:

Thursday - travel and evening supper.
Dress code smart casual cashmere with a skirt.

Friday - a choice of activities, given the disability I might choose to stay in bed, if I am up and about I will probably have a wander.
Dress code pyjamas or smart jeans, wellies or trainers and a good jumper or similar.

Friday evening - a meal with family and friends, around 50 of us.
Dress code smart dressy.

Saturday daytime - the same as Friday. With the addition of mucking in to do some greeting.
Dress code the same as Friday.

Saturday early evening tea - Dress code smarter version of cashmere sweater with a good skirt.

Saturday evening - formal dinner for around 200 of us.
Dress code very smart dressy.

Sunday - Sunday lunch with my family. A good walk if I am up to it.
Dress code wellies, jeans, Barbours. Smarter in the house.

Sunday evening - another meal, less formal.
Dress code a nice dress, smart.

Monday - just family for the day.
Dress code still an expectation of smart but less than previous days.

Monday dinner - we are always expected to dress smartly, Monday will be less formal.

Tuesday - breakfast then home.

Me
As I can no longer leave the house alone it has severely impacted my weight. It is very difficult for me to exercise safely even though I eat little and healthily.

I feel fat, I cannot rely on my voice to speak. I can get around slowly with my sticks.
My self esteem is at rock bottom.

I’m 5ft 2, size 12 - 14. An hourglass figure.
My main thing is that as I am in peri my bust is larger than ever.

Colours - I can wear neutrals; dark grey, navy, chocolate brown.
Any blue looks good, all the cooler colours also work, as do some brights. Pinks are good, greens are tricky.
I can’t wear orange or yellow.

My family will pay for any new clothes, that’s how they are persuading me to go 😁

Black is not the done thing, definitely no animal print.

Clothes I need
It does not necessarily have to be expensive, it does have to be tidy and presentable. Aside from jeans I can’t wear the same thing twice.
I’m fine for makeup, that’s one thing I can still do.

I’m asking for any ideas & tips on any of this.
• 1 pair jeans - I usually wear flares, currently I am living in Free People pull on flares and I love them, they won’t cut it here.
I need something like NYDJ or 7ForAllMankind bootcut in a standard dark blue wash, I would appreciate any recommendations for this particular fat bottomed girl.
• Although I have some cashmere I will need versatile cashmere jumpers or cardigans + smart tops or casual dresses to be worn on 6 days, it’s ok to repeat a cashmere sweater as long as the rest of the outfit is different.
• I would love one or two smart, jersey dresses. As an alternative ponte would be very good.
• Chambray dresses should be ok & a good investment, heavy denim dresses are not ok.
• I have to be prepared for cooler and warmer days.
• Everything daytime will ideally mix and match.
• No uneven hems.
• For Friday or Sunday evening Nobody’s Child has a lovely print. Maybe a day dress, rather than evening?this print
• I need a skirt or two to go with the sweaters/cardigans, preferably midi length.
• Saturday night is a challenge. Maybe this? Saturday night
• One of the evenings is this smart enough? smart/casual dress?
• Currently I am lusting after most of Rixo too.

Many, many thanks if you got this far.
That’s probably way too much enough information for now.

All ideas very welcome 😊

Your Saturday night dress is beautiful

So many lovely things here. I am also going to suggest a kemi Telford maxi skirt with cashmere cardi / jumper. I always feel good in it - and got lots of compliments even when I was much bigger than you. Also want to say I remember your first post and I thought then what wit and grace and how much I would have loved to be your friend so take forward that total strangers think you are amazing and hold that close like a shield when you need to.

I think it would help to make two lists: day and evening.

For day you need six/seven outfits. I would plan something like:
One pair of jeans (worn twice)
Two skirts (each worn one or twice)
One or two dresses.
Two cardigans
One jumper
Assorted tops
Two pairs of comfortable shoes plus wellies.

You also need five evening outfits:
One dress for the formal dinner
Two smart dresses
One smart skirt with two different tops.
Shoes and accessories

The evening outfits are a bit easier because you don’t need most of them to mix and match. Once you have your list, start allocating links to each item, then you will be able to see if there are gaps. And then start shopping!

For the day outfits, try to choose things you would wear in normal life, even if they are a bit smarter and pricier. Again, for the evening outfits, I would tend to worry about this less. This is your chance to wear a stunning dress you’ll never wear again!

I would do this and go to the party for the clothes budget alone.
Firstly you are not fat, you are a 12 to 14, perfectly average size, you might not be slim but you are curvy and in proportion. Your colouring does divine.

You are about to get a fabulous new wardrobe, embrace it and enjoy the week.
You have got to get the most fabulous PJ's possible - not sure what they are but good luck with everything.

Try Holland Cooper
Try EM and me

I would concentrate on simple things you can rewear in beautiful natural fabrics. It sounds like you don’t need to look at anything with polyester! Rise & Fall as suggested by a PP is a good shout, some elegant things on there that are a bit different to high street. I would have a look at Net a Porter to see how things from brands like Max Mara and Loro Piana are styled, even if it’s just for inspiration. On the more affordable side, I’d also have a look at Sezane - they have an alpaca cardigan called Othello and the beige version is styled with a long pleated skirt; the blue with matching wide leg trousers. Their navy Soraya skirt might also work both with its matching top to look like a dress or a cashmere sweater.
Definitely try to swing a new handbag and maybe some luggage out of it too 😆

If you’re going all out on PJs it’s got to be Olivia von Halle

PS I really like your potential Saturday dress but the navy Reformation is just okay (not sure about the see through lace bits) and I think you can do a lot better than the printed Nobody’s Child one (even for a Nobody’s Child budget!)

Agreed! These are lovely.

I think my go to options would be me&em, and barbour for all the not a long dress events and an essentiel Antwerp for posh evening (although could be a bit long on you), if they are Karen Millen have safe options. Holland cooper seems to be regarded as posh chav with the upper echelons in our area - I do really like their suits and coats!

Good suggestions.

I was going to suggest Serena Bute too.

OP do you live anywhere near a big John Lewis? Their personal shoppers are excellent. You need to book in advance and you can send them exactly what you have written here. They will work with you to assemble an amazing wardrobe.

Thank you to everyone for your excellent suggestions.
I’m going through them all and looking now, please don’t think I am ignoring anyone or your recommendations. Everything is being looked at.

The problem with vest tops and cardigans is that I am short, with a 34H bust yes, I really can fit them into a size 12 top. For this long weekend I have to keep the cleavage to a minimum, sadly vest tops won’t help with that.

As a short person tops are rarely the wrong length, trousers are usually too long, midi skirts can become maxis which is not necessarily a problem etc, etc.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post.
I’m not ignoring anyone, I am going through and making notes before I purchase.

None of my jumpers have to be cashmere, that is an example of the type of quality ‘required’ of me.

Wrt cashmere; I own M&S and Uniqlo cashmere, I also have some older cashmere too. My experience is that the older cashmere is generally better quality. If I can, I would like to find cashmere or any knitwear of better quality than the more cost-effective options which are currently available.
Some people on MN seem to find excellent cheaper cashmere. Unfortunately I am not one of them!

No it’s not quite Scotland, though certainly far North of where we live now!

Without digging too deeply into the politics of my close family; since my earliest memories, my parents have always treated me as second to my brothers. That’s not paranoia on my part, many people have commented on it. One of their friends recently challenged them on the way they spoke to me.
As my parents are offering to pay for the clothes - and, while DH & I are not skint, we do not have a large budget to spend on expensive, new clothes - I am taking my parents up on this offer to buy everything I need for the long weekend.
The list in my OP derives from a we expect you to dress appropriately, remember that you will need clothes for x, y and z conversation I had with them recently. DH defended me, and the way I dress, during that conversation.

I’m looking for clothes I can wear again and again.
If it were entirely down to me I would absolutely look at Vinted and similar sites.
The ‘snobbery’ about the clothes I will wear comes entirely from my parents.

To compound my anxiety about the weekend; my parents have been vocal about being very ashamed of my disability.
DH & I believe that my parents think I will shame them further by looking as I normally do which would be absolutely acceptable by most standards. I am usually a jeans and good jumper/top & cardigan kind of person.

None of this makes me feel great - and I have the opportunity to purchase a lot of clothes, which is something I should be feeling great about!

Happily my Godparents will be there, they have always been unfailingly kind to me.
So there’s that.

@Brizzlerocksthank you, that is an incredibly kind post to write. I agree that Briz rocks these days too 😁

@Justsomethoughts23I like your thinking, I love Sezane.
For pjs I have my eye on some BAM yoga clothes which I will rewear to death. That said, I’m definitely going to look at Olivia Von Halle - thank you 😊.
Oh I have my eye on two handbags and some luggage 😉.

@Mangolover123intellectually I know I’m not fat. However, my usual weight pre-accident was static and smaller than I am now. I think it is, in part, that I feel fat now because I am larger than my previous fighting weight.
Additionally I feel that I am useless.
I know these are me problems.

@bridgetreillyI have saved your list, it is incredibly useful.

Thank you @VictoriaEra2I keep coming back to that dress…

In particular I love Ralph Lauren dresses in navy, they bring at least one out every season. Even before my OP I was thinking where a RL dress could fit into my planning @MiddleAgedDread

FWIW I wear a lot of black, it is not deemed acceptable on this occasion 😐.

I’d gladly go to the nearest John Lewis personal shopper, pre accident I went a couple of times for work clothes with excellent results.
I am self-conscious about my current size, the disability can make it challenging to get dressed/undressed, particularly again and again. I don’t want to have a seizure in the JL changing room and for them to call an ambulance.

Again, thank you for all of the advice and kindness. Every link and shop is on The.Spreadsheet. Yes, I really do have a spreadsheet for this 😆.

Cross post @user1477249785

Additionally does anyone have experience of Theo + George and Eleven Loves?

Thank you

I agree with you about the cheaper cashmere. N.Peal is excellent quality. I like their “ribbed funnel neck” which would be the right length for higher waisted skirts/trousers? A bit different from a standard round neck although I’m not sure how that would work with a larger chest (not something I am blessed with).
I also have a great Johnstons of Elgin cashmere jumper that was a gift but I’ve just looked it up and apparently it’s £800 now 😳😂 So maybe only if you’re really rinsing the parents.

Also have a look at Soft Goat for cashmere. God I could spend other people’s money all day 😂

If you need some wellingtons I love the Le Chameaux neoprene lined ones but suspect they will be far too hot for August.
The Cordings website might have some things that are helpful.

Have read all the OP posts if not the responses.

Given how you're feeling I would

1. focus ruthlessly on the colours that suit you most and then build the mix and match around that. Eg for me it would be teal, cobalt, baby blue, white, navy (i can bring in pops of other colours/beige trench works fine).
2. get your hair and nails done and your eyelashes tinted if you can, and maybe your eyebrows?
3. if someone else is paying then dont get uniqlo or m&s cashmere- they seem to be too short pile these days. Others with bigger budgets will know where to go. I trawl vinted for old school stuff.

I haven't commented on the back story, others have said enough!

A decent leather belt with jeans or a skirt can make an outfit look more polished.

Also don't forget perfume, it will make you feel more special, and that's as important as what you wear!

My recommendation for wellies to walk in is Muck Boots. They have proper supportive feet.

Your parents are ashamed of your disability?

Simplify things by stinging them for a complete new Margaret Howell wardrobe. (Everything would last you virtually forever.) Then add a few long silk skirts from wherever for evening.

May I add my admiration for your spirit @sowhythen ?

I'm afraid I have no specific clothing recommendations (others have covered this perfectly already, and you definitely need to have understated-but-perfect brows/ nails/ hair done) but hopefully you can detach and treat the long weekend almost as cosplay and get a certain amount of satisfaction/ closure?

Shirts from Serena Bute. (aka The Marchioness of Bute)

I have a couple of dresses and a couple of skirts (black tulle and a sequin) from Eleven Loves and have been happy with them. I am partial to a tulle skirt, although I know it's not everyone's taste.
I also have a couple of Hush skirts (a navy tulle and a pleated silver) that I wear on repeat.
The Sezanne Chloe blouse is something I'm lusting after (30HH bust) and love the green. www.sezane.com/en-en/product/chlo-shirt/bottle-green#size-4