I hate my hair so much it’s getting me down

[badwolf82]

I have wavy, frizzy, puffy, awful hair. I’m about 25% grey which makes the texture even worse.

I have tried every “curly girl” routine but my hair isn’t really curly enough for this to work well. It just ends up looking greasy or crunchy or flat, and diffusing it takes hours I don’t have. I have poured so much money down the drain on products that don’t do what I need.

My child was born just over a year ago and the postpartum hair loss was bad. It’s growing back well but I have a ton of short hairs and a sort of frizzy “halo” effect, on top of the awful hair texture.

I don’t have time in the mornings anymore for a lengthy styling routine so I tend to just straighten it but i’m starting to get heat damage even with heat protection products.

Today I had to go to the office with slightly dirty hair and so I just put it in a ponytail and used hair spray and a bit of hair paste to make it look smooth and tame the flyaways - within a few hours it was looking frizzy and shit and like I don’t even own a brush.

I look at my friends and colleagues and other moms at daycare pick-up who have naturally straight and shiny hair or properly curly hair and I want to cry. I feel like I look like an unprofessional ugly dishevelled mess.

I fantasise about cutting it all off but I’m broad shouldered and fat and nothing like a pixie. I would just end up looking like a cancer patient or a stereotype of a butch lesbian.

Does anyone have this kind of awful hair texture? Have you found any products or routines that work? I’m in South Africa but I would still appreciate any recommendations. Or commiseration.

Mine is a mixture of wavy and curly. Sometimes I leave it to dry naturally and then take the "canopy" and wrap big sections round a very hot curling wand. Then run fingers through. It does at least give it a shape and limits frizz.

Edit: I'm sure it does damage it but I only do this once every 3 days.

Modified curly girl is your friend. I’m a wavy with a long grey too. I use a cheap shampoo, Aldi blue volume conditioner (the protein encourages the curl) and lots of gel on wet hair, combed with a wide tooth comb so it coats all the small flyaways. Vo5 is fine, I use innersense. Then scrunch and diffuse. There should be a slight cast. Wait until 100% dry before scrunching out the crunch.
No co washing, that makes waves flat and greasy.

I have tried this but the gel made my hair so crunchy and diffusing literally takes hours and the curls/waves always look uneven and flat. My hair is thick and low porosity so takes forever to dry. I have about 15 minutes in the morning to get dressed and ready - I can’t spend hours on my hair. And i can’t show up to work with wet, gelled hair that is waiting to be scrunched later. it feels pretty hopeless!

My hairdresser's tip was to scrunch gel or mousse into soaking wet hair before you get out of the shower. Use a microfibre turban for a few minutes just so it doesn't drip everywhere, then don't touch it until it's dry. Then scrunch out the stiff cast.

Best done early evening. The next morning you should have good waves/curls. If it frizzes, wet your hands and re-scrunch it. Apparently spraying lightly with water will make it frizz.

I have done similar styling in the past and it looks okay, but that “canopy” layer is starting to get damaged from heat styling so I’m trying to find some alternatives.

I eventually settled on this method, which doesn’t work for everyone-
sulphate free shampoo and conditioner and a clarifying shampoo every week or two
use micro fibre towel straight out the shower, scrunch with the towel then add in Pantene wavy hair mousse followed by unberto gianinni curl jelly scrunching jelly then use the micro fibre towel to scrunch again- upside down if you want more volume. I then either let it air dry or diffuse but don’t touch it until it’s completely dry and then scrunch with my hands to remove any crunch- sometimes with a bit of oil.
day 2 onwards I just spray some water and scrunch again.
if you have a denman brush you can use this to create tighter curls after applying product- I find this works well but I prefer a looser wave!

Thanks. I have achieved okay results with this approach in the past but it never lasts to the next day unfortunately. By morning it’s a flat frizzy mess. Sorry, I know I sound hopeless ☹️

12 week keratin blow dry every 3 months.
It’s expensive but it really works.
I just blast mine with a hairdryer (no brush / no technique) and it feels glossy.

I used to get this done. It looked amazing. It was the best hair I ever had. Then i developed an allergy to formaldehyde and related chemicals and I can’t get it done anymore. Last time I ended up with an awful rash ☹️

badwolf82, is it possible you are being too critical of yourself? I find when we are younger, we always want what we don't have, and it takes a while to learn to love what we do have and make it work. I find wavy hair is always a bit fuzzy; it's just the nature of the hair. It's good that you have re-growth post-partum, and it will take a while for those shorter hairs to blend in with what you have.

I would go easy on heat styling for a while, and maybe book an appointment with a good hairdresser. Try to find someone with similar hair to yours and find out who their hairdresser is. Maybe it's just the right cut and good products you need.

As a fellow sufferer of such hair, I would like to know how to wake up in the morning with nice curls rather than looking like I've stuck my fingers in the toaster...

I don't have time to wash hair in the morning and faff about, so anyone got any tips for overnight?

There are some very good formaldehyde free versions now. I’m in the UK and formaldehyde is now banned as an ingredient for them.

I use a silk pillowcase and pineapple my hair on top of my head

Oh God, same. My hair is fine but loads of it, underneath it’s quite straight but over the top is a layer of frizz. The ends are puffy and don’t sit neatly, and it has very little weight to it. I absolutely hate it - I’ve tried wavy methods, blow drying techniques with various products and oils, straightening (damages it almost instantly), just throwing it up (I look like Miss Trunchbull). The roots are greasy and the ends are dry and stick out. I WANT NICE HAIR!

I have similar hair and tried curly girl for years before accepting it doesn’t work for me and just made me feel rubbish.

I’ve gone back to using sulphates and silicones and straightening it.

I find Moroccan oil really good although expensive. Most anti frizz shampoos and conditioners work well for me. Pantene is also good although I’ve heard it’s meant to coat your hair which is perhaps why.

I’m much greyer than you so dye it fortnightly but have always found my hair is in much better condition after it has been dyed. Probably because it adds a coating to it so it’s not so frizzy.

Get yourself a Keratin/Brazilian blow dry. It gets rid of all frizz for 4 months. It has also massively improved my damaged side hair that hadn’t grown in years because I don’t have to use heat anymore.

Those mums are most likely doing something to their hair, a few mums have assumed my hair is just naturally straight and shiny and it really isn’t. But I have a decent cut and straighten it every wash so that it will look tidy and smooth.

I like the olapex oil for really smoothing out hair if you leave it to airdry. There are various heat protectors you can try. I quite like the inkey list hair volumising serum. I can’t see any volume but over time it’s smoothed my hair (less frizz). Condition well if it’s dry. The short hairs will grow in time so just look after them while they are. You can use dry shampoo between washes, I prefer texturising powder to spray, it seems to do a better job.

Inknow a lot of people like keratin but I found it always made my hair snap (same with nail stuff that has keratin in it, made everything brittle).

Morrocan oil (the brand) before a hair wash is actually really really good.

Getting permanent straightening is an option as well but you’ll have to get the regrowth done periodically.

Sounds very similar to my hair. Ive recently been using Colour Wow extra strength dream coat, and the difference is incredible. It needs to be blow dried with tension, but keeps my hair looking miles better for the whole week til I wash it again. I use a light mist of hairspray to tame any rogue flyaways in the morning, and that's it. I'm very impressed so far and really rate it.

Sorry I read this as I use a silk pillowcase and put a pineapple 🍍 on my head, I had to read several times to get the idea. 😂

Have you tried KY Jelly in your hair ? Tames frizz no crunchiness

Example

I have hair like this
i I wash it in the evening and go to bed with damp hair.
i use cheap sulphate free shampoo- usually the garnier Shea butter one, then I put a conditioner on, usually a three minute mask type. Then rinse out, wrap in a towel for a bit.
then a bit of cantu shea butter curl activator, but only a bit.
then I go to bed!
this is the best way for me to achieve fizz free (ish) waves.

I love this product. It makes my hair feel so sleek. However I do straighten and finish with serum. Don’t find it last as long as they say but I do wash my hair every day. It’s definitely worth the money

If your hair isn’t blonde/grey then use a bit of henna as a conditioner. Rub in leave for half an hour, rinse out. Once a month ish. The other three weeks oil it.

Mine sounds exactly like yours. Keratin treatment was a game changer for me. there used to be concerns about the chemicals in it, but you can get much less harmful ones now. Try it. My hair is so much smoother, easier and quicker to style. I still straighten on occasion, but fewer passes required, so less damage.

If you're not keen, depending on length, put mousse in your hair while 70% dry and put a heatless silk roller in while you sleep.