Aged so much in five years. So depressed

[Lookingoldandugly]

I’m 41 now and I was looking at photos from five years ago and I looked YOUNG. And I was quite pretty! I didn’t think it at the time but I must have felt better about myself because I did allow photos to be taken of me.

I cannot stand it now, I refuse to have photos, but that’s because I look so awful. It’s like the whole of my face has changed shape. I have had a rough few years personally and maybe it’s that? I am not really that much more wrinkled but I just look old and weary instead of young and optimistic - which I guess is how I feel.

Any advice? Do I just need to care less? I feel like it’s downhill from here on in!

Aging is a terrible thing!

If I could pay a large amount of money to go back to my 20 year old body I would do it like a shot.

But there's nothing we can do about it so training ourselves to accept it is the only real option.

Also I swear iPhone camera has some kind of artificial enhancement of bad features. I am literally looking at my face in the camera and the well lit bathroom mirror simultaneously and the mirror version is a lot better!

The thing I did in my 40s that I now really appreciate was couch 2 5k. I’ve probably been running for about 9 years or so now - it just became a habit, 30 minutes two or three times a week - and I think it’s helped a lot, with mood as much as anything.

I was going through ivf last month (on the maximum doses of hormones) and by god I thought I'd aged a decade. I looked absolutely terrible. Once the drugs were out my system I was sleeping better, in fact I had two very long sleeps in a row for me and suddenly got my face back. I'm no beauty but it worked like beauty sleep!

I wonder two things: if sleep itself was responsible (how is your sleeping?) and if changes in hormones (which interfere with sleep anyway) could be the cause to changes in skin/water retention/dryness etc (could you be going through hormone changes?) and if so, maybe they're temporary changes and not necessarily a one way thing.

I'm training my brain as much as possible to value the beauty in aging so I don't get caught up in trying to fight against it. I love spotting older women and thinking I hope I look as good as them. I wonder if internal feeling about it plays a roll on how ageing is worn.

To age is a blessing not gifted to everyone.

Since I lost a dear friend very young couple of years ago, I see the grey hairs and the fine lines as a privilege. What I’d give to see her grow wrinkly and old.

That said, I’m all in favour of tweakments if it helps us age like a fine wine rather than a leather boot.

You need to strike a balance between getting comfortable in your own skin, and doing things that help you to get there. One thing is for sure, life is too short.

I feel the same but I've put on 2 stone thanks to perimenopause and look noticeably bigger. I look back at photos from 2021 when I was 43/44 and think I looked really good and pretty, the best I had looked in years and was living a really good life after a really shit marriage. Last year wasn't kind to me which hasn't helped.

I know what you mean about noticing things out of the blue. Like all of a sudden skin not being so smooth or cleavage looking crepey.
Going forward the reality for me was that you have to make more effort if you want to stay happy with your appearance
That is skincare,keeping fit with weights,generally washing and styling your hair and putting a bit of makeup on and giving more thought to your clothes.

My personal tips would be
Magnesium
Less alcohol. Huge difference
Subtle Botox
Glycolic peels
Tinted moisturiser
Kerestase shampoo
HRT
Moisturiser everywhere
Wish I had a better fix but it takes time effort and unfortunately money.

Selfies are the pits when you are middle-aged and don't have good bone structure.

Yes same here! I had my DS at 40 and felt so young I honestly thought my Mum had got my age wrong!!! 😅 Bloody paying for it now though as I've hit 50 ( well, 53 on Monday) and I feel and look like a haggard old witch! I have jowels ffs and my dad's massive nose to boot! 😆

Any recommended sources for facial yoga. My face has collapsed in the last 12 months. Am 47

I'm feeling a bit similar at 38, I think I just look tired and dull. I know that most of it is that I need to look after myself better though, I always put myself last and it's been a stressful couple of years with loss and changes. I'm quite outdoorsy and dressed like it, and I don't wear make up either, so I always think I look worse next to those that do and dress more flatteringly! It doesn't suit my lifestyle though, so I need to be kinder to myself and invest in myself more.

I went through a job change, bereavements and a relationship breakdown in the same year and it probably aged me about 10 years. Saggy neck, jowls, wrinkles around the eyes - I'd always passed for a lot younger.

I quit drinking, have started taking daily multivitamins and collagen, and drink 2 litres of water a day. Upped my protein intake. I aim for 10,000 steps a day. I need to lose about 2 stone I reckon, and then whilst I'll still be overweight I'll have lost enough to be healthier but still have enough fat to not look completely haggard.

The main thing I'm doing is just being nicer to myself. I'm getting older, it's ok. I reckon if I'm lucky I've got about 40 years left (that would take me to the age my Nan died). I plan to make the most of it.

I found having kids did it. Friends that had them later all looked younger than me for a few years then, bam, kids and wrinkles. Wouldn't worry too much about it given the alternative.

@Powderblue1

I also look after my skin and swear by tretinoin. Been using for 4 years now and I always get compliments on my skin. It makes is have a sheen which is lovely.

Where do you get the tretinoin and which one?

I am grateful I have reached this age. I lost my sister when she was 28. A best friend at same age. Many people in their 20s. That doesn't mean that I can't be pissed and upset that at 41 people thought I was 31 or 35. Then at 46 my fa totally collapsed. I don't just have fine lines. I have deep gullies and folds. My cheeks are sunken though am gaining weight every week. Everyone thinks am older than my 53 year old sister.I have more folds than my mum who is going to be 84 this year. Her cheeks are still puffed and not saggy. Only around her mouth. So the fact that this upsets and depresses me in no way means am not grateful to be alive. The two are not mutually exclusive. I don't even want to meet people. Friends. Go to work events. And no, am neither exaggerating nor am I shallow.

@NautilusLionfish that sounds very hard. I'm sorry that aging has struck you in this way. I'm not sure I have any advice but didn't want to say nothing. I wish you find a way to feel better and less like this. I'm not sure what can be done. I don't know why some of us age faster than others and why some of us may also do age faster, may somehow not care as much as others.

I have thought long and hard about going bald and what that must be like as my hair continues to shed. I wonder if I can have a good life with ever decreasing hair. It's not stopping, the hair loss, it continues on.

But I tell myself I will still be able to have joy in a beautiful sunset, there will be other things I can find joy in, I will still be able to love my children. I hope my friends, even though I'm bald, will see beyond the lack of hair.

I hope that I may learn something about life in the difficulty of the journey, should it come to that. I suppose I hope I will cope in some way, somehow. I hope I won't define myself by my looks or my age but know that the core values of who I am will somehow get me through. It's hard though. No doubt about it. We live in a world so focused on looks that everything else about a person's value is diminished and by proxy, we diminish ourselves too in the ever increasing din around how we should look/perfectionism/youth. It's sad.

Then we are bombarded by women who 'look good for their age', when in reality, these women usually have access to large amounts of cash and can buy their way out of looking old. So we have yet another unachievable standard to measure ourselves against because most women don't have those sorts of deep pockets of cash.

Anyway. I hope you can find something to help alleviate the sadness about it all.

According to various scientific study we go through a rapid ageing period around the ages of 44 and 60.....so maybe that means it does hit some of us like a brick to the face!😂
Personally I'd prioritize the important stuff. Decent sleep, reduced alcohol, sun protection, healthy diet and exercise. Especially strength training, protect your bones!
I'm never going to see 40 again but 40 yr old me was a fat, tired, depressed mess. 50 yr old me however is probably the fittest, healthiest version of me ive ever been.
So don't let old age take you down......kick it in the nuts!😀

@Abracadabra12345 I buy in bulk from alldaychemist. I get about 6 tubes of 0.05 for my face and back of hands then the lower dose 0.025 for my chest. Its very reasonably priced

Gillian Taylforth from eastenders use microdermabrasion

@TrainGame She had a thread lift. The video of her procedure is actually on YouTube. Very good results, I was tempted myself but they apparently don’t last very long and I couldn’t afford a re-do.

I would do CO2 laser or Morpheus8 if I had £££’s. Amazing results by the videos I’ve seen.

I’m the same age as you and have always had a fastidious skincare routine but the Magnitone Lift Off device has been a total game changer. I’d be lying if I said it was pleasant to use, but it makes such a difference to the tone and appearance of the skin structure. Combine that with a healthy diet, water, good skincare and you’ll see a huge improvement.

I just looked it up. Looks like you basically electrocute your face? Weird.

im mid 30s and the last few months my face has aged wrinkles on my head ect for me it’s either Botox or learning to just accept it I guess xx

Yeah in essence you do. The electrical current tones the muscles. Works amazingly at giving a tighter jawline and facial silhouette as well as just generally more tightened and refined skin.

Monderma but don't exceed 0.025% strength as you will peel a lot.

@rumkar will it have drastically superior effects compared to my 0.5% retinol?
That already leaves me a bit flakey in places, despite using it 3/4 x a week for several months. I’ve found those results disappointing though, or maybe I’m expecting too much?