Aged so much in five years. So depressed

[Lookingoldandugly]

I’m 41 now and I was looking at photos from five years ago and I looked YOUNG. And I was quite pretty! I didn’t think it at the time but I must have felt better about myself because I did allow photos to be taken of me.

I cannot stand it now, I refuse to have photos, but that’s because I look so awful. It’s like the whole of my face has changed shape. I have had a rough few years personally and maybe it’s that? I am not really that much more wrinkled but I just look old and weary instead of young and optimistic - which I guess is how I feel.

Any advice? Do I just need to care less? I feel like it’s downhill from here on in!

OP, in five years you will look at the few photo's you allowed to be taken and you'll think yourself young and gorgeous and you'll regret not taking more photo's today.

OP could it be peri? If so speak to your doctor about HRT. I can't take it but I did some research and have changed my diet so it's high protein and fibre and started exercising more and that's helped me and I've actually lost weight without trying and lost weight on my face too which has helped.

I also look after my skin and swear by tretinoin. Been using for 4 years now and I always get compliments on my skin. It makes is have a sheen which is lovely.

Another thing I'd suggest is changing your makeup. A friend once told me you should wear lighter less matte makeup after forty as heavy makeup and Matt powder emphasises wrinkles. So more serum type foundation works best for more mature skin.

I felt the same. Did the usual - good skincare, healthy eating, exercise, good haircut etc. Helped, it was like I was running to stand still if you know what I mean.

The one thing that really made quite a noticeable difference is stopping drinking (I stopped completely as I was no good at just stopping at one glass). My skin is much better - more glowy and less lined and puffy / blotchy. My eyes are brighter. Weirdly, my hair is also better.

Not sure whether it's the stopping alcohol alone or that in combination with the massive improvement in my sleep. But, it's hard not drinking, there's no getting away from it!

@Wingingitnancy I don't sleep much either and I'm sure that plays a huge part in how bad I look.

I hate to say this, but in 5 years time you'll look back at photos of yourself now and think how great you looked. I did my passport renewal last week and was horrified at the difference in my photo now and the one from 10 years ago (that I hated at the time!)

It's best to try and not stress too much. As others have said, invest in good skincare, SPF, drinks lots of water, sleep. I personally wouldn't go for Botox as you have to keep it up and I think it looks quite obvious as women get older.

Don't go for Botox. You won't look younger, you'll look like a 41 year old who has had Botox.

Ageing is coming to get us all...if we're lucky enough to be here.

Do all the common sense stuff mentioned on this thread...keep hydrated, sleep etc but concentrate on celebrating your health.

Ag, all you 40 somethings need to get over yourselves. By the time you're 55 you'll be grateful your knees still work. Ageing is not a bad thing! You just have to reframe it for yourselves.

Imagine how reading your post made this 57 year old feel 🙄

of course there are things you can do to make you look less knackered. Prioritise sleep,,give up booze if you drink, get outdoors more (so many people seem to have that grey WFH pallor), supplements, good skincare, some cosmetics.

all of those things will make an incremental improvement

Wise words, I’m 62, struggling with mid stage Parkinson’s, and reasonably happy with what I see in the mirror.

Aging is also not entirely linear. Someone mentioned 80 year olds - but the OP says she feels not only old but weary - and that’s not necessarily the case when you’re 80, and beyond all the specific effort and stress of middle age. An 80 year old may look ‘old’ but many people will look better at that age than at 40 or 50 - more relaxed, more optimistic, no longer shocked to find ourselves not 25, not frightened by our own faces …

(My DM is over 90 and definitely prettier than me.)

@Devon24 has nailed it.

One of my best friends died when we were 46. If she was still here, we'd be out dancing for as long as our knees would last, saggy faces and meno bellies and all, and not a care about what we look like.

I’m 43 and I look like a dishrag. It’s all since having DS at 41: I looked wonderful in pregnancy despite PGP and HE – the big hormone-driven unicorn pornstar hair, great skin. Despite gentle sleep-training his sleep is shocking because you can’t train them not to have molars or illnesses and he’s relentlessly poorly; as a result I look grey.

I think the thinning hair and the greyness is the worst part, but also the saggy eye bags and the droop.

But! As pp have said, I’ll look back and think I looked great as I’ve spent my whole life loathing my appearance only to discover five years on that I looked fantastic. And hopefully with some sleep and vitamins and water this current dishrag era shall pass.

My eldest sister told me that having kids later in life aged her over night.
Shes 42 and looks a good 5 years older.
She had her first at 38 second at 41.
I think she looks lovely.
And a neighbour of mine had botox and it aged her more shes 48 and looks much older she looked better without it.

Obviously it’s shallow, but we all have a mental picture of what we look like, and it needs some adjustment when we don’t look like that any more. It can happen quite fast. I’m in my late 40s and I don’t have any wrinkles but everything’s just sagged a bit.
My advice is to get some clothes that make you feel good - and never look in the mirror first thing in the morning.

Hey don't worry

Your eyesight will start to deteriorate and then you won't notice

Exactly what @Devon24 said.
So true.

This is very true!

This is me.
This is what helps -
Good diet. Cut out sugar and alcohol
Massage face with a good oil depending on your skin. Rose hip oil is good but I also use castor oil.
Get eyebrows done
Use a good daily foundation
Make sure hair is conditioned as it helps your overall look
Some face yoga. I do feel simple jowl and jawline ones.
I don't look especially young for my age or anything except when I smile in photos and that's what matters
It's the uplift effect of smiling that makes a big difference. Smile more.

I clearly have good and bad days

Today not so good judging from how awful I looked when my DS FaceTimed me earlier

Today - sack of potatoes (no make up, bad angle )

Yesterday - I looked lovely imho (make up, hair freshly washed, )

I have good and bad days too, @KittenPause – firmly linked to hormones. Day one of my cycle (every 2.5 weeks, thanks to perimenopause) I look like someone’s dead pet they’ve accidentally dug up when doing the garden. Around ovulation I’m fucking Beyoncé.

My big shock is always the banking app “put your face in the frame so we know it’s you”. Some washed-out three-chinned gorgon stares back and the app has the AUDACITY to approve it 🥴

This hit me like a train age 44 especially the jawline and neck starting to wobble but it has got a little better. I recommend:

More sleep.
Collagen powder
Foreo bear
As pp said trying to come to terms with it. The best we can do is fight a holding action against the inevitable.

Agree that menopause hits you like a brick.
I looked pretty young until surgical menopause in my mid 40’s then, despite HRT, the wrinkles and jowls appeared over night. It’s been brutal!

can anyone suggest a simple effective skincare routine from start to finish for morning and night and weekly??

Tret twice or thrice a week.
Any old sunscreen, facewash and moisturiser, even cheap ones.
There are numerous threads on it if you search.

I’m 27 and literally look at least 10 years older. 😫I put it down to a ‘hard paper round’.

Looking back I’ve had a lot of stress in life so far (mother died when I was 13, numerous cheating in relationships, cancer scare, fertility problems, awful marriage and divorced at 24, currently single parenting 2 young dc.
I used to take so much pride in my appearance and was scouted by modelling agencies on quite a few occasions but definitely since my divorce I have aged dramatically. I don’t have the time or money to take care of my appearance. Today I woke up early to style my hair and do my makeup. I still look haggard and hard faced. I have so many lines under my eyes. 😑
I’m trying to learn to accept it but it’s been getting me down a lot recently!