Aged so much in five years. So depressed

[Lookingoldandugly]

I’m 41 now and I was looking at photos from five years ago and I looked YOUNG. And I was quite pretty! I didn’t think it at the time but I must have felt better about myself because I did allow photos to be taken of me.

I cannot stand it now, I refuse to have photos, but that’s because I look so awful. It’s like the whole of my face has changed shape. I have had a rough few years personally and maybe it’s that? I am not really that much more wrinkled but I just look old and weary instead of young and optimistic - which I guess is how I feel.

Any advice? Do I just need to care less? I feel like it’s downhill from here on in!

How is this helpful? It sounds like a humble brag/ doom mongering

I heard Posh and Gillian Taylforth from eastenders use microdermabrasion. They both look young-ish for their age.

i have to say 40 was good. Then Covid came and straight after DM got cancer, then died. I’m 50 now and menopause made my hair fall out. Yes grief stress is very aging. It sent me into early meno.

Honestly, 40 is ok. Appreciate it because 50 is shit.

50% less hair. Creaky fucking joints, pain appearing here and there for no reason. Genuine wrinkles… shrivelling vagina that gets dry, needing to pee more, dry eyes, shit sleep, dry skin everywhere, really bloody tired all the time.

by comparison 40 was young!! And fun!!

I think op you need to look forward and compare yourself to when you’re 80, not 20s.

Weve got it all the wrong way round.

honestly. Tomorrow you’ll never be as young as you were by today so appreciate today. And good health. I’ve lost people and a friend right now has stage 4 cancer aged 55. That’s far too early. Be grateful for what you have.

At least you are alive so cheer up lovely.

This!!

In 5 years time you’ll be looking back on photos from this year and thinking how incredible you look.

Drink more water, take collagen, use a weekly hair mask, get regular trims, walk more, use tretonin, sleep! You’ll look and feel better for it.

I looked in the mirror a couple of months ago and my face looked like a sack of spuds in my opinion

So I took action and improved my eating habits and subsequently have lost weight and now I'm much happier looking in the mirror and my face no longer looks like a sack of spuds

I'm the same age and I feel similarly about my old photos.

I try to remember that I would be glad of the face I have now in five years time.

How do you feel inside. I'm 60 and easily pass for late 40s and that's on the outside. Inside I have arthritis which is starting to affect my ability to walk. I'm on enough medication to sink a battleship.

I'd give up my youthful looks to have just one day when I'm not in pain.

Also just think of the alternative.

I have a family member who refuses to have photos of herself taken due to age-related insecurities, and it’s so depressing because we would cherish photos of ourselves with her. Please be in photos! You don’t ever have to look at them if you don’t want to!

OP, this will happen all your life. Remember that feeling about seeing yourself 5 or 10 years ago and wondering why on earth you were worried about how you looked at the time. In ten years time you'll be doing that again looking back at yourself now. Enjoy having the privilege of living and ageing.

I'm going to counter some of this with the fact that at mid 50s I look better than I've done in decades. In my late 30s and 40s I was in the thick of babies/young kids going into tweens, never quite getting a balance between work and family and definitely time for myself was placed after even that. Peri menopause and menopause were killers for hot flushes, and I couldn't take HRT. Looking at photos I look exhausted, stressed and just a bit blah...

But now mid 50s post menopause, and I've time to work out, time to care about my personal style (which has been great fun!), teenagers to hang out with doing more adult things. Yes I stepped up better skincare (time and money play here) drinking more water, and less alcohol, in fairness my diet is still crap (I just love carbs and cheese!) but honestly the biggest factor is getting time and attention back on ME!

So I guess what I think is don't be too harsh on yourself, sometimes life is a slog and it often shows on how you look. Your looks will have ups and downs just like your life does. So, yes, you should do some of the practical tips suggested here but above all cut yourself some slack when things are harder.

Yeah, I get what the op is saying (44 here) and I find the very last thing I need is people going on about how in your 50s you’ll look SO much older, like a completely different person, etc. It’s that last part that always gets me, and totally unhelpful.

It helps to then think about all the women I’ve known enter and go through this age - I don’t know a single one who no longer looks like her younger self. Older, yes. Unrecognisable? Complete loss of looks? No.

There was a new study released recently that ageing happens rapidly at certain ages past 40 and isn’t a gradual thing.

I’ve noticed that moisture makes a huge difference to how I look. Get some really good skincare - skineceuticals, aspect or cosmedix - you need the big guns.

Botox and fillers.

Eat well and exercise more. Fish oil. Water, supplements. Cut alcohol and sleep more.

If you do all these little things the results will
be dramatic even without Botox.

^ I need to do the same and this is motivating me. Stopped skincare and I notice a Huge difference

I don't see what's so wrong with Botox and fillers, if they make you look better. The key is not to overdo it - particularly the filler.

There was a dental nurse at my practice who did have quite a lot of wrinkles BUT she also had really nice bone structure. She had lots of filler, and sure, her wrinkles were gone, but her face seemed twice the size and you couldn't see her nice bone structure anymore. It seems to be the cheek area that gets overfilled.

It comes on quick around 40. I always looked young for my age and was even ID'd for alcohol before DCs just 8 years ago. Suddenly, I have deep forehead wrinkles and when my face is resting my mouth turns down slightly and you can see my bottom teeth which reminds me of my mother (80!). Suddenly, 35 year olds look young to me. Being single I realise that I might not appeal to anyone in terms of looks ever again but I have decided that I won't have any procedures or fillers. My new goal is to look happy and confident rather than pretty which is weirdly quite liberating.

Ageing is a privilege.
you look beautiful 5-10 years ago but at the time you didn’t appreciate it.
learn the very obvious lesson: 5-10 years from now you will look at photos of your current self and appreciate your appearance.
take some photos. Stop holding yourself back. Life really is too short.

Danielle Collins on You Tube. She has a 10 min one to do daily, and others.

Ooh other things that have helped (I'm 44). I had my colours done professionally which I always bang on about but it's been really helpful in identifying best shades makeup wise and best colours to wear near my face. It saves a fortune as I don't spend lots - a good top might be a £10 find in Tu. I also had a lingerie fitting and went from 34B to 30DD - feels good.

It's a terrible argument but remember 5 years from now you'll look back on pictures of how you look at the moment and wish you looked that young again... so try to embrace it?

Imagine you are 94, you are looking back now at your young 40 ish face. What do you see? A body that works, is healthy. It still has some youth and vitality, you can still run up the stairs, bend easily, carry heavy objects and dance all night if you want to. Enjoy your body as it is now. For what it offers you. Stop judging yourself against some unrealistic ideal.

Look at what you still have, what you have survived and take pride in your life as it is today.

You’re stressed and anxious which makes a huge difference to your appearance. Find ways to relax and do things you enjoy and you will look younger and prettier. You’re still young.

Everyone ages I have and I showed a picture of myself when I was 16 to a male friend. He said “You used to be very pretty “. He then started back peddling saying not that you aren’t now. I found it so funny 😆. Looks mean nothing to me as long as I am healthy and happy that is all that really counts in my opinion .

Exactly the same here! I would always look younger then my age.
Since kids i look older then ladies older then me 😅 i lost a lot of weight and my face looks drawn and haggard with extra lines from sagging cheeks 😅 tbh I have like a grey tinge to my skin and my eyes look like they pop out.
I'm quite horrified it's extremely noticeable in photos.
My hair is dry and brittle too.

I don't get sleep at all so don't think my basic needs are not being met, I'm hoping that it will reverse a bit once I can take care of myself properly 😅

No suggestions to add as I have no idea what will work myself, I didn't think I would have to deal with these issues quite so soon.

On the tips you asked for....I'm 10 years older.

Get a serum you like and use every night religiously and liberally! I find rosehip ones are amazing for my skin. This for me makes a huge difference.

Buy a gua sha, ive got a stainless steel one. You don't need to be expert or thorough, watch a few short videos and focus on your cheeks and jaw. I do a few times a week.

A bit of light tan on your face throughout the winter makes you look more healthy. I do once a week - I don't look like Trump!

I get this. I was lucky enough to look about 10 years younger than I was for most of my adult life and regularly got loads of 'but you can't be ( real age) ! comments. Alas no more. I'm 48 and really beginning to look it. Also lost weight which is great but my face looks slightly more haggard now.

I've decided to say fuck it. It's better than the alternative as they say.

You kind of get used to it and every now and then a new horror appears. My turkey neck has just put in an appearance. Looks fab on Teams 🤣. Seriously though it’s better than the alternative and frankly there isn’t much you can do about it. If you didn’t live in such an appearance obsessed culture you wouldn’t mind so much.