Help me stop looking like a mum

[SanctusInDistress]

I look like a mum, like a frumpy mum. I’m petite (under 5 feet) and a size 10, and I hate wearing heels. The only times I don’t feel like a mum is when I wear jeans, but I’m sick of always jeans. I like wearing skirts and dresses but I always end up looking like a white stuff catalogue (nothing wrong with white stuff, I love their stuff) but that’s the whole point, I want to look less mumsy and more ‘me’.

where do you shop? I hate synthetic materials, so it has to be stylish and not made of plastic. I love for example poetry and cos, but yiu need to be 6 feet and have the legs of a giraffe to carry off their looks.

Eating healthily most of the time, getting out on walks and spending time with friends makes me feel like me and my clothes feel better on me. I think this feeling of mumness could be more about feelings/sense of health, rather than a style of clothes.
(Also I think HRT has changed my perception so I'm more positive).

Now that makes sense- a loss of identity - your identity and purpose in life and interests are dependant on being someone's parent ; the people you meet socially are the parents of other children, rather than being a person in your own right.

I think that the whole "mum" thing is a red herring. Really you're struggling to find clothes that suit you, and you're associating that with not having the time and energy to spend on yourself, because too focused on children.

I think a reframe might help. Not thinking about how to avoid looking like a mum, but in what you want to actually look like.

Liz Truss and Katie Price?!

Frumpy is a sexist, judgemental term. Same issues with 'looking like a mum'. Nothing wrong with being identifiable as a mum.

It's ok to want to change style, but this language isn't ok because it is built on judgement about how 'people' and 'mums' dress, even if they themselves are perfectly happy wearing the clothes they do.

That said, petite clothes are way more available these days, so the swamping thing shouldn't happen. I'd start with the websites listed at the top.

The point is both are 'mums', demonstrating the term 'dressing like a mum' is meaningless.

This is so true my DC loved when I had a bob and literally said I look more like a mum now. They like it best when I dress in classic style.

God I agree. I found that comment so depressing. I think this is more about finding yourself than finding a style op.

Thank you! I didn’t realise it would need spelling out so clearly but I don’t think @Mercurial123 actually read my post.

I was going to say Sézane but perhaps not with sensory issues as it would rule out most of their knitwear and belts.

Do you mean you don’t want to dress in clothes from a certain time frame (when you were a mum to babies/children)? I think that makes sense to me. You’ve come out of the fog of it all and wondering where the ‘you’ went. What did you wear before kids?

I am also petite and it is really limiting.

Agree with a lot of comments on here.

Good quality brands and fabrics
Block colours
Clothes with shape
Good quality and thoughtful accessories
A great haircut

I'm a similar age and stage as OP but I do get the chance to dress up a bit at work.

Wise legged trousers are good. I like my Nine Pine ones. I'm also enjoying column or stretchy pencil skirts with boots with a little heel.

Vinted is a godsend for getting rid of the stuff that no longer sparks joy, and experimenting cheaply with new things.

Probably a topic for another thread, but this thread made me think about the women I know who are mums. My pool is not a statistically significant one, but they all dress and look the same now as to how they did before, same taste and style. So it makes me wonder what this concept is about. Are there some whose clothing choices weren't fit for the tasks of motherhood and have to change their look to fit the activities of motherhood? Are there some whose clothing choices always aligned to the activities of motherhood and therefore never really changed?

Mum's tend to lack time and a lot of them lack money. So clothes you may associate with that group would be comfy, easy to wash and wear, cheaper or maybe a little worn out.

People who lack time or money don't tend to have polished hair and nails and makeup.

So well fitting well cared for clothes in narural fabric which fit your body and you like. Good hair which is religiously maintained. Manicured nails. Subtle well applied make up. Jewelry which matches your outfit. Bags and shoes which match the outfit and aren't chosen just for practicality.

This will take a lot of time and money. If you are a mum you may not have this (a lot of child free mums don't either).

Thank you to all who replied with helpful suggestions - I’ve identified a few outfits combinations that could work on the back of those comments.

thank you to the ones who saw the ‘I look like a mum’ comment without jumping straight to the predictable bandwagon and understood the significance in context of the comment and made astute observations and suggestions.

to those picking on the ‘I look like a mum’ comment - you don’t think very much do you? Maybe slow down a little and think a bit more.

Well that comment comes as no surprise. And your last paragraph could be applied to yourself OP.

Ok, where to start? I’m also a mum in my 50s. Today I am wearing a wrapover skirt, a cashmere jumper, wool tights, chunky-soled boots, and when I cycle to work in ten minutes, I will add an oversized parka, a big scarf and a leather satchel. On my way to work, I will pass numerous other mothers going to work or returning after the school run, and they will be dressed in everything from trouser suits to surgical scrubs to paint-covered overalls.

There really isn’t a uniform.

People are just picking you up on your own stereotyping. Think.

Cotton shift dresses are the ultimate frumpy mum uniform. Team them with bare nails in a Velcro ‘hiking’ sandal and an overloaded backpack and you’re peak mum 😂

The irony……..

This is style and beauty people, we all use language shortcuts to convey a sense of style. If you only want to berate OP for her perceived shortcomings then maybe you don't need to be on the style and beauty board.

It could be S and B or ethical dilemmas — there’s no need for unpleasant stereotyping to go unchallenged. I also told the OP exactly what I was wearing, as someone who is also a mother and in the same age bracket as her..

Good few mums on here with a chip on their shoulder 😁OP don't sweat it, most sane people know what you meant.

Some days I feel like a 'mum' in how I dress and how I look but when I go to work or out in the evening and get the chance to dress up I feel less mum. I hate feeling mumsy (there's another term for the haters to jump on...).

I'm also petite and I think that's a BIG part of feeling frumpy.

OP, you sound like you are a little down and you're trying to find yourself through clothes instead of finding YOU first and then finding clothes for the woman you are.

What do you like? What hobbies do you have? Whose style fo you admire? No one's life is defined simply though what they are to others (eg. ßAHM or wife)

I wish I dressed more like a mum honestly!

Hence my emphasis on only. 🙂