Help with formal outfit for a funeral

[roamingcat]

Hello,

I have a funeral coming up but because my workplace isn't particularly formal, and I don't look great in all black, I don't have anything to wear! I'm going to need to buy a new outfit, coat and shoes and wanted to use this as an opportunity to invest in a couple of nice pieces which I can wear for future formal events.

I was thinking of a black midi dress and liked the following from nobody's child:

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-velvet-atlas-midi-dress-d241974blk?queryID=15745a2c25811881b2bc454ebf0d5d34

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-tiered-charlie-puff-sleeve-midi-dress-d250427blk?queryID=cee35dca3e7808364315d4b45aefb2dc

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/black-tiered-clara-midi-dress-d250377blk?queryID=cee35dca3e7808364315d4b45aefb2dc

What do you think? Then I was thinking of buying a dark navy formal coat (if I buy black I don't think I'll wear it that much), and some dark flats. Please share any suggestions for a good quality navy wool coat and flat shoes which would go with the dresses I'm thinking of. Thanks all!

Funerals don't need all black these days but if you're looking for a "funeral dress" I don't think any of those are particularly funereal despite being black - especially the third one. The second is more something to wear in the evening when on holiday. The first one is the most "funereal". If you'd rather wear a navy dress, that's fine. A formal navy dress might be a better option than dresses 2 or 3.

I don't have clothes which I keep specially for funerals but I have a lot of formal clothes which are suitable for funerals. My go to is often a dark green lace dress with a black silk lining with black patent flat shoes and one of my black coats.

Not trying to be unhelpful but without knowing your budget or preferences there's an awful lot of navy wool coats around and googling "navy wool coat" brings up heaps of results- here's one but there's heaps from very cheap to several thousand.
Navy wool coat

So far as "flat dark shoes", again not trying to be unhelpful but without knowing your budget or preferences there's an awful lot of them around too.

If flat dark, formal shoes aren't something you'll wear often there's no objection to a supermarket shoe. Re the coat, I'd suggest the best you can afford.

If you are buying a navy coat, look for s navy dress

I've been wearing the same dress to funerals for 22 years now (it's getting a bit tight these days...).

If you don't wear formal stuff go for something far more simple and classy lines - anything 'fashionable' you buy now is going to look daft in 5 or 10 years.

I have a long dark grey coat that goes with the black, I wouldn't wear a black dress and navy coat.

You can wear a navy coat over a black dress. There's nothing wrong with black and navy.

I have a funeral outfit sad to say. I don't wear dresses except in hot climates and that's not here! So it's tailored black trousers, whatever top/blouse is washed and ironed and is subtle, and either leather ankle boots or flats. Dark cardigan or jacket depending on the weather. Overcoat only necessary in snow!

OP you could use a navy ensemble if black is not your preferred colour. But honestly I'd try and find something inexpensive, or something you already have (doesn't have to be black) and save your money to buy something you will wear more often than at a funeral!

You could always borrow a jacket/coat, I have done in the past when I was too poor to buy new.

There's nothing wrong with black and navy together, but lots of people who haven't been to a funeral before, or not recently, assume they have to wear black. I'm not sure there's a universal dress code these days, but in my fortunately fairly limited experience black isn't essential. Any dark colour would be fine, and of course some families request specific colours, often bright, or the deceased's favourite. This is worth checking. I tend to go for something fairly formal (by my standards, anyway). Doesn't have to be a dress.

Warmth and comfort are things to consider. There can often be a lot of standing about outside waiting to get into the crematorium chapel.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope it goes off all right.

Thanks all for the suggestion/feedback so far. We know the family are wearing black (alongside the people I'm going with), so I would like to wear black too.

I've found this dress from M&S which I'm wondering about (in black):

https://www.marksandspencer.com/georgette-textured-shirred-midi-tea-dress/p/clp23014997?color=BLACK

Thoughts?

I would prefer a navy dress but I'm struggling to find anything which is "dark" enough. I'm quite tall so it needs to be a midi and I don't like anything tight.

The dress is from Finery. I think the georgette and chiffon dresses on Finery look like going out dresses.

These are also Finery. I think any of them are fine.

Dress 1
Dress 2
Dress 3
Dress 4

Thank you that's helpful! I've actually ordered that dress already so once it arrives if I still think it's too "party" then I'll look at some of those options.

I have reached the age where I go to more funerals than weddings.

IME people don't wear very formal clothes, nor do many wear black. Just wear something smart in sober colours.

Black trousers are fine. At this time of year you will be wearing a coat so a dark coloured one is fine.

Being there to support the bereaved will be much more appreciated than you spending £££ on a new outfit.

Very few people wear black to funerals these days. Mostly people wear dark colours. At this time of year a warm coat is the most important thing. Churches are usually cold. At a crematorium you could be hanging around outside for ages.

If you are going to invest in anything then a long formal coat is a good plan. Black or navy trousers with something on top will be fine.

The only funerals I've ever attended or led where everyone wore black were traveller funerals. The flowers are fabulous.

It’s more sombre colours, doesn’t have to be black. So navy, grey, brown, aubergine are all ok. You could get some smart trousers and a polo neck: blouse depending on season. John Lewis had a nice navy coat in the sale recently. A dark scarf or wrap over the coat in cooler months. And leather or smart gloves always smartens up a coat.

White is also a classic mourning colour. I went to a funeral recently in dark trousers with a white shirt and jacket. You could reverse it, try a navy jacket over white trousers. Separates are more versatile to use afterwards in your normal daily wear.

The dresses you have linked are all summery. Short sleeves in January? Are you in UK? Try a long sleeved jersey dress. You’ll freeze!

The last dress is more suitable for this time of year. Could wear with boots or ballet pumps.

I wore a dress like this to my mum's funeral. It was basically this dress a few seasons ago so it's only slightly different.

DM's funeral was in summer so I wore this without a coat however it would be winter-appropriate too with a black coat.

I haven't worn it since as I found it too upsetting but I think I will eventually to another funeral.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/crepe-collared-midi-tea-dress/p/clp23017255?intid=mobileappppdpshare

If dark sombre colours aren't your thing then don't spend a fortune. In fact my most recent funeral outfit came from a charity shop and anyway it will be covered by a coat or jacket.

If it's a burial rather than a cremation then wear flat boots. The ground around the grave will be soft at this time of year.

Good point re charity shops. I do a lot of shopping in them. Have saved a lot of money on very good quality items.

Some of those black dresses look like party frocks. Just wear some dark clothing. Don't look dressed for a fashion shot. It isn't appropriate. Agree with going to charity shop.

I have this in red and love it. It comes in black. I paid £22.69 it is more expensive now.

This is quite unkind. I'm not trying to dress for a fashion shoot - I'm trying to find something that I feel comfortable in on what will be a very sad day. Equally, it would be nice to buy something that I could wear on other occasions so it's not a total waste of money. I'm unlikely to find anything in a charity shop as I'm tall so limited on the styles of dresses I can wear, and I'm happy to buy new.

Definitely 1 of those, as far as a coat, i would not worry, wear whatever coat you have, instead ensure you have a black cardigan in case the chapel or church is chilly (though check there isn't a colour theme, many funerals have them)

Obviously the family will give some thought as to what they will wear. I’ve attended the funerals of both my parents and those of plenty more since. I can honestly say that will not be important what you show up in. Just that you do show up. As long as what you are wearing isn’t casual shorts or beachwear & flipflops, you will be fine.

Edit: (sorry don’t know how to edit a post)
If you want a black dress anyway that incidentally might do for a funeral, then consider the occasions for which you want/need it, eg office, dinner party etc, and shop accordingly.