reaclassification of MN sterotypes

[FluffyMummy123]

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oh and "lives opposite school Mum"

usually last to arrive, flings DC through gates as the bell goes

manipulative mum

"Hi! Wondered if your DS would like to come over for tea on Fri? Give you a bit of a break? Great!

blah blah blah school-run work self-deprecating tinkling laugh ha ha!

Sooo, any chance you could have our two for New Year's Eve weekend?"

Guilt-trip Mum

Has a job (can be full or part time, but usually full)

Doesn't usually know many other parents

Claps loudest and cheers encouragingly at every play/swimming event/dance routine that they manage to get to

Tries not to feel self-conscious sat in suit and stilettos, next to jeans-and-fleece mums

gory detail mum

never misses an opportunity to tell you her incredibly fascinating and unique birth story even though it is years since she last went into labour.

Baking Mum

Brings three-tiered mountains of iced patisserie loveliness to school do's / PTA meetings. Her eyes silently scoff at your rice crispies cakes.

(I hate these mums)

Walk Everywhere Mum

So green it hurts. Never use the car for the 0.7 mile walk to school. Even when pouring with rain, sleet, snow. Never late. Always smiling, but somehow don't look happy.

Have a rehearsed snear for me drivers pouring out of their car after their 0.7 mile trip.

'Every eventuality Mum'

Carries a huge rucksack on her back (even on the school run)packed with rice cakes, drinks, first aid kit, crayons, colouring books, in case GOD FORBID her child might ask for something she can't deliver IMMEDIATELY

I see women like this all the time.

I think cripes you're picking your kid up from nursery not trekking through the Cairngorms.

Oh, and my school is over populated with over involved Mums. Right pain they are too.

Telly Addict Mum
Constantly talking about tv as if it were real

LOL at all of these may I add
'insecure parenting mummy'
Worries constantly that children are getting too much/not enough sleep/food/outside activities/TV etc. Spends whole time interrogates you as to your children's 'routines'. Then ignores them.

'Single White Female' mum (I know her) Doesn't talk that much to you but lingers on edge of group menacingly, eyes up what you're wearing and and a few days later turns up in something nearly identical, flirts with DH, makes weird starey eyes at DH..(he's noticed)! Paranoid..moi?

Hairy Mum
Pits, Legs, moustaches, brows.
Just because you have kids............

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racist mum.

Uses 'They' a lot. Trails off when clearly about to say something appalling and purses lips in a 'what's the use?' kind of way.

So one is complicit in her vileness if one doesn't object to something that she hasn't actually said.

And if one did object, you know she'd make a Huge and Very Embarrassing Fuss. Would probably cry.

Some of you have obviously been spying on our school playground and taking notes.

In my DS's class we have:

"Conspiracy theory mum" - every single thing the school proposes is a personal affront designed specifically to piss her off ("Oh - I see they are putting all the notes on the website now - like all we do all day is sit looking at the computer")

"American Mom" - (To be honest we have it worse with "Former Investment Banker American Mom). We are just not that enthusiastic. We do not need "baskets of muffins". The unspoken tradition is that the Easter bonnet is made by the children themselves with items from Poundland - it is not a "project".

"Social climber mum" - she is v choosy who she associates with, which is No Bad Thing for the rest of us.

Mum of boys / Mum of girls

Can't you just be a mum ?

Only Mum at the School Mum (close friend of conspiracy Mum)

Complains about everything to the school as its not what she wants

Am deffo a cross between 'dizzy mum' and the one who makes an effort with clothes but whose house is a shit tip. Oh dear..

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I think I may be 'every eventuality mum'

I am always prepared and am the mum everyone approaches when they forget something....

Saturday Dad

takes kids out to playground on a saturday morning with martyred expression, spends all the time standing in hunched and gloomy fashion with other SDs and saying 'careful now'

Mum is presumably cleaning house shopping doing laundry sorting school clothes making lunch stocking freezer while he giver her a break

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Panicky Mum

Rings round entire class when sex ed is on to check to other parents approve.

Wonders who was first child in class to introduce anatomically correct words for body parts.

Tries to stir up support for petition to teacher about Not Getting Enough Homework and constantly queries Are They At Similar Level to Others of Their Age?

Follows school trips at 50 paces and spare bottle of water.

I htink a lot of saturday dads are divorced
or separated