Confident conference wear for menopausal woman?

[greatcoffeebadhair]

I’ve had a slight career sideways move into a new sector and am going to a conference next month where I know NOONE. I don’t love networking at the best of times, but I am also feeling very flabby ans grey and unconfident.

I work in a creative field and people are often very well groomed and put together. I cannot compete with that!

I would love to wear toast but my budget is definitely more Uniqlo. Can anyone suggest any hot flush friendly outfits for a size 12 apple shape? Things that are in the shops right now?

I love geometric prints, bold lines etc but that doesn’t seem to be in any more. The drop waist gingham dresses look lovely on slender people but they make me look like a potato.

The drop waist gingham dresses look lovely on slender people but they make me look like a potato

You're a size 12. You're thinner than the vast majority of women over the age of 25. I'm sure you don't look like a potato.

Cos - bit funky but also comfy

www.cos.com/en_gbp/women/womenswear/dresses/product.striped-jersey-midi-dress-black.1247810001.html

Is this the dress you were looking at?

It won't make you look like a potato. You will get posters who hate this style of dress telling you it makes everyone look like a potato but that's because they don't like it.

Toast gingham dress

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle yes that’s the one - I think it’s because my arms are very skinny but my belly is relatively big, and I’m also very short. So I may not be objectively potato shaped but my belly bulges in those drop hem dresses and I look at best like I’m trying too hard to be fashionable, at worst like … well a little potato like! Certainly not the professional vibe I’m hoping to give off anyway!

Ooh thanks I love that! Don’t trust myself not to spill coffee on the white bits though …

Lots of sort of like Toast but a lot cheaper.

Finery 1
Finery 2
Finery 3
Finery 4
Finery 5
Finery 6
All dresses

Hmm …

As someone who made a similar move at a similar age I have to say you need to drop the self deprecation habit. The creative world is cut throat and all the I can’t compete, I’ll look like a potato, and I can’t wear that because I’ll spill something on it stuff is basically the same as lying down in the middle of the road and inviting people to drive their chariots over you.

Buck up! What difference does it make whether you’ll know anyone at the conference or not ? You still have to get dressed and interact purposefully with other people.

Cos
Plumo
Colenimo
Toogood
Sofie D’Hoore
Colville
Marni

might all appeal to you visually, regardless of cost, so have a look at them. For what you can’t afford new or in their sales there’s

The Outnet (discount store)
Vestiaire (Pre-owned, from better High St through to Chanel)
T K Maxx (Always worth browsing the Gold Label stuff - if it still exists)

I’d also suggest you keep a constant lookout for clothes you think reflect your new role / persona and buy them when you see them. (Or stalk them online until they reach an acceptable price.) That way you’ll build up a wardrobe of things you want to be seen in, which is considerably less stressful than having to react sartorially to each new event.

@EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues thanks! Advice taken on board. I mean, I am professional and i think I’m good at my job. But I’m also someone who has recently put on a bit of weight, has brain fog and hot flushes, and is having an anonymous moan out of earshot (or eyeshot) of my colleagues. Im enjoying the job move but had underestimated how tiring it would be to be full time in a context where nobody knows me or trusts me yet. I feel like im just starting out, although this time I’m the boss and my eyebrows sprout in the wrong directions.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle thanks so much - I have never looked at finery before. Loving some of these dresses

This might be a sweeping generalisation but if you're working with "creative" types they might be more likely to look at the garment rather than you and thinking "fabulous dress" rather than "oh that doesn't flatter greatcoffeebadhair"

I don't have anything by them but other posters have said the quality is good. Finery is also available on Em and Ess website.

But, @IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle while those might be perfectly nice dresses, are they not a tad submissive for conference purposes? Too ladylike?

Maybe that doesn’t matter if you’re ’the boss’?

I don't think so- dress 5 definitely not , nor the green version of dress 3. Dress 6 is superficially pretty but the contrast of the white embroidery on what looks like crisp black cotton gives it a no nonsense look.

I don't have anything by Finery but a lot of their stuff isn't dissimilar to dresses I've paid more for. The last black and white one in particular is very similar to a black cotton seersucker &Daughter dress (from when they did dresses) but at less than a 1/5th of the price.

This was the dress
&Daughter dress

This is a really good point, thank you.

I am 5ft size 10-12, find this dress really flattering, with or without an added belt https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E464784-000/00?colorDisplayCode=56&sizeDisplayCode=003&pldDisplayCode=000 and some really quirky jewellery like Mystic Forms, Tatty Devine, Kam Creates earrings etc.

Also recommend Vinted - searching brands like Kemi Telford, Aligne, Stine Goya, Ganni etc.

These are extreme examples of "look at the dress" . I'm not putting them forward as practical suggestions but I would expect a creative person to notice that they are rather fabulous and, if someone is interested in fashion and design, to spot the Issey Miyake influence. The founder of this brand, Yusuke Takahashi was head designer for Miyake.

I think the last photo of dress 2 with the black jumper and the boots would make a splendid boss outfit.

I don't know if it's a look that has filtered down to the high street. It could be toned down.

CFCL dresses
CFCL dress 1
CFCL dress 2

Conference plus menopause - please don't go for a dress, layers are your friend here. You're going to yoyo between ridiculous air con, to hot flushes and back again.

Here are three combinations from Uniqlo that I'd suggest over a dress - primarily look at the first image for styling as opposed to just the item itself

https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E470925-000/00?colorDisplayCode=05&sizeDisplayCode=004 - casual suit I'd wear it with a shell top or teeshirt underneath. As Boss at my first conference I'd probably opt for this

https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E467639-000/00?colorDisplayCode=65&sizeDisplayCode=003 - skirt with a 'twinset' - there are many skirt options in Uniqlo at the moment from colour to quite muted. I actually prefer this skirt https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E470922-000/00?colorDisplayCode=03&sizeDisplayCode=003

https://www.uniqlo.com/uk/en/products/E470783-000/00?colorDisplayCode=09&sizeDisplayCode=003 - the first image - trousers, tee shirt, shirt, jacket - maybe too many layers but just to re-emphasis the layering point! The first image on the cream pants colour way is also a good combination

As a broad stereotype, I find creatives fall into two camps - very bright/colourful/on trend and have the persona to carry it off versus simplistic, urban practical and muted if not monochrome palette.

But even if not something for a conference when your menopausal but I have to say the green CFCL is a thing of beauty!

That doesn’t look like a dropped waist to
me.

You don't have to dazzle anyone with your outfits. If you were to wear (for example) the same style of black dress every day people would at worst thing your wardrobe was boring.

Only buy clothes in colours that look great on you.

@RedPalace thank you - you make a very good point about the layers!

in my old career (which was much more creative) I wore bright geometric abstract prints all the time - very much in a ‘look at the garment’ kind of way. This new role is still ‘creative’ but also more corporate, and to be frank the people who have been working there for decades have much more disposable income than I do.
My old wardrobe look quite cheap and almost childish in comparison.

perhaps now is the time to move to more a muted, urban workwear style.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle wow those dresses are incredible!

I always recommend Kay at this point. She has revolutionised my wardrobe

www.linkedin.com/in/kay-korsh?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=android_app

The H&M family of shops are good for what you have in mind - that’s H&M, cos, other stories, weekday and arket. They vary in price point but tend to have a similar aesthetic and for the more expensive brands look on eBay and vinted. They often have interesting shapes and prints and even the cheaper brands do some nice natural fabrics.

I think it can be hard to find those perfectly “you” cool prints and pieces that make you feel confident, on a short timescale - all the clothes I feel best in have been lucky or unexpected finds over the years, and when I look for something like that I can end up empty handed. But I do think you can start with classy basics, like trouser suits, dresses and jackets and add interesting prints and accessories when you find them.

I once saw a woman walk down the street in a plain, longish black dress, quite loose/flowy and flattering, round neck, totally plain and the kind of thing I’d have written off as a bit dull. But she’d added a bright orange, quite chunky glass bead necklace, and it was perfect - turned a plain black dress into a super cool outfit. That was a lesson in style for me - most of what you’re wearing doesn’t have to be complicated or exactly “right”. Something interesting, unexpected colour, great print or texture etc will carry the rest of it even if it’s something small. And confidence comes from liking what you’re wearing and feeling that it’s “really you” so avoid buying stuff to try to attain a vibe that you’re not feeling, IYSWIM.