I look like shit.

[WalksLikeACrab]

Just that really. I’ve got zero confidence. I hate my face, it’s hideous. I’m trying solid skincare but I still look awful. I’ve had a ‘naive’ haircut and I still look awful.

how do I tackle this? I am a size 8 but clothes look silly on me. I want to look and feel confident and I don’t know how to do that. I have tried going shopping and trying different outfits but I just can’t seem to find my style or make myself look attractive.

Where do I start? I’m not very fashionable but I’d love to look ‘cool’. I’m a mum and since I had DC I’m so much worse. I basically live in jeans and jtoo big jumpers and a shit bun (which looks crap on me as I have - have always had!- a weird sort of receding hairline)

I eat well, drink lots of water and exercise but my skin and hair are horrible, I can’t do make up no matter how many tutorials I watch and I just can’t dress myself! If I had the money I’d go see a stylist but can’t afford that sadly.
I follow lots of fashion and beauty influencers but nothing seems to work for me.

What helped you transform yourself to make yourself comfortable and proud of your look?

I'm a personal stylist at John Lewis and it's a service I'd 100% recommend. We see so many mums in a similar position who feel that they have lost themselves and just want some new ideas. It's a completely free service, 2 hours long, in your own private studio with a cold drink too. It's all completely free and there's no obligation to buy if you don't want to. It's deffo worth looking into.

I'd also recommend going to one of the make up counters in somewhere like JohnLewis and speaking to them and see if they can give you some advice for a really easy make up routine and show you in person how to do it.

Hope this helps.

I have been struggling with what to wear and how to look put together since having my dd. I used an online stylist to assess my colour “season” to see what colours suit my skin tone and tell me my body shape to recommend clothes to balance out my figure. Im really glad I did it, I can gradually buy clothes that suit me and work together within a matching colour palette so shopping is easier. I feel able to sell stuff on vinted that’s been at the back of the wardrobe unworn now that I can see why they didn’t look right on me too

I’m in Cornwall and we don’t have a John Lewis! The nearest one is over 2 hours away.

I will consider this though, my fear would be spending lots of money I don’t have just to be obliging! But I would love to do it. I had a friend who does make up do mine years ago and I didn’t like it, but maybe that’s just because I’m not used to wearing it?

Where was this online stylist? And how much was it please? Thanks

@skyofblue i was in a John Lewis today and was asked if I was waiting on a personal stylist I was kind of insulted

Feeling obliged to spend at the JL ap is totally understandable. As an anxious neurodivergent person I know I would have felt the exact same before I had the job. It's a super laid back experience and the stylists aren't on commission so there's no hard sales as it makes no difference to them if you do or don't buy at the end of the day. Most of us stylist have degrees in fashion and genuinely sincerely care about our customers and making them feel good and I always say in my appointments "even if you leave with nothing but knowing what you do and don't like then that's still something" if you are ever alway to a city with a JL for weekend you should look into it, you can bring a friend for support or have an appointment together.

I think getting used to make up is always hard. I always hate the feeling of it on my face. Start out really simple and basic you don't need any crazy eyeshadow or anything. Simple primer, foundation or tinted moisturiser for a light look, eyeliner, mascara and maybe a tinted lip balm. Apply in that order.

You mentioned you don't like your hairline? Have you ever thought about a fringe or bangs or some face framing pieces.

If you feel completely lost the thing I always suggest to do is find a celebrity/ actress/singer literally anyone that you think shares similar qualities as you and that you like the style of. You don't have to look identical to them it could be as simple as the same hair colour, skin tone and eye colour, or a mixture of a few of these things. Then just copy their style and the colours they choose to wear, and their haircut. These people have been styled by professionals who understand colour theory so take advantage and copy them!

Hope this is a bit helpful.

Awww don't be! We get lots of already really stylish customers and also some repeat customers so it's likely they thought you looked good! It's also likely you were sat near the style studios. Don't be insulted most of the people I see already look amazing they sometimes just want to try something new or a lot of the time especially for weddings or occasions they already know their style and what they like they just don't wanna do the running around the shop and prefer someone else to do it.
I'm sure you looked lovely.

You say you’ve tried going shopping - but you can’t have an enormous amount of choice on your area?

There’s infinite choice online, can you say where’s you’ve already looked? And how you think you’d like to present yourself?

@skyofblue you are very kind I bet you’re good at your job

Thank you. I have ADHD and anxiety so I tend to get myself worked up, to know there is no commission definitely makes it easier! I will maybe take a day trip to where the nearest one is and have an appointment.

im not what which celebrity shares similarities to me, ill have a good look and see what I can find. My issue is i love so many different styles and just can’t seem to make anything stick! I can’t seem to find my style, so I end up doing nothing and looking awful or wearing a style that doesn’t work for me at all!

thanks for your advice, it’s so appreciated

I think you sound a bit overwhelmed by it all. I don't think you really need full make up, it sounds as if you wouldn't feel comfortable with lots of make up, or overly obvious clothes.
Most women's looks are slightly improved by a little tinted moisturiser or BB cream, and a touch of colour for lips and cheeks - the same product can be used for both. I use Trinny London products but there is plenty on the market at a variety of price points. Brown eye pencil, and shaped and darkened brows helps define features, and that's really all you need unless you have major skin imperfections to cover up.
As for clothes, you really do need to try on loads, maybe with a friend, and take photos. You say clothes look silly on you, but maybe you are buying too big, or badly fitting clothes? Maybe go for slightly more upmarket versions of what you already have, rather than completely new styles which might make you feel self-conscious.
If you can give a bit more detail about your shape and colouring, then I'm sure you'll get lots of ideas from the lovely people on this board.

Yeah Cornwall sucks to be honest, our only city, Truro, has limited shops.

I look online all the time, I look at Pinterest and magazines and social media at what people are wearing but I think the issue is I have no idea what I want to present or what my style is. I’m late 30s with DC and some days id love to be elegant and sophisticated and other days preppy and other days ‘cool’ but nothing really works for me. I’ve tried ‘styling’ but even say, wearing a plain tshirt tucked in looks wrongs as my proportions are all out of whack.

I don’t know much about my colour palette, but I have grey eyes and very dark brown hair down to my shoulders. Skin isn’t olive but tans easily. Soze 8, small chested, I think I’m a rectangle shape? But I’m not 100% sure. But I don’t get my shape as I said in another comment, if I wear say, shorts or a skirt and a plan tshirt tucked in (as so many recommend for styling) then I look all wrong, so I’m guessing my body is unbalanced?

I think I don’t know my shape or colouring so struggle to dress for both

Im also ADHD with anxiety so I relate completely . I would've found the idea of going to the appointment so overwhelming and it would've made me so anxious but having done the job I now know how laid back and chill it is and how not fussed we as stylist are by people not wanting to buy and also showing compassion to people who feel anxious because loads of people do. I know i do my best to make people feel really chill. I always say we are just doing two hours of dress up.

In terms of liking so many different styles is also another thing I can relate to which just makes the whole thing overwhelming. I just pick one vibe buy some pieces try it out and then after I pick another until I have enough pieces in my wardrobe for me to decide who I wanna be that day! 😂

I think body shape really matters. I'm size 8 on top and 10 for trousers. Any top slightly baggy or oversized makes me look like I've hit a dressing up box. I look ludicrous. Old old Trinny and Susannah (in guessing still shipment on YouTube) were excellent about pointing this out and instructing women in what shapes would work.

That's so kind thank you. ❤️

Have you got any close female friends who are into styling or whose style you like? They could maybe help. Or post a pic without your face and we will help (or give you some compliments as you sound awfully down on yourself).

My DSis has some body dysmorphia and looks lovely but occasionally gets into a "I look horrible and ugly" spiral.

Start small and build up that’s what I’ve done before. Just little changes.

I’ve messaged you who I saw for colours and styling. Gave me pointers that I would never have thought of. So I got a fresh start, don’t feel so clueless.

I had the full analysis (colour and shape) with this lady (Emily). I've found it super helpful. Check out her FB/Insta pages if you have them to have a look what it's about x

Ooops, link would help sorry!

www.stylemehappy.co.uk/

So grey eyes but very dark hair suggests that you could be Winter colouring, and that contrasts might work for you - eg black or white rather than more muted beiges and browns, along with fairly intense or jewel colours. If you are small as well as slim, you probably need more fitted ( or stretchy) clothes to make sure you don't look swamped.
Things like flounces and puffy sleeves don't always work on smaller frames, my slighter friends tend to look good in more body-hugging clothes, or if they do wear something loose ( eg wide leg trousers) then pair it with a close fitting or even cropped top. Or a flowy short dress but with bare legs.

@skyofblue my cynical side is saying you’ve set this thread up to advertise JL…the deeply unstylish unconfident side of me says, when can you fit me in 😁
You sound amazing and the exact opposite of what I thought a personal stylist would be (stuck up, on commission and my idea of hell!!). Would you share what store you work at or is that too outing?

Definitely worth doing the John Lewis personal shopper. I did it just for wide leg jeans and she brought me lots of pairs to try on and tops too. If I was just looking on the shop floor I would have given up but having someone find them for me was so much easier as they know the stock.
I bought a t shirt and she gave me a link for the means as they don't stock petit in the jeans I liked.

My only complaint was we were only offered water to drink and that's not what they advertised on their website but hey I can live with that.

The lady who did me was a graduate and so lovely and friendly. I would do it again and recommend it too