I look like shit.

[WalksLikeACrab]

Just that really. I’ve got zero confidence. I hate my face, it’s hideous. I’m trying solid skincare but I still look awful. I’ve had a ‘naive’ haircut and I still look awful.

how do I tackle this? I am a size 8 but clothes look silly on me. I want to look and feel confident and I don’t know how to do that. I have tried going shopping and trying different outfits but I just can’t seem to find my style or make myself look attractive.

Where do I start? I’m not very fashionable but I’d love to look ‘cool’. I’m a mum and since I had DC I’m so much worse. I basically live in jeans and jtoo big jumpers and a shit bun (which looks crap on me as I have - have always had!- a weird sort of receding hairline)

I eat well, drink lots of water and exercise but my skin and hair are horrible, I can’t do make up no matter how many tutorials I watch and I just can’t dress myself! If I had the money I’d go see a stylist but can’t afford that sadly.
I follow lots of fashion and beauty influencers but nothing seems to work for me.

What helped you transform yourself to make yourself comfortable and proud of your look?

The water thing is a bit strange. We usually have a full range including orange, coke/diet, Prosecco and even beer! I can only imagine they were waiting on a drinks order which is such a shame for you!

Lovey to hear you had such a positive experience tho! Sometimes we do a full two hours of just jeans!! It's so much fun for us as well a lot of the time! Well it is for me anyway.

OP, take a look at Style me happy. It's a colour and body shape analysis service and she does mini shops for each body type a couple of times a year, mostly from affordable shops such as Next, M&S, Uniqlo, etc. I had the colour analysis when I was stuck in a style rut postpartum and it transformed my wardrobe. Learning which colours suit me and which wash me out made me feel so much better when sleep deprived! She's also on Instagram and posts outfit ideas on there.

I think feeling insulted is a bit of an overreaction. Maybe you were standing near the personal shopper section. Personal shoppers aren’t for the unstylish! Think of them as a clothes-mad best friend who’ll do the traipsing around the store for you and be honest as to how you look.

Ha i love my job but not that much! Ha I love that! Im based in the liverpool store for now!

OP, I think I’m a similar size and shape to you and here are a few things I have learned:

• Sometimes tucking things in doesn’t work that well because I haven’t got a very defined waist. High waisted bottoms combined with a cropped-ish fitted top sometimes works better
• Doing exercises to improve my glutes has helped my proportions - when I have more of a bum clothes look better on me
• Oversized or baggy does NOT work. If I have wide leg trousers I need a fitted top/if I have a loose top I need fitted bottoms

It sounds like you need to find one good outfit (top, bottoms, shoes, bag) to get you going? If you just find one picture of one outfit (can be a celebrity or anyone) and then try to find corresponding items. Could you measure yourself to work out your body shape? That will also help you to shop online (especially if you are using vinted/ebay as I always ask the sellers to give me the exact measurements of the clothes so it's not some abstract idea of a size).
Also can I ask what a naive haircut is? (I am out of touch with new hair trends).

When you say your skin looks shit what do you mean?

Pick one item to improve at a time.

I was widowed young and in the time I was caring for dh forgot everything I knew about looking good so I need everything new from knickers to gloves now. He’s been gone 20m and I’m only just starting to get things done like decent haircuts.

It looks terrible. Dull, very wrinkled for my age, I look almost unwell. I’ve seen multiple different skin experts and tried lots of things. I’m currently focusing on hydration and repairing my skin barrier and have tretanoin but nothing improves it. I have sleep issues so that may be involved.

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. When we go through difficult things it’s hard to remember how to put ourselves first. X

Can you post a pic of your skin? It may be something you focus on that isn't so bad to the rest of us?
Facial tanning drops in your usual moisturizer are a good start and will reduce the need for makeup.
Speaking of makeup, if you are not so great at applying it a cheek/lip tint in a colour that suits you will make a massive difference, especially if you are using the tanning drops. If you have pale/wispy eyebrows get them tinted for definition and you really won't need much more to look 'done'.

Anything with an active ingredients going to take 3m minimum to work. Are you wearing a separate sunscreen daily? If your barriers been damaged an active can make it worse so maybe wait until any redness has gone then very slowly start with a very small amount applied in a thin layer every 3 days building up slowly. It’s brilliant stuff but it takes a while to work and for your skin to adapt to it.

Whats helped my skin the most is a £4 Hyluronic acid serum from Tesco, skin hero’s or something but now 4 drops of that with my moisturiser over the top has really helped. Sleep is needed though, everything’s repairing all the time but at night it can really get going if your not doing anything else.

Youtube is brilliant for skincare advice.

Another vote for style me happy, if you join the Facebook group it's full of lovely people with great ideas too.

When you say skincare experts, OP, do you mean dermatologists, beauticians...?

Okay, I can post a temporary picture but I will be deleting it in case anyone sees it that knows me!

I’ve used hyaralonic acid but stopped as someone said it can be more drying.

I look so much older than late 30s. And my face is disproportionate, big nose and tiny lips.

I think the only way to fix the deep lines is Botox which I can’t afford, but if the rest of my skin were healthy I’d mind less. I get a lot of chin spots (dodgy hormones I presume) and huge bags under my eyes.

I try things for months and nothing changes. Yes, SPF50 every day.

I think if my hair and clothes were okay I’d care less about my skin maybe? But maybe not. I genuinely feel embarrassed to go outside, I feel like people are just looking at me think ‘Christ she looks terrible’

I also drink loads of water and follow the rule of 30, ensuring I eat 30 different things (veg, legumes etc) every week. I eat fruit and veg daily, don’t smoke, drink coffee or alcohol.

Well no one’s going to think that you don’t look terrible at all.

I don’t think Hyluronic acid is drying, it draws moisture into its self and holds it there & your a water drinker so you’ve got plenty of that. Your doing all the right things and your skin doesn’t look damaged.

Tretonoin does take months to work and we always expect things to work quicker than that.

How long have you had tret for? Was it off the Dr?

Yeah, going on 6 months now? I use it every other night and then focus on hydration and skin barrier the alternate nights.

I asked on a Caroline Hiron’s group and they said that because it draws out moisture from your skin it can be very drying for some people, so I put it on stop whilst I did other things like jojoba oil, Curel water essence and a barrier repair cream.

I agree with working out what colours suit you.

Apart from that I think the things that make the biggest difference are:

a tiny bit of makeup

eg cc cream (Erborian is good or try one on in a bigger boots) https://amzn.to/4ccWsDA

mascara or brown eyeliner, just a little on your upper lid, don’t try and do a flick or anything too complicated. Or use eyeshadow as a soft eyeliner. Get a short stiff brush to do that.

eyebrow attention, Rimmel eyebrow mascara is good.

Blow dry your hair, wait till nearly dry and then use a hair dryer and brush to dry straight ish.

Couple of bits of jewelry if that’s your thing

Clothes wise you can wear as casual as you like but ‘nicer versions of’ so try jeans that really suit you, lovely trainers, well fitting tshirt or interesting version of.

Also, your skin looks totally normal to me.

Your skin looks great to me! Bloody hell!

very clear, bugger all lines and a lovely olive colour!

small steps… tanning water every second day on face, lipgloss, mascara and a eye cheer one stick colour thingie. Soooooo good.

one good outfit, from top to bottom is what you need to start with. Keep it basic. The best fitting jeans you can find.the best white tshirt, the easiest bag that looks great, a new pair of sneakers.

you’ve got great bones, great skin, great hair colour and are petite! LUCKY

skyofblue sounds awesome, let’s all go to Liverpool!

Or don't bother with make up. It's not compulsory. In those make over shows that used to be on TV, the most transformation was achieved by a really good haircut.

Don't go near Caroline Hirons for skincare. She's one of the influencers who have over pushed strong actives resulting in a lot of damaged skin barriers. She's the kind of "expert" who does more harm than good.
Which is why I was asking what sort of expert you meant.