Maybe a bit deep but...

[Lovethyself123]

Do you engage in style and beauty 'stuff' because you love yourself or because you don't like yourself.

Recently it occured to me that everything I buy from a style/beauty perspective is to change myself or because I feel bad about some particular thing about myself. I rarely buy something just because I love it or because it would make me feel good. Purchases this week:

• cream to hide red veins on side of nose;
• 5x pairs of jeans which might improve the appearance of my post baby pancake bum (will only keep good ones);
• anti ageing cream to deal with haggard face;
• dress which hides almost everything so I can throw it on and forget about my body.

Other things:

• self-flagellating by reading Mumsnet threads about what is dated

-looking at people I went to uni with online to compare how they've aged/see what they are wearing

Do you do/buy things because you want to make yourself feel good and you think 'you're worth it'?! If so, tell me how please ha. I love beauty stuff and I like to look nice but I'd like to come at it from a different angle.

I buy it as a tool that allows me to move more easily among other humans. I like me and I think I look fine really but I want to maintain the social easiness that comes with looking palatable. We're all just mostly-bald apes at the end of the day so why worry about the detail too much.

I do get irritated by people who drag me into that comparison thing, though. Live a full life of adventure, friendship and fucking hot guys or gals and stop the high school angst.

Having never had any interest at all in style and beauty, never worn make up and never worn "feminine" clothes, I can confidently say I love myself - I have dealt with thousands of teenage girls in schools where make up is banned, and seen them suffer, because they have had it drummed into them that they are "not enough" in thier own faces and have to cover up - it is an uphill journey to make them see they are beautiful and lovely without make up. Some have even threatened suicide if not allowed to cover their faces in muck to hide themselves

I have no doubt that make up is all about hating yourself, hating women in general

To be completely honest, most of the nice clothes, shoes and make-up I buy are in support of a fantasy version of myself and life that I somehow hope they will help to make real. Workaday clothes are just reasonably nice and don't have any emotional significance.

When I'm feeling good I take care of myself more, when I'm feeeling awful I don't. So they can of course make me feel more of the same too. I think making effort with my appearance is a treat when I do love myself.

I like looking good as it helps me feel more me. I think that's love.

I just buy clothes that make me feel like me and ignore fashion (can see why others are interested though). Never looking to try and change or hide anything. Make up and skincare, I just find fun (always have).

Currently buying summer clothes to pretend it might be summer. I relate to the ‘fantasy life’ type of approach to clothes shopping.

I look fine and it’s not a love/don’t love myself issue. It’s more of an issue about how I see my life - and currently I would like it to be sunnier.

Interesting question. I think over the years I've grown into loving myself, having had a tough time as a young woman with my body image, and my style and beauty choices reflect that. I suppose I'm quiet confident in myself now.

I've just turned 60, and for the first time I'm having a bit of a wobble coming to terms with getting older, even though I don't think I look my age. Thanks to genetics I have good skin and not too many lines, I rarely wear make up because I'm lazy. I haven't gone grey yet.

So I suppose I'm not too bothered in terms of my face - I don't try to change anything, anyway (other than regular highlights to hide any greys that might have started lurking). I guess I'm fairly comfortable now in my own skin, in a way I wasn't when I was young. It's just that 60 number, I haven't got used to rocking that yet!

Clothes are a different matter, I adore clothes and deciding what to wear every day, what items to put together. I dress for myself, to look good, to portray who I am as a person. I don't buy high fashion items unless I love them, I'm more classic in terms of style. I know what suits me and I buy things that fit well and will last, and now I am older with fewer financial commitments I am prepared to spend a bit more. I love getting compliments on what I'm wearing <shallow>

I love colour, and that's mainly how I express my individuality - I love coloured shoes and coloured bags especially.

I don't know. I just love clothes.

It's self-expression for me. I like to look the way that I look in my head which requires 10 or 15 minutes in front of a mirror in the mornings.
But I don't change much with products. Bit of mascara and eyeshadow, tidy up my naturally curly hair with a curling wand on the straggly bits, properly fitted bra and some cool shoes. Done.

Somewhere in the middle

I love clothes and shopping.
I'm overweight and love how clothes make me feel better a little boost.
I'm a bit plain looking but a Little make up to glow me up!

I love styles and fashion and finding my little niche in it all. Watching trends and the 90s revival.

well, Im 7st into a weight loss plan with only 1st to go so I love clothes shopping and make up. Maybe the novelty of not being obese, unhealthy and miserable will wear off but Im hoping it wont!
TBH Im fairly unatttractive so its not like I'll ever look pretty and Im ace so I dont really care about looking good for other people......I just enjoy it.

I like myself but would really like myself more if I bothered to lose some stones/deal with my awful frizzy hair etc etc..

Clothes wise, unless I am going out I tend to be in t shirt and jeggings or leggings! I do embrace colour though and do wear make up.

Interesting question.

Sometimes because I'm just nosy - love to open a link and see what dress/shoes whatever is recommended

Sometimes because I love to see someone asking advice and being delighted with the results

Sometimes because I want to buy something for a quick adrenaline rush. Usually something reasonably priced though. So that's probably me feeling bad about myself

I just want to be the best version of myself and after years of hiding away and thinking this thing and that thing isn’t for me or whatever I just think why not. I find it empowering.

The year I started university (1980s) there was a deal of student agitation about shops (probably the Body Shop in particular) making people feel bad about themselves so they would buy more products. I liked the Body Shop … I liked smelling of roses and having pepperminty feet - it was fun! By the time I was in my final year I was wafting around Cambridge in a cloud of Joy eau de parfum. It was purely for my own pleasure.

As for clothes - they’ve been a lifelong obsession. I buy beautiful things because they make me happy, and wear them because I need to be clothed. In truth I can barely step outside the house without being assailed by compliments on my outfit - but it is always completely unexpected; I shop with care but mostly get dressed in a mad rush, convinced I’ll be turned away at doors for being too scruffy. I’m definitely not dressing for anyone else.

As I've got older I've realised that giving consideration to the way I look is a form of self-care. When I don't look after myself I don't care what I look like. But when I do look after myself, I do care.

I think I constantly buy clothes in the delusion that I won't then look like a person needing to lose three stone to be honest. I am not a mad cosmetic buyer however sticking with cheaper ends of ranges for that.

I have no doubt that make up is all about hating yourself, hating women in general

🙄

I don't think it's either, really. Creams etc I'd just label under 'hygiene', I know what works for my skin now so I use those products. It's not about hating myself, it's just about enhancing what I have. Ditto makeup (hence eye roll above), I don't slather it on and look unrecognisable, no fillers, no HD brows etc, but I do look better with a little makeup. I enjoy browsing and buying clothes, I like putting outfits together and getting dressed up. Again I wouldn't say it's because I 'love myself', I just sort of exist? And I'd prefer to look nice rather than not make an effort.

But people (women and men) have used cosmetics pretty much as long as humans have existed. And mostly the narrative was about power or seduction, using whatever you had to get what you wanted, not about hating yourself.

A thousand times this.

Most of my purchases are to conceal something - my pot tummy/eye bags and wrinkles/ grey hair/alabaster pale skin. Occasionally I’ll hit on something which I really love that deals with an issue and feel good about myself but for the most part I put effort into how I look because I am deeply insecure about my looks. Stems from years of acne and rosacea and even though these have now gone, I can’t shake that feeling. Plus, other flaws have taken their place - see above!

However, I went out on Sat night and did feel good about myself - got a few compliments from strangers in the restaurant about my hair and dress - one even approached the table to ask me if my hair was real (it’s curly, a bit long and wild and an unusual shade of light strawberry copper). So I will bank this for a day when I’m struggling with my looks.

I used to give very little thought to it, I'd buy stuff that hid the body that I hated. I'd buy cheap crap and not care if it suited me or was fashionable. I've lost 3 stone and now feel really comfortable in my skin and like my body. I buy more expensive stylish clothes that look nice on me. I want to look nice in a way that I never thought about when I hated my body.

I guess I feel annoyed with myself. We each have a 'fun' budget each month and I feel like spend mine on not looking rubbish rather than having fun! DH spends his on fun and interesting hobbies.....

This sounds wonderful! I also went to uni in Cambridge and wafted around in a cloud of feeling out of place, even then!

I'd love to know how you would define your style!

I should say it's also utterly stupid because I am 37, a size 8 and an accomplished professional with 2 DC and a wonderful life. No idea when so much brain space became devoted to my slightly saggy bum!