Maybe a bit deep but...

[Lovethyself123]

Do you engage in style and beauty 'stuff' because you love yourself or because you don't like yourself.

Recently it occured to me that everything I buy from a style/beauty perspective is to change myself or because I feel bad about some particular thing about myself. I rarely buy something just because I love it or because it would make me feel good. Purchases this week:

• cream to hide red veins on side of nose;
• 5x pairs of jeans which might improve the appearance of my post baby pancake bum (will only keep good ones);
• anti ageing cream to deal with haggard face;
• dress which hides almost everything so I can throw it on and forget about my body.

Other things:

• self-flagellating by reading Mumsnet threads about what is dated

-looking at people I went to uni with online to compare how they've aged/see what they are wearing

Do you do/buy things because you want to make yourself feel good and you think 'you're worth it'?! If so, tell me how please ha. I love beauty stuff and I like to look nice but I'd like to come at it from a different angle.

DH spends his on fun and interesting hobbies

It's interesting that you say this. I spent many years buying various outfits, spending extortionate amounts at the hairdressers etc. I'd feel good for a little while but it would always wear off after a relatively short time.

Then I had a shift in mindset and prioritised spending money on things that made me feel good mentally. Books, activities, hobbies etc. The more I did it the better I felt and the less I cared about looks related things.

Maybe try it and start small by buying something you deem a fun thing, not something appearance related.

I think lots of S&B posters would argue that it is a fun and interesting hobby, though. I’ve heard a convincing argument that the reason women so often can’t resist buying more clothes than we need is that changing your appearance is a way of telling the world who you want to be today, and lots of us enjoy the freedom of being more than one version of ourselves. I think that reflects my answer though- I enjoy thinking about clothes because it reflects what I like about myself. If I feel bad I’m more likely to try and disappear.

The only person who can change that is you though? Just stop buying creams (most don't do anything anyway, and you can get reasonably priced skincare with active ingredients that do) and spend it on something you find fun. I feel like fashion/beauty is a fun and interesting hobby for me though

I have no arttistic talent for paint or ink nor any facility with hair or make up, but I love clothes and getting dressed, whether for work or a meeting with (back in the day) DCs teachers. Clothing projects who I want to be on that day. The next day can be different. I don't spend spend a bundle. Most of my clothing comes from UNiqlo or M&S, with a significant element of splurge from Vinted and the local posh frock shop. Styling my outfit for my day is a sparking joy moment I can repeat every day ad infinitum, even at 67 years old.

Quite often, I read the fashion pages in the Times and look at the pictures, and because I am so old, I go "well, I have all those items already in the wardrobe". It probably helps that I don't throw good stuff out to make room for cheaper versions. It also helps that I still fit into most of the clothes that I have bought since I was 30. Some only on very thin days, honestly. But now, I spend more on exercise classes than clothing. I already bought the clothes, now the work and the spending goes into body maintenance.

I'm absolutely not saying that clothing and beauty can't be a fun hobby. I definitely feel it's important to me too but I need to change my mindset so that it actually is fun. I think it's easy to fall into a negative mindset about yourself. Also maybe it's just getting older and realising that my lifestyle and body need different things - the old defaults don't work anymore so I need to experiment. WFH doesn't help - I never want to go back to the office but I did love dressing for work. I liked being smart and my natural style is smarter.

@Lovethyself123 But the clothes you loved feeling smart in for work are almost certainly the styles and shapes that suit you best. So perhaps it's about taking a favourite suit jacket from work days and trying on jeans with it. For me, it has been discovering that the jacket of the summer work suit I bought in 1985 works perfectly over a maxi T shirt dress, even though the skirt is unlikely to button round my waist again. But fashion and silhouettes change subtly so it is worth buying the nice things that make you feel a million dollars, because style is much more about you than it is about what Zara or Shein decree for the next six weeks.

What’s stopping you from wearing those clothes to wfh?

Does anti ageing cream even works?

For me style is an extension of my personality so I’m here to find sources of places where I can find that I like and compliments me

As long as I feel good I don’t care what other people think

There’s no doubt there is a conspiracy to make us feel we need constant improvement - and it can take conscious effort to overcome that. I do of course want to be satisfied with what I see in the mirror - so there’s an investment of time and money in ongoing maintenance, and I probably would start to feel rather stressed if deprived of my cleanser and serum and facial oil. But having achieved a base level of personal acceptability I’m not particularly concerned with working miracles.

I have reached a point where I know that when I’m leaving the house, if I’ve brushed my teeth, used soap and am wearing clean clothes - that is enough. I don’t owe the world anything more, so if I want to do more it’s for my own enjoyment and satisfaction, not because I’m afraid I’ll be scorned by society if I’m not wearing mascara.

I'm with you OP. I feel my S&B purchases are more about self-loathing than self-love!

Because they're just out of place on the school run and then sitting at my computer all day. Not to mention they can't get covered in toddler gunk and washed so easily!

Honestly couldn’t describe my style, @Lovethyself123. On another thread where people were talking about dressing to flatter their best points, a clearly very stylish poster said her best point was probably an eye for clothes (rather than say a trim waist or a well turned ankle). I’d say my style is probably wearing things I love.

It depends on how I feel at each period of my life, I suppose. There have been times when I’ve felt knockout and like I could take on the world (red work dress, high heels, black jacket, killer contract negotiations); others when all I wanted was jeans, T shirt, jumper and blanket (menopausal tough winters). So I guess my clothes are a barometer of mood, my psyche and the weather.
What I can tell you is that I know consciously that I can turn it on if I want to. My mother spent my teenage years telling me how unattractive I was. It probably took me about a decade or so after that to not think about the shape of my nose, to stop dying my hair, to realise there wasn’t a different haircut that would make me look different. There was just me, and I looked fine, and that was enough, and how I wanted to feel and act was up to me. So now if I feel miserable and mooch about in a hoody, or feel great in the summer and put a dress on that shows off a V neck or my legs, I know it’s a choice, and it’s about how I feel about life in general, not how I feel about my looks. Clothes are communication and self expression but not a cure. That’s on the inside.

I used to be more like you OP and at that time I spent a lot more on S&B back then. Now, I tend to buy things a bit less, and I think it's because I like myself more. Exercising helps because I feel better about my body and then that boosts my self esteem, so weirdly by spending £40 a month on my gym and swim membership I probably save the same on new mascaras, face creams and so on!

Also, OP. Go and fish out some photos of you from ten years ago. I bet you looked great. Have a good look at how young and fresh faced and fantastic you looked. Maybe inside you felt insecure or didn’t like this or that but I bet now you think, well damn, actually I looked great.
Now imagine Future You looking at photos of Present You from a distance of ten or twenty years. See where this is going?
You’ll never be as young as you are today. Enjoy it.

"Who I want to be today" is a perfect way of describing it. Some days I want to look like an off-duty Phoebe Philo who wears black wide-legs and trendy trainers. Others a fairisle jumper and chunky boots like a detective in Scandi noir! Today I went a bit 90s in a long denim skirt and Converse hi tops. Tomorrow I might go floaty midi with some Nikes.

Trendy trainers are a gift. The instant update.

I buy things because they are either beautiful, practical or both, or make me look beautiful or practical or, on good days, both. Clothes or a lipstick can be beautiful items in themselves, though. Why not have a lovely pair of pants even if nobody will see them, just because the colour cheers you up?

I've always loved clothes ,- I think I've always seen them as a form of artistic expression

I'm much older and fatter than you but rather than chose clothes that make me blend in (as I used to do when I was younger and thinner) or because they fit, I now only buy clothes that really suit me. I don't care about fashion and I don't wear makeup every day and the makeup I buy isn't expensive.

I get a lot more compliments than I used to but I need them less.

Beautiful lipstick:

https://www.gucci.com/uk/en_gb/pr/beauty/makeup/lipstick/203-mildred-rosewood-rouge-a-levres-voile-lipstick-p-5861699PLP89203

I’d feel sad to think anyone would buy this because they hate themselves. (I’m in love with the pretty packaging - thankfully the colour and texture work perfectly for me.)

I relate to this a lot. I think a lot of us focus on what we perceive to be our worst bits which can be a massive range of potential flaws. You need self love to really address that and to stop telling yourself stories about what you can and cannot wear. I'm not there yet but as I get older I think I really need to appreciate what I've got.

I think what I buy is so I can be the best version of me. It's definitely partly for other people, in that I want to look my best and it gives me more confidence. But I also find it depressing that a lot of people dress so casually now, fine they don't care but overall it just means a less visually appealing society.

It must also be for me because I make an effort even when I'm not going out or expecting to see anyone. Just makes me feel better but that again could just be what I've internalised about what I should see in the mirror.

It's complicated when you are interested in S&B in that am I interested because it just an interest like genealogy or baking or am I interested because I'm using it to address esteem issues.

I take no pleasure in style or shopping. None. I find what I can throw on the easiest, feels comfy, will wash well, doesn't need ironing and will hide my huge belly. Often these type of garments are ugly and unflattering. I fall into a rut of wearing the same things over and over and really don't enjoy getting dressed up. I think it's all to do with my weight and how I feel about myself, like my body is something to be covered up not to flaunt or dress well.

Ive posted before how this past now 14 months Ive made a huge effort on myself. Years of depression, then an injury , left me seriously not caring. I became huge ( for someone so short) didnt give a flying fuck about my hair , face anything. It was all I could do to live

So now I am taking an interest. I have a stylish haircut which I get trimmed every 6 weeks, keep the eyebrows done, got a bit of a skin care regime going and have started to wear cosmetics again

I dont subscribe to fashion but I buy clothes that look good on me and I feel comfortable in. I live very rural, fashion passes us by out this way and half the shops mentioned on here Ive never heard off.

I have saggy arms, bum has disappeared, face is now showing its age , belly is never going to be toned, Im ok with all of that, Im 60 this year, Ive lived a pretty busy life , it shows :)

I now like spending 30 mins in front of the mirror in the morning after my shower. I like getting my hair to sit just right and I like putting on the make up - not a lot, not full coverage, just enough to make me look brighter . I like finding earrings, a neckless. I like to keep my nails done

I do all this for me. Just me.

Am I hiding me? I dont think I am. Sure I wear what I think flatters me, probably as old fashioned as hell but I wear what I feel comfortable wearing.

They played that song on the radio the other day - Wear Sunscreen

Its so true

Like Floisme, I just love clothes. Always have. Clothes and dressing up are a hobby for me.

I love planning what I'm going to wear. Whilst I initially hated the breaking down of proper office clothes, I now like it because it gives me the freedom to wear "not proper office clothes" too. Just my "not proper office clothes" aren't jeans and t-shirts.

I've no interest in the "beauty" part of S&B