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Style and beauty

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DeadbeatYoda · 12/06/2024 21:16

@urbanbuddha
I haven't seen your friend's dress. It was just my opinion of the dress OP has posted.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/06/2024 22:34

TwigletsAndRadishes · 11/06/2024 10:36

Not as sad as it makes me, when I see young women literally killing themselves slowly, putting themselves at serious risk of fertility issues and heightened risk of breast cancer and other lifestyle cancers, sleep apnoea, knackering their knees, hips, ankles and back, putting strain on their heart, making their pregnancies high risk, getting early onset type 2 diabetes, ending up in a mobility scooter by the time they are middle aged, all because we, in our wisdom, have decided that we should destigmatise obesity and encourage 'body positivity.' We've done this so successfully that young people now believe that dangerous levels of obesity are not only nothing to be ashamed of or worried about, they are something to be celebrated FFS.

I am in my fifties and have struggled to manage my weight my whole life. I've had periods of relative slimness where I've managed to be a size 10 to 12 in my 20's then throughout my 30s, 40s and 50s I have fluctuated from a 14 to 16, peaking at a BMI of 35 (which for me was a size 18, I am quite short) during Covid. This coincided with my menopause, mood swings, poor sleep and a lot of boredom / comfort eating and 'rewarding myself' with treats and too much wine to get through that weird time. I've spent the last two years trying to correct that, and it's been hard. I am only managing it now with the help of Wegovy.

My BMI is now 30 but it's still too high and I have a long way to go before I can look and feel properly slim and healthy. I can feel the effect of too many years of being overweight on my joints, my feet and my back in particular. They creak and they ache and they hurt. I've had bloody crippling plantar fasciitis which is exacerbated by being too fat. I've got GERD and a possible hiatus hernia which, if not always caused by obesity, is certainly aggravated by it. I get constant soreness and rawness under my huge sagging boobs, and the breakdown of skin can stink like I am literally rotting alive, unless I use an anti-fungal cream. This is what happens when you get so fat that no air gets into the folds of skin and the moisture is trapped. It's horrific.

I know I huff and puff and wheeze and feel the strain on my heart and lungs when doing anything even a bit strenuous, or having to run or walk very briskly for very long. I know how my flabby thighs rub raw and bleed if I don't wear long knickers designed for fat women to avoid chub rub. Those type of knickers didn't even exist 20 years ago, now they are everywhere because our obesity crisis drives a need for them.

I know how my waist has disappeared and my midriff has thickened in a way that is a warning sign of potential heart problems. I have an unattractive belly overhang and flabby arms, ugly wobbly cellulite thighs and a massive double chin which, even if I manage to get to my goal weight, will never fully go away, just hang around as unattractive loose skin because I am now too old and now lack the collagen needed for it to ping back in place.

So if this is happening to me at a size 16 what the hell is going on with people much, much bigger?

So yes, it makes me very, very sad to see girls less than half my age who are already far bigger than I've ever been, and it took me 50 years to get there. Yet there they are, some of them barely out of their teens and they are twice my size. They can't fit into aeroplane seats. They can barely walk properly. They can't fit their feet into normal shoes. Their otherwise lovely faces are bloated and piggy looking. They lumber around like walruses. Their bellies hang to their thighs. Every time I go into my city I see probably thirty or forty girls and young women in an average day who make me look positively svelte, and I am still a size 16 at 5' 2".

I know that if they don't take action now while they are still young enough, they are setting themselves up for a shortened life of pain, infertility and disability. So yes, it makes me sad. I makes me furious. It breaks my fucking heart that they are being encouraged to embrace what is slowly killing them and to love themselves as they are. It's a disgrace.

I think your post is somewhat alarmist & mawkish. Value laden pejorative language masquerading as concern. You don’t need to be sad for young women.

You are incapable of objectivity and your comments drop disdain and are derogatory to say least. Your description face bloated and piggy looking. They lumber around like walruses Their bellies hang to their thighs. Really? You need to address your self loathing and not project it onto others

. You’re luridly describing the worst case scenario ,which some will experience but it’s not a global experience. Overall a ghastly, very skewed and v subjective post

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/06/2024 22:52

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/06/2024 20:44

Gosh. I hadn’t thought about the long term effects in quite such a dramatic way. I am early 50s and my bmi is down to 32.4 from 38.1. I wasn’t always this way. In fact in my late teens I weighed less than half my current weight. My weight has dramatically increased due to chronic illness and leading to disability. I also had a few major surgeries 4/5 years ago. I am feeling a little better but lack a lot of energy so now am able to slowly lose the weight in the summer months. You’re right, I need to do this otherwise I’m headed for a miserable old age. Also have the overhang unfortunately. A lot of that is due to the abdominal surgeries.

Get the Gp to make an exercise and wellbeing referral, take sensible realistic steps
You are not compelled to action on the basis of a lurid post
wishing you well, and proceed with a plan, you don’t need to be panicked by an alarmist post. Yes do make health changes, keep the motivation. Make sure it comes from good place and not self loathing

TwigletsAndRadishes · 13/06/2024 13:24

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/06/2024 22:34

I think your post is somewhat alarmist & mawkish. Value laden pejorative language masquerading as concern. You don’t need to be sad for young women.

You are incapable of objectivity and your comments drop disdain and are derogatory to say least. Your description face bloated and piggy looking. They lumber around like walruses Their bellies hang to their thighs. Really? You need to address your self loathing and not project it onto others

. You’re luridly describing the worst case scenario ,which some will experience but it’s not a global experience. Overall a ghastly, very skewed and v subjective post

Actually I think it's exactly how most people feel. Certainly people who remember when it wasn't always like this. The majority of people until 20 years ago were a healthy weight, with the odd outlier who was a bit too plump (like me) and morbid obesity was actually very rare. But in recent years we've been browbeaten into staying silent or pretending that we aren't horrified by what we are seeing. We all have to talk in euphemisms now, such as 'curvy' when we mean obese. To not sugar coat our language is considered fat shaming. I know only too well that people are born to come in all shapes and sizes and it's right that we accept that. It's good to see more realistic embodiments of women in particular, in the media and TV and fashion etc.

However, there is a huge difference between that, and this concerted movement of 'Body Positivity' which is deliberately setting out to normalise, and legitimise and de-stigmatise quite alarming endemic levels of obesity in this country. It's a ticking timebomb for the NHS apart from anything else.

I remember going to the USA for the first time in the early 90s and being absolutely gobsmacked at the sheer number of very obese people, and the number of fast food outlets, and the enormous portion sizes that seemed to be the norm there, in comparison to the UK. Here we are 30 years later and we've caught up with them. I don't think I am being alarmist to speak the truth about that.

Zone2NorthLondon · 13/06/2024 22:16

TwigletsAndRadishes · 13/06/2024 13:24

Actually I think it's exactly how most people feel. Certainly people who remember when it wasn't always like this. The majority of people until 20 years ago were a healthy weight, with the odd outlier who was a bit too plump (like me) and morbid obesity was actually very rare. But in recent years we've been browbeaten into staying silent or pretending that we aren't horrified by what we are seeing. We all have to talk in euphemisms now, such as 'curvy' when we mean obese. To not sugar coat our language is considered fat shaming. I know only too well that people are born to come in all shapes and sizes and it's right that we accept that. It's good to see more realistic embodiments of women in particular, in the media and TV and fashion etc.

However, there is a huge difference between that, and this concerted movement of 'Body Positivity' which is deliberately setting out to normalise, and legitimise and de-stigmatise quite alarming endemic levels of obesity in this country. It's a ticking timebomb for the NHS apart from anything else.

I remember going to the USA for the first time in the early 90s and being absolutely gobsmacked at the sheer number of very obese people, and the number of fast food outlets, and the enormous portion sizes that seemed to be the norm there, in comparison to the UK. Here we are 30 years later and we've caught up with them. I don't think I am being alarmist to speak the truth about that.

No, you’re not delivering truth to masses who are in denial.you’re enacting your prejudice in pejorative terms with lurid alarmist narrative
If you want to discuss weight & health there are plenty threads you can join

TizerorFizz · 13/06/2024 23:04

Jeez! It’s only a question about a little dress the op thinks would be nice for an evening do! Can deeper discussions go on another thread? It’s not a nightie - it’s not even a slip dress! It’s a bog standard dress. All this drama about a straightforward question.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 14/06/2024 08:36

SleepingStandingUp · 10/06/2024 17:43

I am covered to the knee, do you think I'm "showing off" my calves/shins because I'm not in baggy ankle length clothes in the sunny weather? Why do you assume anyone cares so much about what you wear?

No, you’re not delivering truth to masses who are in denial.

That's exactly what I am doing. Unless you'd tell those in charge of the NHS that that they are also 'alarmist' when they talk about the obesity epidemic? Unless you'd like to show me the proof that we haven't got much fatter as a nation in the last 20 years?

You may not like my language (because as I said, we've been programmed to talk in euphemisms and to deny the obvious, for fear of offending) but it doesn't change the truth.

I agree this isn't really the ideal thread for this debate. It could be a much more interesting debate with a wider audience in the right topic. But it wasn't me who first took the thread in this direction. If you don't think it's an appropriate direction for this thread then you are welcome to just stop responding to me, so I will stop responding to you.

marciaa · 14/06/2024 08:44

I can't believe people saying it looks like a wedding dress or a nightie. I think it looks great (as long as you have a figure like the model). Go for it.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 14/06/2024 08:47

SleepingStandingUp · 10/06/2024 17:43

I am covered to the knee, do you think I'm "showing off" my calves/shins because I'm not in baggy ankle length clothes in the sunny weather? Why do you assume anyone cares so much about what you wear?

I said I didn't want to draw attention to my legs above the knees. That's not quite the same thing as suggesting that anyone who doesn't cover their legs completely is 'showing them off.' Lower legs are like lower arms. no-one bats an eyelid. If you are lucky to have shapely calves and ankles then great, but if not, you needn't be covered to the ankle. Although if my lower legs were very unsightly then yes, personally I would prefer to keep them covered in trousers or maxi skirts.

I can't comment on you, I have no idea how you feel about your body, or how it looks. I might have an pinion on whether other people are dressing in a way that makes them look worse, not better, but that's just my opinion.

I only speak for myself about my body. I don't want to wear things that I cannot do justice and that do me no favours at all, thanks.

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