Help me look ‘put together’

[crazypiglady]

I’m 43, a stone overweight, my hair is starting to grey which I don’t mind but it’s becoming wiry and I just tie it back, my skin isn’t good. I suffer with depression and feel like it shows, when I’m not at work I’m in joggers and hoodies & look scruffy a family member said recently. Other than losing the weight, I feel like I don’t know where to start but I hope that looking more ‘put together’ might help me feel better during my darker periods. Can anyone relate and offer advice?

I’m the same age and shape. Could do with losing a stone, hair slightly grey and always tied back.

I started going to the hairdresser every couple of months for a semi permanent colour to cover the grey. And I got my hair cut in a bob so it looks tidy but not tied back.

Clothes wise I was dressing the same as you, so I invested in some knitted jumpers and cotton trousers with elastic waists. Shoes wise I stopped wearing trainers and got a pair of soft black casual shoes. I’m still comfy but look a bit smarter.

Photo is not me obviously! But that’s the general look I went for.

Second the smart trousers and knits, and consider deciding on 2/3 colours that look good on you and then getting accessories that match the colour of the knits. So for example pink knit and pink scarf, or blue twin set with a blue necklace or bracelet.

For the summer you could get tops and dresses in said key colours. But stick to very few good quality items. Would suggest handbag in neutral colour so it goes with everything.

One thing that motivated me was watching YouTube videos about capsule wardrobes. I ended up with a small section of my wardrobe for slobby clothes, which I now only wear round the house, on days when I'm cleaning/doing DIY etc. Then I have a larger section for everything presentable. My work doesn't really require me to be smart so I don't have a separate section for that, but you could divide it further. The point is that it's stopped me wearing loungy clothes when I'm seeing people. I spent some time putting outfits together and working out what I needed to buy.

Once I'd done that I felt more motivated to stay on top of basic grooming - hair mask, face mask, paint toenails while watching TV etc. I then started walking to tone up a bit - I'm 47 and also suffer with depression at times and this has helped a lot with my mood. Build things up slowly - one positive change can lead to another once you've got a bit of momentum.

It was rude of your relative to say that.

Oh, and you're only 43 OP. Have some fun with it. I'm not sure matchy scarves, twinsets, elastic waists and comfy shoes are the way to get motivated to look better, personally!

Try and move it up a level. So, slightly more flattering hoody and joggers or even jeans. Not both baggy. Colours that vaguely coordinate.

Thank you this is really encouraging, it was the scruffy remark that bought me up sharp really, made me realise I’m showing on the outside what I’m feeling inside.

I never thought about trousers for home days, I guess cos I live in black trousers at work. And knits, sort of smart jumpers? I used to get my nails done but it was wrecking them & costing a fortune so I’m trying to keep on top of making sure they’re polished & presentable. My hair I think like a previous poster has suggest I’ll need to get cut off.

What sort of places could I look at for a capsule wardrobe? I had my colour season done ages ago as a birthday present & that lady said I was an ‘autumn’ but I tend to wear black, blue, pink.

I feel like my skin is showing its age - what brands of makeup and skincare should I be looking at to help with that? I normally just use Cerave as it’s cheap & does the job.

Ooo and I love the idea of casual smart shoes that aren’t trainers - any other suggestions for these? I wear ballet pumps to work.

Re suddenly wiry hair - I find a couple of squirts of hair oil (don't overdo it) rubbed between my palms and then scrunched through my hair before blow drying makes a difference. I use a Pantene one.

I like loafers for work. I'm seeing a lot of Mary Jane styles around too.

What’s your diet like? In all probability you need to triple the amount of fruit and veg you eat and cut out almost all ultra-processed food, and sugar. Invest in a weekly veg box (if you already do, increase your order).

Determined intermittent fasting for perhaps three months will shift weight. (Google and choose the hours that work best for you.)

Giving up alcohol - if only for a limited period. - will also help hugely.

How do you sleep? If badly - have your hormones checked, but also consider your physical activity and environment. (And alcohol again.) Obviously stress might interfere with sleep as well - that’s a harder thing to solve.

As others have said - take yourself to a good hairdresser who should be able to work with your hair as it now is.

Then you could look to your wardrobe.

I wear these (Italian brand called 4CCCCEES) a lot, with wide-legged woollen trousers in winter and wide-legged culottes in summer. My summer ‘uniform’ is a thin cotton knit tucked into slouchy culottes, or a v-neck T-shirt.

I’m ten years older, but think I went through the same in my early 40s, the hard years for me had started to show.

i stopped drinking and went on happy pills for a start :) (obvs a huge backstory to this that I won’t bore you with, but I was in a dark place).

I can happily say, I’ve now quite got my shit together and look better and feel better a decade later.

wear nice clothes. Every day. I love wide leg jeans, basic vests and overshirts at home. Always wear some silver bangles or necklaces, or earrings. I never wear black, it ages and depresses me. I think it’s great on people with fantastic skin or young people!

every am/pm, self love by spending 5 to 10 minutes in skin care. Cleanse, tone, moisturise, oils, serums. Sure creave is all you need (so my dermatologist says), but the whole process of using nice smelling products, a face massage (loads of tools around too, red light, marble rollers, pulsing tjingies!!!) who knows what works, but it FEELS NICE!!!

I get my brows done which makes the most insane, in a good way, difference to my face. I love them.

twice a week I do the works in the shower, and do a deep hair conditioning treatment., face mask, eye gel tjingies, listen to a meditation podcast, rinse it all off, dry and style hair, bit of oil, hop into clean sheets and listen to another meditation to get me off to sleep

I colour my own hair, semi permanent, go lighter than what you think you should, and get to the hairdresser to get it done professionally once or twice a year

i am not rich I feel I should point out. Everything is done in a budget, it’s possible. My hair dye costs ten bucks, my clothes are from trade me, my skin care is samples, freebies and starter packs. Natural, local skincare brands are often more affordable

talk to your friends, ask for help. Be your own project, be happy and good luck ;)

yoga helps too xxx

pale pink fingernails and dark dark red on toenails!

Melissa Murrell on YouTube gives some great ideas on neutral colours, capsule wardrobe, hiding problem areas etc.

I am also in the same boat and have found her stuff useful.

Totally agree with PP about getting a decent haircut & colour. You can wear a potato sack & still look ok if your hair is styled well.

I also find that a spritz of perfume makes me feel more confident. It's the whole fake it till you make it.

Clothes wise, be comfortable in colours that suit you and don't do double baggy. Baggy tops are for straight trousers. Wide trousers need fitted tops.

And don't forget to have fun. Clothes aren't meant to be a uniform.

I echo Melissa Murrell & also Invest in style on Instagram. Lots of ideas for nice clothes, both basic well cut jeans/jumpers & smarter wear at everyday stores/prices. You're really not very much overweight at all. Just get out of your joggers & hoodies & you will feel a whole load better.

Go for a walk in a local park/beautiful area & get some Vitamin D. We're all a little depressed after this long winter. I guarantee you will feel better. And maybe try some Rosehip oil from the Ordinary - anti-aging & moisturising.

I also echo Melissa - she shows how you can wear pretty casual stuff but look far from scruffy. Casual comfortable clothes are very on trend.

Hair cut and start styling it. I was stuck in a rut of tying mine back everyday and it's naturally very frizzy. I didn't realise how it scruffy it looked until I had a photo taken at work. I started using hair oil to control the frizz and I either straighten it when I can bothered or do overnight curls. Makes a huge difference.

Diet is all over the place and yes booze has to go for mood and weight.

Im glad previous poster mentioned budget, I tend to fall into the Instagram trap of I need to buy this, get facials, purchase that, all of which I know I can’t afford so end up thinking why bother.

Def agree with sorting out your hair. Im very grey but dye mine, also regular haircut into a smart bob (I do all this myself so free of charge!!LOL).
Develop a regular skincare routine and stick to it, and try and apply some basic make up most days, just some tinted moisturizer, mascara and lip glass can make a big difference.
If you are a joggers and hoodie gal try and make sure they are 'nice' ones!
Also I would say matching accessories can be an easy way to make you look put together, so either a scarf and boots or handbag (it just makes you look like you've thought about it!!).
Finally Id say invest in a decent coat. Doesnt have to be expensive, just look abit smart. I have a lovely light grey long single breasted coat I bought in a New Look sale....if I chuck it on over my hoodie and leggings I look instantly like Ive made an effort!

Can I ask which shoes you got? I have dr martens and solovairs but the both rub my ankles to shreds.

Oh, and you're only 43 OP. Have some fun with it. I'm not sure matchy scarves, twinsets, elastic waists and comfy shoes are the way to get motivated to look better, personally!

god this! OP is 43 not 73.

Are there any fashion influencers who you like? It might be worth seeing if they have a capsule wardrobe post/video (often with links to the items) e.g.

https://www.shopltk.com/explore/kateehutchins/collections/11eeedbea13c068bbf4f0242ac110013

I think this influencer is in her twenties but has a classic style.

John Lewis has a free styling service which might be worth a go:

https://www.johnlewis.com/our-services/personal-styling

"Oh, and you're only 43 OP. Have some fun with it. I'm not sure matchy scarves, twinsets, elastic waists and comfy shoes are the way to get motivated to look better, personally!

god this! OP is 43 not 73."

That is just super-rude and uncalled for. Just because some frumpy people wear twin sets and scarves, it does not follow that everyone who does so is frumpy or elderly. Some do the smartest people I know (ages from mid-20s to mid-40s) wear twin sets with matching scarves more often than not. The key is to choose clothes that are smart and appropriate to your age** and shape. My super-smart 28-year old junior wears a camel mini-skirt with socks and loafers with blocky heels and looks like she has just stepped off the catwalk. If I did that, people would, rightly, laugh.
So, back to the OP, below are some capsule wardrobe ideas.

A lot of the time you can find good pieces in Zara or Boden, and also from online discounters like Brandalley.

For smart shoes that are not trainers, I tend to go with patent loafers in basic colours (navy, black): they are low maintenance, comfortable and easily dress up or down.

Ah that’s really handy, the capsule wardrobe thing, like with the red cardie I can see how that’s styled lots of different ways, all smart, I like that.