Look a little more foxy and less frumpy in late 50’s

[Itsanothermanicmonday]

I am late fifties, tall, overweight, a glasses wearer (I now can’t wear contacts) with shortish hair that I deliberately let go grey over lockdown. I bought a new outfit that fitted and had my hair done and thought I looked as ok as I could do.

But I am bigger than I have ever been and feel like I have lost my way and let myself go. Weightwise I am bigger than I have ever been, looks wise (I feel tired and look tired), make up wise and image wise (I need a refresh). I know what colours I suit clothes wise but everything else has gone to ruin.

I have spent sometime over the weekend with some slimmer, younger, richer, more higher maintenance female family members and a comment was made by someone (not in our party) and that has upset me. I have also seen the photographic evidence of me at the event. How can I still feel comfortable but a little more foxy (without wearing high heels, anything low cut or short and tight) and feel a lot less frumpy and where do I start?

Need to rephrase that I want to look less worn out and look better, making the most of myself rather than looking like I have given up.

Other family members are slimmer, have longer hair, don’t have grey hair and are around ten years younger.

What makes you feel good? New haircut? Lipstick? Jewellery? A particular style of clothes?
That could be a good place to start.

Could have written your post. Watching...

Go for a drastic haircut. Honestly it’s the one/only thing that will have a big visual impact and might force you into bolder decisions on other things like changing glasses or clothes. worse case you hate it - it will grow out and you can embrace hats/hair accessories for a few weeks. especially if you already have short hair, I’d go for it.

Can you cultivate a style you feel confident and happy with that doesn't involve tight short and heels?
Like flowy arty dark colours or slouchy trouser suits with brogues (although going by your description you may look too masculine in this??) or soft flowy knits.

Something like these

Maybe dye your hair so that it is back to its original colour? If short hair doesn’t suit you (you don’t comment on this in your OP) grow it a little - but if you have a great short cut that suits you, leave it be.

Get a makeover at Bobbi Brown or the like, and buy/use the products if you are happy with the results.

Regular eyebrow shape.

Teeth whitening (subtle) if your teeth are dark.

I can’t really comment on clothes because I’m not very stylish. But I would say that I’ve seen women who look like you describe yourself out on a Saturday night in bootcut trousers and “a nice top” and they look old fashioned. It seems to be a uniform for overweight women of around sixty who want to blend into the furniture tbh.

I am sorry that you overheard someone saying something mean about you personally. This can be confidence-knocking. I remember how a 50yo friend of mine felt when someone thought she was the mother of her colleague (40) at a conference.

Have you considered trying to lose weight. For me, it's been the biggest de-frumping thing I could have done, and it would make you feel much more confident about yourself.

Only if you want to, of course. I'm not meaning all women need to be a certain size.

I am 64 , but otherwise as you describe. I’ve recently begun wearing leggings because they help with a dodgy hip. I can’t wear my old tops with them, because no one needs to see my arse, or my old shoes and coats, because they look ridiculous. I didn’t want to look like I was pretending to be 19. I asked the personal stylist , Frillseeker who does AMA on here, and she made mostly great suggestions. I wasn’t expecting it, but I have gone from feeling old and knackered to quite stylish. Lots of compliments. Partly about new clothes, but a lot about having to think about it more. I’ve started making sure I have eyebrows and lashes before I go out and I’m taking my hair for a long overdue cut this week.I feel really happy. Is there anyone among your family or friends who would be able to help? I’m not suggesting leggings are the answer for you, but maybe you have a go to shape of clothing or colour that isnt working for you anymore. But also, read the frillseeker thread. Also have a look at That’s not my Age, a blog by a wonderful 60 year old fashionista. I hope you enjoy the journey.

The founder of Biba was interviewed in the paper yesterday, she's in her 80s. She said her biggest fashion tip was stay skinny.

Waaaay easier said than done, but in my experience she's making a fair point.

Other family members are slimmer, have longer hair, don’t have grey hair and are around ten years younger.

Well you've answered your own question there, op. The only thing you can't change is your age.

I second the suggestion for Thatsnotmyage blog. She is just turned 60, embraces grey hair, comfortable clothes with nothing too tight or revealing and always looks stylish and modern. I take a lot of inspiration from her.

Personally I’d shove on a decent red lipstick that suits me (Pat McGrath categorises hers in cool or warm shades which is helpful) and some good earrings. Chunky pearls will highlight your skin (I don’t mean plain pearl studs - something a bit more interesting).

@CopperColoured can I ask you how do I watch the blog?

I know grey hair seems to be in these days but personally I will be clutching the hair dye until I dye

Get a really sharp cut, sharp edges, get glasses which emphasise your eyes rathter than hide them

I personally would wear things like tapered ankle length trousers or jeans with turn ups with funky flats, DM type of things, not awful ballet flats, or smart brogues, biker jacket or smart denim jacket.

I think there is a tendency for us older women to try to look 'classic' and thats fine if you suit that, I personally dont so Im channelling the me of the 80s as much as poss.

I think that if you're a bit overweight, classic can overspill into frumpy. Also, something Ive noticed since losing weight, I used to look for baggy/floaty things thinking it disguised my size, it didnt, it just made me look like a big old baggy floaty frump

Here you go @Ladybird69

https://thatsnotmyage.com/outfits/

I find there is plenty to inspire without signing up to the subscriber content. I like her philosophy of being confident and comfortable in your clothes. It feels like having a knowledgeable and supportive friend to suggest trying this or that, a new colour, a different shape, a new texture. I'd got into a bit of a rut but didn't really know what I wanted my 'look' to be in my late 50s with a post menopausal body. I've got a few new things but mostly started wearing some of my stuff in different ways with different accessories. I feel interested and excited by clothes again.

Try browsing Pinterest too. There is some good inspiration there for outfits, make up, glasses etc. It also encouraged me to curate outfits out of clothes that I already have,

Thanks @CopperColoured I’ll check it out. Need a bit of inspiration x

a good funky haircut, a pair of hooped earrings and a bit of lipstick can work wonders.

Is there a style that you felt good in in the past that you can adapt to now?

I agree about what @soupfiend says re not necessarily embracing classic style. I certainly don't suit it and never have. I think I wear a version of what I always have, as it feels like me - that's clothes that are practical, but have an element of retro or statement about them. Not sure if that's foxy, though 🤔. I'm early 50s.

Older French women always seem to look amazing. Check out some of their blogs perhaps?

Thanks all I will look at all the links and suggestions properly when I have more time but thank you for the helpful suggestions so far.

I agree and think the best thing I can do is to start loosing weight and trying to tone up but it will be a long process as I have a lot to loose.

My hair was an inch or two longer last week and is in a kind of bob length/shape but was cut and blow dried smooth for the occasion, it is also naturally wavy/curly so if I have a short cut it very quickly and easily grows out of the shape/style so is hard to maintain, my glasses are fairly nice, I also had my eyebrows waxed and tinted last week, I just I look wrinkly tired and old round the eyes (I can’t afford botox or whatever cosmetic solutions are available or hair extensions and my hair takes ages to grow).

Regarding my hair colour hairdressers love my natural colour and I get a lot of compliments from people saying if I thought mine would go that colour I wouldn’t hesitate to go grey and others say I am very brave to go grey as they wouldn’t dare which makes me question it.

Also I don’t wear boot cut trousers and a nice top. At the weekend I wore a fairly brightly coloured long tunic top, tapered light colour trousers and flat shoes, also had nice bright jewellery. This was a new style for me and maybe I wasn’t feeling it. I really like the look of one of the photos above with long blazer, jeans and flats but maybe I am too big too pull it off.

For goodness sake! You’re miserable because ‘other family members … are ten years younger’?

Can you guess how many years older they’ll be in ten years. If they’re still alive? Can you?

This is the sort of shaping I was thinking about OP, not a tunic top, I think they can look a bit frumpy, Im not great at doing pictures or links, hope this turns out ok

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/287948969914093700/

I’m not miserable today @BlossomBlossomBlossom this is not an AIBU thread where you berate the OP. I appreciate I am lucky to be alive and I am just trying to give myself a reality check and improve myself so I will feel better at the next occasion. As I looked and felt frumpier on the photos than I would have liked.

I totally get they are both younger, slimmer and both have much bigger budgets to spend on clothes, grooming, make up, hair footwear botox, teeth whitening, exercise and fitness (one has a personal trainer and dietician) etc etc. I wouldn’t go down the botox and cosmetic surgery route but I would like a bit of a confidence boost.