Look a little more foxy and less frumpy in late 50’s

[Itsanothermanicmonday]

I am late fifties, tall, overweight, a glasses wearer (I now can’t wear contacts) with shortish hair that I deliberately let go grey over lockdown. I bought a new outfit that fitted and had my hair done and thought I looked as ok as I could do.

But I am bigger than I have ever been and feel like I have lost my way and let myself go. Weightwise I am bigger than I have ever been, looks wise (I feel tired and look tired), make up wise and image wise (I need a refresh). I know what colours I suit clothes wise but everything else has gone to ruin.

I have spent sometime over the weekend with some slimmer, younger, richer, more higher maintenance female family members and a comment was made by someone (not in our party) and that has upset me. I have also seen the photographic evidence of me at the event. How can I still feel comfortable but a little more foxy (without wearing high heels, anything low cut or short and tight) and feel a lot less frumpy and where do I start?

All my weight not 'me' weight

• brighter lipstick but keep make-up light in general
• being a bit more active and eating healthy food should help you loose a bit of weight. You don't want to be too skinny though as it will make your face look less healthy
• a new haircut
• focus on your own style: something that makes you feel good. I find that having few bright coloured items cheered up my wardrobe
• the usual drink enough water and get enough sleep
• HRT if you can?
• Pilates has been amazing with helping with regaining some definition in my abs/belly...

I get a lot of my clothes from charity shops so it does not have to cost a fortune.

I wonder if you're making the mistake I used to make (now I realise, only now!!) when I was a 24.

So loose flowy tops that are tunic style in length. Thinking they 'skim' and are 'slimming'

But although Im 5'6 (alright, 5'5 and a half!!), my legs are ridiculously short. What the tops were doing, were elongating my already out of proportion body and making my legs look dumpy

Now, having lots weight, I have quite a big stomach still, but I dont let that make me buy longer tops, I buy quite short tops, this has the effect of lengthening my legs.

If over the years as you've put on weight, you've been buying tops to go over your belly and bum, you'll have been making your legs look shorter by default.

I also dont think jeans are just a casual thing, they can be dressed up or down and trainers arent casual either, they can also be used as part of a 'smart' outfit, dependent on top, jacket, bag, scarf whatnot.

Im not 'edgy' in anyway shape or form but I do have a few pairs of DMs in different types.

OP this is who you need, Im working my way through her videos now. Another thread poster put this link up for her, she is hilarious.

I am working to dump the frump as well

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She's great but just saying - she's very slim.....

Yes I thought exactly that, and with great skin. This is not like me with my massive sticky out tummy and dull complexion with age spots!!

But, im drawn to it because the clips I saw where she is advising about tucking things in and making tweaks in terms of how you wear things, dont rely on needing to be slim or have good skin, its simply about how you wear it. And because I've realised myself that I should have been creating a silhouette for myself instead of hiding away under massive frumpy shapeless things, it aligns with what she is saying. I like her humour even if I dont like everything she is wearing

OP you sound lovely and I’m loving a lot of these helpful suggestions 😊

The incident with the family member making the twin ‘joke’ - I feel like she wasn’t being on your side here and was inviting a comment from the bloke. She was fishing for a compliment. A bit nasty. So remember her issue is just that - hers, her insecurity and need to make a little jab for her own benefit. You’d probably never be so underhand so you’re the winner really 🌟

I sympathise.
It's so easy to lose your way in your late 50's & weight can creep on so quickly at that age. It's happened to me.

What works for me:

I'm 60 & have plantar Fasciitis too.
I have lots of Vionic boots & shoes + insoles for my other shoes. I also do a lot of walking because I have a dog.

I buy hardly anything these days, as I have all my clothes on the Whering App & I have go-to outfits that I know suit me without thinking. Staying a regular weight means your clothes fit & you don't have to buy new ones.

When I get past a certain weight I look frumpy too & then I realise I have to lose it. Dieting is hard at this age & especially if you have a lot to lose. Weight loss injections may help give you the impetus to diet. Also My fitness Pal is useful for a daily food tracker.

Dieting helps you to feel in control & better about yourself. But you need to feel good too so some new make up & a change in hairstyle will all help.

There's lots of updated 80's style around these days. What outfits do you feel comfortable in? You need a couple of outfits you feel good in to tide you over.
If you're tall wide leg linen trousers/jeans should look good with a linen/denim shirt over a vest top maybe?
If you dress in a column of the same colour with a contrasting shirt say & a long pendant necklace to draw the eye down, that will work.

I do find it helpful to store pictures of the spring outfits I like for inspiration on the Whering app. Also there are several Instagrammers that are your shape for inspiration.

Thanks OP and soupfiend really good suggestions.

If you say it in a northern accent 'me' is fine 😂

Thanks @AtrociousCircumstance I didn’t see it like this. She is pretty, petite, very slim and toned. I find her easy to get along with in short bursts. But she is high maintenance. She is the one who has spent a fortune on a PT and dietician, has regular cosmetic treatment, nails done weekly, has hair extensions, a wardrobe full of designer clothes, is very successful in her career, comes across as very bubbly but she is maybe less confident than she makes out and tends to rub some family members up the wrong way so is perhaps less well liked and more insecure than I imagined.

Midlifechic.com is worth checking out. My style (& lifestyle ) is absolutely nothing like hers but she is really good at analysing trends, shapes etc and pulling together pieces from retailer's current stock. (Usually the likes of John Lewis, M&S, Boden). She's done some great posts on how to work out what shapes suit you, what leg length etc so worth checking out her previous posts.
Melissa Murrell on YouTube is a ' Stylist for the everyday woman's. Again, I dress nothing like her but the tips on proportions, break points, teaming items is useful if you feel stuck. She does videos where she dresses women of all shapes and sizes from standard high street brands.
I have no affiliation with either of the above, just found them useful when I've been floundering.

Lots of good advice, here. I think you just have to find what works for you, style-wise. You want to feel like you, so you feel confident and comfortable in your clothes. I certainly wear a version of what I have always liked, as that feels like me.

I have silver/grey curls and don't necessarily think that's a problem. If your hair is in good condition, it will look good. I use a shampoo by Jean Paul Myrne in Black Poppy (for a more pewter look) or Grey Pepper (for a silvery look), that I was recommended on here. I have had strangers ask me about what I use on my hair in the street, so would heartily recommend.

I think you're right to take baby steps to health and fitness. I did this 12yrs ago, and because I did it slowly, the habit has stuck. Any resistance exercise is particularly good, as it builds muscle (in a toned, not bulky way - v difficult for women to bulk up) which we lose as we age, if we're not careful.

Start exercising, it's the best thing for your confidence and mental health. Do it to feel strong and powerful. As a natural side effect you will lose weight and feel better about yourself.

I thought the same about your relative, actually. Don’t fret too much about your weight. A 22 at 6 ft is like a 14 at 5.ft 4 . One of my neighbours is 50s, 6 ft with a very short silver bob, usually worn curly. She is probably an 18 and the sexiest woman I know. It is just not possible for men to speak to her without becoming gibbering wrecks. She wears straight leg Levi’s, slouchy Ts and big cardigans. Clumpy boots or trainers. And the sweetest smile. She’s lovely.

I have also had to restyle myself in mid-life due to putting on weight/changing body, and it was hard.

My top tips are: individually all the parts of your outfit and your style sound ok, but it's the combination that is not suiting you or making you look older. If you had a sharp grey bob, but paired it with the jeans/white t-shirt/slouchy blazer comb and nice trainers (of course you can wear trainers, get a nice beige or white pair that you like), then this will give a whole different vibe than if you have a grey bob but pair it with a floral polyester top...(which is kind of what you seem to have done).

Things to think about are- what about new glasses that are very stylish? I can't get these as my eyes are so bad I can't get big fashionable ones, but you may be able to do this. I'd also keep the grey hair if you love the colour (or dye it if you don't) but make sure the bob is sharp and trendy, not just hanging down at an in between length. I also think that cotton, linen, leather and suede look great, compared with polyester and nylon. I know these days they are hard to get fairly cheaply, but try Vinted. A smock in a cool linen colour would have been fine, a polyester one isn't so stylish. Similarly, a cotton safari-type dress would look amazing on you, given your height, but a polyester midi-dress, not so much.

Footwear is also an easy way to update your look. You don't have to go DMs if it's not for you but chunkier footwear/boots in winter, and great trainers in summer are an easy way to update your look, I like the neutral colour ones (beige, brown, cream, pink) instead of white as I'm bored with white. You can wear them, you just choose not to, which is fine, but nothing is preventing you trying these looks. If not, loafers, again in pale colours like tan look really stylish,

Also, I can't believe a cotton or linen blazer with a cami underneath is hotter than a polyester blouse. I do occasionally wear polyester, but I do wear lots of denim, linen, cotton, suede shoes and so on.

With your height and given you are in proportion, a lot of new looks would suit you, such as white linen trousers, straight denim skirts, safari dresses with a belt, you could also wear cropped trousers in navy or black with a cotton blazer and t-shirt and loafers. I would not wear midi-dresses at all unless you are very sure you can style them well, as if they are with other not-stylish things, the whole look just doesn't go well for the middle-aged (IMO).

Hope that helps!

I do also agree losing weight and exercising will help, or rather it has helped me feel more powerful and confident, and stops the middle-aged shelf/bust which I had (less like a barrel now round the middle). This is a personal choice though, and it's harder at our age than at others. This has opened up my clothing choices a lot though as I wasn't in proportion so it was getting harder and harder to find clothes that fitted all over, now I'm back to overweight but proportional, it's much easier, I'm not advocating aiming for skinny unless that's your natural build.

@ItsallIeverwanted apologies for any confusion the long top short I wore was most definitely a 100% cotton. This wasn’t the top I wore it was a similar style and length but more patterned and brighter colours. I hate polyester and nylon etc it makes me itch and overly warm.

Thanks for all your suggestions. With my hair being naturally curly it never really looks sharp.

https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=2f37674a3ad0ce97&rlz=1C1CHBF_enGB1084GB1084&sxsrf=ACQVn08Gwtk8J7wdgOEjiTCRJUOYCbRKAw:1711998186811&q=Choppy+short+curly+hairstyles+for+Grey+hair&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiIsp-e2qGFAxVAa0EAHT6mBpUQ1QJ6BAhMEAE&biw=1280&bih=665&dpr=2

If you like your hair colour though, I think it's just a question of styling it in a messy but stylish way, tonged perhaps?

I also think you could wear a jumpsuit if you are tall, but perhaps in fairly plain colour, then accessorise, as you mentioned you used to wear them when young, and I think revisiting your youth, but styling it more as you are now works great- although my limit is hot pants which I think I'm going to have to leave behind for ever! I do wear denim though, and a clean-lined leather jacket very similar to one I had in my late twenties.

@Itsanothermanicmonday my curly hair never looks sharp, either! Mine is long, too. I tend to contrast it with cleaner lines in clothes, either masculine/unisex or more edgy. The most stylish people embrace who they are, so it's recognising your personal style. Also, learning lottle, styling tweaks, it's often how you wear something. Your tunic, I would possibly have tucked, knotted or worn undone like a duster over something more fitted, so it had more definition - but that's my personal style.