Look a little more foxy and less frumpy in late 50’s

[Itsanothermanicmonday]

I am late fifties, tall, overweight, a glasses wearer (I now can’t wear contacts) with shortish hair that I deliberately let go grey over lockdown. I bought a new outfit that fitted and had my hair done and thought I looked as ok as I could do.

But I am bigger than I have ever been and feel like I have lost my way and let myself go. Weightwise I am bigger than I have ever been, looks wise (I feel tired and look tired), make up wise and image wise (I need a refresh). I know what colours I suit clothes wise but everything else has gone to ruin.

I have spent sometime over the weekend with some slimmer, younger, richer, more higher maintenance female family members and a comment was made by someone (not in our party) and that has upset me. I have also seen the photographic evidence of me at the event. How can I still feel comfortable but a little more foxy (without wearing high heels, anything low cut or short and tight) and feel a lot less frumpy and where do I start?

Any need?

It sounds as if that style didn't feel like you. I agree that That's not my age and Pinterest are very helpful. I lost my mojo about 10yrs ago and had an image consultant (she was a friend of a friend) which helped me refind my style. I also like Alyssa Beltempo on YouTube who does a shop your closet and looks at lots of small tweaks. She uses a range of different bodytypes/ages etc. for inspiration.

The tunic shirt top I wore was similar to this one but as I am tall it was long but wasn’t massively long. It hid my tummy, was cool to wear so I wasn’t feeling overly hot and flustered but wasn’t too loose and baggy or too tight. My husband said it looked good on and was flattering (maybe he lied) or has no idea what he was talking about.

That's style tweaks, not the face-lift kind.

Don’t think yourself old. Age disgracefully if you like. Just do t feel you need to act, look a certain way because you are older, bigger, greyer. Have a good think about who you are and what you like then go for it. Nobody else’s ideas will be quite right.

I’m sorry that someone in your family gathering was rude about your appearance. I think this is the heart of the issue - it’s them, not you. Please don’t think less of yourself because another woman has made a nasty comment about the way you look.

Thanks. It was a man in a restaurant who wasn’t part of our party. Myself and one of the other females in our party were carrying birthday balloons out of a restaurant and a man commented about it being our birthdays or something similar. The other much smaller, slimmer, prettier, younger female I was with commented and made a joke and said yes it’s our birthdays, we are twins - identical twins. The man then said I know I might have had a bit to drink but I haven’t had that much or similar to that. I just felt awful and embarrassed. If I had been feeling good it definitely wouldn’t have bothered me but then when I saw the photos later I thought I need to make some changes.

It’s not all to do with clothes I think, it’s how fit and flexible you are, how much muscle you have. Instead of trying to lose weight, could you start weighs and yoga? That will help

Nothing offensive about the top OP, but nothing particularly stylish and modern. Its the sort of thing aimed at the 'mature'. (IMO and Im no expert)

Im also trying to find my way without looking like a throwback!

Something can be flattering to your figure in theory, comfortable to wear, and yet do nothing for you all at the same time. That kind of top is something that covers your body - it's not going to DO anything for you. It's all the words I don't ever say out loud because they're misogynistic and ageist, it's just not good.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so overweight rn that just finding something that fits is enough so I'm in the same boat. And someone thought I was my colleague's mother the other week (she's three years younger than me) - I know how much it hurts. But that kind of clothing isn't going to help you find your mojo.

I think you can look very matronly in smart clothes at our age. I stick to more casual things, jeans etc but buy good quality tops in linen. Also, I think trainers or Doc Martens can help you look a little more edgy, particularly if worn with dresses.

Can you address the weight issue slowly as that seems to be your main problem.

As for hair, maybe some highlights/lowlights to brighten the grey. I often wear hats (berets mostly) which takes the focus away from your hair.

This ^ with bells on.

Also you will never really actually “look” younger as such. And what is the point of that anyway? Photographs are nearly always proof of this. Though in real life, I think people can look a little more vibrant because of their spirit and a more vibrant spirit is not quite the same thing. Some people just have it, regardless of what they wear, and some people seem to express it through their clothes etc.

In this case it involves some interest in clothes, design, etc. Needn’t be expensive, but it does take time. I also think fifties to sixties is quite a time of change and what suits you at 55 doesn’t always look right at 65. I should get rid of some of my stuff now I am closer to the latter. I think timeless, casual or dressy, vibing into your OWN STYLE whether clothes, jewellery, make up, hair, handbag, helps. It does help to be slim, but I don’t think you have to be thin. An extreme example, perhaps, but super – stylish Zandra Rhodes is in her 70s or 80s, hardly a style size zero, but has an ageless quality about her. Getting a little bit fit - weights, swimming etc - can help for sure with posture, sleep, energy and mood.

I’d say, take it slowly, OP. Experiment a little bit trying on clothes, getting ideas for your hair, experimenting with some make up etc. All this does take a bit of time and energy and money, though some go for some trade mark look like always wearing black or white. You could even wear jeans every day if they looked good, and just vary tops etc.

Lose weight? Nothing makes middle aged women lose their way more than being overweight.

“It ain’t what do you do, it’s the way that you do it, that’s what gets results” 🎵🎶🎵

fun boy 3.

Give us some idea of what your hair looks like. You says it's a nice grey. I'm sure it is. What about some silver highlights to lift it?

I could've written this last year. I've made a few changes that have helped, I don't feel like I'm there yet, but I'm certainly feeling better than I was even just a few months ago.
Make a list of the things about your appearance that you are struggling with, or the things you notice that make other women seem more polished than you, or that you admire/like. Then tackle them. You don't have to go all in like some people do, it doesn't have to be expensive or high maintenance.
You like your hair, so don't change that, but maybe think about having it styled/blowdried next time you are going out for an event.
Weightwise, find a few go to outfits that you feel really great in at this weight. John Lewis offer free personal shopping sessions. you book, turn up and give a brief. The personal shopper goes and fetches things for you to try, there is no obligation to purchase. I took note of the details of things that made me feel good. For example, what was the neckline like, what was the fabric that skimmed instead of clung, what length or skirt or trouser highlighted my slim ankles, are patterns better than plain? Then I've tried to remember those things when shopping myself.
Just a few small changes have helped me feel quite a lot better. I'm also enjoying figuring it out, and I'm hoping to get to a point where I know exactly what my personal style is or should be so eventually I can be happy that I look great all the time without too much effort because I've got the right things in my wardrobe, make up that suits me, and have good hair days every day.
Good luck!

This sort of look could easily be updated with a blue and white striped shirt, maybe over a vest or with a trench coat or blazer over the top. You can make subtle tweaks to look more current and then rock it with confidence!

I had my colours done a couple of years ago because I'd hit a wall and embraced my grey hair at 52.

It's really helped simplify my wardrobe/shopping

Most the colour consultant places also do styling too.

Oh OP, I know how you feel. I've been there too. I kind of felt like the old me was still in there somewhere but how I looked didn't reflect that.

Things that worked for me.

I lost three stone. It took a year but I did it. The surprise for me was that I didn't have to wait until I'd lost all the three stone, I started feeling better from week one. I lost a pound or two every week and so every week I felt like I was moving in the right direction.

During the year I bought new clothes as my old ones got too big. Because I knew then new ones would get too big I bought them at charity shops - so I played around quite cheaply with different looks and over the year developed a new style that worked for me. I asked my friends to comment on my new outfits and that helped. Because they knew they were temporary they were able to be honest.

I'm the kind of grey that enables me to convince myself I'm still blond so I didn't dye it but I did stop straightening it. Letting it do its natural curl thing suited my older face and softened things somehow. I also felt more authentically me that way.

I found an exercise I really like doing and did it a lot. I felt healthier, more confident, more relaxed and 'glowy' (sorry, can't think of a better word). I also slept better and so didn't look so knackered.

I bought really good whitening toothpaste.

I stopped drinking.

Don't let that rude man get you down. You sound lovely.

Please don’t let an arsehole of a man make you feel bad about himself. Who is he to comment on your appearance?

Love/need this thread

Thanks for all the lovely encouraging posts especially the Funboy3 quote I still love the 80’s and the very encouraging post from @Churchview about starting to benefit from improvements right away as I can’t go into hiding and hide under a rock until I have lost umpteen stone (but I am a longer term project).

I am going to start with a long walk today and try and reach 10K steps for the next 7 days, drink more water and gradually make small changes from there to improve my diet/to reduce my snacking on rubbish on a night with DH and reduce my calorie intake.

I will try and find a current photo of my hair. It was longer but I have fairly recently got a fringe put back in and had it shorter on my hairdressers advice. It looks like a platinum colour so almost a blondey silver colour.

I know short edgy well kept hair and DM’s can look good and some much older women than me really rock this look. But my hair is naturally curly I have tried to straighten it to look better more fashionable less unkempt but maybe thats not me.

I think with me I am a child of the 80’s and when I was young and slim I was happiest in rara skirts (to show off my long legs which used to be my best feature but not anymore) with brightly coloured batwing tops (to minimise my boobs), or brightly coloured baggy t shirts, brightly coloured jewellery, white low heeled peepy toe or sling back shoes, jumpsuits with a big belt or jeans etc etc.

Now I feel I should look more grown up, more sophisticated and well put together but I can’t pull it off as it’s probably not really authentically me and I just have to buy whatever clothing fits me height and width ways.

I love the jacket/blazer jeans look on others but I am always over heating and yes I am on the patches.

Shoe wise I suffer from plantar fasciitis so I also need arch support (so low heeled peepy toe or sling backs are out).

So you have lovely long legs, lucky you. There are a pair of trousers on another thread I was just reading/on, from Monsoon, really nice, jeans but trousers if that makes sense.

Get very light linen shirts, not too long, dont have tunic tops because then they overlap on your legs, have them come to just around lower abdomen height, not cropped but not over your bum, then get an unlined jacket so its not too hot.

A pair of smart brogues or plain DMs or white trainers, that sort of thing

(I have orthotic insoles in every pair of shoes I have OP because of feet problems so experiment with which shoes you can buy hat you can take the insole out of to put specialist insoles in for comfort)

Thanks for the tip about the orthotic soles. I can never really pull off trainers with an outfit unless with jeans if I was going somewhere very casual and I am not edgy enough to wear DM’s.

My legs are still long but look very much less so now as i have gone from 6ft and a comfortable size 12 to 6ft and a 22 can sometimes be tight. Many trousers aren’t long enough for me and the ones that are just long enough for me are really tight over my knee/calf area to the point where they almost stop my circulation. I have tried Long Tall Sally but the quality is no longer there.

I empathize profoundly with you OP. I spent most of my early adulthood smoking and I was a size 8/10 when you can look great in almost anything.

My problem now is good legs, all me weight is on my chest and middle. My chest is so big that trying clothes on is hilarious - I literally laugh in the mirror a lot - like Nope!