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Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL

103 replies

DolbyAtmosMax · 11/03/2024 12:54

Hello all,

Looking for any recommendations that any fashionable Mumsnetters can suggest!

Background context – my BIL and his fiancé (SIL 1) are getting married and his sister (SIL 2 for ease) will be a member of the wedding party as a groomsmaid / bridesmaid, she is his half-sister which is relevant. My BIL and SIL are having more of a ‘combi’ wedding part where both sides ‘maids and mans’ on the day will be grouped together but the organisation of clothing etc. is being generally sorted by each specific side. SIL 2 I has grown up in a different country and will be flying to attend the wedding in the UK. My BIL and SIL 1 will be purchasing their wedding parties outfits and my BIL and SIL 1 are having a little trouble finding something for SIL 2 so I am trying to help!

SIL 2 comes from an area and background in her home country which is generally very conservative and she will need an outfit that reflects this, SIL 2 is not religious at all but her dress sense reflects the norms of the country and culture. For ease BIL and SIL 2 will be buying her outfit here, she will be coming over for a holiday before the wedding anyway and the outfit can hopefully be sorted.

Any suggestions would be very helpful to start researching! The wedding will be both ceremony and party in a very lovely (and pricey) historic venue with a big party and dress code will be formal but also quite glamorous. If relevant SIL 2’S style more secular and ‘Western/ European’ rather than maybe other modest style dress based on religious restrictions. SIL 2’s outfit needs to:

· Not be fitted at the waist AT ALL– this is where we are stuck as so many dresses that cover the other criteria are 1950’s style with a very fitted waist or ‘skimming’. The ideal shape is a big triangle or very A- line so fitted at the shoulders with lots more fabric and volume going down. Other styles like tea dresses, bias cut gown, skimming slip dresses etc. are still too fitted.
· Have a collar that comes to the neck
· No cleavage, back or shoulders showing
· Be at least knee length
· Arms on the dress to at least the elbow, if the dress is sleeveless BILs mother is an excellent sewer and can add arms to a sleeveless dress

Budget is negotiable really (any suggestions at the moment) and any colour as long as not white or brown! Luxury fabric or colours are all good! We have founds some dresses from brands like Bernadette or Molly Goddard but my BIL or SIL 1 don’t dress like this generally so have no idea of what is ‘good’ or not.

Disclaimer - I know that the above criteria is quite specific so just to say SIL 2 is fab and not causing any issues. BIL and SIL 1 are very excited to have her in the wedding and for her to have an outfit that she is comfortable in. SIL 2 won’t, and doesn’t, wear clothing that doesn’t match above but looks great day to day and for events in her home country, it’s just quite different from experience of the usual wedding gear that BIL and SIL 1's family have.

OP posts:
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WatchandWaitorNot · 11/03/2024 12:57

How old is she and what is her build and colouring?

Do sleeves have to be completely opaque or is something like chiffon an option?

Is the wedding in the summer?

Midnlghtrain · 11/03/2024 13:06

www.needleandthread.com/products/lana-round-neck-gown-iris-blue

I love the needle and thread dresses - if you ordered this a size or so up, it would hopefully fulfil the waistline criteria? A small section of modesty panels under the top area could cover the shoulders?

DolbyAtmosMax · 11/03/2024 13:08

Hi,

Fabric needs to be opaque. She is about 5 foot 5 and a UK 12 / 14.

Length of dress not an issue if too long as it can be taken up. She is Caucasian and fairly pale with frequently changing hair colour so she will probably dye it for the wedding so hair colouring no idea..

Wedding will be v early Autumn but fabric isn’t an issue as I have seen her wear two thick layers in UK summers as well as thin cotton! There will be the option to be inside and outside so areas both warm and chilled.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 11/03/2024 13:16

This website looks like it might have some stuff.
Don’t know anything about it!
https://m.modanisa.com/en/modest-evening-dress.htm?page=2
Have you done a search for modest formal clothing. It’s definitely much more of a thing.

DolbyAtmosMax · 11/03/2024 13:22

@Midnlghtrain Thank you for the suggestion, it’s beautiful (I might have a look at that myself) but it’s too fitted at the waist.

This is what we’ve been having trouble with, anything that remotely fits “inwards” won’t work it need to be “outwards”. Lots of things we’ve seen seem when googling seem to be religious based, like abayas or modest Islamic formal dress, but she is Caucasian and secular so it seem quite niche! Things like below are what I’m describing but they are either sold out or cost high four figures!

Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
OP posts:
ItsallIeverwanted · 11/03/2024 13:24

I would get your SIL to send over some examples of what she likes, or even pick the dress herself and have it ordered for online to the UK. It seems to me so specific (e.g. Jewish modesty clothing, or Conservative Christian) that I think other people guessing might not help at all, and might easily transgress something she thinks important. She's probably best positioned to know what would be acceptable to her, give her a budget and some website suggestions and ask her to choose.

WatchandWaitorNot · 11/03/2024 13:27

I think this looks fab. To avoid the “too fitted” issue, could she get something with a bit of a waits bit in a much bigger size (say, 18) and have her Mum alter any other bits that need a tweak?

It does sound like there will be much more choice in the shops where she comes from though? ASOS modest

WatchandWaitorNot · 11/03/2024 13:30

Or this, with a fitted long sleeve undergarment underneath to hide arms under the sheer sleeves?

I think “Maxi smock” might be a good search term.Maxi smock

edit- oh, neck probably too low. Could add a floaty scarf?

Halleycat · 11/03/2024 13:33

SIL2 will have local shops she buys from or (more likely) dressmakers she uses. She needs to design something for the purpose, and BIL pay for it (if he wants to). My friend who is from a conservative Jewish community is one of the most well-dressed women I’ve ever met - exquisite fabrics and dressmakers who really know what they’re doing.

Fandangoes · 11/03/2024 13:39

the green dresses you have shown as examples are beautiful, I would choose some fabric and ask a dressmaker to make you what you are looking for

semideponent · 11/03/2024 13:39

Is this what SIL 2 has actually said she wants? I'm just wondering where the specific requirements are coming from?

IggOrEgg · 11/03/2024 14:11

I wonder whether perhaps finding a good dressmaker would make most sense, it would be the easiest option to be sure all the requirements are met.

burnoutbabe · 11/03/2024 14:16

Is out easier to ask sil2 to source a dress herself? Then change fabric to match other bridesmaids.(if having it made)

Or just trouser suit if dresses are a problem ?

Or whatever her traditional dress is on the day?

Defiantlynot41 · 11/03/2024 14:18

How about the Aab brand from John Lewis? Prices around £80-£120

Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Defiantlynot41 · 11/03/2024 14:23

Couple more JL options

Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Modest / Conservative bridesmaid/ groomsmaid dress for SIL
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/03/2024 14:24

I don’t understand why they are so desperate to buy it here. Surely it’s easier to send her the money to get something made, with colour specifications provided by SIL1 and BIL.

Or they could find a relevant community here (church for example) and ask for recommendations of a tailor that is used by the community.

VenusClapTrap · 11/03/2024 14:26

Bit pricey this one:
https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/crepe-silk-kaftan-in-mariposa-cut-and-slitted-sleeves-with-one-shoulder-three-d-embellishment-in-lime-punch/

This bright pink one is a good shape but might need a slip underneath to make it satisfactorily opaque
https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/recycled-alanis-kaftan-carmine/