What do fat, middle aged women wear nowadays?!

[TwoBigNoisyBoys]

Sigh. I’m currently trying to lose weight, and I have a fair way to go. I’m 50, 5’2”, and around a size 18. Im not in the market for buying new clothes JUST yet…I’d like to drop a dress size first, and I have a wardrobe fit to burst, so that needs sorting. But I feel like I’ve lost my way with regards to fashion, and what even suits me any more. I’ve spent the last couple of years in leggings - I gained around 2/2.5 stone during year-long breast cancer treatment (which ended 14 months ago) and I’m only just starting to feel a bit more normal! As I worked from home then, I was fine to wear comfies, but I recently started a new job and so I’m out and about a lot more! Because I haven’t bought clothes (other than supermarket dresses) for a few years now, I was wondering where do you all get your inspiration and what are you all wearing that makes you feel fabulous?!

Regarding what I like…I used to wear a lot of dresses, boots, leather jackets, jeans, nice tops 😁 and heels…but my old clothes don’t fit me anymore and I don’t even know what suits me! Any ideas for where to get ideas from, please? TIA ☺️

I found that M&S did really nice plain but still smart trousers with elasticated waists - they do them in wide leg, boot cut, and slim leg - I lived in them when I was trying to lose weight.

Spectacularly patronising approach to weight/weightloss. Have you experienced a long course of chemotherapy? I wouldn’t wish it or how it affects you long term, yes including weight amongst other things on anyone.

@Deata re styling, the buckle cuff dress is not for a jacket as the arms are too bulky but the painted one works with a tweed boucle slightly cropped collarless jacket. The other one works with an unstructured blazer.

Before I gained weight I wore lots of Hobbs tailored dresses with tailored jackets. Those jackets wouldn’t fit/work but less traditional jackets from Cos and Whistles do.

Autograph do nice work dresses too, forgot about Autograph, I bought two from there last year, also can be a bit quirky which is a plus for me. I bought the cupro rich animal print one recently but returned it. It was a lovely dress just not the right shape for me.

I like her "f off to flattering" posts

well done on getting through all the treatment! Sounds like you're doing amazingly.
I'm a similar age and shape; and I suspect there's some key things that make me happy in my clothes

1. I tend to wear fingertip length tops with trousers, just coz I hate the top of my legs/curve under my tummy; and I avoid wide legs as then it's all too much fabric. Generally I try to find tops which have shoulders in the right place; and bracelet length sleeves; that's sooo much more tricky when you're a bigger size, but I think Seasalt and TOAST seem to do it fairly well (I only ever buy things in the sale!). I like longer skirts and I'll wear those with a shorter top, but aiming for a smooth line from bust down if you were looking at me from the side on. I try for a bit of a curve in at the waist at the side if I can manage it and it doesn't make my hips look horrific.
2. not really clothes, but feeling well presented helps make me feel confident; simple jewellery, dyed lashes and brows and short nails (have to have those for the job). Simple but classy and ready for dressing up/down. Aiming for elegant, in my head.
3. capsule of 'work clothes' which I don't wear unless I'm working; means I can get dressed super quick as it minimises choices; and gives a psychological boundary for me
4. all that stuff means feeling confident, for me, so at that point I try to walk tall and just think positive. I don't give a toss about "fashion" I aim for style & I think that's the key.

I've just realised that's not really a place to go for help; erm... not sure I've been helpful! anyway, hope you find things you love!

p.s. I've never met a bias cut skirt that suited me; and I have a horrible feeling that they just cling for most curvy women, so I'm not sad about it.

Made post in error but I recommend finery for dresses!

This is not me but my best friend is your height and your size. What colours, textures and prints do you go for?

She’s always been into florals, sometimes bright jewel colours, pastel trench coat rather than leather jacket and sometimes jeans. Suits a long flowy pale blue white white stripe shirt.

p.s. I've never met a bias cut skirt that suited me; and I have a horrible feeling that they just cling for most curvy women, so I'm not sad about it.

They suit my SIL who is a tall slimmed down apple 🍏. I am a short hourglass and I love them to look at but unfortunately they don’t suit me.

Everyone, I like watching (guilty pleasure, sorry. Haha). But she always advocates for tucking in tops/half tucking, insisting that this looks universally better.

Proportionately, I really really don’t think she’s right. Do you? I’m the opposite of her to look at. ie Short, high wasted, plus with the classic apple shape of bigger stomach than bust.

I’m relieved to read @WutheringBites post about tops being finger tip length. I find this also works. But I was beginning to have tiny doubts (Trinny always goes on about how things look different to others than to you, though surely I CAN see what others see when I look in the mirror?).

These tips are so useful. I also tend to avoid over fuss, simple lines or not too much going on. I’m only 5’2-3”. I also suit the dark wintery colours, black/white/jewels etc. I wear a ton of dark blue and black.

But now I’m wondering what gorgeous apple-friendly clothes are out there that I’m missing!

She's a size 12 😁
& often looks like she's dressed like an over-excited toddler in frilly dresses.
F off to flattering means she can just put on anything & show her tummy.

I’d second the advice given here about wearing what you love rather than necessarily putting together an outfit as such. I like what an early poster said about being drawn to jeans and a top combos that she liked as a teen.

Hi op, congrats on finishing your treatment. I've been there (twice) with breast cancer and I also felt a bit lost style wise after the first round of treatment. I too had put on weight and my proportions had changed and I had no idea what I wanted to wear, felt like I hated myself in everything I owned.

A friend recommended the book The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees and I worked my way through it doing every exercise - by the end I had a really clear idea of 'my style', knew what was in my existing wardrobe that could work and had drawn up a list of key things I needed to help me achieve the style I was going for, which I gradually started finding and buying - but this time I was shopping with a well defined plan and as a result I buy much less and make fewer purchasing mistakes.

There's also a chapter on working with the life style you have rather than one you may want - which helped me avoid buying stuff I just didn't have the occasions to wear it for.

It may not be your cup of tea, but wanted to share as it really helped me when I was in your situation.

I agree with your sentiments. Focusing on things you like, colours, designs, fabrics or are drawn to.

(I also do try to hide my shape a bit at the same time, eg. my big boobs I don’t want attention drawn to).

I also had a thought that modern, Western clothes, only ever look totally good on young women, up to size 12.

Really, “ethnic” or traditional clothing is much more suited to the human body. So, for example, the Indian sari always look beautiful on any woman of any age and any size. Same goes for traditional African dress. The woman wears the clothes rather than the other way round.

Probably the “sari” thing not that helpful to OP, as we won’t be able to wear that here. Another example, Zandra Rhodes, looks wonderful and she’s hardly a size 8, but she wears such striking and expensive things most of us would not be able to wear. I think a comfortable, stylish “drape” look can look similarly good if you are that way inclined. Of course some people don’t like that and as this thread shows there is a lot of variety as to what people like.

It’s sad though that we feel we have to hide our bodies because they don’t measure up to what is a very narrow ideal. We have to find some way to accept and ❤️ ourselves as we are, and celebrate that in our dress if that makes us feel good.

Thanks so much for your replies everyone…@Jellybean23 I do understand where you’re coming from; I’m currently following a calorie controlled anti inflammatory diet, I have a PT and I’m in the gym 4/5 times a week, so I really am trying. @NoddyAndHisCar thank you for your understanding 🥰
@LurkerTurnedPoster I’ve ordered the book! Sounds great and I love any reason to buy more books. I do hope you’re doing ok following your treatment.
I can’t remember who suggested it, sorry, but I agree re the good underwear…I’ve only worn kind of sports bralet things since my surgery. I’m not allowed to wear any underwired bra now, but the stuff I’m wearing definitely isn’t doing me any favours shape-wise 😂 so I’ve booked a bra fitting at M&S next week.

Thanks so much everyone 🥰

This might sound brutal but take photos to see what you really look like. I’ve had to do that for Vinted and it turns out I’ve been wearing rose tinted glasses. I now have a better idea of what doesn’t look so good anymore

I struggle with IBS too. I have the M&S elasticated waist wide leg trousers but in a size bigger than usual and short length. Navy, grey and black ones. The band is wide and I can get it to sit so it doesn’t cut in.

If she's a size 12 , then I'm a size 12. (I'm not)

That's not a criticism of her. I like her dresses and attitude. I agree with the F off to flattering.

OP I’m fortunate not to actually need them but I wear the M&S post-surgery bras because they are so soft and comfy and give a great shape, I hope your fitting goes well.

The point is she's not middle aged for a start. This is a thread about middle aged dressing. She mostly wears size 12 if you look into her Instagram. How many middle aged people dress like her? She's actually in her late 20's or early 30's. A completely different demographic to this thread.
I'm glad you like her way of dressing.
I used to too as I also have IBS. Her tips were brilliant. But sadly I think I've grown out of her account.
But I've also just recently turned 60 & frilly dresses are just not right on me now!

Thanks @Rockshore , it’s a post surgery fitting I’ve booked, great to hear that you you rate the bras and they give good shape, I think that will help me loads when trying to look a bit better 😊

I'm over 60 and I've got dresses like several of hers, including the Nobody's Child dress although long sleeved and in a different colour and fabric.

Why wouldn't a middle aged woman dress like her?

I totally agree about them being a bit meh. I mean they are certainly better out together than me! but lacking in any actual individual style really.

She's a size 12 😁 & often looks like she's dressed like an over-excited toddler in frilly dresses. F off to flattering means she can just put on anything & show her tummy.

There's not a chance she's an honest-to-god-size-12. Nothing wrong with how she looks but I wish people would just be honest about their size, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't focus on being a size, I wear what fits. Might be a 12, might be a 14, sometimes it's a 16.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle , Why wouldn't a middle aged woman dress like her?
Maybe they don't want to.

@Hoplolly , Lottie according to a quick search is from the USA, and is 5'5" and weighs 61 Kg and is US size 12.

She looks great, but I wouldn't feel right in the clothes she wears, not because of my age but because I don't have the same sort of taste.