If you're elegant (or close to someone who is), what's your daily/weekly routine?

[Tiffanyis]

I have just come back from a holiday where I was surrounded by groomed and elegant women of all ages, from 20s to 70s.

That kind of first-class cabin crew look iykwim, hair in a beautifully twisted bun, immaculate nails and clothes.

They weren't necessarily people who were super wealthy, but they clearly had a well-honed routine. I'm not talking obvious Botox and lip fillers, more of a quietly elegant look.

Did they learn it from their mums?

If this is you, or someone you know, can you share the secrets? How long does it take each day and what are the must-dos?

I'm clean and presentable with a decent income, but wasn't brought up with this kind of elegance. What does a post-menopausal woman like me need to do to transform into one of these butterflies?

I have noticed that the better looking clothes are the ones that are difficult to take care of. I used to only buy clothes I could chuck in the wash and quickly steam, but now I have bought a few more expensive pieces like trousers that require proper ironing with front creases, and crisp shirts that can only be worn once before needing another press. High maintenance clothes just look extra polished even though they are a pain

I think elegance is the way you carry yourself, like a dancer, graceful unhurried movements, good posture etc. Combined with being well groomed in the way pp's have described gives and elegant image. I'd love to be one of those people. Unfortunately I don't think I ever will be, you can take the girl from the farm and all that

I agree with this. I don't think you need to focus on make-up, fake tan and hair colour to look elegant and well put together. It's more important to focus on your health, fitness, diet (what you eat and how much), skincare and overall appearance. Good quality clothes that won't fall apart and look bobbly after a few washes (which often means natural fabrics and higher price tag). I think a lot of women in France and Continental Europe know how to pull off this sort of look. Here are just a few examples https://www.pinterest.co.uk/search/pins/?q=Caroline%20de%20Maigret&rs=typed and https://www.pinterest.co.uk/search/pins/?q=Leia%20Sfez&rs=typed

The look is simple and seems effortless, but I am sure it's been cultivated over a long time, possibly since childhood

I suppose it depends on what you mean by "elegant".

I don't think some the the time consuming routines listed necessarily mean a result that's elegant.

I care very much about how I look. Unfortunately I have the most difficult hair in the world and unless I employ a full time hairdresser I am never going to have daily perfect hair.
If you've seen that meme of Mila Kunis me one day a week versus the rest of the week - that's me!

I wear pjs or nightie when im in the house. I never answer the door unless I'm expecting a parcel and even then I usually just stand behind the side of the door and reach out to take my item. I must look like Mr freaking Tickle with my long arm coming round the door. 😂😂.
Yes I do my own house work and gardening. I'm probably going to start paying someone to do the garden though cause I hate it with a passion. That's one thing I love about the rain an excuse not to do it.

True elegance comes from posture and deportment.

The people who always look well put together never have frizzy hair. Think of Kirstie Allsop , she always wears nice dresses and heels but her hair lets her down . She'd look more polished with a sleek Bob, but her hair's just not like that.

Yes - that's what I meant to say.

@tryingforbaba You're oiling your hair twice a day? What sort of product do you use please?

I think some of this is learned is childhood, but can be learned in adulthood. Wearing clothes that fit well, are in good condition, and that you honestly really enjoy wearing is a great foundation. Working with your hair's naturally tendencies, and looking after the need of your particular skin and hair, and nails is another good foundation level. I agree with a pp that this is also about how you carry yourself, posture, etc. Then i would add another layer that's about feeling and being well, reasonably healthy. A person doesn't need a lot of money or an expansive wardrobe and beauty regime to achieve this, but it is a mindset we aren't all given the lessons of early on.

Claudia Winkleman looks polished. She has a stylist though. I think too much make up, fake tan and , fast fashion look awful . Lip plumper and fillers ditto.What I do notice a lot is how awful most people’s posture is. Posture makes a massive difference . Also many people no longer iron anything or polish their shoes . There is a fashion for rucksacks and cheap crossbody bags rather than leather. So many clothes are made of cheap synthetic material which doesn’t hang well and garments are badly made in general these days. None of that helps.

I'm going to add, it's important that your clothes feel good. A new piece needs to have a swish about it and to make you feel.good. I can't quite put it into words.

Also, sales. If you wouldn't have paid the full price, it isn't a bargain, it's a compromise. It also isn't really about money, but having an eye for a good cut and fabric. I have seen well cut things in TK Maxx and badly cut things in Harvey Nichols. And fit.

Very occasionally I buy from a very expensive shop, what I buy there is almost always altered. A nip and a tuck here and there make all the difference.

Claudia really does not look polished!

Claudia Winkelman is not polished or elegant.

I think my mum is elegant but perhaps not in the generally understood sense.

She is a S Asian woman who looks mildly like Madhur Jaffrey, slim and fit, wears mostly silk saris and salwar kameezes, no Botox or filler or fake tan ( obviously the last not needed) very little makeup, short unpainted nails, hair in a chignon, good posture thanks to yoga.

Also despite my name, I have decided not to compare myself to film stars because they have all had work done, without exception.

I think a lot of it is about looking healthy/looking after yourself, and wearing clothes that look and feel good.

So good posture, healthy hair, teeth, nails etc. I know women with different hair textures, different sizes etc that look elegant and I think it’s that they all look healthy and like they have time to look after themselves.

And clothes that fit nicely, and looked after (no bobbles, not creased etc). I think it’s hard to look or feel elegant if your clothes are uncomfortable or look tired.

Ditch the toddler clothes - puffer jackets, trackies, leggings. Buy a lovely wrap coat as best quality as you can afford. Spend ££ on even t shirts to make sure they’re lovely fabric and sit nicely. Buy subtle gold jewellery, a very dewy foundation and use cuticle oil and a silk pillow case. Master one casual hair style that suits your hair.

I don’t do any of this btw, or not most of it. But this seems to be the routine of one of very well groomed friends.

How do you ward off Storm Isha with a wrap coat? 😀

I don’t think I can do stylish every day! Once in a while I can but day to day I look like a walking jumble sale.

I do always take make up off though and am pretty good at moisturising. And spf all year round.

I think elegance is innate not learned.

Pahaha agree! I actually think it doesn’t look too elegant wearing something that clearly isn’t suitable for the weather. I think someone struggling to walk with heels for example or obviously not wearing something warm enough never really looks elegant.

I don’t think warm/practical clothing has to be inelegant. There’s a whole range of puffer coats for example - from techy/bright colours to simple blacks/navy/neutrals and loads of different ways to wear them.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that true elegance is not so much how you look but how you are. I used to work in a nice coffee shop when I was a student, and I met a lot of very well put together, groomed women who looked down on me because I was young and poor and couldn't afford £50 for a t-shirt. These women were not elegant. Groomed, yes, but not elegant, despite having roots done every 4 weeks or buying expensive camel wrap coats.

A pp noted good posture, which I think matters; I also think you can absolutely be elegant on a small/non-existent budget. It would be sad if true elegance came from spending ££££ on yourself, because it would mean elegance is unattainable unless you hit a certain income threshold. Elegant people, to me, are people who put their phones away when they meet you, listen, ask interesting questions and make you feel comfortable; someone with beautiful manners and an ease about themselves and their surroundings. Someone who isn't easily flustered (this is not me). I often feel like I look put together, but then I ruin it by lugging around a handbag, a tote bag, a shopping bag and even my coat and scarf. I recently saw a woman at the airport who had a little wheelie case and a tiny crossbody bag and she zipped around looking so elegant, whereas I had an overflowing backpack, wheelie case, airport shopping, my coat, my scarf, my DC coat and the said DC who was grumpy. Even though my clothes and makeup and hair looked nice, I was not elegant because I was so flustered and carrying too much stuff! I did not have the ease the woman in front of me did.

I think there are small, inexpensive things you can do to look put-together; I de-bobble my clothes often, and steam them; I make sure my shoes don't have scuffs and my underwear fits me properly; I choose outfits, including jewellery, the night before to make sure they match and look complete; I often have my hair in a simple bun as it's easier than styling a long hair daily. I'm not into nail care much, so I keep my nails short and even-length. I only wear clothes that make me look good, even if the are not expensive, so my wardrobe is pretty small. I do agree on the coat in the sense that if you only blow money on one expensive item, I think it should be the coat - it's the thing most people often notice first, and the thing you end up wearing most.

I think ballet dancer posture is the best starting point for holistic elegance. And you can do a lot to fix poor posture, no matter what your age - that part is definitely training and habit, not innate.

The rest of it I think is about projecting an air of being a tiny step removed from everything going on around them. There's something about all movements/interactions looking like a conscious, intentional choice, rather than just a mindless sort of bumbling around and reacting to whatever is going on nearby like the rest of us are.

I think that extends to style/clothing because elegant people never seem to look like they are slaves to the latest fashion - they look like they made a meaningful independent decision to wear what they are wearing, rather than trying to fit in or meet the expectations of others. There's also an element of sleekness often I think, which is because sleekness shows that the person has a level of choice / control over their look. They made a decision to look that way and achieved it.

Just the musings of a frizzy haired sartorial mess with no control over anything. Elegance would be lovely to have but I shall have to content myself with admiring it from afar!

Great question! I live semi-rurally and it rains a lot, so the days when I could wear a wool wrap coat would be very limited.

Inspired by your replies, I have:
Dug out my Nuface and started using it. Tonight's plan is for a manicure and Nuface again.
Cleansed well and used serum night & morning (I used to do this anyway).
Taken vitamins and had a healthy breakfast.
Put on light makeup even though I might not go out.
Tried to make my tied-up hair a bit tidier rather than scraped-back (will wash it later).
Dressed in jeans and a smarter top rather than leggings around the house.
Put on stud earrings to match a silver pendant I always wear.
If I venture out, it will be with a long smart raincoat and a scarf. The jeans will stay on though, they are quite smart and will go with my leather boots. And a proper shopping bag rather than a carrier or backpack to walk home with the fruit & veg.

Honestly, and it's a cliche, the truly elegant women I know are classically trained ballet dancers. It's in the way they move, graceful and elegant. Some of the aesthetic is related to the overall feel, I'm sure, that clean, understated, groomed look but it's mostly in the way they carry themselves.