Let me tell you about the older couple I met today

[NoCheaperTransactions]

... having coffee in town.

They looked absolutely fantastic.

Both probably in their 80s. The wife was wearing a navy blue suit with cropped trousers, a full sort of frilly white blouse and a bolero hat with a large brooch on it Her makeup was perfect. She wore navy suede gloves and had a fake fur stole also in navy blue.

Her husband was wearing a grey tweed three piece suit with a rose button hole, a black beret, a dark grey silk scarf and had on very large black rimmed glasses.

They looked absolutely wonderful and I was completely inspired. They were dressing for themselves, with clearly pleasure in what they wore and I felt that I could take some pointers in dressing not according to fashion but according to what you loved and suited you.

Me- in contrast- I was wearing boyfriend jeans, converse and a blue shirt. (I'm 50).

I think this marks a new phase in my life- not just wearing something that fits and is vaguely inoffensive- but wearing clothes that I love for the sheer happiness of it.

Oh for goodness sake!!
The description of these stylish people sounds lovely. Their look would be refreshing set against the awful Athleisure scruffs I see in my city.

I loved your post OP and have fun and enjoy the process of discovering your style. It is good to take a break though when you need one, but please don't let some ridiculous and spiteful posters ruin your lovely post- I'm certainly glad you shared it :)

I enjoyed reading this. On holiday in Madrid a few years back I admired the fabulous looking older women out for lunch, at the Prado, or just walking about. Rain or shine they were all to a woman elegant and stylish.

I'm hoping that the current depressing mood in fashion is cyclical and will go away. In my very early teens - late 80s, early 90s - there was exactly this sort of depressing negative vibe in street fashion. It was all shapeless jeans with baggy rugby shirts and anoraks (revived as "normcore") or the shellsuits etc. that were the ancestor of the athleisure look (though more of a young male look then, I think). Skirts had to be short and tight and were only for "tarts", and the most awful social faux pas was to be overdressed in any way, unless you were too old to be concerned by youth fashion. Seeing what older people wore - proper, tailored, co-ordinated, fitted clothes, which no young person could have worn without derision - brought me joy, as did the fashion in old films. Imagine my happiness when grunge/vintage came in, and with it a kind of social permission for us artier sixth formers to dress creatively, and at pocket money prices thanks to charity shops! (These were not overpriced yet, being still regarded as being the domain of tramps and of student fancy dress parties.)

So old ladies have always been an inspiration for me, nothing patronising about that. The general assumption of "invisibility" over a certain age brings freedom from the diktats of mainstream fashion - you can't really say "youth" fashion any more, as the middle-aged seem to comply with it too. Plus, the current crop of younger retirees can't be relied on for fashion inspo: they came of age in the hippy era, when excellent fashion was available but the shapeless jeans/baggy top look was acceptable casual wear, and too many of them (well, my parents anyway) have stuck with that in old age, so they aren't providing the kind of sartorial leadership that their parents and grandparents did.

I enjoy spotting well dressed older (and younger) people, but they are getting rarer, I think. Time for us to rise to the challenge and burn our fleeces and leggings (OK, relegate them to sleepwear...) the way 70s radicals burned their bras!

My mother (died at 89) was super stylish. She definitely had a signature look, not to say it was eccentric by any means, but it was unique amongst her friends for sure. She bought quality over quantity and really took care of her clothes. Plus she was of that generation never to be caught outside without their lipstick on.
I look at the athleisure wear so many people wear when not at work - whether they ever exercise or not - and miss the days when people made more of an effort. Mind you whenever I go to Fulham/Chelsea area I definitely feel dowdy myself!

Some people will see the negative in everything and be perpetually offended by the most innocuous of things. Of course you would notice if an elderly couple looked particularly stylish as, let’s be honest, most elderly people wear ‘slacks’ and lilac (women), beige (men) anoraks.

I think there's a message here, which some have alluded to already.

How do I want to get older? I asked myself this as I was approaching 50 and questioning my appearance. I'd never had the confidence to wear the clothes I liked, opting for trousers, drab tops, drab colours, men's clothes, etc. since I was a teenager.

I decided to 'up my game big time' for my 50s and spent time getting together an attractive and stylish wardrobe of clothes.

Heading towards my 60s now, I think I need to do this again (the lockdown, working from home, menopause, etc. has rather thrown my clothes' wearing off course).

Looking at older people for inspiration and something to aim for or admire isn't patronising.

The elderly are usually totally invisible, deemed worthless and a 'problem' to be solved in our 'civilised' society.

Well done OP for your lovely post which warmed my heart and left me really wanting to see this couple. It's re-inspired me to make more effort.

I really hope you're OK. (Unfortunately MN is chock full of horrible people.)

Yeah definitely stay OP . This is my favourite board. There's some brilliant threads that I re read regularly and there's also loads of lovely links off different threads

@NoCheaperTransactions Sorry you were kicked while you were down. Suspect there are herds of people with nothing better than to be contrary and hostile to people for some kind of futile power trip. You didn’t deserve that. I have experience living in the opposite hemisphere than aging parents with life-limiting illnesses. It’s a very lonely and anxious time and I am sending you a huge hug.

Oh god, stop going on about the one poster who used the word patronising! Concentrate on the clothes (it's S&B!). Personally, the couple sound bonkers with their boleros, berets and fake fox stole but the British have as much right to dress with eccentricity as our European neighbours do!

If I never see a teen in combat trousers or women in floral dresses, white trainers and denim jackets, I shall be content 😊

@NoCheaperTransactions

Thank you for posting, they sound fabulous.

I’ve been inspired to dress a little smarter today than I was going to for an event I’m going to. I shall ditch the jeans and trainers for a skirt and boots and I’ll dig out one of my full skirted wool coats too.

As I get older I care less about fitting in (which for me was really about blending in and being a bit invisible) and see a joy in dressing for me. So what if people notice, they’re hopefully noticing in a good way.

I just wonder why you assume they were dressing that way for pleasure rather than because they were on their way to or from an event? I'd find it pretty uncomfortable dressing up like that, so far as I'm concerned dressing for pressure is dressing comfortably.

I love that you took that time to notice them and squeeze something out of your curiosity. I bought a beret much in the same way but no guy in my town or within a hundred miles wears a beret - I love it though but have rarely worn it - it's warmer than you'd think.

Good grief. I'm the first to call out ageism and patronisation of older people (because I'm old). But this wasn't either. OP wasn't cooing over them as if they were small children. She was admiring their style and finding herself lacking.

To be frank, it DOES feel like harder work to make an effort as I get older. And I worry about accusations of mutton dressed as lamb, more than I do about being patronised for any effort I make.

OP's tone was far from offensive, so I don't know why so many people have jumped on her.

They sound fabulous - I have the most beautiful image in my mind

Maybe they feel comfortable dressing up. DH feels comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt but I don't at all. Dressing for 'comfort' is not the same for everyone.

Let me tell you what I find patronising:

Telling a poster, 'You can find something better than that - you're 50, not 70'
Or, 'My mum / nans got one like that.'
Or 'You're only xxx you should be showing off your figure.'

Not to mention the ageless put down: 'Oh no-one dresses up to go there any more.'

I thought the op's post was a breath of fresh air. Hope you feel better soon, op.

I always notice when women much older than me look stylish/fashionable because the current societal norms/stereotyping around fashion when you are in your 40s are even more pronounced in your 80s. As much as I don't agree with the stereotypes, I find them hard to break when it comes to my own style. That's why I find older people dressing fabulously inspiring - I tend to think 'fuck, if they are going for it and looking fabulous then maybe I could?'.

I was much braver when I was younger and slimmer, now I have those middle aged hang ups about not overdoing it, trying and failing to look sexy/cool etc.

Dressing well can be an indicator of having the time and the mental state to be bothered. Not for everyone, of course, but in this case it sounds like it reminded the OP that it was something she’d like to aim for.

So, I’m 60, I’ve lost both parents in 14 months. They were both over 90, so it’s definitely ok to get my head round in the long run. The initial process of being around as they declined, providing and giving care definitely meant I defaulted to a practical and dull wardrobe. The first thing to go was the jewellery and regular change of shoes - the default wardrobe was jeans, top, cardigan, trainers …

Now, I’ve opened up the box of necklaces and the bag of scarves, found the skirts and made time each day to put an outfit together. Life got in the way for the most important of reasons and coming back to thinking a bit about me is expressed partly through my outfits.

They sound beautiful.

@Bookist I need to read that thread!

Yes, sorry @Bookist I meant to thank you earlier for that thread tip. It's very enjoyable.

@Brexile the original bra burning ( which didn't really happen) was in the 1960s btw.
You can't really use your parents as an example for all of "young retirees" plus the thing is you can't really know what you will FEEL like until you are at a certain age. Part of being older is the freedom to say "fuck that" - people may have worked for years in a career where they had to wear a certain "uniform". They don't care about providing sartorial leadership 😂. As for grandparents providing that previously hmmm..don't consider my Grandmothers roll ons an inspiration 😂. I'm late 60s and was a young retiree and I certainly don't slop about in clothes but do love the freedom of not caring what others think of me. I do actually love clothes!

I was heading into town last week to join friends for a rare night out. At our age we meet early and so I found myself in the city centre, dressed up, while the shops were still open.

I popped into a few as I went past and it was a revelation! I've never dressed up for the mere act of shopping before, but I must admit it felt amazing to be glam as I sashayed around the place. I can't usually be arsed as I work full time and have DS etc but it did make me think: one day I'll have the time to do this whenever I like.

Nice post @NoCheaperTransactions
I don’t live in a very affluent area and feel overdressed if I wear anything other than jeans and a hoodie. I’ve got some nice Seasalt stuff which I’m trying to wear more of but often feel like I stand out. You see the odd older lady dressed smartly here but not so much now sadly, mainly in the more affluent areas.

Some people have confused style with uncomfortable formal wear. It is important to me to be comfortable but it is still possible to have an individual style. Born in the mid 50s I think I am part of the first generation not forced into uncomfortable girdles and other hideous 'foundation' garments even though I had to wear suspenders and stockists as part of my secondary school uniform. Having said that I still have a waist and like wearing styles that show that, they just have to be the right size.

To the person that is bored with seeing floral dresses and trainers. Tough! I like them and will continue to where them as they are comfortable and i can do anything from shopping or cleaning or walking the dog in them. No-one is going to dictate to me what I wear.

I make my own clothes so I don't have to rely on what I can find in shops - and almost everything has pockets! My winter wardrobe features a lot of colourful Scandinavian knitwear because I enjoy making it and each piece is unique.