Toasties consider mushroom foraging, librarianship or simply handing back our purchases for resell. Or not.

[ilovecherries]

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I don't know what makes oversized look good, but i know it helps a bit to simply get used to the silohuette, and that's easier to do as the clothes are so comfortable!

I just bought new hangars to make better use of space and to make my clothes seem less chaotic (they were different heights, colours and materials of the hangar), and I ended up reaching into the back of the wardrobe where I stored things I haven't worn for years. They are wonderful things, but I tried them all on and decided the look was no longer for me and took them all to the charity. One of the things they had in common was the neat fit, and I just didn't like the feel of it, of being contained or bound in fabric, unable to really move freely. It was a feeling that first came over me towards the end of my 40's when suddenly all my snuggly fitted clothes seemed to be hemming me in.

A poster on these threads once wrote about not having a mirror and thereore the first try on was to see how it felt. I've never forgotten that. I always give myself a moment when opening a package - first things first, do I like the feel and look of the fabric. If I do then I put it on but give myself a moment to see how it feels wearing it before moving on the next test, how it looks.

Another thought, I remember when I was last dating in my 30s. I was thin. This guy was over mine and it was a relaxing weekend and I was wearing a pair of wide leg jeans. He made a critical comment about them and I remember thinking how odd it was for him to make that comment. I benefit in no way from other's seeing the circumference of my thighs. None of the people closest to me are close to me because of the circumference of my thighs.

@dudsville - couldn't agree more. In my case, I've never liked fitted clothes. I used to get a lot of comments like "you should show your figure more" but when I'd ask "Why?", would never get a good explanation.

Unfortunately the person who set in motion my body insecurities from a very young age was another woman.

I’ve loved pinafore/smock dresses for as long as I can remember (loved Laura Ashley). My step mother used to openly criticise my look telling my father I must have deep body insecurities because I liked to dress up in tents and I’ll never forget those words. it hadn’t occurred to me to feel insecure until she said that.

She did her best to ‘transform’ me by taking me shopping for mini skirts and form fitting dresses, but it didn’t work.

I’ve never had a boyfriend/husband question or make digs about my choices or my looks - in my experience it’s always been other women/ girls from schooldays who have been the problem.

@Noodle421 - sorry about that.

It's the old chestnut of dressing for the male gaze that has been internalised by so many women. She probably thought she was doing you a favour but such a damaging approach.

I've never liked the bodycon look on anyone (whatever age/figure) but that's just personal taste. Even skinny jeans just make me think 'thrush' 😂.

My teenage years were spent in Dad's old jackets, loose trousers/ripped jeans, waistcoats ankle boots (and lots of black eyeliner) and I've never lost that love of loose layers.

@Stoic123 as an adult it does make me mad when I think about how I let her have the power to make me feel bad about myself, but I’ve moved on grrrrh . Makes me try all the harder to be careful what I say to my young people.

Thrush 😂

That's really sad@Noodle421. Anytime anyone says something to make another person feel shame as a motivator to acquiesce to unasked for critique, to try to change someone to their own notions of right and wrong, really bugs me.

My mum's always been a "dolly bird", so was her mum, both always making eyes at the alpha males up to the last breath. That's not me at all and i spent decades turning away from fashion entirely, I think grunge and the naughties helped this along. Although I've been interested in clothes, it was really the pandemic, the absence of gaze, that freed me up.

Really interesting conversation about body hang-ups, male gaze, etc. I sometimes get so mad at myself that at my age I am still so concerned with how my body looks, despite it having served me well for nearly half a century.

Slighty (just about) related, I am thinking about returning the new stripe crinkle dress I bought a couple of days ago. I was so delighted to have found a dress that fitted well - no pulling on the bust and yet not drowning me on the bottom half a that I just bought it without the full consideration I usually give to a purchase. I put it on this afternoon to try some cardigan/sweater options, and I just didn’t love it so much. The neckline is wide and I’m not sure I would like that in autumn/winter when I would wear the dress. The related to above chat is that I am not a fan of my neck or very upper back, so I would always want a scarf with it. I’m just not sure. Did the previous versions have quite an open neckline too?

I think it’s healthy and helpful to have insight into one’s body shape ,I never twigged mine when younger and used to wonder why certain styles looked wrong, I’m much more aware now of what suits me.
Having said that I am sometimes hell bent on making something work ; hello Toast oversized pleated waist trousers with sooo much baggy front , so delighted when I can make them work ( balloon linen getting yet another thumbs up from me, all because so many here waxed lyrical, thank you 😊)

This is making me think I need more insight into my body shape and what will and won’t work. When people describe themselves as short waisted, what does this mean?

@dudsville my mum is similar - and was (I guess still is) quite a stunner. Can't stop herself commenting negatively on what I wear as it is not her style at all. She is the personification of Per Una which is why I have a ridiculous aversion to M&S clothing. Stupid I know.

I like to wear things a bit oversized too and like the shape it gives. A lot of TOAST clothing gives a good silhouette. The medium TOAST V neck Lydia dress looked so much better on me than the small despite the small fitting.

@ScottishMouse i also struggled with this this but This instagrammer explains it

Compared to the average person, my torso is shorter and legs longer - so my waist is higher up on my body than normal. My boobs, waist and hips are all bit squashed up together. Clothes that elongate the torso (i.e. not cut it off at the waist) look much better on me.

This means belts and tucked in tops are no good. Dresses without defined waists are great (yay Toast!) and tops need to go down to at least mid hip.

Mine is short. Very short. But I’m 5’7 and also don’t have particularly long legs. I conclude that most of my height is due to having a long arse. Yes. Really. Even my orthopaedic surgeon made a passing comment on my long pelvis when he did m hip replacement.

@ilovecherries - I have to say, this is the first time I have come across anyone who has described themselves as long arsed.

@ilovecherries - you look really well proportioned in your pictures so wouldn't have guessed short waisted (or you dress to accommodate).

I think I do probably dress to accommodate it to a large extent. I was at the hospital on Wednesday for a review because I’ve been left with quite a leg length discrepancy. The nurse was trying to measure my legs and was fumbling about on top of my clothes clearly looking for a landmark. Eventually she asked me if I could put my finger on my belly button and when I did she laughed and said ‘oh well, I was well out, it’s much higher than I expected’.

I am also short-waisted but my preferences are almost opposite to @Stoic123 's. Maybe because I am also a pear/triangle (proportionally smaller boobs, small waist, bigger hips/bum/thighs) and I don't particularly aim to 'hide' or 'balance' my disproportions? I probably do look more 'pleasing' (=more hourglassy?) following the rules for pears of widening the shoulders and slimming the hips but one of my favourite silhouettes is a fitted raglan or halter neck top paired with balloon or barrel-leg bottoms, which rather exaggerates my disproportions.

But the length from my belly button to pubic bone is long.

Ooh @ilovecherries we sound similar (including the 5'7" height) no wonder I find your outfits so instantly appealing. Most of my leg length is in a very long rise: with sewing patterns I generally whack on 2" there as a starting point for a toile.

Very long rise! That’s a much more elegant way of describing it rather than long arse. I knew there had to be a better way 😂

Don't feel bad about it - this last sale I spent just over Euro 4k, and even though I thought it was a bit too much I comforted myself with the fact that I actually work hard for my money, and therefore deserves it ;)

Oh and besides blaming Toast for having so wonderful things for us to by, I also blame them for marking up the Euro prices as 1,5 x £ prices, which is ridiculous, but apparently doesn't stop me from buying.

I’m wearing the ‘Nikki’ poplin top this morning, I’ve discovered if you tie the front in a bow without tiring it once if you know what I mean it sits more neatly. Thinking of putting a stitch in it to hold it.

About nice clothes and body types...

I've been fat most of my life; BMI 34-35. I'm short (1.64 m, now down to 1.6), with big upper body and belly, and almost no hips.

As a kid and young adult, I always heard my mom and (much older) sister talking about dieting. I think this somehow rubbed of on me, so my focus was on my weight, probably creating an unhealthy self image. In the start of my 20's I had slimmed down a reasonably amount because of training a lot, but then the weight crept on again ending with 94 kg in my early 30'es. Having my daughter at 36 added a few kilos.

My choice of clothes were basically what I could fit into, and still look sorta smart and not frumpy. I have always liked nice stuff and quality. Then I discovered Toast; nice clothes and often BIG. I fell in love right away. Over the last 10-15 years I have lost weight, so I'm now down to 75 kg. Still planning on loosing 10 kg more eventually, which is the weight I feel comfortable with - I have rather masculine muscles so that weight is healthy for me.

My reason for loosing weight and gaining more muscle is basically to be more healthy. But I see it as a nice side effect that it also enables me to actually fit into some nice clothes. I know that a lot of brands have started catering for the larger sizes, but this is not always accompanied by nice designs for people my height. I so do hope that Toast will not in the future only make clothes for very slim people.

Interesting conversation so I will add some random ruminations. I’ve been on a bit of a body positivity journey for the last decade. Well post-meno, I’ve changed from a size 24 to a sturdy 10. I think what I learned in that process that I was never in a million years going to lose weight while I hated my body. That just wasn’t helping my motivation or the somewhat complex reasons for being so large in the first place. So I. 2015 I decided I would spend a year just focusing on amicable coexistence with what was and then review things. So I got nice things that fitted me (and in plus size that really is hard, sadly, even second hand). I never left the house without at a minimum, mascara, perfume and earrings. As I started to feel less hateful towards my poor body, I gradually started to treat it better with regards to what I ate and how I moved. I’m not going to lie and say that was enough for weight loss - it wasn’t, that took a lot of effort and tbh still does. But I stopped talking and thinking about the bits I didn’t like (mostly all of it at that stage!) and started to focus on what those bits needed - soft natural fabrics, drape, ease etc. and THEN I started to think about what would pull a look together. Now I’ve reached a stage where I look at my body with interest rather than loathing. You don’t get that degree of weight loss, especially at my age, without it taking its toll but I am much better now at asking myself what it needs to feel and look good. With practice I’ve got better at looking at combinations of pieces and accessories and checking in with myself - do I FEEL how I need to feel today. If not, off it comes. My focus is on health, functionality, ease with myself. If I get that right, the rest sort of flows. One of my happiest moments was when I reached the point where places like Hush and Toast fitted me and I think Toast especially makes clothes that just work for larger bodies. It’s not about concealment or flatter, it was for me about construction, fit, drape, comfort, elegance. No butterflies, flounces or infantilisation there. It bothers me that they seem to be edging sizing downwards as, while not truly size inclusive, they were one of the few places women with bigger bodies could find good quality clothing.

Thanks @Sooverthemill !