Self care, self worth - scruffy women on manoeuvres!

[Libelula21]

Following on grin the conversation on the thread about ‘the secret’

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4873152-anyone-else-never-told-the-secret?page=3&reply=128454481

here’s a thread about getting ourselves together, getting [a bit of] a glow on, and learning the grooming habits we were never taught and never learned.

Well-groomed women, you are welcome to drop in and share your secrets too! :-)

I feel like there are a lot of interesting online clothes shops out there, but I’m very behind the curve so shop at the same old high street names.

'Do groomed people have tidy houses as well?'

I do have a tidy house@Libelula21!

I am also an inherently lazy person, but I can be out the (tidy) house and looking great in 10 minutes, tips;

Little and often, then nothing becomes a massive chore, my self-care routine takes minutes a day but it's cumulative, so, shower, use exfoliating mit (pay attention to elbows, feet and ankles), out, whilst drying, daily acid peel, brush teeth, foreo bear, vit c, then body oil (easier and quicker than lotion).

Getting dressed is easy as I have spent a long time honing my wardrobe, I get things altered so they fit perfectly, always clean my shoes before I put them away (back in their boxes), I iron and use a lint remover on my clothes before hanging them up (honestly not a huge job and makes such a difference). Cashmere and woolen I remove any pilling regularly. My wardrobe is laid out so I can easily see what's there and everything works together and is a pleasure to wear. Get rid of anything less than great and present things to yourself in a way that looks pleasing, think about outfits you'd like to wear. I never have a 'I've got nothing to wear' moment, I've always got just the right outfit for any given circumstance. Know and love your clothes! Treat them with kindness!

Nails I keep short and neutral, almond oil is great, use once a day.

Always keep on top of your feet! If they're looking a bit manky, go for a full pedi then keep on top of it, Inhave a bath once a week, and after a good soak give them a good going over with a foot file then use a foot cream with urea, trim toe nails and paint as desired! I also use a hair mask and face mask in the bath.

Because I keep to these very simple routines, I can be out the house looking great in ten minutes.

Make-up? Keep it simple, but find products that really work for you, I'd recommend going to a SpaceNK as they have multiple brands and can really advise you, better than going to a specific counter. Once you've found a routine that works, practice! It takes me about four minutes to do my make-up (of course make-up is not obligatory, but if you're aiming for 'polished and groomed' keep on top of your skincare if you're not going to wear any, and a bit of Jones Road miracle balm is great on your cheeks and lips if going bare-faced).

That's my 'lazy person looking great' life tips.

(Can also give, lazy person tidy house tips and lazy person eats great food tips too!).

Ohh, @Libelula21, I actually very rarely shop in person and haven't for about 20 years, online shopping is amazing for access to brands.

Two tips, always order an item in two sizes if you're unsure (most sites do have measurements now, so know your measurements).

If it's not perfect, send it back, immediately! Don't fall into the it'll do trap.

Oh and, tip three, actually think about what you want/need before you start browsing. The choice can be overwhelming so identify wardrobe gaps that need filling to make desired outfits before you hit the Internet. If you're not sure what your desired outfits are, get thee to Pinterest and start pinning, you'll soon get an idea of your vibe.

@Galiana thank you for this insight into the life of a woman who has got it together. Your approach sounds really organised and relatively streamlined.

For housework I try and fail at TOMM, old house, and too small for all the stuff we have.

With things like exfoliating mits, they’re the kind of thing I don’t buy now, because I think they’re going to end up lying around being vaguely manky, and I’m never sure about washing them.

Housework, it's a fucker! I'm not sure if you have any DC or how old they are, small children are the enemy of an organised habitat! Mine are teens now so can be handily used as house slaves...

We have an old house too, everyone is accountable for their own stuff and I'm pretty ruthless about getting rid of things that no longer serve a purpose. My house is more maximal than minimal though, I like beautiful things, just in the right place, everything has a place, things must be returned to their place. I find domestic chaos quite unbearable, always put things away after use, never leave a room empty-handed, if I see something like a dusty skirting board or marks on something, deal with immediately, it takes seconds, I always wipe a sink after I've used it, (also ensure that if anyone else makes a small domestic mess they deal with it immediately). I cook a lot but am a very tidy cook, just do things as I go along.

Little and often is my life mantra!

I'm pretty good at getting rid of clutter but my house is one of those (rare) ones where it's relatively tidy but not very clean :-/ mainly because I never get round to 'big' jobs like dusting everywhere or doing a deep clean of the bathroom and everything I do I only seem to have about 2 mins for so I can give the loo a quick clean and the sink a wipe down but never have time for the more involved stuff. This is similar to my personal upkeep/grooming in that I will jump in for a quick 2 min shower but never get round to doing a facemask, painting my nails, exfoliating etc.

As a fellow frizzy-haired fifty-something I've followed the trail over here from the other thread to pick up tips and be in the company of those who understand!

bollytrolly have you heard of a brand called Carpe? I keep getting Instagram ads for them and was keeping them in mind for if this summer turned out to be a scorcher again (ha!) They do products for sweating on different parts of the body, including scalp
https://uk.mycarpe.com/products/scalp-regimen?variant=40226378547333
Can't vouch for how good they are as I haven't purchased anything, but might be worth exploring.

My only tip for appearing more together is, weirdly, yoga. I've found since I started doing it every day (lockdown) that my posture is better and I'm also much less given to that sort of frantic red-faced scamper that I used to do, running around after everyone, trying to fit everything in and be all things to all people. It's a daily reminder to slow the feck down, breathe properly and channel my inner Adriene 😂

I did two things off the back of this thread today. 1) I did a quick cull of my wardrobe- anything that doesn’t fit, doesn’t look nice, doesn’t make me feel nice, went into my Vinted box.
2) I ordered 2 dresses as we have a family do on 9th September and I want to feel nice bit Also have in mind what I’m going to wear so I don’t stress and get anxious about the decision.

Not pulled together enough at all but have tips:

• posture - very important, makes big difference in how you look and feel
• yoga is wonderful
• good fitting bra - linked to above
• dry skin - try an oil under your moisturiser, I like squalane from the ordinary
• dry skin/sensitive: alba botanica do a sensitive suncreen which doesn't irritate
• easy makeup - I mix tinted moisturiser with normal moisturiser as more natural and harder to mess up
• make up/skincare doesn't have to be expensive - the ordinary is good, make up wise Essence do good eyeshadow palettes (have only seen in Wilko if not online) and Revloution are cheap, many of the cheaper brands are good enough and they are cheap enough to experiment with
• have hand cream etc to hand in several places - upstairs, downstairs, bag etc - don't neglect your hands, especially going into autumn/winter

Housework:

• tidy as you go - every time you leave a room, tidy something, makes a big difference as when you do a big tidy, you've already done half the work
• house is still messy but more managable
• have a basket downstairs where you put everything you need to take upstairs
• everything has a place - otherwise I lose it
• declutter - much easier to tidy up

I'm going to try the hairbrush/make up in bag trick and see if that helps me

Monday morning here.

A new week. I hope (need!) to have a haircut and buy a few pieces for my wardrobe, which is a tatty jumble.

And a declutter. About ten days ago I bought a book called something like “transform your house in 30 days” but ironically I’ve lost it amidst all the mess!

Like @bollytrolly said over on the other thread, I’m not and never have been a handbag person - just something else to forget or have to carry - but maybe a bag with a mini hairbrush, capsule make-up, and some tissues would be a good idea. And a book.

I loved the original thread and identified so much with the contributors. I’ll never be glamorous (and it wouldn’t fit with my lifestyle) but would love to look (and feel) less shambolic and more intentional.

While trying to get to grips with my house I noticed that friends with pristine houses were constantly doing small adjustments - mopping a small spill, picking something up off the floor, putting things in the bin. So I tried that and it made a massive difference, but it never feels like I’m relaxing so it slides after a week or so. I suppose it’s the same with my appearance - the constant alertness is exhausting and I suppose that at the end of the day I just don’t care about it enough.

So trying to make it as easy as possible. But going for looking and feeling healthy rather than looking well presented. It feels like something I can motivate myself towards more, and also a more achievable goal. Working on my skin at the mo while I ponder my hair (haven’t been for a haircut since I left school and have no idea where to start).

I’ve been sidetracked onto my phone.

This is where I go wrong!

I’ve ordered The Curated Closet book, and a £10 kératine hair mask. I’ll try it once and see!

I’ve ordered the Curated Closet too. Now worrying that it’s American. I feel inferior to other women in Britain. Americans are another world with their straight white teeth and pantyhose.

Signing in!

Another Adriene fan here @BeforetheFlood

I would like to have better posture all the time - I think I stick my head forward like a turtle and reading a book/ phone all the time doesn’t help

Also think I need a better coat for autumn than my rain anorak - something bright would be great.

Well, today I’ve had my second haircut this year, ditto my eyebrows waxed, and been for a swim.
I’m going to hold off buying clothes until I’ve lost at least the easy pounds that come off fast when you embark on a diet - that is a thing, right?!

Thinking of trying to go through September only on water and water based drinks - so herbal teas, coffee. Even if I didn’t lose any weight I’d probably feel better for it.

I’ve just realised there’s 78g of sugar 😱in a 750 ml bottle of appletiser - I’ve been drinking loads of these while I wean myself off wine… 😬

I need to be here. I've started wearing jewellery. Feels like a bit of an improvement.

Sorry this made me laugh so much. Losing the book in the mess. I can TOTALLY relate

You have to laugh, or else you’d cry!

So I walked 22,000 steps yesterday.

Giving up alcohol is also helping… just a bit more space and clearheadedness in the morning to wash my face properly and pull a brush through my hair (that looks awful written down, but that’s where I’m at!)

I think both of those things help enormously.

I should add I’m talking about the school run! I’m not terrible!

I was thinking of the steps and the not drinking, not the hair, honest!

I'm trying to get myself a bit sleeker too.

The thing that is transformative for me is a 3 monthly keratin treatment (the one that takes 3 hours in the salon and then you can't wash your hair for 3 days). My hair is off the scale frizzy and wild and is now completely tamed by the keratin. I also go to the salon for a wash and blow dry when I can.

A cheaper improvement has been to shower using E45 shower cream and then moisturise with Cerave. Apparently the E45 means that the shower does not dry you out in the first place. A dermatologist put me onto this routine and my skin feels the best that it ever has.

I am starting to take care of my shoes... I hsve been carefully buying good shoes on Vinted. I clean them up, put conditioners on them, spray them with that stain and water repellent, stuff them with newspaper... I get the worn down heels replaced, too. I just paid more for the new heels on a lovely pair of boots than I paid for the boots, but they're comfortable, well made, and will last years.

I buy cheap trainers at Primark, but I run them through the wash when they get at all dirty so they always look nice. I just cleaned my fabric/faux suede ballet flats today with a bit of fairy liquid on a microfiber towel and they look nearly new, now.

I'm being fussy about the state of my clothes - if they're worn or have issues that can't be mended, I throw them out. I can at least sew on buttons and take care of falling hems, etc. And if there's something that can be done by the seamstress at the market, I'll take it to them, provided I care about the item enough to bother. I wish I were better at that stuff for myself, really.

Joining! I always thought that the problem was because I was fat.

I've lost almost 2 stone (yay me!) and have gone from a size 16 to a nice size 12, but I feel like I look worse! My body looks better, obvs, but my face looks older now, my hair is frizzy and I'm still wearing the same old clothes as I seem to be unable to believe my new size. I have bought 2 new things, but they're just 2 copies of what I already had, but in a smaller size! 🤦🏼‍♀️

So I've had gel nails, and they look lovely. I've had my brows & lashes tinted, but the colour there only lasts about 3 days.

Im not sure what to do with myself really. I've been overweight since I had DS13 years ago and this is the first time I've sorted myself out. I'm quite disappointed!