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Help me to feel less frumpy please!

54 replies

MooMa83 · 08/07/2023 08:44

So after 2 children I've gone from a size 12/14 to 16/18...I'm only 5ft 2 and do not carry it well at all. I have a large bust, wide bum, c section pouch tummy and large thighs. I'm trying to get fitter, but in the meantime how can I feel more stylish? I'm looking for new jobs and when looking at new clothes feel so frumpy and dumpy in everything! It's really affecting my confidence. I'm early 40's, not sure I have a particular style but if I had to would say classic with a hint of Boho, or a bit rock/edgy. My redeeming features are a nipped in waist (in relation to everything else!). My face is also fairly slim (again...in comparison!), and striking Mediterranean features. Help please?

OP posts:
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Ridingaroundonbuses · 08/07/2023 09:53

Good underwear for a start so get yourself measured for new bras if you have not done this recently and new undies too. Maybe look at some light support ones from M and S which I think they do in a two pack and they also do light control shorts. I say light support because the last thing you want is to feel overly conscious of your undies and have to hook them up etc. Next look at what clothes actually fit your lifestyle and you feel good in such as dresses and jeans and try and find the ones that you feel amazing it. Maybe book an appointment with a personal shopper at John Lewis if you have one. Hopefully whatever you do and the clothes that you choose will make you feel good about you which is l think the most important thing so that you feel happy and confident and not frumpy as you put it.

CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 10:00

Grooming and money …

You sound very good looking! Do you have a fresh new haircut? If not, do that.

Is your skincare / make up up to date, so you look noticeably on top of current trends?

Do you have a really great pair of boots or loafers for your interviews?

If your hands are suffering from domestic life are you taking care of them?

Having covered all of that - you need some Good Clothes. Not Next - whatever the rest of MN says. And I’m not convinced by boring mid range John Lewis makeovers, either, but each to their own.

You should be able to fit into a size 16 from more expensive shops, so needn’t be restricted.

Question: How much can you spend? (And do you have time for pre-worn searching if your budget is very limited?)

Highdaysandholidays1 · 08/07/2023 10:01

you sound gorgeous! I know you didn't ask about beauty stuff so much, but I would start there as it seems like you have a natural advantage (I would kill for a slim face despite putting on weight!) So, lots of water, shape your brows, bit of lipgloss (or full make-up, whatever you prefer!), make sure hair is glossy and cut nicely and make the most of looking striking as a starting point. Hold head up high. Then people won't look at the clothes so much (I find).

As for clothes, what is making you feel frumpy? Is it that stuff doesn't fit, doesn't suit you anymore? What's going wrong? I usually try to identify that first before then buying to fill the gap. If you like classic with an edge, then good jackets (leather, suede, darker denim, black) can help with that. Also get shoes right- go with what's in fashion (roughly) and invest in a couple of pairs, again with a bit of an edge. That way you can still wear some of the clothes you have but look more current and more you.

On here people do seem to focus on the one dress or one top, I've always found that it's the overall look especially accessories, shoes, jacket, bag, that make me feel current/frumpy and so that's why I always update those first and worry about the rest later. On Vinted though, I don't pay full price for stuff anymore, but you have to really identify what you want before you go on there, right down to brands, colours and shapes otherwise it's easy to get overwhelmed.

CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 10:01

Oh dear! Wasn’t directly responding to your suggestions, @Ridingaroundonbuses. (Apols!)

Highdaysandholidays1 · 08/07/2023 10:07

One thing- everyone looks a tiny bit frumpy in interview clothes. Don't buy a whole new wardrobe around that, just get a pair of reasonable trousers, a cami (but not cleavage showing) top and a good jacket (La Redoute? M and S, more depending on budget). Get good shoes like the person above says, like leather loafers. In my field, I don't think you could get interview clothes wrong, but it depends on the sector I guess!

CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 10:12

Not necessarily for interviews - but to cheer you up while you re-make your wardrobe. Generous sizing so should fit:

https://www.americanvintage-store.com/gb/en/OYO14FE23-JAR.html

Help me to feel less frumpy please!
CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 10:21

What’s your industry? If you’re valued for your intellect and imagination this might be a bold choice of interview top, with a plain skirt or trousers. (Obvs no good if you have to look more ‘uniform’.)

https://batsheva.com/en-gb/collections/new-arrivals/products/moon-blouse-in-white?variant=43799380197625

Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Maireas · 08/07/2023 10:22

What do you mean by "frumpy"? Shabby, overweight, not sexy? What?
What kind of look are you going for with the boho/rock, and what colours do you prefer?
If we have an idea of budget as well, we can get you togged up!
I'm going to agree with pp and say avoid Next....

Highdaysandholidays1 · 08/07/2023 10:32

@CountryCousin I think that's a good call for an intervie top, it would work in my profession without looking overdone. Like it (not the price though!)

Crikeyalmighty · 08/07/2023 10:55

I have exactly same issues and same size and am 5ft 4

I find a tight stretchy top with an open sheer shirt or leather jacket and leggings and boots looks decent and in summer a knee length dress - again with a longer sheer shirt over it

tinselvestsparklepants · 08/07/2023 11:03

I've just bought myself some fabulous earrings. Big for me but they've made a huge difference and I'm tempted to get more to help me update my wardrobe. Could you do plain crisp white shirt, lipstick, statement jewellery, trousers, trainers? Can always be a modern and put together look.

tinselvestsparklepants · 08/07/2023 11:04

Trousers or skirt, bottom half mostly behind a table in interviews anyway!

NatashaDancing · 08/07/2023 13:09

Highdaysandholidays1 · 08/07/2023 10:32

@CountryCousin I think that's a good call for an intervie top, it would work in my profession without looking overdone. Like it (not the price though!)

It's beautiful.

Batsheva blouse and Kafka trousers

With a plain skirt or trousers it would work for an interview in my sector. And with these trousers once in the job.

Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Cantonet · 08/07/2023 13:19

That Batsheva blouse is horribly fussy.
Dressing up a size 16/18 with a high neck blouse with frills & a pussy bow - just no 🤦🏼‍♀️

Maireas · 08/07/2023 13:22

Yes, if she's short and curvy it's not going to flatter. I'm 5' 1" and avoid that kind of outfit completely.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/07/2023 13:24

Cantonet · 08/07/2023 13:19

That Batsheva blouse is horribly fussy.
Dressing up a size 16/18 with a high neck blouse with frills & a pussy bow - just no 🤦🏼‍♀️

Agree, especially for large-breasted women.

I'm similar to OP's shape, and only minimalist clothes and accessories look good.

CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 13:30

and only …

Goodness! What kind of repressive state are we living under?

Maireas · 08/07/2023 13:31

You can have fun with clothes, whatever your size! I'm just waiting for the OP to come back with budget details etc before I post some links.

CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 13:47

I’ll just leave these here, not necessarily for the OP, as I have no idea of her budget - but they’re on sale and might all fit a size 16-18. From MaxMara and Massimo Alba. (Some have details on enlarged photos.)

Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Help me to feel less frumpy please!
CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 13:49

Ganni top, Massimo Alba trousers. Just because.

Help me to feel less frumpy please!
Help me to feel less frumpy please!
CountryCousin · 08/07/2023 13:50

(Actually I think the Ganni sweatshirt is new stock.)

MooMa83 · 08/07/2023 14:05

Thanks for responses all! When I have a bit more time I'll have a proper look through the links. In terms of budget...unfortunately limited but I would spend £100 on an outfit I could get a lot of wear out of and dress up/dress down. So I guess my limit would be £300 in total for a few new wardrobe bits. I'm happy to get things second hand, but find it tricky when not able to return things. My sector is healthcare, working in mental health in the community. In terms of what I mean by frumpy....I think the best word that befits me is 'matronly'! Just unstylish, everything I seem to be trying on is unflattering to my current shape.

OP posts:
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