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Original poster

Did you pick your own engagement ring?

114 replies

ramanw · 10/03/2023 22:31

Partner casually asked if I wanted to go and buy an engagement ring the other day.

Obviously I was chuffed etc and have now found one which is being ordered in.

Is it a bit weird though that I will know when he's picking it up and then I guess I will know he's about to propose and that kind of takes the "magical" element out of it.

Did you pick your own engagement ring and found yourself in a similar position or did your partner completely surprise you and picked the ring himself?

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 11/03/2023 00:12

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/03/2023 22:54

No. That would be odd. He proposed and presented the ring (which was beautiful)z

Given an engagement ring can cost so much money, how is it "odd" that so many people like to choose them together?

I think it's anachronistic for women to still wait around to be proposed to and to want a "magical moment", but I also think we should just let people do what they want without judging them, rather than declaring other people odd if they don't agree with what we personally think. How do you know it's not you that's odd? (Especially given the post from the jeweller!)

FettleOfKish · 11/03/2023 00:16

We'd been talking about rings after a friend got engaged with a beautiful and very unusual ring. I showed him a few in the styles that I liked and seemingly when I then went to the loo he sneakily screenshot on my phone and airdropped them to himself (perils of marrying an Apple genius 😄).

The proposal was a surprise, but with a ring he knew I'd like.

HowcanIhelp123 · 11/03/2023 00:25

My DH wanted me to try on some to show him what I did and didn't like so he could choose/design knowing my preferences since I was the one wearing it. I completely fell in love with one, tried to play it down because I knew he wanted to pick but he proposed with it a couple days later 😂. Still love it, and it didn't take away any 'magic'.

Original poster
ramanw · 11/03/2023 09:02

Aww I love all of these stories!

I don't really have a problem with it being a really small thing and him casually asking. I'm quite shy and like the quieter life but I was thinking I wonder what everyone else does. I feel like I'm meant to sort of cry and be all over the top when he does ask but because I know it's happening, I'm not really sure what reaction I'm meant to have 😂.

Nice to hear all sorts of different proposals :)

OP posts:
Schmutter · 11/03/2023 09:05

My dh bought the ring and surprised me. More surprising was how right he got it. It’s perfect.

PuttingDownRoots · 11/03/2023 09:09

ramanw · 11/03/2023 09:02

Aww I love all of these stories!

I don't really have a problem with it being a really small thing and him casually asking. I'm quite shy and like the quieter life but I was thinking I wonder what everyone else does. I feel like I'm meant to sort of cry and be all over the top when he does ask but because I know it's happening, I'm not really sure what reaction I'm meant to have 😂.

Nice to hear all sorts of different proposals :)

My dad said to my mum...

"Im tired of takeaway burgers. Will you marry me?" On the way home from a pub. 😂My mother definitely had to help chose the ring, romance isn't exactly my dad's strong point. (He maintains that it came out wrong... the burgers were not a reason for marriage!)

But married forty years this summer.

EggBlanket · 11/03/2023 09:11

I picked my own ring but after he proposed, not before. Your partner has definitely taken the surprise out of it 😆

Easterdaffsx · 11/03/2023 09:12

We went off to Buxton to a wee jewellers he'd bought other bits of jewellery for me from over the years. Looked at plenty and I gave him an idea of what I liked and he showed me what he was thinking and we were pretty much on the same page ect and then left it to him.
A year later he proposed and I adore it . Plus we have a great memory of behaving like a pair of nervous kids that day ... and we're both nearly 50 !

Rockingcloggs · 11/03/2023 09:24

Yes, I choose mine and was with him when he bought it. I don't like surprises and I don't like grand gestures so a little speech with getting down on one knee would have made me gip so we had a night away on 23/12/2004 where I took ownership of my treasured jewel and got married 2 years later on 23/12/2006!

ronniesmum08 · 11/03/2023 09:25

Yes and we're both glad I did. I love it still 21 years later.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 11/03/2023 10:15

My DH surprised himself by proposing (I'd had a psychic moment earlier that day and knew it was coming - all very weird). We then went to choose the ring together. I knew exactly what I wanted and there it was in the window.

He did choose my eternity ring though and I love it.

Isheabastard · 11/03/2023 10:52

Reading all these replies I’m just wondering if anyone went to buy their wedding and engagement rings on their own.

It was admittedly 30 years ago. We had some friends whose parents owned a jewellery shop and the father designed rings.

Itwas an hours drive away. I can’t remember exactly why DH didn’t come with me, I think it just wasn’t his thing.

My future son in law hunted high and low to buy the exact ring my Dd wanted and then did a surprise proposal on a beach on holiday.

So was my experience more normal years ago, but wouldn’t be now?

Fairislefandango · 11/03/2023 10:56

No, dh proposed with a ring. I love it and would have chosen it myself- I was very impressed! And a bit surprised he managed to get it quite as right as he did tbh!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 11/03/2023 10:57

Picked my own. If I'm wearing something every day, I'm choosing it (incidentally, I never wear it anymore).

My brother proposed to his wife with a cheap ring and then she designed her own engagement ring.

Justdancinginthedark · 11/03/2023 10:57

DH mum asked me to go shopping with her and during the day said she needed new earrings. While in the jewellers she said try on rings for fun and see what you like. About 6 months later DH proposed with the ring the same as the one I loved from that day.

StephenDedalus · 11/03/2023 10:59

Sorry @Isheabastard we got engaged 20 years ago & I don't think it was a 'thing' then to go by yourself to pick your rings.

I only know one person who did that - she basically arranged an entire wedding venue/ dress / ring etc before he'd even 'asked ' her. She engineerd it so he sort of had no choice. I advised against it but she ignored me & her rationale was she thought the reason he was dragging his feet with a proposal was because he would hate the bother of having to organise a wedding so if she took all the pain of that away he'd be eager....😬

Anyway..they got married & had 2 kids very quickly & now.....divorced...

She's the only one I know who went alone. I know lots who went together though.

Keeween · 11/03/2023 11:00

No, which I am quite glad of. It was a complete surprise (altho I knew we wanted to be married at some point) and he chose the most gorgeous ring for me, in the right size. How he got the right size is still a mystery! Maybe he’s more observant and sneaky than I give him credit for.
It’s a stunning ring.

Keeween · 11/03/2023 11:01

Isheabastard · 11/03/2023 10:52

Reading all these replies I’m just wondering if anyone went to buy their wedding and engagement rings on their own.

It was admittedly 30 years ago. We had some friends whose parents owned a jewellery shop and the father designed rings.

Itwas an hours drive away. I can’t remember exactly why DH didn’t come with me, I think it just wasn’t his thing.

My future son in law hunted high and low to buy the exact ring my Dd wanted and then did a surprise proposal on a beach on holiday.

So was my experience more normal years ago, but wouldn’t be now?

Oh! My mother in law did, I think. FIL was working 😅 that was about 35 years ago.

Twizbe · 11/03/2023 11:02

I was very clear to DH that I wanted to pick my own.

He proposed without a ring and we went together to pick what I wanted.

I didn't think he'd be able to surprise me with the ring, but he did.

It was a long drive home from getting the ring and by the time we were home I was busting for the loo.

I went and when I opened the door to come out, there he was on one knee with the ring.

It still makes me smile thinking about it.

Mandasporian · 11/03/2023 11:03

I didn't get one. We decided to get married so went got married and exchanged rings that we bought together. Neither of us wear them but are still together 30 years on.

It is probably an unpopular view but I don't see the point in them in an equal world. Seems like a branding iron thing: she's mine!

ToffeeNotCoffee · 11/03/2023 11:13

DH proposed. I agreed. Then we went ring shopping. We then, 'got engaged' in the courtyard of a historic town centre pub.

I wanted my marriage proposal to come as a surprise. Nothing to do with the movies.

If I could see it coming i.e. the proposal I would have really cringed and already knew the answer was no.

So on a random Sunday afternoon whilst just chatting he said, 'will you marry me ?'

I was delighted and accepted.

We celebrate 30 years married next year.

fairtrauchled · 11/03/2023 11:20

DH proposed when we were on holiday abroad.We went ring shopping when we got home.Been married 34 years.

CornishGem1975 · 11/03/2023 11:21

Yes, he had arranged an appointment with a ring designer for the morning after he proposed.

mrsbyers · 11/03/2023 11:25

I proposed to him and we went ring shopping together , had to order the ring and as a temporary substitute he bought me a pair of engagement trainers that I still love

mickeysmug · 11/03/2023 12:02

We chose the stone together when we were abroad and chose the setting. My husband went back and asked them to make an eternity ring in the same setting which he gave me when we had our first child.