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Original poster

Did you pick your own engagement ring?

114 replies

ramanw · 10/03/2023 22:31

Partner casually asked if I wanted to go and buy an engagement ring the other day.

Obviously I was chuffed etc and have now found one which is being ordered in.

Is it a bit weird though that I will know when he's picking it up and then I guess I will know he's about to propose and that kind of takes the "magical" element out of it.

Did you pick your own engagement ring and found yourself in a similar position or did your partner completely surprise you and picked the ring himself?

OP posts:
lozrox90 · 10/03/2023 23:00

DH chose mine and proposed with it. I had told him the sort of thing I liked beforehand though whenever we were passing jewellers etc.

DelurkingAJ · 10/03/2023 23:01

DH chose the ring. He took DSis which caused chaos (I’m told) because she was not impressed that the jewellers thought she was marrying DH. He said his ego was a bit bruised by how horrified she was 🤣. I love it. But I’m not a jewellery person at all so I don’t have a deep seated sense of the style I like and DH chose something that was a mild twist on classic (once he’d calmed DSis down from the rings that were completely out of budget).

PuttingDownRoots · 10/03/2023 23:02

DH designed (well pointed out the bits he liked on different rings to the jeweller!) Both my rings.
I first saw the engagement ring on the day he proposed and the wedding ring on th wedding day.

notapizzaeater · 10/03/2023 23:03

Mine proposed with a tiny piece of hosepipe in a ring box which I still have 😁. We went and picked the ring together that night.

USaYwHatNow · 10/03/2023 23:05

I went with my mum to have a browse, she then told my husband what I'd fallen in love with, and 4 ish months later he popped the question on holiday. The proposal was a surprise, and I was also surprised to see the ring that I loved!

Sandydune · 10/03/2023 23:07

Yes, we chose the ring together as we knew that’s where we were headed. Then we went to the spot where we had our first date and ‘got engaged’. Sometimes I feel I missed out on the whole surprise romantic proposal thing.
However, I had to take out the credit agreement on it as he didn’t have a permanent job at the time. That took the romance out of it. He did pay it all back though and we’ve done ok 23 years later. 😊

Orangetapemeasure · 10/03/2023 23:07

We chose it together.
I know 3 people who really haven’t liked the ring that was chosen for them. One if them made him take it back and another never wore it once she had a wedding band

YourWinter · 10/03/2023 23:09

I absolutely HATE surprises so…

Unless they’ve already discussed styles and budget for a ring, I think the partner should propose, and the couple then go out in due course and choose a ring. For a man (well, a partner) to say, THIS is the ring I expect you to wear - and expect you to be enchanted with - smacks of selfish controlling behaviour. Would anyone expect their future spouse to choose their wedding dress too? And that’s only worn for a day. So many men haven’t a clue, and wouldn’t buy the ring their partner would really have liked.

Accept the proposal and choose the ring later.

PuttingDownRoots · 10/03/2023 23:13

YourWinter · 10/03/2023 23:09

I absolutely HATE surprises so…

Unless they’ve already discussed styles and budget for a ring, I think the partner should propose, and the couple then go out in due course and choose a ring. For a man (well, a partner) to say, THIS is the ring I expect you to wear - and expect you to be enchanted with - smacks of selfish controlling behaviour. Would anyone expect their future spouse to choose their wedding dress too? And that’s only worn for a day. So many men haven’t a clue, and wouldn’t buy the ring their partner would really have liked.

Accept the proposal and choose the ring later.

I think it comes down to knowing your partner... personally knowing DH could find the perfect ring for me, with my favourite stone and metal type, was a compliment not a control issue.
I don't think I would have enjoyed picking one in the shop myself.

CC4712 · 10/03/2023 23:14

No- DH had it designed, and styled himself and then proposed with it. I was amazed, as its better than what I would have wanted and chosen for myself, plus bespoke.

Travelationjubilation · 10/03/2023 23:14

Thank goodness he proposed without a ring, we went an chose one afterwards. I would have been furious with him if he had bought one in a shop, it’s a fraction of the cost to get one made by choosing a stone and having a setting designed from a supplier,

IForgotOurSong · 10/03/2023 23:16

We went to the jewellers together, looked at a few, tried a few on, narrowed it down to two, both of which I loved and left it to him to choose which one. Secretly the one he chose was the one I loved the most but I liked the other one a lot too and would have been very happy with it.

trulyunruly01 · 10/03/2023 23:17

No.
I mean, do I even^^ look like the sort of person who'd choose a £38.99 job from Argos?
OK, it was 1982 and we were totally skint and it was replaced some years later with a big ole 1 carat thingy....but still....
I do still have the Argos special, though it wouldn't even fit my little toe these days.

Flockameanie · 10/03/2023 23:19

We chose together (having decided together, like adults, that we wanted to get married). But he did do a ‘surprise’ proposal, which was sweet and funny and therefore a lovely story to tell DC

I loved the ring at the time, but 20 years on I only wear it a a few times a year if I’m getting really dressed up. I do wear my (v simple) wedding band. A friend of mine was proposed to with a Rolex. Now that I would wear everyday!

If we did it all again I wouldn’t bother with an engagement ring. I think they’re an outdated idea. Why does ‘he’ have to fork out for a ring to get ‘her’ to marry him??

Hbh17 · 10/03/2023 23:22

He proposed and then a few days later we went to buy a ring together. It seemed the obvious way to do it, and I've never really understood why men are expected to have a ring "ready". For a start, what if the answer is "no"?!

DramaAlpaca · 10/03/2023 23:25

He proposed with a bouquet of flowers then we went ring shopping the next day. He knows how fussy I am about jewellery and that I'd prefer to choose my own ring. I still love it 34 years later.

mastertomsmum · 10/03/2023 23:29

DH proposed on bended knee and ring shopping came later - ie the following weekend. I think it was the usual approach really as I’ve always assumed that proposing with a ring box to hand is for the movies

Zarqon · 10/03/2023 23:32

He casually enquired ages before if I thought it was nice to pick your own ring and I said yes as I had some specific ideas.

Actually I kinda regret it because the ring carries the memory, and every time I look at my ring instead of seeing a romantic proposal, I see DH bored in the shop sulking about how expensive diamonds are while I tried to work out what was ok to spend. I think I’d rather he’d just shopped on his own!

2chocolateoranges · 10/03/2023 23:33

Dh picked my ring(which I loved then and still do 23 years later) . All my friends husbands picked the rings and we all love them. I don’t know anyone who chose their own ring.

toddlermom1 · 10/03/2023 23:36

I designed my own and was worried that it would spoil the 'moment'. Once it was ready he picked it up and decided when and how to propose. 5 years later im so glad i decided on the design. I adore my ring so much

mondaytosunday · 10/03/2023 23:42

Yes I did. He had asked me to marry him quite casually after only knowing each other a few weeks and then we went to look for a ring. He was fixated on getting it at Liberty's for some reason. Picked a faintly simple band with a few small diamonds spaced around it. I loved it but my mother always said I never had a 'proper' engagement ring!
Anyway I'd rather pick one out myself than have him choose one I might not like.

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 10/03/2023 23:43

Yes. We didn't do the 'proposal' stuff - we had a conversation in which we agreed it would be a good idea to get married, and bought rings after that.

handsoffate · 10/03/2023 23:45

We mutually decided to get married (no surprise proposal, thank god) and shopped for the ring together. It’s okay, but not something I’d have chosen now and it doesn’t fit since having kids.
Thankfully I don’t feel the same about dh!

RunTowardsTheLight · 10/03/2023 23:46

DH proposed without a ring and then we went to choose one together.

Anonmousse · 10/03/2023 23:54

I'm a jeweller and I would say more couples come in where they're choosing something together than men on their own. The ones on their own often come with lots of instructions or ideas from their fiance!