Approaching 60 - and lost my way, trying to find it again for this new phase

[JFDIYOLO]

I'm staring at my looming 60th birthday, had quite a vile menopause (out of of it now tho).

Going very grey, am the heaviest I've ever been at 14 stone 10 lbs, at 5'8" (still only think in imperial!)

My colours were done in my 20s and i was labelled warm autumn and tho I still really like a lot of the colours in my folder, I'd like to do it again.

It's ... difficult. But I've made some decisions about what I'm going to do as part of my 60th:

Have a bra fitting and buy some gorgeous new ones

Find my fragrance

Keep up with hair colouring as I don't like the way it's going grey

Do default French manicure and handcream and declutter the dafter colours and gloopy glitter polish

Use sunscreen

Walk more

Rethink the wardrobe.

I haven't done heels in a long time and pretty much content with ballet flats, black trainers, brown Saxon/Game of Thronesy boots, flat metallic sandals depending on season.

Tights are black opaque (veins ...), none in summer.

So skirts usually ankle length in summer, shorter other times.

Tops usually fitted, skirts usually A-line - I have at least got a waist and no matter my size, I still have the remains of an hourglass shape.

Financial constraints meant I had very few new clothes for a long time so am hesitant and uncertain where to start. With spring round the corner and I don't thrive in hot weather ...

Where on earth do I start?!!

Sounds like you have started well already . I am a bit older and do find keeping my hair nice, eyebrows done and for me some electrolysis keeps me feeling good. I was watching a style programme lately and she emphasised focusing on your core wardrobe. So good jeans/ blazer.few plain tops and some nice dresses to start with. I actually don't like ankle length as makes me feel frumpy and prefer either to the knee or midi. Buy things that go together so you can mix and match. Think of three ways you can wear it..at least before you buy.

Turning 60 is a bit of a watershed, isn't it! I started exercising seriously in my early 60s and it has made all the difference for me. Worth a try maybe?

I agree with Junebirthdaygirl re. starting with good jeans/ blazer.and few plain tops and some nice dresses.

Do you think midi dresses with white trainers, walking sandals or ballet flats might work for you?

Have you looked in charity shops - some have really good quality upmarket clothes.

NB: Maybe the thread entitled 'If anyone has lost the saggy menopausal belly , how did you do it ?' - yesterday in Style & Beauty - might be of interest to you?

I would put the things that will benefit your health at the top of your list - exercise, eating well, cutting out / down on booze etc. Sorry to be morbid but you are entering the scary years. Your body and skin will benefit too.

Then I would focus on the things you're going to enjoy and have some fun with it. At present I'm reminded of the list of jobs I used to write to myself on Monday mornings - and never do. E.g you mentioned something about ditching the daft, gloopy nail colours - fine if you're bored with them but I'd look for something equivalent that's going to make you smile.

I would shake things up a bit. If you can afford it, I'd actually buy something off-kilter, even if it doesn't go with 3 other things in your wardrobe or whatever the rules say. For my 60th I asked my family for money and bought some Vivienne Westwood. I didn't have the nerve to wear it at first but 6 years later it's still going strong and even looks quite mainstream now.

Sorry, the 'even if it doesn't go with 3 things in your wardrobe' comment sounds like a snipe at junebirthdaygirl's post. My apologies june, that wasn't my intention. What I was trying to do was suggest a different way of looking at things which is that if you can't take some risks with your clothes in your 60s, then when can you?

I’m going to go against the jeans idea. I found the perfect fit for me, and with a hint of stretch, but just don’t find them comfortable or flattering anymore post-60.

Places like Seasalt do lovely soft wide-legged trousers which look great with flats and trainers. I also find their dresses very flattering - with opaque tights and boots in winter, and fake-tanned legs and sandals in the summer.

I do agree with the blazer though. A great fitting jacket that goes with lots of things is such a good buy.

Think what you’ve always been happiest in, “ your style” as it were & don’t deviate too much away from that as you may find you just don’t feel comfortably happy in any style too strange. But just vamp it up a bit, a bit of glam goes a long way to boost your confidence as you get older ( I’m older than you). And a bit of a splurge on one or two nice accessories that you can wear a lot can become things you really love. Definitely think about your hair, what you’d like it to be. I personally fought the grey for years then suddenly got fed up with the hassle, decided ( lazily I suppose) to let it change & to my utmost shock it turned to a bright, white, shiny platinum with no roots to bother about. I’d always had long hair so decided against the short crop you’re always told to go for after sixty, so keep it shoulder length & gets more compliments than it ever got darker. So don’t change what makes you, you.
Sixty isn’t old these days 😁

Thankyou, everyone!

Congratulations on your approaching birthday!

Two questions:

1. Are we to understand that you are not now living with the same financial constraints? Do you want to prioritise spending money on clothes and styling, with some room for fun and extravagance, or something more basic?

2. What is your lifestyle and what are you mostly dressing for?

I agree it would be hard to know where to re-start. For myself, aside from health and exercise, if I were in your position I’d be tempted to start with one fabulous new piece of (real) jewellery. Then all my new clothes or whatever would be chosen to complement it.

@Gruelle I have an actual job now after everything went tits up during perimenopause then covid, and everything was very 'scarcity mindset'.

Primark, Peacocks, Shoezone and charity shops were my limit for ages, and guilt round spending money on clothes and fear of not having enough for bills is still constant.

I did buy six cheap polo neck sweaters (which don't suit me any more but are warm), cos I was so worried about imminent heating prices.

I've changed out of all recognition - weight gain, stiffened up, lost the tone, grace and elegance I once had, my face looks sullen and saggy and oh yes the Mirena coil has triggered acne.

God I sound like such a drag. I'm boring myself.

I do like my hair. Tho my mother has been telling me to get it cut short since I was about 30 ...

Tomorrow I'm going to:

Colour and condition my hair

Do nail varnish
Put some makeup, earrings and lovely scarf on

Go out and do loads of selfies and find and edit a few I like, then post the best on social media if only to tell myself this is what 60 looks like.

I haven't bought perfume in years - though I'm going to order a sampler set from Saltworks and FIND my scent for spring.

I think instead of jewellery I'm going to start from what lies beneath. I'm going to get a bra fitting and buy some new gorgeous ones. God knows when I last did and my old beige t shirt bras have lost their allure - and their pingupability.

A long time ago I had my colours done, coming out warm autumn. I still enjoy those colours and I think they're pretty true to me.

I have zero idea what's in fashion right now and I think the industry is massively missing a trick for women of a certain age - but I think it's time to move away from the polo necks and back to the deep v necks, wrap tops, everything fitted to waist, a-line skirts that I like and know work.

I want to look stylish, businesslike, elegant and striking, at work (office), also rather glamorous and confident out and about too, in all seasons.

Can anyone recommend shops and companies I might like?? I honestly don't know where to start looking.

I know exercise must be part of my world - pounding treadmills, rowing machines and lifting weights, are a nope. I went through all that; aerobics, mini trampolines too. Feels very unappealing now. So I also have to find something that will suit - sitting in front of a computer for six months has relieved the financial stress, but the scales are showing a different kind of stress... And things hurt. That didn't use to. Various medical tests found nothing wrong. Just feeling the passing of time.

Does all this ring a bell for anyone?

I know exercise must be part of my world - pounding treadmills, rowing machines and lifting weights, are a nope. I went through all that; aerobics, mini trampolines too. Feels very unappealing now.

This woman has pleasant stretches and exercises, loads of other videos:

She is in her 70s now.

I feel your pain. I just can’t find anything g that suits me now. I joined a gym a few months ago, determined to get really fit, but developed back problems that have plagued me all through the winter. I couldn’t even go for walks for a long stretch so feel really unfit, saggy and demoralised. I’ve also not been seeing people or going anywhere and feel completely isolated

Like you I need to reinvent myself. Lose weight, different clothes and outlook. I just feel so ground down I don’t know where to start.
Jeans don’t look great when you’re overweight and past sixty I’ve decided.. Dresses in general look awful and I haven’t worn them in years because I’m too fat. It’s difficult. I think embracing your natural hair colour and getting a good cut would be a start.

like you, high impact exercise doesn’t appeal and I can’t do it without fear of wrecking my back again. I do think this age is crucial. Joints hurt, things don’t work as they should do . Alcohol isn’t metabolised in the same way. Time for a rethink.

Impressively full answer, @JFDIYOLO !

So much to talk about … But can I start by pulling you up on this:

I have zero idea what's in fashion right now and I think the industry is massively missing a trick for women of a certain age

as you must know the first half of your statement negates the second!

There are or have been two long running threads that seriously address getting dressed as a grown up - without any tedious age stereotyping. The first is/was:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4281220-If-Monty-Don-was-a-woman?reply=108547018

It may be that those clothes are not your style, but there’s an exhaustive list of wonderful brands. The second is the ‘Parisienne’ thread, which you can find under S&B. Different ‘take’, but wide and adventurous discussion and sources.

Also - get yourself a skipping rope and a hula hoop and a yoga mat. That and fresh air are enough to be getting on with.

@JFDIYOLO

I'm a decade younger than you and am suddenly feeling the passing Of Time.

But, But, But, 60 isn't actually that old. And you're never going to get any younger. So get with the programme!

You are just 'older', and that's flipping brilliant!

You do have to get moving though, you have to find something that suits, there are loads of apps that will help.

If you don't get moving now, you will NEVER get moving and you will find yourself moribund and with mobility problems in 10 years.

And who wants that??

No fucker.

Really. The longer you leave it, the worse it gets.

So start today. There is no better day.

Striking and elegant I can help you with. You're the same height as me. You do need to get that weight off though, I know it's not fashionable to say, but going into your 60s substantially overweight isn't going to help you.

Low carb, intermittent fasting and cutting out sugar. You will see results very quickly.

When you've done that come back and we'll talk about clothes.

WtAF🍪

@alltheevennumbers?

What's wrong with that

It's true!

So VERY true, ignore the poster waving a biscuit, honest to God...

@alltheevennumbers, what's the problem with what I posted?

It's true.

Move now or prepare to be fucked.

My parents are on their mid 70s.

One is very active. One isn't.

I know which one I'd rather be.

I like these chart ideas. I'd get your best 20 or so items, plus accessories, together and then start mixing and matching and photographing the outfit options. Stick the photos on the inside of your wardrobe.

I know exercise must be part of my world - pounding treadmills, rowing machines and lifting weights, are a nope.

So gym is not your thing but could you try yoga or pilates or a swimming class? Also, depending where you live, maybe join a walking club to get you outdoors and away from the screen.

Speaking from the arse end of my 60’s may I say that @RhadamanthNemes is unfortunately right.

A couple of my (same age but overweight and non-exercising) contemporaries got away with it until recent years. They don’t know each other. Neither has had any big deal health scares but minor issues have built up over the decade and they are both embracing the wheelchair at times “for convenience” now.

Not yet 70, so bloody sad and so bloody preventable.

OP might want to look fab now, not when she has shrunk herself to a suitably acceptable size for you to deign to dispense advice?

No it's not about being an acceptable size. It's about reaching your 70s in as good shape as possible, because otherwise what's coming down the line at us isn't going to be fun. I've not been inside a gym for 30 years - I cannot stand them, but you can still walk every day, and we have YouTube.

I'm in my late 50s and feel the same. I'm heavier than I have ever been and feel frumpy and achy. My hair has suddenly become unmanageable and I look in the mirror and see someone who looks old!

Things I'm planning to do -

Get back into exercise. I used to walk a lot and swim a lot and have got very lazy.

Take the vitamins that are in the cupboard rather than ignoring them and drink more water.

Cut down on wine during the week.

Get a decent haircut. Mine has become straggly and although I don't want to go short I need something more stylish and manageable. I don't feel quite ready to go grey.

Be disciplined about skincare. Use hand cream and keep my nails short and nicely manicured.

Clear out my wardrobe and get rid of things I'm holding on to because I might fit in them one day. And things I haven't worn.

Focus on buying better quality clothes that I love so that I have fewer clothes but they look better. I bought a nice cashmere jumper in a bright pink a few weeks ago. It's way nicer than my cheap jumpers from Primark.

Get rid of all the shoes I never wear - especially heels!

It might not be much but I'm hoping it's a start. I'm going for better groomed and hope some style will follow!

Very interested in your progress.

@Renoir56

That's a list that might seem overwhelming.

I would absolutely recommend getting yourself a nice notebook and writing down a plan for the next two days.

Nothing too onerous, just manageable tasks.

And then do it.

And then write the tasks for the next two days.

And so on and so forth.