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Original poster

I'm a manly woman it seems..how can I be more feminine?

104 replies

OkilyDoke · 20/10/2022 20:39

Despite my best efforts I appear to be a "manly" woman. Orat least people keep mistaking me for a man, particularly at work. I'm not beautiful, definitely less attractive than average, but I dress well, I keep my (admittedly short) hair well styled and cared for, I wear nice jewellery and scent, not much make up, but primer and mascara..I have a high pitched voice. I'm caring.and gentle, so possibly feminine in that way. But, still. What can I do to be more feminine? I can't do high heels or lipstick, and I like my short hair and get a lot of compliments. What's left?

OP posts:
acornsarenottheonlyfruit · 21/10/2022 07:22

Ive been mistaken as my mum close up, delivery driver looking at ID and thinking I was 66 instead as 45 , bit depressing but whatever. Ive also been told I look 10 years younger than I am several times by different people.

If people are referring to you as 'he' could it be English is their second language? Im asking as many languages there is only one gender, I have heard this mistake many times.

I also think some people are just not observant, I don't blame you for being a bit miffed though. Your hair sounds lovely and I agree if you are now happy with it don't change that.

Ive just remembered after the first lockdown cycling through a local village and a 4/5 year pointing at me and saying loudly, 'look at that boy on a bike'!

Thurst · 21/10/2022 07:30

Apparently there are subtle things about the ratio of facial features that can indicate sex. Maybe you have bit more of a male ratio, that could be why you suit a short, strong haircut.
Personally I think a bit of androgyny is very attractive.

FlippertyGibberts · 21/10/2022 07:36

@berksandbeyond, I read @IStandWithMaya as not being sexist, and as railing against other people being sexist.

AwkwardSquad · 21/10/2022 07:42

FlippertyGibberts · 21/10/2022 07:36

@berksandbeyond, I read @IStandWithMaya as not being sexist, and as railing against other people being sexist.

So did I

Summerfun54321 · 21/10/2022 07:48

Do you have a masculine name? Is it even your appearance at all?

NoMoreAgeJokes · 21/10/2022 07:52

Maybe a few soft highlights in your hair

Ohnoohdear · 21/10/2022 08:11

I have broad shoulders and have found that wearing very structured lines make me look more masculine. Perhaps try more flowy light fabrics? Also patterns tend to soften up sharp lines too. Hope this helps! (Have inserted a photo)

I'm a manly woman it seems..how can I be more feminine?
Ohnoohdear · 21/10/2022 08:14

As everyone else has said - you don’t have to change for anyone! You do you! This is just some inspiration if you fancied a change :)

FeralWitch · 21/10/2022 08:20

I echo the PP who said point to your boobs and suggest Specsavers.

Don't change.

whiteroseredrose · 21/10/2022 08:23

It will be the hair.

I have a broad jaw and square shoulders. I definitely look like a bloke with short hair.

Never had a problem when I've had longer hair.

The problem is that nowadays, with gender stereotypes raising their heads again people don't know what to think.

Goatinthegarden · 21/10/2022 08:31

I have short hair. I’m 5ft 5 and am a slight, athletic build with a small bust, I always wear women’s clothing - dresses or tight fitting athletic wear for example. I (at least, I think I do) look feminine.

I’ve been misgendered on occasion. I don’t really care, I assume it’s the short hair.

StapFooterin · 21/10/2022 08:40

IStandWithMaya · 20/10/2022 20:41

You sound lovely as you are. Please don't change for other people!

I agree with this! But I do still get that you would prefer not to be mistaken for a man. I used to get mistaken for a boy when I was younger, even though I had long hair. I wish I had some good advice, but all I would say is whatever you do, make sure you feel comfortable. I know that might sound a bit simplistic, but there's no point in feeling as though you have to put on a costume every day in order to conform to society's idea of femininity.

Gloryofthe80s · 21/10/2022 08:45

who is mistaking you for a man? It can’t be anyone on here because we can always tell.

Ouchiehelpneeded · 21/10/2022 08:48

I used to get mistaken for a boy all the time in my teens. I'm tall and broad shouldered and was lanky. Short hair made it much more common. My DD has this happen quite a lot too. Just the same build but long blond hair. She does wear mostly sportswear and I think does have a certain unapologetic, high energy presence that I think is, sadly, rare in girls her age. It bothers her a bit, but luckily not too much.

I'm now matronly and it doesn't happen often any more. It does make me nervous about going any shorter with my hair (which I would like to do). I'm trying to own my apparent androgyny, but it's not easy!

loottie · 21/10/2022 09:12

Why does it upset you to be mistaken for a man on the odd occasion?
Honestly wouldn't bother me, as you describe yourself there seems nothing to suggest you have a masculine appearance apart from your hair being short.
You love you hair, it sounds great so you shouldn't change it for other people.

I would just assume people were a bit dim/not playing attention/poor eyesight and just get on with my day in your shoes.

onlythreenow · 21/10/2022 09:26

I've had short hair most of my life, never wear make-up, scent or heels, live in jeans or trackpants in the weekend, am on the wrong side of attractive - and have a name which is generally thought of as male - and yet no-one ever thinks I am a man. I suspect it is your shoulders, which of course you can't change, and it really isn't unusual for women to have broad shoulders.

You sound lovely OP, and please don't change just because there are some idiots in the world.

owo · 21/10/2022 09:34

I dont have short hair right now, but had previously and I've never been misgendered. I suspect because I'm 5ft3.

However I once had a boyfriend with shoulder length hair, he was tall but very slim, and he got misgendered a few times. He looked nothing like a women, and usually h

owo · 21/10/2022 09:34

Had stubble, so go figure

jammydodgersforever · 21/10/2022 10:22

I'm surprised you were gendered at all. What exactly has been said?

As others mentioned- patterned fabrics, delicate scarfs, headbands, dangly earrings, that kind of thing...

Deathraystare · 21/10/2022 12:48

I guess it is the hair, but if you dont like frills and flounces (probably out of fashion now anyway) don't 'force' looking feminine if it doesn't suit you.

Years ago I was on a tube with a friend . We both had short hair and were big. I heard a woman opposite tall her friend that I was a 'dyke'. Neither of us were though it is none of her business. I happened to have a full face of make up on.

I now have grown my hair. Not because of her remark, but I saw an old photo of me from my 21st birthday and loved my long curls so that is the only reason I grew my hair. I don't think I would ever be thought of as a actual man though as I am very busty and wear make up most of the time!

drawstringbags · 21/10/2022 13:06

I think that if you like the way you look then just stay as you are, you sound lovely to me.
I think the short hand indicators or "markers" of female in 21st century Uk are dress/skirt( unless kilt / monarch, or religious leader/ thobe etc)
Long hair
Make up.
Other cultures have very different markers. Other times have had different markers, think men in wigs and high heels.
Over time these markers will probably change and will change quicker if people who don't wish to abide by them, don't. We will however find different ways of grouping people, even if they aren't the same as now.

2bazookas · 21/10/2022 13:42

Why bother? You are perfectly good as yourself whatever that is. No need to worry about other peoples' observational skills or lack of.

haribonoyoudont · 21/10/2022 13:48

Do you want to dress more femininely though? If you're happy with short hair and don't feel an affiliation for heels, maybe lean into this and go harder on good styling? Female masculinity is a completely legit form of beauty, and there are loads of incredibly stylish butch women out there who embrace that this is how they want to be - some of whom are large-busted too.

MrJi · 21/10/2022 13:54

I am tallish but I have an obviously female shape and a slender frame. When I had very short hair (cropped) I had a few comments . I was rather pleased by the elderly shopkeeper who called me “Sonny” as I was thirty at the time. Sometimes people do just look at hair.
I loved my crop though and might do it again.
My tall and very beautiful friend, (face of an Angel ) got called Mate all the time when walking around London . It was just her 5’11” height, brisk walk, short hair. Would often be followed by “oh sorry Love” when they saw her actual face.
So I assume it is that people just notice your hair.

JFDIYOLO · 21/10/2022 14:11

I'm quite tall, big shoulders, heavy build, square jaw, large head. Unfortunately if I'm not careful what I wear ... it can happen. It does upset me, has been happening since I was a kid. Even though I have long hair, 38GGs and a not very deep voice.

It could be we all have a checklist of what is male, what is female, and we unwittingly add up the points and make our assumptions based on the totals.

So I would not go out in jeans, trainers, anorak - too much info on the 'wrong' list. Ballet flats, same jeans, tailored coat - yes.

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