Expensive hair & understated clothes. WTF is it?

[follyfeet]

Was just reading an old S&B thread about 'looking well put together,' not flashy or designer, just everyday casual yet decent clothes. Apart from the stereotypical claptrap concerning Barbour jackets and dog hair, it was a fascinating read!

What I can't get my head around is 'expensive' hair. Wtf is it exactly? Most of us can't help the way our hair grows (thickness, texture, porosity) so how can one alter that? I always imagine this is all quite subjective anyway, but for the sake of sticking to the theme, my very own blonde version of Kate Bush or Helena Bonham Carter (a bit mad, kinky and wild) wouldn't make the cut, lol.

It's all fashion isn't it at the end of the day? Today's preferred expensive hair is most likely Kate Middleton's, but that wasn't always the sought after style.

So what is expensive hair, in your opinion?

And then there's the clothes! Where are these 'well put together' peeps MN'ers speak of buying their togs? I like the idea of understated, which is mentioned often, but no one ever mentions the actual shops. Where are these lovely exquisite chunky knits and other understated items hiding? Most of the higher end high street sucks imo.

Some comments mention wealth or class, but having been surrounded with well off arty types throughout my career I only noticed a lack of make up and a lot of frizz. No one seemed to care.

I am in my early 40's, work in art (painter) and science (geologist), and love yoga, theatre, hiking and architecture, and I dress quite boringly, I think. I spend £150 per year on my hair and buy most of my clothes from superdry or white company (i suit their colour scheme). I don't seem to have a clue about style tbh, but I would like to learn more. Clue me in Mumsnet! I can never find shops with nice things that aren't either country casuals or overpriced cheap rubbish.

Yes, her hair but also earings and make up that is heavy enough for an evening being photographed but suits her and doesn't look cakey and over the top.

She looks like someone who always looks well put together, knows what suits her and looks after her skin, hair and clothes.

I agree. My mum looked good in beige nad neutral colours. I just look frumpy.

Surely expensive hair = hair that is cut, blow dried (and coloured if needed) very regularly. Haircuts are expensive, thus, expensive hair!

E.g. trim every few weeks, blow dry whenever going out, colour at least every 2 months, all at a salon = works out very expensive!

Trim twice a year, boots DIY colour at home and leave hair to dry naturally - cheap!

Doesn't mean option 2(me!) can't have nice looking hair but it's not expensive hair!

Though I suppose PoW's hair does look very 'done' but overdone in my opinion, almost old fashioned, but that could be part of her overall look. Probably expensive, yes.

I think it is part of the overall look, generally speaking, but healthy, looked-after hair. I think fizz (as it's been mentioned), or would that be wavy hair really, can look expensive as part of an overall look, though personally I think it lends itself better to longer styling.

I agree, I think it’s the combination of a) having the overall look of being well-groomed and having cared for one’s appearance and b) really knowing what suits you and using that to choose your clothes, hair, makeup etc.

Lupita Nyong’o is like this too. She has fantastic, expensive hair (both natural and she’s rocked some great protective styles) but her skin is also flawless and she wears some amazing makeup looks that are bold but really suit her.

White women (or more specifically, English women) often don't have good hair because it's usually very thin and lacks body. I'm thinking Liz Truss type hair here.

I think that Asian women nail the beauty standard when it comes to hair. Lots of white women buy Asian hair extensions.

With black women its harder to find examples because rich/famous black women typically straighten their hair. This reinforces the idea that nice, expensive looking hair needs to fit a certain beauty standard. Hopefully this will change with time.

Interesting thread, I think we have a culture of straightening hair in the UK, certainly. I don't know if I have "expensive" hair, but I do get compliments on my hair. My hair is long and thick (obviously genetics helps), it is also curly and grey, though I have dyed it in the past. I do think going with your natural texture and having healthy, shiny hair helps, mine looks somewhere between those before and after curly photos. Uk wet and windy weather is not kind to curls, or straightened hair, so I would wear it up.

I was also an indie kid. I'm not sure if I want to look rich per se, but I don't want to waste my money on clothes that fall apart. I am also a lifelong fan of secondhand like @HamHand (your ebay business sounds fab). I would say brands that I have that have either had for a long time or bought secondhand that are well made are: toast, boden (basics not the fun stuff), great plains, me & em, jaeger, uniqlo basics. I have also picked up some designer pieces over the years.

With black women its harder to find examples because rich/famous black women typically straighten their hair. This reinforces the idea that nice, expensive looking hair needs to fit a certain beauty standard.

This sounds slightly like Black women who straighten their hair or use wigs, weaves, extensions have responsibility for reinforcing those stereotypes. It’s sort of the wrong way round IMO: the stereotypes exist, and Black women are pressurised to confirm to white hair norms and the view that straight smooth hair is expensive or tidy or professional or whatever.

@ChilliPB you are right. Black women have to straighten their hair if they want to get well-paid jobs. Natural healthy hair is "unprofessional".

I’m a civil servant and most of the black women I work with have natural hair.

It's a bit sad that my thread devolved into bickering about members of the monarchy, but then I do think these discussions can unleash deeper beliefs and emotions by their very nature (particularly the question of whether there are undertones of racism in the idealisation of one hair type over another, it's there, whether we like it or not).

Some amazing contributions, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to share their thoughts.

I will admit that I am and always have been a bit depressed with my own hair.
As child I had white blond curls, blue eyes, rosy cheeks, I felt as though I stuck out a mile with my big wispy barnet and pale skin, when it seemed all of my peers had shiny straight hair and warmer skin tones that didn't show the network of veins beneath it.
On the other hand, other people, especially strangers went nuts about it, I was pointed out and fussed over, described as an 'angel' with a gasp quite often. I was repeatedly told (not by family) that I was special, rare, perfect. It's all really toe-curling isn't it? Vintage cringe, lol. But it happened, and rather than inflating my ego it had a more disturbing effect, in that I perceived myself as weird, even monstrous, but kept this to myself.

I attempted to dye it as soon as I became a teen. The hairdresser wouldn't touch it. Up to being 24 or thereabouts, stylists told me never to touch it at all, that it was the type of hair people would pay thousands for.

Then suddenly the world did a huge switcheroo and my hair became terrifyingly unfashionable seemingly overnight. All stylists wanted to flatten it with irons, uttering words of sympathy. I was told that it must be 'awful' to have my hair. that it was 'insane'.

So yes, it is fickle, our appreciation of hair-types, the trends that come and go. Why some people are so curiously over-invested in specifying that only one type of (white/youthful) hair texture is allowed to correlate with health and status is baffling.

It is still a lovely blonde colour, with new white bits coming in at the root like natural hilights. I have come to love the colour but the curls no longer form, it is rather a mass of fuzz, like a soft kind of candyfloss, fine but lots of it, and it softens naturally into a wave. When it passes my shoulders it continues to grow like fluffy string, no matter how much I spend or how well I take care of it. I can not make my hair thicker, heavier or more lush at the ends unless I crop it to the shoulder, and then it perks up fantastically. All the money in the world won't alter this, especially as I age, and I am grateful for what I DO have, I suppose.

Most of the images in the thread are also of very young, never mind white, women. It is the luck of the draw, it has nothing to do with having a privileged childhood or whether your grandparents were underfed street urchins (mine weren't, they worked in education). I am also 5'5, which has recently been declared lower class on mumsnet, but you have to laugh at this silly clap trap, it often stems from insecurity and self loathing.

@HamHand I'm a 6 foot twiglet I also love Toast but if it's any consolation they are also huge on me - far too long and too wide but tend to have short sleeves.

I assume they are going for the 7ft, size 14 with short arms market 😂

I also love Toast but the colours never suit me, I tend to suit soft shades like clay, sage, grey-blue, cream. I love those deep autumnal tones such as cinnamon and bottle green but look so tired and washed out in them.

I always end up at the White Company for knits, or Wrap London. I like the knitwear at Poetry but it's often oversized and always out of bloody stock. Not to mention pricey.

Brora also lovely but again, deep darker colours. I don't like much that's available anywhere at the moment, and don't get me started on balloon sleeves - they've popped up everywhere, especially Toast...there's this gorgeous Donegal jumper in both the women's and men's section. The men's version has normal arms, the women's are wide balloon shaped. Why oh why?

The brands you mention are rather long past their best … (And not exactly cool.) Have you looked at any of these?

La Garçonne (For inspiration only; almost everything they sell is much cheaper elsewhere.)
Lemaire
Margaret Howell
Raey at Matches Fashion
Studio Nicholson (Cinnamon and clay at the moment!)

Obviously there are a million other places, but these are are all mainstream with good websites.

To me, expensive hair is hair that has had a lot of time and money spent on it to look "natural".

Not actually natural, but not overdone in any way.

@follyfeet I have very cool colouring too, those gorgeous, earthy tones make me look sick! When I was young I had very dark, almost black, curly hair, pale skin and pale blue eyes. People used to say I looked ethereal or ask if my mum dyed my hair. Now, I have the same with silvery-grey hair and they still say I look ethereal.

I have a very sensitive scalp, so have always used good quality (sometimes expensive) products on my hair. So it looks natural, but has had a lot of help: clarifying shampoo, toning shampoo, hair mask, styling products etc.

Also, is understated the same as creative? The very conventional, formal Royal Family style is certainly not a look I would aspire too. Besides, I look frumpy in those kind of classic, formal clothes. Toast clothes are beautifully made, but can be weirdly sized.

I have what you'd describe as expensive hair.. Its a combination of two things.. Effort put in and natural good hair genes.
So my basic product is thick, fast growing, naturally bouncy and curls at the end hair.
Left to own devices it can be frizzy, frazzled looking.
But a regime,which I admit is expensive, turns it into and keeps it looking fabulous and yes expensive, well groomed...
I have colour and deep treatment every 5 weeks, cut every 10, weeks. I use expensive shampoo and conditioner with no nasty chemicals or silicone.
I wash twice a week and blow dry everytime.
I have Dyson hairdryer and full styling kit.. And spend long time drying on very low heat.
I have silk pillow cases.
I always have an umbrella.. And I never use cheap products etc.
I take my own travel mini version and my Dyson on all trips.
Its worth it to me...

I was reading about the name Louise earlier today and came across Lady Louise (the Queen's granddaughter) for the first time. What struck me, after thinking about these threads, was her hair - it is very similar to my own.

I am often puzzled by comments on MN regarding health/status and beauty standards. According to many, no one of stately birth (ie, expensive) would have the audacity be born with frizz
It is obvious that the texture of our hair has no relation to any of these things!

I actually love Lady Louise's har btw.

Would also love to know what the hell is a 'natural healthy hair gene'?
I'm sorry but this is clearly bollocks, as each generation chooses what it considers to be the ideal hair type. It has no scientific or rational context whatsoever.
As a child I evidently had the natural healthy hair gene, but by the early noughties it had slipped out of favour......it had gone out of fashion.

@Theredjellybean, also, no offence to you, personally, in my previous comment! My point is that we have all been brainwashed. I have thought there is something wrong with my hair for a few decades, but it simply isn't true. Like baby names, these things come in and out of fashion, some remain classics, some are always unique!

@follyfeet Lady Louise has lovely hair. But it's not 'expensive hair' and so what? Hair can still be beautiful and desirable without being 'expensive hair'. I'm not sure anyone is asserting that 'expensive hair' is necessarily something to aspire to.

I have good hair, it's by far my best feature. To the point of being stopped by strangers who comment on it. But it's not expensive hair because it's copper red, and because I haven't set foot in a hair salon in years.

I love people watching.
You can soon copy the look if you want, but in the absence of loads of money it takes effort.

Shiny hair, good shaped eyebrows, looked after nails, toned body. Someone who just steps in a sports outfit, takes their hair up in a pony tail, but you can still tell.

@follyfeet
What meant was I "inherited" my father's hair type, thick, wavy, red colour, fast growing.
My mother has dead straight fine thin slow growing hair which sorry just doesn't imo look as "healthy".
We do have genes that express these physical characteristics, such as eye colour, hair colour, whether you are tall, short, curls not curls.
Apologies to people who felt the term healthy was inappropriate and offensive to those with less lushly growing hair..
But it was best way of describing what my hair is like.. And yes I'm lucky

Lady Louise needs curly girl!