I am short, deal with it

[OldAndUngraceful]

I am from a non UK country where people on the whole are shorter than in the UK, esp women. I am 51 years old now, and it doesn't come as a surprise to me that I am way shorter than most women in the UK. I have never had a problem with my height (5.1"), I honestly have always thought of myself as well proportioned and have tried to make the most of what I've got. My DH is 6.1" and he likes me just the way I am.

However, just in the past year or so, several women at my workplace have been making comments, and I am getting sick and tired of it. I am also starting to become self conscious about my height, something I've never been before.

I work in education, surrounded my middle aged women (I am one), and many of them are my DH's height. I am starting to avoid being seen standing next to them, and have noticed that my height seems to be fair game to comment on, like for example my pigeonhole being the highest, and how hilarious that is. 4 different women have commented on that this week.

Are you a tall woman and look at short women with pity? Am I fair game to have my physical appearance be commented on/joked about?

I hear you. I’m shorter than you and I agree, the comments are tiresome.

I’m tall and no I don’t pity, or comment on, shorter women! Above a certain height, and especially shoe size, being taller has its own disadvantages - clothes with a waist don’t fit, shoes don’t fit, aeroplane/cinema/theatre seats are an issue, and a lot of men don’t want a taller woman so your dating pool is limited. So I often wish I was shorter, even though I’ve shrunk a bit with age and am now just over 5’9 instead of almost 5’11, I still have the massive feet 🦶

I do notice that shortness and tallness are often seen as comment/joke worthy in British culture though. It’s meant to be friendly, in the main, but it’s still annoying and thoughtless. Please try not to let it make you feel self-conscious or avoid standing next to people etc. - and there may be some people who aren’t doing it who you will find more respectful.

I am a tall woman (6ft) and no, I don't look on short women with pity. However, I know a lot of tall women are also very self-conscious about their height. I have had my height commented on my entire life, and not always in a positive way. I wonder if it's possible that these comments you are receiving are part of a defense mechanism for these women - that doesn't make it ok, of course, but it's likely that height is something they are acutely aware of from their own experiences and perhaps this leads them to make these thoughtless comments.

If you said something to your 6ft colleagues they would undoubtedly understand. It's rare to meet women that tall who aren't self conscious about it. I'm 5ft 10 but don't look at shorter women with pity. My best friend is 5ft

You work with horrible people. I don't make comments about people's height. It's rude.

Thank you all. It doesn't help that as I work in a secondary school, I get lost in the wave of students. Even the year 7s are taller than me. I have even had my head patted on by one of these women whilst they joked that they thought I was one of the students.

Your colleagues sound lacking in social skills, how rude! I'm shorter than most but never had this, rarely but not in the day to day way you describe.

rampantivy nails it.
I'm 6 feet tall and have had negative comments all my life about my height.

I have even had my head patted on by one of these women whilst they joked that they thought I was one of the students.

Bloody hell. If you managed to stay calm while that was going on you're a better woman than me!

And their behaviour could be seen as racist although you don't give that impression yourself. What the heck do they think they're doing!

Not to mention they are disrespecting you in front of the children. What example is that showing?!

I hear you. I'm 5'1'' in Ireland and my whole life people have felt free to say ''oh you're so short''. Tall women and short men are the worst for pointing out the obvious. And you can never respond with a comment about their appearance or you're the rude one!

It's not as bad as it used to be actually, I think people get less rude as they get older and now at 52 it's not raised so much. Women my own age now never comment on my height. But I think taller women don't see shorter women as friends if you see what I mean. The only tall women I'm friendly with we have an average height friend in common!

I remember once a taller woman was laughing at how short I looked when I was dancing

I never would have told her that I wouldn't have swapped with her. She wouldn't have believed me so convinced was she that being short was the short straw, but also, in case she did believe me, I wouldn't have wanted to hurt her!! But she felt it was ok to laugh at how short I looked dancing! I was a bit shocked by that!

I don't care any more though. If people are rude let them get on with it.

I still remember an excruciating conversation with DB2’s then prospective ILs about people’s height. I am short at 5ft 3, but not massively so, while he is also short at 5ft 6, and we were accompanied by his then GF (now DW) who was a willowy 5ft 7, and a friend of hers who was under 5 ft.

The talk included, among other things, musings over whether prematurity caused reduced height, and I remember feeling incredibly uncomfortable and slightly insulted by the suggestion that lack of height was a deficiency, rather than just a normal variation. What threw me even more was that these people seemed to regard it as acceptable small talk (rather like family members’ weight in some families). I was too polite to say anything although I think DB may have had a dig about ‘the deficiency being genetic in our case’.

Your colleagues are insecure arseholes. That's all it is.

Well my mum was 5 foot and I did pity her because there are benefits from being taller that was evident from growing up. Things like having to help her reach things, no one really acknowledged her when taller people were in the room, although I think a less shy personality would have helped this. And also her walking pace was rubbish and it always felt like she was jogging next to me when I was walking.

If you enjoy being short then that's ok though. I have to say your part where you say people are making comments at work are not on and it's rude.
Id be looking to put those people back in their place. And patting on the head is disgusting.

One of the most feared and respected teachers at DH’s secondary was the Domestic Science teacher. She was 4 ft 11 and the perfect example of height being inversely proportional to strength of character. She could silence a rowdy group of teenagers with a look, and if anyone had dared pat her head I think she’d have had them expelled or sacked.

The average height of a woman in the U.K. is 5ft 3 so you are not much under the average and closer to the average than someone 5ft 10. I know far more smaller women than tall women so I’m not sure why you would get comments. I’m a teacher too and it’s irrelevant to anything.

I am the same but no one in the last year had made any comments to me. That seems nasty.

That sounds terrible

It’d be hard not to react to that

I am only 5’ 2”. DH is just short of 6’ and DD is 5’6”. I’ve recently managed to lose some weight and only weigh 7st 6lbs and feel much better for it as I have a tiny frame. I have recently had people making comments on how tiny I am, what skinny wrists I have, “gosh never realised you were so short”. I simply respond by saying best things come in small packages. Alternatively I say in a joking way, that mentioning my height or making personal remarks is bullying and I shall report them to HR. 😁 Other option is to tell them it’s rude to make personal remarks!

Yes, average height may have increased to as much as 5'5'' (not sure, but i said 5'4 a while ago and was told it has increased) but sometimes taller than average women will label the average women as ''short''.

Not all tall women have a distorted perception of average obviously! I am not meaning to attack taller women! But I am sensitive to a narrative that is false and presenting average women (lucky them) as ''short''.

I consider myself average height at 5’8 (ok maybe a smidge taller than average), but I’d never comment on someone being short. It’s just rude.

I rest case.

That's the thing, I would never make a comment back about someone else's appearance, e.g. weight, size of nose, skin condition, etc, even if they make a comment about my height, because then I am the rude one without a sense of humour because it was just a joke.

My DS, who's just turned 17 years old and is nearly the same height as my husband, was 3 months premature @ThomasinaGallico!!

I'm 5'2 never had comments about my height apart from how young I look which I'll take 😂

In fact, I find the distortion of ''average'' rankles more than somebody rude just saying ''you're short''.

Presenting heights in the region of 5'8'' as ''average'' shows that they believe average heights are short. It feels like gaslighting!

It'd be better to say ''I am glad I'm above average height''..