You are now an influencer. What are the key trends for 2022?

[midlifecrash]

I’ll go first:
DMs
Birkenstocks (not giving them up)
Ordinary jeans, not wide or skinny, with a tasteful decoration of cat hair and/ or flour
Nice round tum suitably wrapped in nice warm vest
Cardigans (obviously)

World comes round to the fact that social media influencer isn’t a proper job

love island contestants are legally required to wear material that covers their arses when sitting in communal areas and not put their bare arse cheeks where others sit

vloggers/bloggers need to tell me how the hell they get into a job that allows them to travel the world whist commenting on camera wtf they see -how do they afford to live. Who watches these people.

tom cruise falls in😍 with me

Straw-like hair that is neither curly nor straight.
Rosacea is now de rigeur.

Daggy dressing gowns.
Sticky up hair.
Sloth.

Leggings and tunic
Eye liner on lower lids

Like Like Like

Or whatever the youff do to show appreciation.

"Sloth" is definitely a look / lifestyle I'm into.

Leggings and dresses. Cheese with every meal. Going grey naturally. Fantasy fiction.

@Rufus27 yes and yes. Large and plentiful pockets on everything too.

Big M&S style ‘full briefs’ worn by all Victoria’s Secret models too as I’m bringing back granny sexy in a big way. Ecco/Clarks flats will be advertised all over Vogue after they see me wearing them.

Pyjamas at 6.30Pm

Oh and cardigans are so AW22

Big pants
Wearing pj's to work
Holey cardigans (where the dog drags it around the house)
Fluffy hair

Red itchy eyes and a streaming nose are this summers on trend look its the perennial look that shouts hay-fever.

Caesarean overhangs are SO A/W22.

Mundane photos

Electric blankets

Slippers

Chipped nail polish

Babycham

Grey roots

Month old nail varnish job on toes
Hairy ankles peeking out from trackies

Mid rise jeans
Cardigans
knee length dresses
Cotton tops covering arses

oversized tops, mom jeans, high waist jeans and cropped tops will be forbidden.
Black in children clothes will be legally restricted.

Bra bulge
White cat hair on everything
Sloggi Knickers and I cam give you supermarket own brand dupes!
Tie dye yoga pants in colours only visible to bees.

Staying home and ignoring influencers is the new going out and sitting scrolling Insta the whole time, stopping only occasionally for a duck pout selfie.

Leggings and dresses / tunics
Cat hair garnish (I don’t mean garnish. What do I mean? Menopause brain strikes again)
Opaque tights at the first hint of an autumnal breeze
Tops and dresses with a range of sleeve lengths to choose from
Orthopaedic shoes
Unvarnished nails

No makeup
Dry skin around eyes, nose & mouth due to horrendous hayfever despite prescription antihistamines. Nicely accessorised by a sleeve hanky & a liberal application of bepanthen.
Comfortable clothes - straight leg jeans, birkenstocks, walking trainers, DMs, walking boots for winter, big cosy jumpers, long sleeved everything, large brimmed hats (constantly freezing & I burn every time the sun peeks from behind a cloud). Mostly from several years ago.
Short hair, greying, because who can afford the upkeep, etc, or the time it takes to stand in the shower washing long hair now. And the premenopausal frizz always wins unless it's short. Cheap conditioner doesn't do anything for my hair any more except make it feel greasy.

Jowls. Clinics will charge hundreds of pounds to inject toxins that will slacken the jawline. Posters will insist there's no other treatment worth bothering with, and we'll have big arguments over whether or not 'you can always tell'.

Ooh yes I like this

also yellow finger dye

Black especially for pale blondes. Not matt obvs
Skull swimwear
Rally/festival/band t-shirt
Steel toe cap motorcycle boots
Belstaff
Leather leggings in summer
Chipped nail varnish on short nails

Old is so definitely the new young! Crepey skin a must have, every fashion shoe needs a bunion to really set it off.

Eyebrows will be simultaneously bushy AND sparse in patches. The truly stylish will sport a few grey eyebrows.

Eyelashes will be no more than moderate in length, and will be lighter in tone than eyebrows or head hair.