To dye or not to dye? Greying hair…

[wonderspread]

I know this is a regular question but I keep going back and forth so looking for opinions!

My original hair is very dark brown and curly (if you’re into types, I’m around 3a). I’ve been going grey slowly since my teens, I’m now early 30s and finally reached a stage of very noticeable grey. It’s hard to say for sure, but I’m probably something like 70% dark, 30% grey? It’s not uniform, some parts are concentrated so I have a section towards the front which is majority grey/white.

I’m not bothered by going grey, I’m used to it, the issue is that I’m now definitely in the space of having two colours of hair albeit still majority dark. It can break up the appearance of my curl pattern and can make my hair seem ‘messier’ than it is.

I used a semi perm dye in the summer out of curiosity (some remnants still there but mostly faded now), I did like having a more uniform colour but I really can’t decide if I want to go into that long term! I read so many people saying “Don’t dye!” these days and the thought of having to constantly dye it is tiring. At the same time I feel it looked better dyed because of the uniformity.

All thoughts or tips welcome!

You're early 30s so grey hair will age you. I say dye it- I went grey around 35 and it progressed quickly after having my children and I don't plan to embrace the grey anytime soon.

Hm, I probably don’t want to further expand the difference in appearance with DH’s youthful looks…

I probably should dye it, I’m just lazy! I may need to consult a professional.

I think I’d dye it if it were me. I like the all over grey/silver look, but I don’t think it’s always flattering when it’s patchy. But that’s just my opinion.

No, I agree @GiveYourHeadAWobble, it’s the patchiness that bothers me most. Especially as grey/white and very dark brown are practically at opposite ends of the colour range so the difference is more stark.

Sigh. I may have to accept the effort of hair dying!

Early 30s? Dye it.

Grey hair will age you. I know there are posters on here that don't care about looking old, but I would.

I also have dark curly hair and am going grey at an ever increasing rate. I am in my forties though. I dye it myself (as would cost a fortune to have it done professionally!) I use demi permanent in a slightly lighter shade than my original colour. I dye the full lot very rarely and usually just touch up roots using either half of a clairol nice n easy root touch up kit or just a small amount from a regular dye kit. I also have some of those power eye shadow type products that I use when I lack time. And also use hair clips to make hair sit in a way to cover up a much root as possible! I am also very patchy. With a real proper grey part right on my parting (of course) and other bits at temples and above ears. Who know about the back of my head as I cannot see that… I do aim to try and go lighter and perhaps break up the colour with some low lights but I swim a lot so concerned about condition.

I'd say dye it. I've been people recently looking a lot older than they would with colour in. I'd be ok with that for myself as I'm late 40s but wouldn't have been at your age iykwim?

I started going grey early 20s, have similar hair to you. I'm late 40s now and still dyeing it - let it grow out in the first lockdown to see how much was grey. About 70% above the ears/temples and about 20% everywhere else. So went back to dyeing it! I use a shade lighter than my natural colour and I've just tried professional highlights too in a lighter brown so that when the colour fades on the lengths it blends in better.

I’d get an all over colour done at a salon and then ask for the code of the colour. I did this and now do my own roots, I use nice and easy root touch up every few weeks and the whole process takes about 20 minutes as you only have to leave the colour on for 10 minutes.

As PP have said in your early 30's grey will age you. I think the grey look can be fabulous but has to be all over and even then needs maintenance with the right tone so it doesn't wash you out. You will need a permanent dye to effectively cover grey and then can do roots. I would recommend getting it done professionally rather than at home as at home dye is afaff and you're less likely to keep on top of it and it can make a right Ness of the bathroom even if you're being really careful (I home dyed for many many years then switched to professional). Also it's quite nice to have a couple of hours in the salon every 6-8 weeks x

a faff mess

Have you tried a colour shampoo which tints the grey to make it look more like highlights. Might be worth a try first.

I'm 50 next week and very dark with about 30% grey. I'm letting it come through fully then will see how I feel.

People's thoughts about this are different now - men can go grey and look good so why not women? We are not there yet but the tide is definitely changing!

I stopped dyeing at 41, love my grey hair and get lots of compliments. But I don't regret not stopping sooner. Given that you say that your grey makes your hair look messier, I should say that I find that with grey hair my cut starts to look unkempt far more quickly than it did when my hair was dark - (my) grey hair quickly looks ungroomed, so I have it cut more regularly than before, and I need to pay more attention to make-up than I did before or else I just look like I don't care (I don't care how I look to others but I do care how it makes me feel).

Thanks for all of the thoughts, I think that has finally nudged me into accepting regular dyeing!

I agree about the men vs women difference @NewBeta but also think the hair style is part of that. As in, most men have very short hair so I think it looks different. Does that make sense? My longer curly hair and tying it in different styles draws more attention to the variation in colour, I think, than if I had super short hair.

You’re right @Cuddlemuffin even if I was all grey it would probably still need attention to look good. I actually don’t like going to the salon which is probably why I have been so reluctant to this point! But I think I would definitely need to get it done professionally. As much as I dislike the salon, having to dye my own hair is even worse

Thanks @TableSetting I looked online but couldn’t figure out what would work for me! Are there particular recommended brands? I don’t use sulfates or silicones so it tends to restrict the hair products I use.

Also thank you everyone, all of the comments have helped!

That’s weirdly reassuring to know @supersparrow if my greying hair looked like Anne Marie Imafidon’s I feel like it would be very different, instead I feel I just look unkempt and wondered if it was just me that experienced that! I’ve also been lazy with cuts (see: I don’t like salons ) so that probably doesn’t help. I do at least take good care of my hair otherwise!

I'm quite grey all over now (late 40s) so I've stopped dyeing and keep my hair in a short style, it's quite silver-grey with some darker areas (originally very dark brown, straight & thick) so mostly looks ok now I think. When I started going grey I used semipermanent home dye and tried some quite funky colours as I found trying to match my natural colour was getting harder and also the regrowth showed. Schwartzkopf do a semi permanent dye range which is quite bright but you can mix with conditioner before applying, for a more muted or pastel colour, and I've had a lot of nice comments when using that - it washes out gradually so the colour fades out with no regrowth

I'm late 30s and have greys on one side sh the front. My hair is long, very dark and curly (also 3a I think) but the greys only seem to be noticeable when my hair is up.

Anyway I feel they progressed suddenly and I'm expecting more. I've never dyed my hair but I don't like the salt n pepper look (is that what you call it?) so was considering a spray on or brush on type for as long as possible and then I think I'll have to dye it even though it's a faff and I have never really dyed my hair before.

If I was your age and they were noticeable then I would dye it.

I'm 44 and my hair is now v streaked with grey, and the rest is a boring dull mid brown.
It's v fine and fragile but I hate the grey so I use the Superdrug colour shampoos.
They are a stain, rather than a dye and actually condition your hair, used often enough they blend out the grey with no damage.

Try the superdrug shampoo that colours your hair. It's really good.

But my perimenopausal brain can't remember what it's called, so maybe quite an unhelpful post!

It's this.
I use it once a week, absolutely smother my hair and leave for an hour.
You can just use as a normal shampoo though and it will add a subtle hint of colour.

Thanks for the suggestion @ISpyCobraKai @JuneOsborne I’ll check that out too

I won’t be. I’m 37 and colour regularly. Grey coming through just at the temples. Haven’t seen grey look good on anyone irl. It depends how bothered you are about your appearance though.

I’m 35 and have a large amount of patchy grey hair on dark hair. I’ve been home dying for the past couple of years but have decided to start going to the salon because I just can’t cover it well myself anymore. Maybe in 10 years I’ll embrace the grey but I’m just not ready to yet

I'll go against the grain and say don't dye it. if you're 30% grey in your 30s you'll be 60%in your 40s. To maintain the roots and a nice colour with so much grey you'll be dyeing it every other week and using root spray on week 2. But everyone will be so used to seeing you with no greys that to grow it out will be really awkward and you'll age 15 years overnight. if you just embrace the grey it'll just be you, own it, use red lipstick, sharp style, etc.

Speaking from bitter experience here, of course! 😀