To dye or not to dye? Greying hair…

[wonderspread]

I know this is a regular question but I keep going back and forth so looking for opinions!

My original hair is very dark brown and curly (if you’re into types, I’m around 3a). I’ve been going grey slowly since my teens, I’m now early 30s and finally reached a stage of very noticeable grey. It’s hard to say for sure, but I’m probably something like 70% dark, 30% grey? It’s not uniform, some parts are concentrated so I have a section towards the front which is majority grey/white.

I’m not bothered by going grey, I’m used to it, the issue is that I’m now definitely in the space of having two colours of hair albeit still majority dark. It can break up the appearance of my curl pattern and can make my hair seem ‘messier’ than it is.

I used a semi perm dye in the summer out of curiosity (some remnants still there but mostly faded now), I did like having a more uniform colour but I really can’t decide if I want to go into that long term! I read so many people saying “Don’t dye!” these days and the thought of having to constantly dye it is tiring. At the same time I feel it looked better dyed because of the uniformity.

All thoughts or tips welcome!

I'm salt and pepper greying... white streaks at the parting and random ones everywhere else, but the back is still dark. I stopped colouring a few years ago because I got fed up with the faff of it , and salon colours never seemed quite right.
I LOVE not having to colour it, or worry about my roots showing..my hair is my hair (it's also long and I'm unapolagetic about that).
But I wasn't ready to do that until my 40s.
I wish I'd gone natural earlier..the growing out process wasn't pretty! But My hair suits my (ageing) face and only rarely do I miss my gloosy brown!

Haha no, don’t convince me otherwise now, I thought I’d finally come to a decision!

Would I really need to dye it every other week @LaCerbiatta?! I thought I was being sensible by estimating monthly…

Skincare is so much easier than all of this!

I grew out my grey during the first lockdown. But then I'm 54 and was ready to accept my natural colour. My hair was originally black and in my 30s it was probably 40% grey (I didn't let the roots grow enough to find out for sure!!), so covering it felt like a full time job.

I don't believe I look older. My face is the same face. People's perception of me might be that I'm older, but that's because society is accustomed to women who dye their hair right into their sixties, seventies and beyond, so grey hair is even more of an indicator of advanced years than ever. I've had loads of positive remarks, many from people much younger than me. I didn't invite comment so I can assume that at least some of them were genuinely meantWho cares though? It's nice to receive compliments. I was starting to look like a Lego head before, even though I had gone much lighter. Maybe anything is better than the plastic helmet look!

I went silver, well white actually, in my mid 40s. I have a babyish face too. I started going grey at 19. I was very dark haired, 2b waves.

I'm on various Facebook silver/grey groups and regularly see women in their 30s upwards with fab silver hair.

I love mine and wouldn't return. I'm older than you though, so do what's comfortable. I get lots of compliments, which I never had when my dyed hair resembled a blorange haystack.

@wonderspread

Haha no, don’t convince me otherwise now, I thought I’d finally come to a decision!

Would I really need to dye it every other week @LaCerbiatta?! I thought I was being sensible by estimating monthly…

Skincare is so much easier than all of this!

By my mid 30s I was dyeing fortnightly. In my 40s it was weekly (48 now) and even salon dye, Majirel, could not cover it properly.

I started noticing greys age 23. Now early 40's. Very similar hair. Naturally dark brown, very thick, 2C and bra strap length currently.

My own, personal opinion is that grey can look great in your 20's as a quirky look, or much older person. It can obviously look lovely in other years, but to me, unless the grey matches the persons colouring, is shiny and well maintained, it can look very draining on the face and ageing.

I also hate spending any more time than is needed in a salon- esp since covid. I've been using clairol casting colours for years. Its a semi, costs £12 for 2 boxes on special and lasts me 4-6 weeks. (used to last 8 weeks when I had less grey). I have no clue how much grey I have now, but when I'm due to colour, I see grey regrowth all over, so suspect its 70% at least. If you give them a go, I'd use a lighter colour than you think. A dark brown comes out black on me. I often use a light brown (which comes out darker) or a light chestnut colour for warmth.

Could you try either a grey wig, or one of those apps where you can add different colour and styles of hair to see what suits?

I’m 35 and very grey - not sure how much because I’ve never grown it out enough but lots of thick patches at the front and along the parting and my hairdresser tells me that it’s at the back as well. I still have a lot of my natural dark brown/black also though so it looks crap when I do try to grow it out, really patchy and badger-esque. I joined a FB group called silver revolution recently for inspiration as I’m so sick of dyeing it all the time but I found most of the pics made the ladies look a lot older and often the grey hair drained them, I’m not ready to look older than I am, I don’t mind looking 35 but in most cases for me the grey hair added 10-20 years.
I’m wondering about going back to salon dye and having highlights put in to try and break things up a bit, the issue there is box dye leaves an orange tinge when bleached which I hate.
Currently doing my roots every 4ish weeks with a box dye but keenly following for tips. Salon dye where I live (south east) is eye wateringly expensive). Maybe I need to start having it dyed when I visit family in NI?!

@Hairyfriend what a good idea, I’ve just tried an app and it puts a filter on your hair so I’ve compared me with all darker hair to me with all grey. I’m pretty confident that not only do I prefer darker now, I’m not sure I’ll ever want to be fully grey! Quite the eye opener.

@middleager I feel like I’m going down the dyeing route, but, also curious about going fully grey/white. Is this just all natural colour, or did you have to help it along the way? People I know with white hair have had it bleached to make the colour more uniform, so although it’s closer to their natural colour they still go to the salon to lighten the darker greys.

@Gensola the price is something I’m feeling a bit awkward about! I’m in London, so that’s that I’ve found a salon nearby that seems good, if I had to pay that monthly then that might be ok, might need to get creative if it was more frequent than that!

I used a box dye (semi perm) in the summer as an initial test to see what I thought, it has mostly faded although there are some remnants, and I liked having uniform colour. But I didn’t like having to dye my own hair! So I think that if I am dyeing regularly, it has to be in a salon, even if it costs many times more. I’m also pretty sure they’d do a much better job than I can!

As I mentioned up thread, I use clairol casting colours. I put it on and either wrap my head in a plastic bag with a clip at the front, or cling film. Sit for 30mins and wash it off. Always make sure it cleaned around the hairline with no drips, but otherwise, couldnt be easier.

I just hate the time and money I feel I waste sitting in a salon having it done. Not only the constant chit chat sometimes, but the covid risk too. Best of luck what ever you decide to do.

I stopped dyeing it at the beginning of lockdown.
I got it cut and loved it.
I am now silver. Its a nice colour and people comment on how nice it is.

Guess what.. I'm bored with it but I do not know what to do.

I think I need a kick up the arse

@wonderspread
I'm quite a bit older than you but I completely get what you mean about the curl pattern with grey hair.
Long, grey curly hair can look fantastic, or it can stray into very unkempt territory.
I won't dye mine so it's either short and curly or long and straight.
(Short and straight makes me look like a beach ball with a face painted on it).

Thanks again @Hairyfriend

@Anordinarymum that’s the thing, we may like the grey (or, silver), but that doesn’t stop us from simply wanting to mix things up on occasion!

@DameCelia you have made me chuckle with your beach ball comparison! Yes, I don’t know if it’s all long hair or particularly with long and curly but my hair definitely needs much more effort when longer to look good. The curls need a lot more work. Which begs the question why am I keeping it longer but have decided to do this for a bit! When it was shorter it was much easier to have good curls, perhaps because there were just fewer of them.

I appreciate you’re not all here necessarily to follow my adventures in colouring, but I decided to book in with a salon I figured if I end up not liking it for any reason, I just won’t go back but I’m now certain I want a uniform colour of hair rather than being patchy for years to come.

No don't do it. Dark hair that has gone white grey looks really fake when its coloured back to the dark colour and sunlight hits it.

I've got dark brown hair & have the same issue as you have had. I've had to embrace that i'm going grey / white and have decided to blend blonde highlights throughout so the greying isn't as noticeable. Eventually I'll be blonde then white....

I found highlights really difficult with dark hair and some greyish roots. I had them a few years ago and am not having anymore because of the maintenance.

I'm transitioning at the moment from dark brown to grey (I'm late 40's)I first started two years ago but threw in the towel 6 months later and coloured it a semi permanent red/brown home dye and regretted it two weeks later. So I have had to start again, only this time it's been harder as my 40% grey that got dyed red won't come out!! So I was starting again with new grey at the top, red in the middle and my natural brown three inches on the end (my hair was past shoulder length). I have found a really good hairdresser/colourist and we are on the same page as to what I want to achieve. He began by cutting a lot of the length off and added in some brown semi permanent lowlights to try and better disguise the red that was left. I will need to go back soon when hopefully the last of the red will be cut out by which point I will hopefully have more grey than brown left and then I will have platinum/silver lowlights which will blend in with my roots.(Pic not me!) Unfortunately, its a process that can't be rushed but there is no way I'm going back now.

Join us Silver Sisters and Grombre groups, you will find your people and your inspiration.

I am Silver and 34 and I love it. Yes I have been asked if I am my child's grandmother but I feel really good about my hair and appearance.

I’m not sure blonde or highlights would suit me, although maybe it’s just that I’m used to having dark hair, but I have very dark eyes too and fair neutral skin and I can’t imagine it. Maybe have to pull out the hair filter app again

What I’m not sure of, is how my hair would look ‘good’ before I’m actually fully grey if I don’t dye? My big issue is the patchiness, I’ve been greying for 15 years now and I’m still majority dark but now I have obvious greys/whites and concentrated patches. I don’t really want to spend another 10 or even 15+ years of patchiness, holding out for when I finally turn fully grey, especially when the only people I know who are grey/white have their hair bleached to blend it into all grey or white. Basically don’t want to hold out only to end up colouring/bleaching it in the future! Thanks @LittleGungHo I’ll take a look and see what inspiration I can find!

I know a few women who have given up hair dye in their 30s and without exception it has rather significantly aged all of them.

I think if you are immaculately presented in every other aspect ie. Hair properly done all the time, full makeup, great clothes etc all of the time then you can probably just about get away with it, but otherwise it just makes you look older.

Why this isn't the case for blokes I don't know, grey hair alone on men just doesn't really seem to age them?!

I just decided to ditch the dye myself. I've joined a few facebook groups and watched some youtube videos. My hair is dark, and I don't think I have that much grey, but I can't actually tell! I can't actually tell you what colour my natural hair is either as it's been coloured since I was 15, and I'm now 50! I think the dye is starting to look very draining in photo's and I honestly can't be bothered anymore. I'm going to make an effort to keep my hair trimmed and nice looking whilst it grows out.

well it might be down to societal conditioning, but I don't know one person who went grey in lockdown that looks better now. (and I'm of an age where I know lots of people who embraced the grey!).

I met someone who went grey in her early 40s and she looks fab. But she is stunning, and stylish and her hair colour is incredible. I think she is the exception not the rule.

Anyway OP, as other posters have said, you're too young to embrace the grey yet. I would dye it.

What app did you use to see the grey hair?

I’m the same age as you and I’m the same situation, trying to decide if I should start dying my hair (I hate going to the hairdressers) or try to maintain a natural grey/white look.

It's maybe a bit out there but for minimal fuss, expense and actually pretty good results I use Just for Men control GX together with a brunette colour deepening shampoo ...dollop of both on the palm, mix together and wash hair. Leave in for a few mins whilst showering and then wash out. (Yes, I am a woman!) Use a good conditioner with a nice smell as the control gx doesn't smell the best.

I tried both separately initially - the deepening shampoo wasn't great for grey coverage but did add a richer tone, whereas the control gx was good for grey coverage but resulted in quite ashen, dull looking hair. Mixed them both together and the results are pretty good...no roots, quite natural look and no extra faff or expense compared to just regularly using shampoo.

Takes a few weeks to get the effect you want and it has generally made my hair a bit darker in colour, but I have no obvious grey patches now, which I was certainly begining to get around temples.

@Dottyteapot I used one called Modiface, there’s probably loads out there, I’m impatient and it was one of the first results so used it but you have to pay £1-something for it to access the grey tones (among others, you can use it free for some colours). I decided why not, I want to see my hair grey!

I think if you are immaculately presented in every other aspect @Omicrone oh that does not describe me, no I do take care of my skin and hair, but I’m a very natural look person and whilst I dress to flatter my appearance, I wouldn’t call myself ‘stylish’ at all.

Yes @Itsnotdeep I have mixed feelings on societal norms as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’, I can see double standards, but I also don’t think they’re all inherently awful (as in, some are just cultural norms, or conveniences, that apply to most people, rather than say a male/female division). I think we’d have to ban hair dye and for everyone to go naturally grey to shift perceptions. Even then, those who happen to keep their original colour longer might be idealised. And then we’d have some sort of black market dye situation…

Ok so more points back in the pro-dye box

I think for grey hair to look good you need to be all or vast majority grey like 90% and it needs to be carefully styled, cut regularly, looked after etc

I'm 41 and started going noticeably grey over lockdown - my hair is dark so once the greys started to migrate to my temples and couldn't be disguised among the rest of my long hair I had to do something.

I tried semi-perm/colour depositing shampoos but tbh they just didn't work well enough for me. If my hair was lighter in colour the grey might blend better but the semi perm didn't 'take' well enough and washed out really quickly and the shampoos just turned my greys orange

After a recommendation on here I started using professional hair dye - I'm 4 months in now and couldn't recommend it enough. It's a great match for my natural colour and doesn't fade at all. I probably leave my roots a little too long but it's convenient for me to do them every half term in the holidays so any dye splashes are gone by the time I'm back at work.

I have very similar hair to you, started going grey at 15, now early 30s. I dyed it for years, growing it out was a right faff and some days it definitely looks a little more unkempt due to the patching. But I decided there were lots of other things I'd rather spend my time and money on that dying it every few weeks. I don't think it's changed other people's perceptions of me that much, or at least everyone has been too polite to say anything!