How to look less awful for next years photos…

[PeaceONoeuf]

So - I look dreadful. Wrinkled round my eyes and mouth, weird mish mash of grey and brown frizzy hair, middle aged spread, tiny thin lips, massive hooked nose and chin - I don’t care about looking my age but I’m embarrassed in public now.
I don’t want to start dying my grey, I can’t face that. Aside from that how do I stop cringing at photos / shop windows etc? Just started HRT so hoping that gives me a bit of a lift.
I used to be very slim, long pretty hair and nice looking. Hitting 45 (I’m 49) has been the slide downwards.

What can I do? Maybe tiny lip filler? Or Botox? I need to save to get my hooded eyes done but that’s £££.

Oh I hadn’t known that about Botox, that’s something to think about. (Mice)
I think the eyelid surgery is the only actual remedy - my cousin had it and it definitely looks better. I may try the tape while saving!
Am glad if others are also inspired, and quite heartened by some of the diet/ posture/ exercise tips.
I do need to rethink my hair. It’s my most hated thing - I’ve always longed for straight glossy hair and grown up with brown mess now grey and brown. It’s white at the front - looks lovely and then turns into a wiry frizz.

Little tweaks!
I did a number on my hair today thanks to this thread! Used a heap of things so couldn’t tell you what it was that worked, but had lovely swishy shiney hair today!
Helps that I just had a colour. It’s usually a dry frizzy mess!

HNY! For hair, I found the longer mine got, the more unruly and frizzy it looked. A good trim took it back to just below shoulder length, and then I worked to improve the condition by following the guidelines of Curly Girl Method (CGM can be a bit complicated - look it up!). I found removing the silicone-heavy products and adding in deep conditioning helped to really soften the frizz and tame it from a birds nest to gentle waves.

My hair loves Briogeo products (£££, got them in a beauty advent calendar ages ago and found them in the back of a drawer ) but also the Garnier Banana stuff is good too. It’s about £4 and you can leave it to work on your hair while you wash, shave, whatever. Bung a tub in your trolley next time you’re at the supermarket!

And HNY to all of you!
nzeire little tweaks while I’m waiting for a massive change?😂
So - I have bought so many curly hair products and essentially my hair just does not have uniform curls. I straightened it last night and instantly felt miles better - I’m wondering if I go straight rather than have frizzy grey hair. Have also booked a colour consult for February.

Have a look into straightening/keratin treatment to get rid of your hair fizz. Totally worth the money

Definitely work on your diet op it makes all the difference to your skin. Losing a bit of weight will also make your face look different, so I wouldn't do anything drastic until then.

There are at leat two threads on here from women who have had upper bleph surgery that have photos included. I know you are saving for it op, but they both do look very different afterwards and say its been worth it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3236145-Update-on-my-upper-eyelid-surgery-and-brow-lift-3-months-down-the-line

^

Here's one. Hope the original op doesn't mind me sharing

Thank you ! I think I need to do cheaper tweaks while saving maybe, I’ll read that.
Diet and exercise I guess, will start with yoga as one of the dc has a mat and blocks etc they don’t use.

Agree with PPs about cream blusher (I like Stila convertible colour) and Skin&Me. My no11s have already started to soften after 4 mths of Skin&Me, and they were really quite obvious (to me) so I'm very pleased!

Some great advice OP. But just wondered if you were a bit depressed ? I'm not denying that our appearance does change as we age, particularly when we hit meno but I doubt very much that you've turned from being reasonably pretty to 'greying, thin lipped and hook nosed'. The essence of you is still there despite putting weight on etc. I don't think that thoughtless mean comment about your eyes from your mum helped and probably compounded how you are feeling. For sure do the pampering, the exercise etc but hold back on the invasive stuff.
A photo is a instant in time. I'm not photogenic, I'm always gurning at the very moment the camera clicks but I'm pretty certain that's not how I really look. Five or six years ago when I was particularly fixated on how I was ageing and actually become pretty depressed about it, I was in an abusive relationship. My self esteem was at rock bottom. My ex wasn't complimentary about me so I started to loathe myself too but in reality I hadn't changed. It was my perception of myself. I don't want to make trite suggestions about
self help books etc but depression, low self esteem and lack of confidence can distort how we see
ourselves. If you really do think you look dreadful is their a friend you can ask, maybe a teenage child (my ds 14 is great for advice in some ways - he told me he noticed I'd lost weight and looked better, complimented me on my hair now it's a shiny grey rather than blorange). I'm pretty certain perimeno is causing these feelings and the HRT will help ! I think almost hitting 50 is not helping too. It feels like a point of no return ageingwise. Not trying to be patronising but a lot of us have been there !

Also stop being so hard on yourself
I've been shouted at in the street recently and while I'm no supermodel I think I look ok. They don't do it because there is anything wrong with you - it's because there is an awful lot wrong with THEM xx

Not sure why you are reluctant but colouring your hair would give instant improvement. It is hard to carry off that in-trend grey look unless you are slim and a smart dresser. Otherwise you just end up looking frumpy and ten years older! A new hair style, off your face will also help lift your features. I'd do that, plus try to lose some weight and get a make up makeover, long before I'd consider any cosmetic treatment like Botox or fillers.
Revamp your wardrobe?
49 is ten years younger than me and no one should ever feel embarrassed to be out and about!

Oh so much helpful stuff to think about. It’s horrible to feel so embarrassed in public, I know it’s probably a bit extreme.
Maybe the man just touched a nerve? Like if someone says something you think it backs it up.
I asked dd about my eyebrows and she helpfully pointed out the age spot covering the end of one of them, and asked why it was all smudged there.
So, any ideas on removing these would be great!
I’ve booked a hair consult for Feb. I just can’t bear the idea of going back to covering grey every couple of weeks. Maybe something though.

I think it helps to start acting as if you think you look nice, even before you actually do!

When I was 45, I'd gone downhill horribly quickly. I gained 4 stone really fast, stopped looking after myself, lived in baggy jumpers and jeans, and just lost my way. Then I started watching beauty bloggers on YouTube for some reason, and noticed loads of them we're the same size that I was but still bothered to wear nice, fashionable, thought-about outfits.

I joined WW and that cheered me up, and I started caring about what I wore, and my hair and make-up, even though I wasn't anywhere near my ideal appearance.

It REALLY HELPED.

So while you're saving up for Botox, etc, I'd go through your wardrobe and ruthlessly throw out any old, frumpy, scruffy jogging bottoms, shapeless hoodies, etc, that you know make you feel fat, old and ugly. Just bin them.

Go to Primark/January sales and buy a new lot of inexpensive clothes. A mix and match lot of nice jeans, tops that fit, flattering jumpers.

Then get your make-up done on a counter, and buy some fake tan. I said it already but it bears repeating: it completely lifts your mood and makes you feel thinner!

Then tackle the middle-aged spread because that'll also be making you feel bad about yourself. I'm older than you and recently skinny. It's totally possible.

Little things will help. Much more than you think. And the more you act as if you're happy with your appearance by nurturing it, pampering it, the happier you'll feel.

@PeaceONoeuf For removing age spots, you would want to think about laser treatment - like Botox, this is something to save for as I wouldn't risk getting it done by a lower level practitioner, not on your face and near the eye. There are plenty of doctors who offer it in private medical settings.

A keratin treatment makes the world of difference to my hair, as does staying on top of the greys. Nothing looks or feels good on me when my hair is grey and frizzy.

OP, I've read your whole thread, pocketing some excellent tips along the way

One thing I've noticed which I think would instantly make you feel better is to talk to the person in the mirror as someone you like and care for. You're doing exactly what that man did and having the same effect. Try kinder language (which I bet is more accurate too):

Piggy hooded eyes to sultry eyes
Hooked nose to strong nose
Thin lips to fine lips
Wiry frizzy hair to abundant unruly hair

See?

I also endorse the advice above to dress and look after yourself as if you like yourself. I'm still trying to shift the menopause 10, but have got some nice clothes (I prefer a few good quality ones to a lot of cheap ones) and do at least foundation and mascara every day, big big difference.

I have similarly frizz-prone hair. I'm trying really hard with curly products but honestly can't beat lots of John Frieda frizz-ease serum and clipping it or tying it back while drying so it goes into a wave rather than curls around the face. Much sleeker!

Thank you recent posters, this has turned out to be a really nice thread I was quite worried about posting but there are some really valuable tips and I’m beginning to think about what is a quick or cheap fix and what needs waiting for or better research. (Like nose or Botox and now age spots!)
I like the positive language idea - I’m not sure if I’m ready to do it yet but maybe once I’ve sorted my hair. In my head I have an ideal but I’m beginning to think it may not be achievable. (Long smooth grey hair - if I wait x time it will grow etc and the curl will drop).

I am really thinking about this thread and everyone who has been kind enough to post a tip or thought, it’s not been possible to name check everyone but I think there’s some stuff I’ve either had confirmed or am thinking about.
The joggers stuff is really true. I definitely often look awful because I wear comfy old stuff and don’t feel like I should wear the nice stuff.

I'm really glad you're finding the thread helpful, @PeaceONoeuf - it's a lot of work to change how you feel about your looks and how you treat yourself, but it can be done and is so, so very worth it. You do deserve to wear the nice clothes, I promise!

Yes it’s actually so lovely to have ideas and some experiences that have worked for other people - makes it less of a mountain and I think I can keep chipping away.
There’s some common themes emerging which makes me think maybe they will work - diet, frizz, nicer clothes, exercise etc as well as some stuff to think about for the bits that can’t be solved with window dressing.

Even painting your nails helps. It gets you out of that mindset of, "I'm too hideous to even bother," and into the mindset of, "This will make me feel better."

Do you have beauty nights? One evening a week when you run a bath and put your favourite music on, scrub your skin, do a face pack, pluck/tint your eyebrows, put Vaseline on your eyelashes, whiten your teeth, rub lemons on your elbows (to soften them)..? I try to do them once a month. It's just so totally feminine and pampering. It really cheers me up.

No but I may have to try. I’ve bought a jade roller and chosen a hair style. I can’t give up the fry (because: easy) but I am going to get it cut. I’ve taken loads of photos and the ends are very frizzy and ruined. The curls are never going to work and trying to grow it out with this frizz is going to be pointless.
All my gel nails started peeling but my eyebrows still look sharp so threading will stay but I might just find a pale strengthener or something.

Fry???? Grey - on hold for now although colour consult in Feb. Am going to get a cut first.

I’ve been following this thread too! And… I bought some tanning moisturiser! OMG, far from the days gone by when I last tried it and ended up looking like an ooompa loompa! It’s a natural glow and I love it!
Working with lots of hair and face oils too that are sumptuous!

Which one did you get? I’m popping into town later. So far:
Keeping eyebrows being threaded
Keeping pale nail colour topped up but not gel
Saving for Botox? Age spot and lip filler
Booked hair consultation
Still not picked an exercise
Started HRT