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Original poster

How can I make myself more attractive?

68 replies

MoneyFor · 19/12/2021 07:08

I've recently split up with my ex. He is not a particularly nice person and he has told me twice now that I'm ugly and he's glad he doesn't have to see my ugly face ever again. Obviously he will as we have a child together. I don't want him back (he has a new girlfriend already anyway who I imagine is gorgeous). I also know he is being mean but he does also have a point. I'm not the most attractive person. I need to lose a stone at least in weight too.

I need help and hope you lovely people can offer me some tips. I'm rubbish at make up etc. So some basics would be really useful. I'm 34 soon and don't want to be on my own forever.

OP posts:
Lemonlemon88 · 19/12/2021 07:13

I think it is often more about looking "done". So hair blowdried, nails painted and eyebrows tinted plus a little mascara makes me look a lot done, more make up then that is fun but doesnt necessarily make me look any different?

But also what an arsehole!

ditavonteesed · 19/12/2021 07:15

You already got a million times more attractive by getting shot of the nasty ex.

Never let anyone tell you you are ugly again.
Do what makes you happy, wear clothes that make you smile they will look great whatever.
Get your hair done and buy some new makeup.
Basically do whatever makes you feel good, not because you look how other people want you to but because it makes you feel like you.
1 stone overweight is nothing, most people can't even tell a stone.

I can't see you but I know you are beautiful.

daydreamingnightowl · 19/12/2021 07:15

I also felt like this after coming out of a relationship and found that it's not just about taking care of your appearance. I surrounded myself with positive friends and family, took time for myself and made sure I was doing activities I enjoyed and enriched my life. This built my overall confidence and happiness and I think that shows on someone's face and in their appearance.

If you want a quick fix, then look at social media make up accounts on how to do your make up well, treat yourself to a new wardrobe and drink lots of water! But I think this one might need to come from within as I doubt very much that you are ugly!

Huy456 · 19/12/2021 07:16

Happy people are beautiful, so hopefully you'll be a lot happier without him.

I'd get a fit personal trainer and post lots of flattering pictures of the two of you together.

Treat yourself to some nice gym gear too.

New haircut, treat your skin nicely, good food for yourself.

Oh and read something good, classics if you haven't, feminist theory etc.

Your aim is happiness, self acceptance, self improvement and to make him feel absolutely miserable with regret.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 19/12/2021 07:16

I imagine you already are attractive, the thing that needs some work is your self esteem.

If you want to feel healthier then have some lovely long walks, they put roses in your cheeks and the exercise is great for weight loss and toning. In the new year download the myfitnesspal app and calorie count. It will only take two or three months at most to lose a stone. I felt lovely this well wearing red lip gloss, something I haven't done in ages. You can clothes shop in the sales if you want but if you're planning on losing weight it might be worth waiting. Most of all don't compare yourself to a new girlfriend, you have something she doesn't, you're free of him. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster
MoneyFor · 19/12/2021 07:16

I already have dark features but I can try sort my hair. Although I wouldn't know where to start. I just put it back in a ponytail or bun. Mascara I can do and nails.

Yes he is an arsehole but these comments have really got to me. I feel awful.

OP posts:
crazycrochetlady · 19/12/2021 07:17

Well for a start I bet you'll bloom without that charmer.
Secondly whether you're happy with your weight or not I'd do some exercise. The thing about exercise is that it's 'me time'. I think you probably need that right now. It can also give you fantastic female companionship. And gives you wonderful endorphin rushes, making you literally glow. And of course it will tone you up.
Did you play netball at school? If so seek out a local club. Or tennis? Lots of beginners runners groups around too.
I can't help with make up I'm afraid. I'm rubbish at it! But I do think exercise helps my mind and body to a better place.
Go girl! xxx

Elfcandoone · 19/12/2021 07:17

Stop listening to dickheads giving you their unsolicited opinions on your appearance.

I'm also willing to bet that the other woman is more willing to put up with his bullshit and it has nothing to do with how attractive either of you are.

Dozer · 19/12/2021 07:19

Don’t give weight to the opinions of one man who treated you badly.

Blurberoo · 19/12/2021 07:27

Taking time over yourself is so important (when you can), spend time on your feet and hands just moisturising and filing. Pilates and other stretching exercises help with posture which has such a visible effect, but also helps mentally. It’s harder to feel shy when you are holding your head up and relaxing your shoulders. Invest in your body and it pays you back. You can treat the hurt he has caused you like you would an injury; it takes time and effort to heal from it, but every step of that process brings you closer to happiness, which, as a PP said, is incredibly attractive.

Original poster
MoneyFor · 19/12/2021 07:28

Thank you all. I'm trying with the clothes etc and finding more my style again but I do feel that the weight shows in my face. I think exercise is probably a great idea. I know it sounds stupid but I need this year out of the way so I can hopefully start afresh in 2022.

OP posts:
Blurberoo · 19/12/2021 07:34

It absolutely sounds like he was just trying to hurt you with those words, by the way. It could well be that he doesn’t actually think that but wants to bring you down and make it harder for you to feel good about yourself, and therefore harder to meet actual nice people, unlike him.

nzeire · 19/12/2021 07:37

What a dick, I bet you are lovely… but as they say, the best revenge is living well!

I’m gorgeous (not naturally :) but I smile a lot and act cheerful until it has become fairly natural!

Get my teeth whitened once a year
I use over night hair treatments to tame the frizz
Use hair colour to give it shiney shine
wear beautiful clothes that suit me
Stay slim,
I use best smelling natural products on my skin
Get brows done once a month

I’m not rich, make the most of what I’ve got. Change the things you can (lose that stone), make better the the rest.

And don’t let anymore twits treat you badly

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 19/12/2021 07:38

My top tip is to always wear colours that suit you , especially next to your face, and the correct colour lipstick. Nothing will improve your facial appearance more.

All the rest, hair cut, daily hair wash/styling, nails, mascara , exercise, perfume etc - whatever makes you feel good and your ‘best self’

gunnersgold · 19/12/2021 10:03

If you live in the south I will help you in the new year , I work in a high street store so can do some personal styling ( for free obvs ) I'll guarantee you aren't ugly though , he is ugly and nasty!

Original poster
MoneyFor · 19/12/2021 11:31

@gunnersgold do you mean this? I am South Central (Hants coast). I'd absolutely love some help if you're serious.

OP posts:
gunnersgold · 19/12/2021 11:32

Yes I do . I'm near Gatwick

BabbleBee · 19/12/2021 11:34

Don’t wait for 2022, start today. No time like the present. Baby steps to start with - Get out for a brisk walk and drink more water today than you would normally. Build on that.

BabbleBee · 19/12/2021 11:35

Nice one @gunnersgold Star

Original poster
MoneyFor · 19/12/2021 11:44

@gunnersgold I'm not too far away. About an 1hr. I used to work there so easy route up for me. I'd absolutely be so grateful.

@BabbleBee you're right. I need to start today. Except it'll probably be tomorrow as I have a coffee fueled afternoon planned first. But I have put nice clothes on so I feel at least I've made some effort.

OP posts:
gunnersgold · 19/12/2021 11:46

Ok pm me , we can work something out for the new year , happy to meet you at the end of my shift and give you some tips .

FreshFaceTime · 19/12/2021 11:47

God, how embarrassing that he couldn't come up with a better insult than a 4 year old could manage.

You aren't ugly. He said that to hurt you and it worked. I still remember my first boyfriend telling me "no-one else will put up with you" when I finally dumped the stupid prick. They say whatever they can think of to make you feel like shit. It's a great time of year to be looking ahead to a happier future. Maybe set a few wellbeing goals?

I started this year feeling a bit shit about the way I looked. Stuck in a rut and with another baby on the way I didn't want to fall into bad habits I couldn't shake off. So I keep up with as many steps as I can manage, make sure I drink plenty of water and take vitamins every day.

Also spent time working out a decent skincare routine (which is quick and easy in the morning and longer at night, and I really genuinely look forward to that little ritual each evening). Bought new makeup and have worked out various levels of made-up depending on the time I have, so I know what I'll use whether I want a 5-min pick me up or a full face. I actually have the products in different makeup bags. I wear lipstick more now than I ever did.

I'm not saying that because you should care what that arse hole thinks, but I know it's easier said than done to forget about the hurtful words and sometimes you just want a quick fix so you can fake it till you make it!

I have to say I reckon you'll feel a million times happier/more beautiful/more confident now you've shed the weight of that massive arse hole.

Oh and a stone is nothing!

FreshFaceTime · 19/12/2021 11:48

@gunnersgold such a lovely offer 😊

JaceLancs · 19/12/2021 11:50

If you can afford it - keep up with regular beauty and hair appointments
I have my hair trimmed and roots done every 6 weeks, nails every 4, brows waxed, eyelashes tinted and permed every 8 weeks
Feeling polished always helps
Find what suits you colour and style wise - definitely take up the personal stylist offer
All the above will give you confidence - and that’s probably what you need most - once he’s out of your life I’m sure you’ll bloom

gunnersgold · 19/12/2021 11:53

I'm actually not sure how to pm on the app. Can anyone advise. ?